Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne, any flashbacks from Escaflowne, or any characters from Escaflowne. However, I do own all original characters… Even Yuushi… (Sorry fangirls!) Oh yes, and I do not own "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks.
A/N: There is no time to babble here; on with the story!
Tears of the Heart
I hate
the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't
change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm
an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must
have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how
you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of
everything
All rolled into one
I'm
a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner,
I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your
dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any
other way
So take
me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest
assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to
extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing
I'm a
bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm
a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm
nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
Just
when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already
changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to
save me
I'm a
bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm
a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm
nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
I'm a
bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt,
when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm
revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any
other way
-"Bitch" by Meredith Brooks
Chapter 11: Torn Inside
"Tell me, Lord Van, why you have chosen to come back to our fortress…?" Oban inquired as she read the ingredients for a potion.
"What other choice do I have?" he replied in boredom, staring off into space.
"Well sorry for asking. I just thought that you and that stupid brother of yours were at odds and wondered why you chose to remain in his company."
"Folken and I have not finished our battle. This time, only one of us will live."
"And I suppose that it's going to be you, isn't it?" she shot back sarcastically. "Don't underestimate your brother, Boy. He may be kind and gentle-hearted by nature, but when backed into a corner, he's as fierce as a lion. Don't you think for a second that he's not!" She began to add random ingredients together, watching her pot begin to overflow. She hurriedly fanned it, growling in annoyance. "Lord Van, your temper is like this brew, constantly boiling over! It makes you look like a fool!" She sighed, shaking her head.
"Say that again, Old hag!" Van shot back, eyes twitching in annoyance.
"Okay. You look like a fool." she repeated casually, going back to her potion. "You see, love is a very complicated matter… One wrong ingredient and…" She added a purple goo to the green concoction and a minor explosion occurred, sending up waves of black smoke. "Love is patient and precise, Lord Van. Surely even you know that by now…" He gave her an annoyed glance.
"What do you know?" he retorted angrily.
"I know that you have feelings for Lady Hitomi. I also know that she shares your feelings; however, you are not alone in the quest for her heart. And Lady Hitomi has grown quite attached to Lord Folken as of late… Not to mention, he's her husband…" she added devilishly.
"Take that back!" he yelled, grabbing her by the pudgy wrist.
"DON'T ACT OF ME SO LIGHTLY!" She reversed into her younger form, eyes flashing, blonde hair streaming down her back in waves. She changed back and touched her forehead, obviously a headache coming on. "I merely speak the truth, Boy… You need to act on your emotions! Do something about it, you idiot!"
"What can I do?"
"With the right ingredients…" She had calmed the broth and added a pink powder. The fluid turned clear and she sipped a bit from a wooden spoon. "Ah, I haven't lost my touch." Her wrinkled face turned up in a small grin. "It's for Hitomi. Poor dear, has a cold. She'll need it soon…" She smiled at Van mysteriously. He gave her an incredulous look.
"You don't mean…" he began uncertainly.
"Oh, how time flies! I'm needed in Lord Folken's office this very moment! Pleasant evening, Van…" She vanished in a poof of purple smoke as Van's eyes narrowed in frustration.
"Stupid witch…" he grumbled.
"I HEARD THAT!" A wooden spoon fell from the sky, bonking him on the head. He grunted, rubbing his cranium and wincing. She sure packed a punch.
"Women…" he muttered, rolling his eyes. Only God understood them. He shook his head, exiting, when he felt a slight tingling at his breast.
"Hm?" He looked down at the pendant that hung around his neck. It was glowing with an unearthly light. He tried to pull it off, but quickly ceased his efforts, finding the glass hot to the touch. "What the…?" Suddenly only one word came to his mind. "Hitomi…"
Folken sank into nothingness as he eased into his bath. Being king of the world was a tough job; even emperors needed some relaxation time, after all. He looked out the window from where he lounged, watching as an innocent cloud morphed into the woman of his affection's visage. He shook his head, watching the cloud return to its reality.
"Blast it… Why is it…? That everything I do… Reminds me of that girl…?" He sunk his head below the bubbles, trying to forget her face, finding it impossible. No shock there, really.
"And why am I dwelling on her like this?" he muttered to himself, tugging at his earring absentmindedly. "It's not like I'll ever see her again… She's caused nothing but trouble… That's all women do it seems like…"
He lay relaxed for another moment before a flash of light surrounded the room, nearly blinding him. "What the…?!"
When it returned from whence it came he saw a figure's silhouette. As the traveler came into view he mentally sighed.
Here we go again…
"You called?" She beamed playfully, blushing slightly at his state of nudity.
"Welcome back, Hitomi…" he murmured, closing his eyes and sinking below the water.
Why me…?
Hitomi settled into bed her first night back from Earth, fiddling with the end of her growing braid.
"I wonder if I should cut it again…"
She eyed her hair, sizing it up. The last time she'd cut she had been entering high school. Several boys in her class had been a bit too persistent in junior high. She had hoped to turn them off a bit with her somewhat boyish haircut. It worked, but there had been a price to pay. Her face reddened remembering a particular incident.
Flashback
"Amano!" Hitomi called out in the crowded hallway the first day of high school, spotting her crush, Amano. She waved, grinning.
'This could be a whole new era! I can see it now, Amano and Hitomi Forever! A. S. Loves H. K. This is the year, I know it! I'm going to tell Amano how I really feel.' She saw Amano coming over and her face instantly flushed. 'Oh, gosh… What if I say something stupid? Or I have a piece of broccoli in my teeth? Or I stutter…? or…?!' The endless possibilities of total humiliation ran through her mind as he came closer and closer. 'Maybe I should run away… Yeah, that's it! No possibility to embarrass myself there! I'll just pretend that I had to… um… go to the bathroom!' A bead of sweat formed on her brow as she plotted her escape. But it was too late. Amano came up behind her.
"I thought that I heard Hitomi over here…" He looked around in confusion. She turned around and he immediately flushed.
"Oh, I'm sorry. You must be new this year. I'm Amano Sumuru. Welcome to KamaKita." He thrust out his hand for a hardy handshake as she gave him a baffled look.
"AMANO! IT'S ME!" She shrieked in annoyance.
"Huh? Really? Oh, it is you, Hitomi! I didn't recognize you without your hair!" He laughed in amusement as her face turned as red as a rotten tomato.
"Oh. Is that so? HA. HA. HA." She laughed forcefully, although he didn't seem to notice. "Um… HA. HA. HA." It didn't matter what she did. Humiliation always seemed to find her. She was one of its favorite victims.
End of Flashback
"Well I don't really want that to happen again…" She sweatdropped, crawling beneath the sheets of her bed. "It was bad enough once. I'd hate for an encore performance."
It seemed like she had just fallen into sleep's gentle embrace when she heard a rapping on her window. She blinked tiredly, as her eyes tried to focus. Who could be tapping on her window? They were thousands of feet above ground. Unless… She quickly got up, wrapping herself in a robe, drawing back the curtains, and fiddling with the window latch. When she finally succeeded, she smiled, knowing that once again she was right. It was pretty hard to tap on a window so high in the air… unless you had wings.
"Hello, Van." she whispered.
"Hello, Hitomi…"
They were sitting in a garden in Asturia. Once it had belonged to the sea country's great kings and queens. Now it seemed to be nothing more than a wasteland with stumps of trees and rotting plants surrounding a pathetic trickle of a stream. It was not like there was anything else to do in the dried-up little town of Palas. Both Folken and Hitomi realized that they needed to talk about… well everything. That's why they were there. But it was hard to be the first one to open up and discuss the last few months.
"I'm sorry." Hitomi stared at her hands in her lap as Folken arched his eyebrows.
"What do you possibly have to apologize about, Hitomi?" he asked in his usual monotonous voice.
"For everything. I… I need to talk to you… about something… About Van…" she murmured, closing her eyes, deep in thought. "Things have gotten… so complicated lately. Well, actually, complicated is putting it pretty lightly. I just feel like I don't know which way to turn anymore."
Holding. Hugging. Kissing. Pleading. Rejection.
"I feel… torn…"
"In what way?"
Flashback
"Folken needs me, Van…"
"But I need you!"
"I know… That's what makes this is so hard…" she whispered, sinking to her knees.
End of Flashback
"Well, isn't it obvious? Between you and Van, of course…" She stood up, sighing and sprawling on her back in the grass. "I feel so confused. I mean… Van has always been by my side. I've always thought of us as one soul trapped in two different bodies. But… he's changed… He's becoming so… brutal… I feel like I'm losing him to himself. I'm sorry. That doesn't make any sense, does it?" She looked up at him as he shook his head. "When I'm with Van, I feel at ease. But when I'm with you, I'm happy, too. I just… can't seem to make up my mind… And I feel bad about it. Like I can't really tell you what's wrong… It's hard…" she whispered. He nodded, staring at her. She seemed to see things that he could never comprehend. He wished that he could… reach out to her, hold her. Something. But he was at a loss. She was in a world of her own.
Flashback
"Come with me…" Van whispered, licking his dry lips.
"Van…"
She sighed, her eyes sinking shut. She then opened them slowly as
she saw him fiddling with the buttons on her nightgown, trailing
kisses down her neck. "Van… Stop." She pulled his hands away.
"Huh?" He looked up at her in confusion. He had retracted his wings after he stepped in to her room. He didn't look quite so angelic anymore.
"Van… It isn't right… We can't do this. I'm married."
"But, we were meant to be together… Surely even you realize that by now!" he protested angrily.
"It doesn't matter anymore. I can't betray him. Folken is my husband, even if not by choice."
"You actually think that he has feelings?! He's inhuman! He murdered our friends! You're living with a murderous, conniving bastard, whether you see it or not!"
"He's not like that, Van… Everyone makes mistakes… I think that Folken really regrets what happened… Can't you forgive him?"
"No! I'll never forgive him! He'll pay for my suffering!" Van roared, his shirt ripping as his wings burst from his back, extending in all of their heavenly glory. He grabbed her roughly by the hand as she protested, struggling against him. Suddenly, he fell limp in her arms. There seemed to be a dart in his back. Her eyes widened in horror as she looked to the door to see Yuushi standing there with a gun, looking at her with a concerned expression.
"Don't worry… It's just a sedative that'll knock him out for a few hours… I heard screaming from down the hallway… It's a good thing that I got here in time."
"Thank you." she muttered, still eyeing the Draconian agonizingly. She touched his face, gently stroking his cheek. "Oh Van… What am I going to do with you?"
"What would you like me to do with him?" Yuushi asked hesitantly.
"What else? Send him back to Fanelia. There should be a ship leaving for there tonight. Get him on it. Please, go with him to make sure he doesn't wake up and kill everyone onboard. You would have my everlasting gratitude for performing such a favor." She smiled weakly.
"Milady, that is something men would die for." he replied nobly, bowing as he hoisted up the Fanelian prince and left the room, leaving Hitomi with only her thoughts to comfort her.
End of Flashback
"Hitomi… I know that it's been hard for you here. I know that I've not been the ideal husband to you… but, I'll wait for your decision. Because, as cliché as it might sound, I know that you're worth waiting for." He got up, walking off without so much as a goodbye. A chill ran up her spine.
"How can I tell him? How can I tell him that Yukari's still alive? Would he even believe me? A man of science like him? But at least I know that you'll stick around until I figure out my next move, Folken… This is the trickiest game of chess I've ever played, but I intend to win…" she whispered, watching him gradually disappear into the distance.
"This is ridiculous…" Folken muttered in disgust.
"But my Lord…" Makai whispered in his oily voice.
"This is just what the doctor ordered. Literally. Or rather, the sorceress, I suppose. My orders are directly from Oban herself. She thinks that this is what's best for Lady Hitomi."
"Don't you trust my dear husband, Lord Folken? He's only doing what's best for your wife…" Sukusari whispered sultrily, placing a hand on Folken's arm and leaning into him.
"Please refrain, Madame." Folken murmured coldly, pushing her away.
"As you wish, My Lord." Sukusari muttered icily, gliding from the room.
"Milord, you've told me that Lady Hitomi has been acting quite distressed as of late and a bit… How can I put this gently? Odd…?"
"She seems a bit unnerved. She's not as cheerful as she was before Lady Yukari died… Her mind is filled with indecision." Folken admitted stoically.
"You've tried coaxing her into telling you what she's keeping from you, Milord. She's unresponsive. Surely, Lord Folken, this is the only way to find out what's going on!" Makai insisted.
"But really… Mind control? That seems a bit unethical in my mind…" Folken replied persistently.
"My Lord… You are a young man wise beyond your years, yet surely you understand the place of a woman in a household! You are her husband and responsible for her well-being! If you're not willing to do what's best for her, then perhaps Lady Hitomi should find someone who will…" Makai gave him a sly look and Folken glared in disapproval.
"Did you have to drug her?" Folken asked quietly, staring at her still frame, lying on the metal table.
"It was the only way, My Lord. You don't just up to a girl and ask her if you can use a mind controlling serum on her. I doubt that most would be partial to the idea." he replied bluntly. "On my instruction, there was a small amount of sleeping powder sprinkled in her breakfast this morning. It knocked her out nicely, don't you think? But she'll only be asleep for an hour. If we are going to do it, we must begin immediately!"
"I guess that there's no turning back now…" Folken mumbled in frustration at the steps that were being taken.
"Good. Then I'll simply inject her." He filled a syringe with a fluorescent green liquid, heading over to the empress's side. "As you know, Freid was the first country to begin interrogating people through the power of trance. Since we are men of science and do not believe in their priests and voodoo magic, we've conjured up a serum that works along the same lines. Don't be surprised if she looks a bit dazed. It's perfectly normal."
He rolled up her long sleeve, revealing her pale, slender arm. He swabbed an area just below her elbow before inserting the needle into the vein, pushing the plunger and watching the green solution drain steadily until there was nothing left. He removed it, cleaning the end and putting it aside.
"It should take a minute or two for it to take affect. Then she'll awaken." the sorcerer explained calmly, noticing Folken's concerned expression.
Seconds seemed like hours and minutes were centuries to the blue-haired man, staring at his wife's unconscious form. He still didn't buy into this solution. But surely if Oban had prescribed it… He sighed. She was quite a bitch in her old age, but she was a loyal bitch in a weird, mother-like way. And he did care for her greatly, despite her somewhat crappy attitude. She was an old softy, despite her hardened appearance. Age did that to a person.
"When I get to be as old as her I hope that somebody will shoot me…" he muttered.
"What was that, My Lord?" Makai arched an eyebrow in puzzlement.
"Oh. Nothing." Folken responded awkwardly.
"I believe that she's awakening." Makai observed as the girl twitched slightly. Folken leaned forward anxiously.
Her eyes shot open. They were gray and dilated. She quickly sat upright, blinking as she studied her surroundings.
"I'll test her." Makai announced, walking over to stand in front of her importantly. "What is your name, Milady?"
"My name is Hitomi Kanzaki." she whispered.
"What…?" The sorcerer murmured in confusion. "That's not right… What is your station in life?"
"I'm just your average teenage girl. I'm fifteen years old. I attend KamaKita High School. My best friend is Yukari Uchida. But now I find myself in the strange land of Gaea, where I aid Lord Van with my fortune-telling and visions." Hitomi responded emotionlessly.
"What the hell is going on…?" Makai whispered in uncertainty, looking nervously at Folken.
"I don't know. Why don't you tell me, Doctor?" She looked up at him blankly.
"Perhaps the drugs, combined with the formula, had an adverse reaction…" Folken mused. "It's obvious what has happened. In this trance she thinks that she's on Gaea for the first time…"
"I'll leave the two of you alone. I'm sorry for this set-back, Milord." Makai bowed himself out of the room. Folken shook his head in exasperation.
"Hitomi…" he whispered, suspicion reaching him. "What troubles you?"
"I'm alone…" she whispered, bowing her head. "It hurts to be alone… I'm always hurt, so I guess that means that I'm always alone… Van is alone, too… That's why we make such good comrades. I feel Van's pain… Even when he's surrounded by people who care about him, he doesn't see it… That's why he's lonely. But together… we're not so alone anymore… I'm happy when I'm with him."
"You are, aren't you?" Folken found the thoughts of 15-year-old Hitomi depressing, yet insightful.
"Yes. Van doesn't know what a good person he is. On the outside he seems uncaring and cold, but I know deep down, he's very kind and gentle. I only wish that he could see that…"
"He is hardened. Death does that to you. Eventually, you don't even really care." Folken replied emotionlessly.
"But he does care… I know that he does… When Balgus died, Van was crying…" Hitomi whispered softly. "He tried to hide it, but I saw his tears… They were tears of Van's heart…" Hitomi said softly. "And you, Folken… You cried for them, right? Naria and Eriya… You cried when they sacrificed their lives for your own. They had such sad lives… Perhaps they were happy to die… They were finally free… I'm glad for them…" Folken looked away. "Tell me, Folken… When will the tears stop…? When will everyone stop crying?"
"I… I don't know…" Folken confessed honestly.
"I'm tired of this existence… of this whole world… I wish that I could fade away… I'm sick of having to choose sides between people who I love and care about. It hurts so much…" Both heads turned when the door was smashed open by a powerful blast of energy.
"LORD FOLKEN!" Oban shrieked as she dashed in, easily flying over the debris.
"LADY HITOMI!" Ari cried as she and Yuushi dashed in behind the old woman.
"Lady Hitomi…" Yuushi gasped as the three caught sight of the pair. "You're alive…?"
"Why wouldn't she be?" Folken asked coolly as he rose from where he was seated.
"My Lord…" Oban bowed her head in reverence for once.
She was cut off as two guards burst in, dragging the enraged sorcerer, Makai, by the arms.
"LET ME GO, YOU FOOLS! I'LL KILL YOU BOTH! LET ME GO!" Apparently, Makai's argument wasn't particularly compelling, because the guards retained their tight grip on him.
"Oban… What is the meaning of this?" Folken asked in a quiet, but enraged tone.
The old sorceress paid no heed to his anger, storming over to the detained man, her robes flowing behind her. She had a furious look on her face. Everyone watched in amazement as she reverted into her younger form and then her older, her eyes glowing as she kept changing. Getting taller then shorter, her hair changing from gray to blonde, her eyes changing from green to blue. It was an astonishing sight to say the least.
"My Lady…" Ari whispered fearfully, holding onto Yuushi's arm, paralyzed by the scene unfolding before her.
"MAKAI, YOU TWISTED BASTARD!" the old woman shrieked, before reverting to her younger form. "The crime you've committed is unspeakable…" her younger self whispered, closing her ice-blue eyes. "YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!" Oban the old screamed, reaching forward as if to strangle him. "You must be destroyed…" The blonde woman's eyes flashed as Makai's face contorted in horror.
He… He's afraid of Oban …? Hitomi realized in disbelief.
"But what has he done wrong?" Folken demanded, aggravated about being uninformed.
"My Lord Folken…" Oban's younger form turned to him, her blue robes fluttering about her from the massive amount of energy she was releasing as her long, blonde hair flew upward. "This man has deceived you… And I will not tolerate it." She looked up at him, her cerulean eyes glowing in anger. "YOU!" Her old form whirled around to face Makai. "YOU TRIED TO KILL HER! THE EMPRESS! HOW DARE YOU?!" she shrieked shrilly. "YOU GAVE HER UNTESTED SERUM! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HER!" Oban screamed. "That chemical was to be used to force the truth out of prisoners and then kill them… Makai was aware of this…" the younger form whispered icily. "Luckily, his stupidity rivals his treachery… I had yet to test it. It did not product the desired effect. It didn't work. My mistake!" Everyone around her sweatdropped.
"However, Makai didn't realize that this serum had yet to be tested. Knowing its intended purpose, he stole it from my laboratory and used it on Lady Hitomi. He hoped that it would kill her and he could pin the blame on me. He planned to kill two birds with one stone." She then changed into her old form, a grim expression crossing her visage. "I will kill him for his murderous ambitions…" she whispered, her eyes narrowing as she conjured up immense power within her palm.
Makai began to noticeably sweat, biting his lip as blood ran down his chin.
"No… Not that…" he muttered hoarsely.
"And now… I will end your life…" the younger form of Oban murmured as she placed two fingers on his forehead.
Folken stepped in front of Hitomi and Yuushi shielded Ari's eyes as a blood-curdling shriek was emitted from Makai. Folken watched in a mix of wonderment and horror as Makai's flesh disappeared from his bones, his blood dripping sickly to the floor as his bones began to break away from his body. With a resounding thud, his bones hit the metal floor. Within seconds, they had turned to dust, blowing away with an invisible breeze as Oban lowered her hand, opening her eyes fully.
"He's gone…" Folken murmured in disbelief. A pool of blood now marred the once spotless floor.
A/N: God, I can't tell you how long I've been working on this stupid chapter! I hope that you enjoyed it! Please review!I'm grooving out to "Barbie Girl" right now… "I love you, Ken!" Too bad that Barbie doesn't know about the big break-up… I'm sorry about the delays in my updates. I've just found myself changing interests as of late, and forcing myself to write these… But I want to finish this fic… (For peace of mind mostly…) Have fun finishing the last quarter of school and expect an update… wait… I know that I'll never make my deadline… I'll try to get the next one out as soon as I can. Thanks for everything!
Next Time On "Tears of the Heart":
"But I don't want to make a choice. I care for both of them. I don't want to hurt anyone."
"It's far too late to avoid that. It's a simple question with a simple answer. Who do you want? Van or Folken?"
"But I want both!"
"You can't have both."
