AN: Sorry for the delay! School and emotions getting in the way. I think this story may soon be drawing to a close...
Chapter Eleven
Tony found Loki with his head in his hands, hidden behind the door the next day. He was covered in blood, and a huge gash on his arm was still trickling occasional drops onto his already soaked clothing. He must have been sitting there for hours, any human would likely be dead by now.
As soon as he saw him, Tony ran to his side and grabbed his wrists, carefully to avoid the savage cut. "I'm sorry," he said. "Please, just talk to me."
Almost imperceptibly, Loki shook his head. He didn't look at Tony, instead he just stared at the mark on his arm. He didn't bother healing it.
Tony cleaned the wound and bandaged it, feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt. Why did he tell Jarvis not to bother him? He knew this could happen. He was lucky Loki didn't go an extra few inches down. He should have been there.
After looking him over Tony just led Loki to the shower, the skin on his arm was stained pink and he even had blood in his hair and on his face. Before he left the bathroom, Tony quickly gathered up anything sharp or anything that could be broken to form a sharp edge. When he shut the door behind him and heard the shower start to run, he sank down to the floor, dropping all he carried onto the floor beside him.
He put his head in his hands and tucked his knees up to his chest, unconsciously echoing the position in which he had found the maimed god. He was at a loss for what to do. On the other side of the door was a man who should have been thrown to the dogs the minute he arrived, but here Tony was caring for his wellbeing. If one thing was clear to him, it was that the Loki here was not the same man as the one who attacked New York. Something had changed.
Tony looked up when he heard someone clear their throat. Expecting Thor or Bruce, he was surprised to see an ungagged Loki before him, dressed in clean but simple clothes. The illusion sat beside him.
"What do you plan to do with me?" He was quiet, as though he didn't want to push himself too far.
"We haven't decided on anything yet. It's a difficult conversation." Tony spoke simply, not bothering with his usual snark. It wasn't the time or place. Loki was finally speaking, and he didn't want to push him back into silence.
Loki nodded, and was quiet for a while. He didn't know what to say, now that he had the option. Before, he had thought out conversations in his head a thousand times, but now he felt lost.
"Why did you do it?" Tony asked.
Loki, completely absorbed in his illusion, rested his head back on the wall. There was only one thing he could be asking about, he knew why for everything else. "It wasn't my choice. Not entirely."
Tony eyed him sceptically. "You were in charge there. You lead that army."
Awkwardly wrapping his fingers together, Loki shook his head. "I lead them, but they were not mine."
"But why?"
"I needed it to stop."
Tony waited for him to elaborate for a long time, but he seemed reluctant to.
"Loki, what happened to you?"
Loki turned over his hand so his palm faced upwards. The illusion shifted from pale skin to blue. Tony didn't comment on the marks just visible under his sleeve. "Fire."
It took a moment for Tony to understand just what he was trying to say. Loki was a frost giant, and the best way to defeat cold is with heat. They, whoever they were, had tortured him with fire until he couldn't stand any more.
Tony almost understood why he did what he did in that instance. Thor had told him enough of his own guilt about their childhood to understand that Loki wasn't the most appreciated person. Shunned for hundreds, thousands, of years. Tormented by those he admired. Then to have power put into his grasp only to be yanked away, that enough would drive anyone insane. But to then be tortured after completely giving up...
No wonder he didn't sleep. Tony thought he had nightmares, his must be nothing compared to this deranged gods.
"I'm sorry that happened to you."
Loki wasn't listening, absorbed in his own mind. The fire, the burning. It felt like his very flesh was melting off of his skin, bubbling away. Even after they had stopped there was the tiredness and the weakness. He was barely able to walk due to the exhaustion at first. The pain.
He jerked back to reality when he heard a bang on the door. He had let his illusion drop, and most likely worried Tony.
The shower had run cold, and he quickly got out and knocked back on the door to let Tony know he was ok. He then dressed himself and opened the door, forcing away the memories as best he could.
Tony looked relieved to see him well, which Loki still wasn't used to. He was sure Tony couldn't be used to the feeling either.
"Could I speak to you again?" Tony asked, but Loki shook his head. He was struggling to remain composed and not lapse into some kind of panic attack.
"Why not?" He pressed, and Loki pointed towards the door, curtly asking him to leave. He tried to regulate his breathing, concentrating more on keeping it steady than the man before him.
Tony looked at him for a long moment before nodding and leaving him be. Absorbed in thought, his feet followed the familiar path from Loki's room to his basement lab. He wasn't sure of how to take everything he had learned recently, and how much about Loki had become apparent. He only became fully aware of what he was doing when he heard his name.
"Tony, how is he?" Bruce asked.
He span around to where the scientist was in the corner, experimenting with some holographic proton models. "Not good."
"Is he a... flight risk?" Bruce asked, with a moments hesitation. He had spoken to Tony of these issues before, but he always preferred to avoid mentions of suicide and his own past attempt at ending his life.
Tony thought on it a moment before he replied. "Right now, I think anything could push him over the edge."
Bruce nodded, lapsing into a moment of silence before speaking. "You need to tell Thor. He feels completely shut out, and completely responsible."
"Is it my fault if Loki doesn't want to speak to him?"
"Does he speak to you?"
Tony was caught a little off guard by the question, not fully realising where the conversation had been heading. "I got a couple words out of him. He wasn't clear, but it looks like he was just a pawn in New York."
Bruce sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I don't think that matters to any of them now."
