My darling reviewers, I f-cooking love you! XD Beta'd as always by the fantastic Lady Seif.

Chapter eleven

Edward carried me up the stairs to his bedroom in his arms, holding me tight against his chest until he placed me gently on his bed, he didn't say anything as he put the DVD in his TV. He seemed nervous as he came and sat on the bed leaning against the headboard, he pulled me backwards until I was sitting between his legs. Wrapping his arms around me he pulled my back against his chest and hugged me.

"You okay?" He whispered in my ear.

"I'm not sure, why are you so nervous?" I asked.

"I need you to know why I can't ever think badly of you, this film will explain how I feel better than I can explain it." He said resting his chin on my head. "And this way, I think you are more likely to believe it than if I told you how I feel about you." He said as the film began, I didn't exactly understand what he meant, why wouldn't I believe what he'd say?

I decided to concentrate on the film and see if it did indeed shed some light on what he thought he couldn't say.

The only words Wesley ever spoke to Buttercup were 'as you wish,' the very words that Edward kept saying to me. Buttercup realized that when he was saying, "as you wish," what he was really saying was, 'I love you.' I gasped and stopped breathing, this couldn't be real, Edward can't possibly mean that, how could he? I must have misunderstood what was said. I started to breathe again and Edward released me enough to rub his hands up and down my arms that were covered in goose pimples, that had nothing to do with the temperature of the room.

'This is true love, do you think this happens everyday? Know this... I will always come for you.' Holy Christ on a flat bread, is this what Edward was trying to tell me? This cannot be real, if it is real then life is dealing me one sick hand. I just find out that it will never be possible for us to be together and now he's telling me that he loves me? This cannot be true, it just can't, how could he love me? No one has ever been able to before, ever, that's just so unfair, I want to curl up and ball my eyes out. The only person to ever be able to love me and it's someone I can never be with, that just about sums up my life. My chest is tight and I am fighting back tears, but we continue to watch the film in silence, what I wouldn't give to be able to read his mind right now.

I was confused on some of the facts at several points during the movie, but after remembering Edward's mumbled, 'call me The Dread Pirate Roberts,' I almost choked. He was Buttercup's one true love, they were meant to be together, but we were not them, I wasn't lovable like her, I was the Buttercup of her dream, a steaming pile of putrid filth.

"Hey, you okay? You're very quiet." Edward asked turning me enough to see my face, but I couldn't look at him, I turned to look the other way so he wouldn't see the tears fighting to leave my eyes.

He sighed heavily. "Now you know how I feel about you Bella, you are my Buttercup, I could never think of you as a whore, ever. I think the world of you, I always have." He said rubbing my back with one hand, the other hand trying to coax my chin up so that I would look at him. "I won't act on my feelings, I'll keep them in check, I just needed you to know how I felt. I know you don't feel that way about me, but maybe one day you will, I can wait. But please remember this, I will always come for you, not even death would keep me from you if you ever need me." He said, I was done for, his words were my undoing, I twisted in his arms and threw my arms around his neck sobbing my heart out. He meant the world to me too, but this was so unfair, I could not hold him back, he deserved to be with someone who could love him with everything they have and I could never do that. I wanted to, my God I wanted that more than anything, it would kill me to give him up, I guess I did have that in common with Buttercup after all.

Once I had quietened my sobs I pulled myself together and moved to sit beside him.

"Y-you will be off to college in just a couple of weeks, I'm pretty sure you will find s-someone..." I tried to say, but he placed his fingertips on my lips.

"Don't, don't say that, I might not be around, but you will always be my girl, Bella." He told me, I lifted my hand to pull his hand from my lips and kissed his fingertips before I moved it, his breath hitched.

He moved his hand and began to undo the belt on his jean's, "W-what are you doing?" I asked nervously.

He met my gaze, "I'm showing you my tattoo." He said, then smirked. "What did you think I was doing?"

I didn't need to answer, the blush on my face pretty much told him the answer. He pulled open his jeans and moved his boxers enough to reveal his hip, my heart sped up at the sight of his hip bone and my face almost burned with the intensity of my blush as pleasure rushed through me. I gasped when I saw the ink on his skin. Seriously, the word hot was a severe understatement.

"I had this done the night we were with you at the diner, I think I knew then." He said as I tentatively lifted my hand and ran my fingertips along the sword inked into his skin, his breathing picked up and his lips parted as my fingertips ran over the words, 'As you wish.' Our eyes met and I was locked in his gaze for a long moment, unsure how to respond. Then the alarm went off on his phone, reminding me that I had a meal to prepare.

It was a good thing that I had another hour of cooking to do before I had to sit down with Edward and his family. My head was all over the place, literally I could not answer one question in my head without creating two more in it's place. Edward had reluctantly left me alone to go and talk to Jasper, it was painful to look at him, knowing what I wanted was right there for the taking but I couldn't really have it. I mean as much as I care about both Jasper and Edward, Edward was the one I had let into my heart. Edward had always been the one who climbed into my heart and wouldn't let go, I loved Jasper but it just wasn't the same. Maybe that's because Edward really had loved me all along, that was what I must have felt, but did that mean that I had to break his heart? How? How could I do that to him?

"Hey, what's wrong Buttercup?" Edward asked as he walked into the kitchen with Jasper following behind.

"Nothing, I'm just really busy." I said as he stood in front of me and took my face in his hands.

"Then why are you crying?" He asked wiping my wet cheeks with his thumbs.

"I hadn't realized I was, must be the onions." I said.

"You haven't used any onions." He said frowning, as he looked around the kitchen.

"It's... It's just that no one has ever loved me before... well apart from Mike in his weird way, so I'm not sure how I'm suppose to respond." I practically mumbled, he pulled me to his chest and hugged me.

"You react in whatever way you feel like." He informed me, I wrapped my arms around him, wishing that could be true.

"But your Gran must have loved you." He said, sounding confused. I choked a laugh in response but there was no humor in it.

"What?" Jasper and Edward said together, as I moved back to preparing dinner.

"My Gran was from a very old fashioned and aristocratic family in England, as she used to put it, 'deary, we only show emotion to horses and dogs.'" I said imitating my Grans accent. "I remember that she hugged me once, when my dog died, I was fourteen and that was my first hug. Strange, I'd forgotten about that until just now." I said, as Edward moved behind me and squeezed the heck out of me.

"You were brought up by someone who showed you no love or emotion? How the fuck did you become such a caring, giving person with so much love to give?" He murmured in my ear.

"I don't think I am." I admitted.

"You are, you are so amazing and loving and caring, you make me want to be a better person, just so that I can deserve you." He said, I gasped in response.

"You deserve so much better than me." I tried to point out.

"Don't I deserve to choose who I think is the most worthy?" He asked, leaving me with yet more questions and very few answers.

"I think she's in denial." Jasper murmured.

"I'm not in de-nile, I'm in de-kitchen." I said sticking my tongue out at him.

"Leave her alone Jazz." Edward said, tightening his arms around me.

"She needs to admit that it's because she is in love with me." Jazz said smiling at me, teasing. I had to bite into my lip so as not to react to the shock of his statement, teasing or not, it was too much.

"I'd be too afraid of your girlfriend to even consider it Jazz." I said in faux horror. He sauntered over to us, trying to pull me from Edward's grasp, Edward held onto me almost possessively.

"Not happening Jazz and you have your answer." Edward said, I could hear the smile in his voice. Though I'm not sure what he was talking about, had I missed something?

"She'll come around." He said with a wink at me, oh... still teasing about the girlfriend thing.

"I'll be safer here with my de-nile crocodile than with your girlfriend, but thanks for the thought." I teased back, but inside I still was dying.

~U~

I made it though dinner in one piece, I had never cooked for that many people before, even though I'd helped Esme and Kate before. I believed I'd over compensated and cooked too much, I was wrong though. I was held accountable for no one being able to move after they had all consumed so much food. I did suggest that I don't cook again, but that idea was shot down by everyone immediately, my punishment should be more cooking apparently.

~U~

I spent the next few days helping Jasper pack up his room, they were off to college the following weekend and I was really dreading having to say goodbye.

"You know it's not just him that loves you, right?" Jasper said looking up from the box he was filling with his books.

"What do you mean?" I asked but I was dreading the answer.

"Edward is waiting to see how you feel, now that you know that he's in love with you." Jasper stated, I just looked at him waiting for him to continue. "You should know that I love you too, Bella."

"But you have Maria." I pointed out, but he shook his head.

"I haven't seen her this week, I've been spending all my time with you, plus once we leave, it's you I'll be spending my free time with." He said.

"That's not exactly fair Jazz, I'm sure that you'll want to spend at least some of your time with her." I said. Jazz is so easy to love, so I'm sure Maria must love him, she'd be a fool not to, though I have to admit that a small part of me is relieved. Maria isn't known for her calm demeanor, I'm sure she'd rip my head off if it meant she could be with Jazz.

"I've told her how it is and I've been straight with her from the beginning, whether she likes it or not, this is the way it's gonna be."

"You don't love her?" I asked.

"No, I love you, Bella."

"But then why were you with her?" I asked a little confused, I mean I assumed he had some feelings for her.

"I'm a guy, I have needs Bells, I wasn't about to come on to you after all the shit that you have been through." He said.

"But then does that mean that Edward..?" I questioned, but Jazz was already shaking his head.

"Mr Self Control has been rubbing one out every night in the shower, just so that he can sleep with you." He said, rolling his eyes like it was obvious.

I stood there gaping at him, once I realized that I was gaping, I snapped my mouth shut. "Why are you telling me all this? You're both off to college next week, you will have so many new options, I don't want to hold either of you back." I tried to say.

"You won't be holding anyone back, we both want you Bella, it doesn't matter if I'm with someone else, it's you I think about when I get off." He said almost nonchalant.

"Oh my god, Jasper! I can't believe you just said that." I said blushing rufescent.

"What?" He asked innocently. "Oh man, I do love it when you blush like that." He said finally getting up and coming to sit on the floor at my feet, pulling me down to sit beside him. "Don't act so horrified at me, I bet you fifty bucks that Edward fantasizes about you in the shower every night." He said adding to my mortification.

"Why would you? Why would he? I'm just boring old me, I have nothing to offer anyone, I'm not even remotely sexy or anything." I said. The next thing I know I am on my back and Jasper is hovering over me.

"Are you insane?" He asked holding my hands down over my head the way Mike used to, but this felt very different. I wasn't intimidated and he didn't make me feel like I had to do what he wanted, but his words hurt. "What I mean is." He said releasing my hands and cradling my face in his hands as he straddled my hips. "You are very sexy, even in an old t-shirt and Edward's boxers, you'd drive any man to his knees." He said, I tried to shake my head. "You don't believe me?" I shook my head, because how could I believe that? "Bella, I have seen Maria more this last month than I ever meant to, because you were walking around in very short shorts, fuck, I'm getting hard just thinking about your ass in those tight little shorts."

"Oh my god, why didn't you say something?" I asked, I'm sure my entire body must be crimson by now, I was so embarrassed.

"Are you kidding me? Why would I? Like I said you were so hot in those." He said waggling his eyebrows at me. "Why do you think we couldn't wear shorts?" He asked, I just shook my head perplexed. "Bella..." He said shaking his head. "Your gorgeous ass was almost hanging out of those shorts, if either of us had worn anything but jeans you would have seen us with hard-ons all day long."

I was horrified, laughing with my hands covering my face, but horrified none the less, then something occurred to me.

"Is that why Edward was so upset about me wanting to wear a mini-skirt at the concert?" I asked.

"Y-you are wearing a mini-skirt?" He asked suddenly serious.

"That's what we were discussing when I thought he... I thought he didn't want me wearing it because it would make me look like a whore." I explained.

"Is it a very short mini-skirt?" He asked, his voice almost sounded husky, I nodded. He growled and moved off me.

"What?"

"Bella, we love you, we'd sure as fuck love to see you in a mini-skirt, but we are also very jealous and overly protective of you, we don't want hundreds of guys after you too."

"Stop being so ridiculous," I said pushing off the floor and getting up. "No one, with the exception of my psycho stalker and possibly you two, has ever paid any interest in me. What makes you so sure that people will now? I just thought it was a cool outfit, I'm sorry I wasted the money, I won't wear it okay."

"I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry Bella, I..." Jasper started to apologize, but then Edward walked through the door looking pissed.

"Why the hell are you sorry? What the fuck have you said to her?" He almost spat at Jasper as he hurried to me and pulled me into his side, one arm tight around my waist.

"He, didn't say anything, it's just me being overly sensitive, I know you don't want me walking around in my hooker skirt, so I just said I won't wear it." I said not looking at either of them. Edward pulled me against his chest and kissed the top of my head.

"It's not like either of us don't want to see you in a mini-skirt and we sure as shit won't leave your side all night, so you can wear it Bella, we're not about to dictate what you can and can't wear." Jasper said.

Edward lifted my chin gently and stared into my eyes for a moment. "You will look fucking gorgeous in anything you wear, all those guys at the concert will be lucky fuckers to get a quick look at you, but you are my girl, remember." He said.

"Ours." Jasper corrected.

"What?" Edward asked.

"She's our girl, not yours." Jasper reiterated.

"For now." Edward said hugging me and burying his face in my hair, I could hear his grin.

"So, about your nightly emissions in the shower..." I said wanting to clarify something. Jasper snorted as Edward froze instantly and didn't say a word. "Jasper bet me fifty bucks that you fantasize about me in the shower, can you put him straight so I can get my fifty bucks." I said, Edward didn't speak or move, in fact I wasn't even sure if he was breathing. "Well?" I said pulling away to see his face, he was blushing... "Oh my god, you do not?" I said covering my face with my hands again.

"In my defense, you are seriously sexy, with the most amazing ass and I am not only human, I'm also a man."

"So do you fantasize about either of us when you play with yourself?" Jasper asked grinning at me when I moved my hands from my face, though I was tempted to put them straight back in place.

"Well... one, I'm always with either one or both of you, when would I get the chance? And two, I don't have the male equipment to play with." I pointed out.

"I mean in the shower, when you play with your pretty kitty." Jazz said, like I hadn't blushed enough in the last quarter of an hour.

"I don't do that." I said narrowing my eyes at him. Edward chuckled behind me.

"Sure you do." Jasper began to argue, then he watched my face, "Or maybe not... wait have you ever had an orgasm?" I didn't answer him, it was unnecessary when the answer was written all over my face. "You have to start playing with yourself baby girl, that's half the fun and you can fantasize about me as much as you like, I promise I won't mind, in fact I insist on it." He said grinning at me.

I was so embarrassed, I answered the only way I could, instantly without thinking it through. "I wouldn't do that until after you have left for college, by which time I will have seen Doug Robb live and in the flesh, doubt I'll even remember you after that." I said trying to keep a straight face, until Edward growled in my ear and started tickling me mercilessly.

~U~

Today is Friday and we have spent the day together in Portland checking out the new place that Jazz and Edward will be moving into next week. I am doing my best not to think about that fact, Edward's enthusiasm seemed almost as fake as mine, his presence at my side even had Carlisle eyeing him curiously. Jasper had spent most of the morning with his arms around me, but once we arrived at their soon to be apartment, he couldn't hide his excitement.

Tonight is the Hoobastank concert and I couldn't be more excited if I tried. This is the last weekend we'll have together before the guys move here for college and although the idea makes me feel ill, I'm determined to have a good time tonight. I mean I will be with both of my boys and I am going to see Doug Robb in the flesh, that was something I never thought I'd ever see.

~U~

I couldn't see a thing through the crowd and I was being jostled around in the overly crowded arena, I kept looking around me nervous in case I lost sight of Jasper, even though my hand was held securely in Edward's. Suddenly Jasper lifted me up and the next thing I know is that I am sat on Edward's shoulders. Not how I had always envisioned him being between my thighs in my fantasies but, oh my God! I actually had Edward's head between my thighs! I know that nothing can come of it but, a girl can dream, right? This is without a doubt the best day of my life! Seriously happy my period was over that's for sure, that would have been an accident waiting to happen.

When Doug sat center stage strumming his guitar and singing, 'A thousand words.' Edward gripped my thighs and I knew he was feeling the same ache about him leaving me. Fortunately that was followed with, 'Ready for you,' dancing on Edward's shoulders was entertaining to say the least. If anything he was moving more than I was, though his arms were locked securely around my legs holding me in place.

I was laughing and shouting along with everyone else, the audience louder than ever while the band was on a break, the audio tape of, 'Show Me Your Titz' was playing. Every time the crowd shouted out, 'show me your titz' all the girls on other peoples shoulders put their tits on display and all the people around me looked up at me expectantly. Yeah right like that's going to happen, then Edward looked up at me, my hands slipping off his head. He wiggled his eyebrows and mouthed, 'Show me your titz' along with the tape, I laughed and put my hands over my breasts. I watched as he licked slowly over his lower lip... Oh GOD! Much more of that and he will be getting a tsunami down the back of his neck, well not really, I was turned on though. I grabbed his head and turned his face back towards the stage, he was shaking as he laughed in response.

I admit that as sad as I've felt this week at the thought of never being more than friends, it has made actually being just friends so much easier. The worry of leaving me alone has been bothering them both though, I know it has, but Mike is off out of State soon, so I will be free to go home again. Although Kate offering me more hours after school will make the transition seem a little more bearable. At the very least I found it easier to joke around with both Edward and Jasper, I think I manage to blush less anyway. Even despite them both revealing their feelings for me, that was something I had been almost determined to ignore for my own sanity. Me loving them and knowing I can't have them was one thing but knowing that they wanted me and I couldn't have them was torture, though as much as I do love Jazz, it's never really ever been between them. It's always been Edward, always will be that way for me, too.

A few songs later I was more relaxed and enjoying myself along with everyone else when the opening chords to, 'inside of you' started. I groaned. "Oh god no... not now." I muttered. Seriously I get turned on by this song sitting in an empty room, what the hell will it do to me sitting here with Edward between my thighs? I found myself wriggling and squirming hoping to hell that the dampness in my panties wasn't soaking through to him.

It seems so obvious
There's something up with us
I swear I feel it
From across the room.
So can I ask you this?
Not to be forward, Miss,
But I think I'll kill myself
If I never know...

What do I have to do
To get inside of you?
To get inside of you?
Cuz I love the way you move,
When I'm inside of you.
When I'm inside of you...

"Oh god..." I moaned as Edward's hands tightened on my thighs and I could feel his hot breath on the inside of my leg. Every time he moves I can feel the five o'clock shadow on his face run deliciously on my sensitive skin. If I didn't know any better I'd say his was doing it on purpose, I was so turned on right now that if he even moves his fingers on my thighs again I will probably come. Yeah that would be just my luck, my elusive orgasm finally showing up right when I don't need one, I pulled Edward's head up.

"Can you put me down?" I asked, I sounded breathy and desperate to my own deaf ears.

"Why? What's wrong?" He asked not releasing me, I have to put my mouth next to his ear for him to hear me.

"Please." I begged, I couldn't exactly tell him that I was so close to orgasm that I was about to explode all over him now could I? It wasn't his fault that his every move was turning me on, it's not like he could do anything about it. Even if I did want that to happen, maybe a small part of me still did, but I knew that was not possible. I'm also pretty sure that he would be pretty disgusted with me and I'd never want that.

"You okay?" He asked, worried.

"Sure, just a little dizzy, you know from being so high up." I joked, he laughed and moved me so that I was stood in front of him, his arm around my waist holding me in place so I wouldn't lose him in the bouncing crowd.

"Hey... my turn." Jazz said pulling me away from Edward and wrapping his arms around me, holding me in place with my back held tight against his chest.

When I looked back at Edward he was frowning as he looked at me, like he couldn't figure me out or something. He glared at Jasper for a moment then turned back towards the stage, he didn't look happy at all. I grabbed his hand and threaded my fingers through his. "You okay?" I mouthed when he looked down at me.

He leaned down to speak into my ear. "Just felt safer when I had you wrapped around me." He said.

"You felt safer?" I asked worried, why wouldn't he feel safe?

"Not me, my silly Buttercup, it's just hard for me to know you are safe when I don't have you in my arms." He admitted with a shrug. "Being here, it felt safer with you on my shoulders and not down here where you could get hurt." He said. I pulled his face from my ear and kissed his cheek, he straightened up, gave my hand a squeeze and turned back to the stage, but at least he had a smile on his face now.

By the time we started to leave I had sang, bounced and danced myself into exhaustion, I ended up in Edward's arms again, once the crowd dispersed in the parking lot. My hearing still felt like I was inside, I may have damaged my hearing somewhat, but it was worth it. Doug Robb was amazing, much better than any pictures I'd seen of him, but sadly still nowhere near as hot as Jazz or Edward.

I hadn't been able to decide between two tour t-shirts and a hoodie, I bought one then Jazz and Edward bought me the other two. I'd put them all on before we came outside, it was much colder now and I was grateful for the extra warmth.

Edward placed me onto the backseat of his car, though I was pretty much asleep, I couldn't be sure if it was actually him that whispered to me, or I imagined it. "So sexy tonight my beautiful girl, I could almost taste how turned on you were, I wish it was me that did that to you."

A/N Reviews are almost as good as Edward between your thighs, or Jasper fantasizing about you when he... * cough * Well almost :D I need your feedback my darlings.

Until next time...

Mysty xxx