A/N: TERRIBLY sorry for the long time since my last update. I got on a "Lost and Found" kick, and sort of forgot about this. Forgive me? .:dodges thrown tomatoes:. Umm… right, then…
I'm not really pleased with the first half of the chapter. The dialogue has been slightly different in every version of the "Wonderful" scene that I've ever seen, and I couldn't decide which to use. But hopefully it's not too awful. And I'm really, really, REALLY mad that they took the little dance out of the show that Elphaba and the Wizard used to do at the end of "Wonderful." Yes, they took it out, can you believe it? .:fumes:.
When I first wrote this story a year ago, the second half of this chapter was my first ever attempt at a real Fiyeraba scene. I still really like the way it turned out, so I kept it pretty much intact from the original version. Hope it makes all you shameless Fiyeraba addicts out there all warm and fuzzy inside. :D
Oh, and I fixed a few things in chapter 10, so you can go back and read the corrected version if you care to.
Disclaimer: I haven't yet convinced Elphiemuse to magick Greg, Steve, and Winnie into turning over the rights to me, so I still don't own it. But one of these days…
Well, that didn't go quite like I expected. And before you say 'I told you so', this time, that's actually a good thing. And you won't believe how it ended!
I flew into the throne room of the palace through an open window high in one wall. As I landed and looked around, I saw that, just as I had hoped, the place was deserted. Leaning my broom against the giant head the Wizard still uses to impress visitors, I began scouring the room for a lever or something else that would release the door of the monkeys' cage.
Suddenly the head came to life behind me. Startled, I turned to find that my broom was now nowhere in sight. "I knew you'd be back," boomed the head in its usual deep, terrifying roar. Then the Wizard's own voice floated to my ears. "Hear me out. I never meant to harm you."
I frowned at the head, even though I knew he couldn't see me from behind it. "Well you have. You have harmed me," I told him bitterly.
He finally came out from behind the head and spoke to me face to face. "I realize that, and I regret it. Elphaba..."
"There you are!" I pointed at the huge cage that took up the entire back wall. "I'm setting those monkeys free! And if you try to interfere, or call the guards..."
"I'm not calling anyone," he assured me. Then he shrugged. "The truth is, I'm glad to see you again. It gets pretty lonely around here. And I know you must get lonely, too."
I glared daggers at him as I spat, "You don't know the first thing about me."
"Oh, but I do. I do know you," contradicted the Wizard. "I can't explain it exactly. You know what I mean?" He paused, and gave me a look that was almost…compassionate. Almost like a loving father might give his favorite daughter. Like the way Father used to look at Nessa. "Elphaba, you've been so strong through all of this. Aren't you tired of being the strong one? Wouldn't you like someone to take care of you?" He handed me back my pilfered broom. "Please, help me start again."
I was shaken. How had he managed to somehow read my deepest desire? The comment broke down a little of my hostility. "Don't you think I wish I could?" I replied, my voice thick with emotion, as I snatched back my broom. "I would give anything to turn back the clock and go back to the time when I believed you really were wonderful. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Nobody believed in you more than I did."
"Oh, my dear child..." The Wizard walked over and hung his top hat on the end of my broom's handle, then put an arm around my shoulders. "It's not like I asked for this, you know. I was a nobody, your average everyday working man. And then one day I found myself here, and everyone was calling me 'wonderful.' They needed someone to believe in, so I went along with it. I wanted to help them. See, I never had a family of my own since I was always traveling, and I guess I just wanted to give the citizens of Oz everything."
He was playing with my head now, trying to get me to see things his way, seducing my mind, and I knew it. And the frustrating part was, it was working. But then I caught another glimpse of the monkey cage out of the corner of my eye, and I remembered what this seemingly harmless little old man had done to me, and it gave me the strength to resist a bit longer. I took his hat off my broom and shoved it back in his chest. "So you lied to them." I made it a statement of fact rather than a question.
"Only verbally. Besides, they were the lies they wanted to hear. Don't you understand? The truth isn't based on fact or reason. The truth is simply the version of a story that everyone agrees to accept. Elphaba, where I come from, we believe all sorts of things that aren't true. We call it… history." I raised an eyebrow at that, and he gave me a charming smile. "What you believe all depends on whose side you look at. Where I came from, I was just another run-of-the-mill average citizen. But I came here, and suddenly, I was 'wonderful!' And if you're willing to accept my help, you can be the same."
"What do you mean?" I asked, trying my hardest not to fall prey to his coaxing. I'm afraid I wasn't doing a very good job.
He knew he almost had me now. "I know I've made things difficult for you. But I'd like to make it up to you now. You'll finally get all the praise, the adoration, the love that you deserve – everything you should've had a long time ago. Elphaba, no one is more beloved than a reformed sinner. Imagine the celebrations there'll be… people throughout all of Oz, all rejoicing because of you! It'll be you they're calling wonderful!"
People throughout all of Oz, all rejoicing because of you… exactly what I wrote about in this diary so long ago! He was offering me everything I've ever hoped for in my life. Just think… no more running, no more hiding, no more of this Wicked Witch of the West nonsense. It'll be just like you've always imagined… And suddenly, all at once, every ounce of my willpower seemed to dry up and simply… disappear. I couldn't fight his persuading any longer. I didn't want to fight him any longer. "That does sound wonderful," I admitted rather reluctantly.
"Trust me, it's fun!" the Wizard winked, giving me a broad smile. "Here, let me show you." He went over and switched on a small contraption near the giant head, and after a moment, tinny-sounding music started to play. Coming back over to me, he placed one of my hands on his shoulder, and his hand on that same side went to my waist. Then he bent down and snatched up the hem of my skirt with the other hand before handing the fabric to me and taking my hand in his. And we began to dance around the throne room.
At first I was quite taken aback, but after a few moments, despite myself, I fell into step with him. I began to forget that this man was my mortal enemy, and, Oz help me, I actually began to enjoy our frivolous little dance. He was treating me with an almost fatherly affection, as though I were a long-lost, beloved daughter who had finally come home. And all this could be yours forever… all you have to do is say the word.
"All right. I'll accept your proposition," I finally agreed breathlessly, helpless to resist any further.
He grinned widely. "Wonderful!"
But I hadn't forgotten myself that completely. I held up a warning finger and added, "On one condition."
"Yes?"
"You set those monkeys free."
We stared at each other for a few clock-ticks, each wondering which of us was going to back down first. At last the Wizard slowly nodded his acquiescence to my demand. "Done," he agreed, and hurried over and pulled a lever on the side of the giant head. Like magic, the massive barred wall retracted into the ceiling, and the monkeys inside scrambled out, free at last.
I could scarcely believe it had been so easy. Laughing joyfully, I shouted, "Go! Fly! You're free! Fly!" I recognized Chistery among the monkeys, and ran over to him. "Chistery, Chistery, you're free, isn't it wonderful?! Go, fly!" Then I noticed another shape huddled in a corner of the cage, covered by a coarse blanket. I thought maybe it was another monkey that was too old or sick to join the rest of its companions, so I made my way over to it, intending to help it make its escape.
Suddenly the Wizard's face changed. His smile disappeared, replaced by an expression of fear. "No! No! Please!" he begged me as I stood poised to pull off the sheet over the creature left behind.
Of course, this only made me all the more curious to see what the Wizard was hiding from me this time. I yanked off the covering… and recoiled in shock. "No! It can't be!" I gasped. "Doctor Dillamond..."
"Elphaba, we just couldn't keep letting him speak out..." the Wizard began apologetically.
"Doctor Dillamond, are you all right?" I knelt down next to my former teacher, alarmed at how weak and feeble he now seemed. But he shied away from me as though he'd never seen me before. "Don't be afraid. It's me, Elphaba," I said gently.
Doctor Dillamond opened his mouth, and… "Bahhhhh."
Alarmed, I helped him get to all fours. "Doctor, don't you remember me?"
"Bahhhhh," he bleated again.
A horrible suspicion filled me. "Doctor… can't you speak?" I asked, afraid I already knew the answer.
Doctor Dillamond answered with another mournful, "Bahhhhh…"
How could I have forgotten that the Wizard was the one responsible for Doctor Dillamond losing his position at Shiz? And now my former teacher had become a victim of the very circumstance he had once warned me about – he had lost his ability to speak. The Goat was now a goat. And it was the Wizard who had done this to him. All thoughts of the rewards he had promised me went clean out of my head. I stood and rounded on that imposter, that fraud, the Not-So-Wonderful Wizard of Oz, with more hatred than I have ever felt before in my life. Not even my once-upon-a-time loathing of Glinda was as simple, as pure, as frighteningly strong as this revulsion I now felt.
"You and I have nothing in common," I spat quietly, contemptuously. My voice increased in volume as I continued, "I am nothing like you, and I never will be… and I will fight you until the day I die!!!"
Like the coward he is, the Wizard ran for the cover of his giant mechanical head. "Guards, guards!!!" he boomed. I was about to get out of there while I still could, but the sudden noise spooked Doctor Dillamond, and he galloped off across the room and out the open door. I stood there, torn between making my escape and going after my former teacher.
Before I could decide which course of action to pursue, a troop of the Wizard's personal guards rushed into the throne room. "Halt!" one of them shouted to the others.
Then another guard, this one wearing the much more heavily decorated uniform of a captain, spoke. "Are you alright, your Ozness?"
It struck me that the captain's voice seemed very familiar. Had I met him somewhere before? Puzzled, I took a closer look at him… and recoiled in shock. Those blue eyes… I would have known them anywhere. "Fiyero!?"
He turned in surprise, and his eyes widened when he saw me. "I don't believe it..." he whispered, almost as though to himself.
"Oh, Fiyero, thank Oz! I thought you were..."
But his features hardened into a frown. "Silence, witch!!!" he ordered me harshly. I reeled back, feeling as stunned and as hurt as if he had physically struck me. I know I've always said how brainless he is, but all these years, for some reason, I had held out hope that he knew me well enough not to believe the Wizard's propaganda. Of everything that's happened to me over all this time, I think those words, coming from him, were the single worst blow I've yet received. Then he turned to his men. "Fetch me some..." He cast an odd look at me, then finished, "… some water."
"Water, sir?" wondered one of the guards.
"You heard me," confirmed Fiyero. "As much as you can carry."
"Yes, sir!" The guards marched off to fulfill their captain's request.
"Oh, Fiyero, not you, too..." I began when they were gone, hoping that now, alone, we could sort things out between us.
"I said silence!" Fiyero stepped towards me and raised a hand menacingly. For an awful, gut-wrenching clock-tick or two, I actually thought he was going to hit me. But then, to my great surprise, he turned away from me and stepped purposefully behind the giant head, reemerging a moment later dragging the Wizard behind him. He shoved the older man down roughly to sit on the edge of the platform the head was mounted on, and then trained his gun on him. "Don't make a sound, your Ozness, unless you want all your guests to know the truth about the Wonderful Wizard of Oz!" he threatened. Then his attention returned to me, and his gaze and his tone softened. "Elphaba, I'll find Doctor Dillamond later. Now get out of here."
Now I understood. Fiyero had never really intended to do anything to me – it had merely been a ruse so the other guards wouldn't get suspicious. I let out my breath in a long whoosh. "Fiyero, you frightened me," I breathed, not bothering to try to hide the relief in my voice. "I thought…I thought you might have changed."
"I have... changed."
Before I could ask what exactly he meant by that, Glinda bustled into the throne room. I hadn't seen her since the day we met the Wizard together, and I had to fight down the urge to run and throw my arms around her. "What's going…" she started to ask. Then she caught sight of me, and I was thrilled to see joy come over her face. So she was still my friend! "Elphie? Oh, thank Oz, you're alive!" she exclaimed, running over, and we embraced quickly. Then her face changed to a mask of fear. "Only you shouldn't have come. If anyone discoverates you..." She didn't need to finish. I, too, knew what would happen if I was found here by the wrong people.
"Glinda, you'd better go," Fiyero warned her.
Glinda noticed him there for the first time, and frowned, puzzled, as she took in the fact that the Captain of the Guard was aiming his rifle at the Wizard of Oz. "Fiyero, what are you..."
"Please, just go back to the ball," repeated Fiyero, a little more forcefully. He took a step or two away from her and re-aimed his gun.
But Glinda was not cowed. "Your Ozness, he means no disrespectation!" she said to the Wizard, and though she hid it well, I could hear the note of desperation in her voice. "Please understand, we all went to school together..."
"Elphaba…" Fiyero began, looking at me with an expression that I couldn't read.
"Fiyero, have you misplaced your mind? What are you doing?" Glinda demanded.
He looked from one of us to the other, and then, with a gesture towards me, he calmly replied, "I'm going with her."
"What?!?" Glinda cried incredulously.
"What?!?" I echoed, just as astonished. Where in Oz had this come from?
"What are you saying?" she asked, confused. Then an expression of sudden understanding came over her face, and she looked from me to Fiyero and back again. Her voice was quiet and deeply hurt when she finally continued, "You mean all this time... the two of you... behind my back... ?"
I instantly realized what this had to look like to her. Her fiancé and her best friend were both betraying her… for each other. I cursed silently and protested, "No, Glinda, it wasn't like that!" But I knew it wouldn't sound very convincing to her. I took a step forward, horrified that she should believe either me or Fiyero capable of such a thing.
"Actually, it was..." Fiyero began. Then, at the look I shot him, he quickly added, "But it wasn't." Then he turned to me. "Elphaba, let's go... let's go!" With that, he took me by the hand and began to lead me rapidly towards the door. I cast a helpless look back over my shoulder at Glinda.
"Fine! Go! You deserve each other!" she shouted after us. Everything in me screamed not to leave with her hating me, but I had no choice. The guards that Fiyero had dispatched on that pointless errand would be back any second. We had to go now.
Out in the hall, Fiyero looked this way and that, evidently trying to decide which route would be the safest. "The attic," I told him, my head still spinning from how quickly everything had happened.
"What?"
"We've got to get to the attic. There's a window there." I held up my broom. "That's how I escaped last time I was here."
Fiyero nodded. "The attic it is, then."
We made for the stairs at the end of the corridor, reaching them without being caught, and began to climb. As we rose, I had a moment of déjà vu, a brief flashback to the first time I had rushed up these stairs, fearful of guards on my heels, with only one other person by my side. Only that time, it was Glinda with me, and in the end she had chosen to stay behind.
We soon reached the attic door. Just as it had been for Glinda and me, Fiyero and I once again found it unlocked. This time I didn't bother with barricading the door. I simply turned to Fiyero and said, "I have to ask you before we go… are you absolutely sure you want to do this? If you come with me, there's no going back. You'll become wicked by association. You'll be hated and shunned by people who used to love you. I won't be angry or upset if you decide to stay."
He shook his head. "Elphaba, I said I was coming with you, and I meant it. I can't stand it here another minute – everything's so shallow, so superficial. It's all for show. And I don't want to live like that anymore."
I raised an eyebrow. "You have changed," I observed, surprised to hear words like that come out of his mouth. After all, that was exactly how I once would've described him. Then I grinned. "Well, then, you're welcome with me. Nothing shallow, superficial, or showy. I promise."
"All right, then," he smiled back. "Let's get out of here."
I showed him how to sit on the broom, and he got on behind me. "Hang on to me," I warned him. "It's a little scary the first time, and I don't want you falling off." He obediently looped his arms around my waist. I kicked off, and we soared through the open window and out into the clear blue sky.
Now that we were out of immediate danger and I was in my element, I was able to relax enough to let myself think about what had just happened. Fiyero had chosen me over Glinda! The thought was nearly too incredible to comprehend. Never even in my wildest dreams had I believed that something like this could ever happen. And yet, the proof was there – his arms warm and reassuring around me, the weight of his chin resting on my shoulder as he surveyed the landscape below us, the feel of his blue eyes studying me intently as we flew. I had to concentrate very hard on flying to keep my mind from wandering into forbidden territory.
As night fell, we landed and made camp near a small stream in the Great Gillikin Forest. Fiyero gathered some wood, and I used the Grimmerie to conjure up a cheerful fire. We caught a couple of fish from the stream and set them to roasting for dinner. Then we sat on a fallen log by the fire and talked as we waited for the fish to cook.
"So… Captain of the Guard," I smirked, eyeing his uniform. "There just might be a brain somewhere in that head of yours after all, Fiyero."
He ginned. "Did you ever doubt it?"
"Do you really want me to answer that?"
"No." Then he grew serious. "I did a lot of thinking after you left."
"You must've had poor Glinda worried sick," I quipped.
"Yeah, she was pretty upset," agreed Fiyero, laughing a little at the joke. "I guess she saw that the life I was living just wasn't enough for me anymore. She did everything she could to try and make me happy. That's how I became Captain of the Guard – she persuaded the Wizard to choose me."
"So then, it's you and your pals who've given me such hell," I realized, but I smiled to soften the words. "You almost had me more than once, you know."
"I know, Elphaba."
"You know, I think you're the first person in a long time who's called me by my name," I observed. "Even before I left, actually. To Nessa I'm usually just Sister. And Glinda calls me Elphie." Then my heart sank as I remembered the expression of betrayal and hatred on her face when we parted this afternoon, and I wondered if she would ever call me Elphie again. "Or at least, she did."
A shadow seemed to cross Fiyero's face. "Elphaba, the last thing I ever meant to do was cause trouble between you and Glinda. The two of you have been friends forever – well, for as long as I've known you, anyway."
"Oh, Fiyero, there's a lot about Glinda and me that you don't know," I chuckled softly. "She obviously never told you that, until the day you showed up at Shiz, she and I were mortal enemies."
"No kidding?"
"I swear. She was the biggest royal pain I'd ever met. I couldn't stand her! And the feeling was definitely mutual. She once called me… oh, what was the word?… ah, yes… the most 'disgusticified' creature she'd ever laid eyes on." I reached for my hat, which I had set on the ground with my satchel. "She gave me this hat as a joke, though I didn't realize it at the time. She tricked me into wearing it to the dance that night."
"I remember that. I couldn't figure out why she suddenly seemed so upset. Especially because Madame Morrible had just given her a training wand and told her that she was allowed to join the sorcery seminar," Fiyero recalled.
"That was my doing. Glinda had gotten Boq – do you remember him?"
"Of course."
"Well, Glinda had gotten Boq to ask my sister Nessarose to the dance. Nessa was so thrilled, she insisted that I find some way to repay Glinda. And the sorcery seminar was the only thing I could think of to give her that she didn't already have."
"But why would you do that, if you hated her so much? You were the only one in the seminar at first, weren't you? How could you share that with someone you despised?"
I shrugged. "I've often asked myself the same thing. But I did it. And then when Madame told her what I'd done, and then I came into the party wearing that hat she'd given me, she felt so bad that she started dancing with me. And after that, we were best friends. She let me keep the hat, and I've worn it ever since."
We were silent for a few minutes. Then Fiyero asked, "Does Nessa know you're back? She missed you so badly – she cried nonstop for days after Glinda came back from the Emerald City without you."
"I know she did. It nearly killed me sometimes to imagine what she must've thought of me. But then I'd tell myself it was good for her to be away from me – she needed to learn to be more independent. And yes, she knows I'm back. I stopped by for a visit with her before I came to the Emerald City." I winced at the memory of our last encounter.
"She must've been so glad to see you."
"Not exactly…" I sighed deeply. "My father's dead. Did you know that, Fiyero? And Nessa's the Governor of Munchkinland now. She's the bitterest old thing I think I've ever met. She's never forgiven me for abandoning her like I did, and now I doubt she ever will."
"What happened?" Fiyero wondered.
I related the entire miserable episode – Nessa's anger at me, my putting a spell on her shoes, Boq coming in and then asking if he could leave, Nessa's botched spell, and what I was forced to do to control the damage she had wrought. "So now they both hate me," I finished woefully.
"So she didn't even bother to ask you where you'd been, or what you'd been doing while you were away?"
"She could have cared less."
"Well, then, I'll ask you. What've you been up to since you left, Elphaba?"
I smiled at Fiyero's effort to cheer me up. "I've been tooling around Oz on my broom, evading the likes of you and those brutes you call guards," I teased. "And in my spare time, I've been helping some of the Animals that have gone into hiding to escape the Wizard's laws. Just generally doing all I can to make wizarding harder for him."
"Why are you so bent on making him suffer?"
"Well, look at everything he's done to me! That alone would be reason enough. And besides, the old fool needs someone to stand up to him, knock him on his rear every once in a while. He's too sure of his own power."
"Careful, Elphaba. That smacks awfully strongly of bitterness. Remember what you said about Nessa."
"Well, I have every right to be bitter!" I argued, crossing my arms obstinately. "And I never said that Nessa didn't." Then I heaved a heavy sigh. "Oh, you're probably right."
"I'm not saying you shouldn't be angry about what the Wizard has done. But there have to be more constructive ways of changing things."
"What exactly do you suggest, Fiyero? I tried to change things peacefully once, and look where it's gotten me! The Wizard doesn't listen to 'peacefully.' It's like that old saying: if you want something done right…"
"…You have to do it yourself," Fiyero finished for me. "I see your point. But still. You're a smart girl, Elphaba – can't you figure out some way to work with the Wizard, instead of against him? Do the two of you always have to be at cross purposes?"
I shot him my patented Wicked Witch of the West death glare, perfected over years of terrorizing villagers stupid enough to believe the rumors about me (which is pretty near all of them, I think). "Think about what His Supreme Ozness did to Doctor Dillamond. The same thing is happening to Animals all over Oz. There are Animals everywhere turning back into animals – losing the ability to think, speak, feel. And it's because of the restrictions the Wizard has placed on them. Think about that, Fiyero, and then you tell me whether the Wizard and I could ever work together."
"You've turned awfully cynical, Elphaba."
"Life on the run will do that to a girl." Narrowing my eyes, I threatened, "If that's the only reason you came – to try and get me to come back…" I held out my hand, and my broom obediently leaped into it. "If that's what this is all about, I'm leaving right now, and you can find your own way back to the Emerald City."
"All right, all right." Fiyero held up his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry. I just don't want to see you become as bitter as you say Nessa is. I just thought maybe if you could find another way to do what you have to do – an easier way – then you could spare yourself that."
"Fiyero, don't you think I've looked for an easier way? I would've chosen anything over this. But I wasn't given a choice. I had to make the best of the hand I was dealt."
"I know. And it was a pretty lousy hand that you got stuck with. But I think you've done as well as you could, given the circumstances. You've held yourself together all this time, and not only that, but you're fighting back, too. Most people I know wouldn't have lasted half as long as you have."
My anger dissolved as quickly as it had come. Somehow, this meant quite a lot to me, coming from him. And besides, I didn't want to alienate the one person I had left who was still speaking to me. "Thanks," I said softly.
By this time, our dinner was finished cooking. After taking the fish off the fire to cool for a few minutes, we tucked in.
"You know," said Fiyero as we ate, "now I'm especially glad that I came with you, Elphaba."
"Why's that?"
"Because if I had stayed behind, I'd be sitting at that silly engagement ball, choking down caviar and pate de fois gras and all sorts of other disgusting things." He made a face and shook his head.
"Speaking of that silly engagement ball… I never got an invitation, so am I correct in assuming that it was for you and Glinda?" I asked, even though I was fairly certain I already knew the answer.
Just as I had expected, Fiyero nodded. "I'm not quite sure how it all came about. I never actually asked her to marry me. She just sort of… assumed."
I had to laugh at that. "That's Glinda for you. She operates under the assumption that she's going to get whatever she wants. And in this case, I can tell you with complete certainty that she's been 'assuming' your wedding day since the moment the two of you met."
"Is that so?" asked Fiyero with amusement.
"Yes. She informed me the night of that dance at Shiz that she was going to marry you." I paused as a new thought put itself forward. "Fiyero… not that it's any business of mine… but… do you love her?"
I could see at once that I had struck a nerve. "You always did know how to get right to the difficult questions," he said, sounding very uncomfortable. After hesitating for several clock-ticks, he shook his head slowly. "Glinda's a sweet girl and all. But lately I've been noticing that we're not really as similar as I used to think. All she seems to care about are parties and clothes – she's become obsessed with appearances."
"She's always been obsessed with appearances, Fiyero."
"Well, maybe now I'm just starting to see it for what it is. But she devotes all her time and energy to her 'public image,' as she likes to call it, and doesn't care at all about what's going on in Oz or what she can do about it." He looked away, and if I didn't know better, I'd have sworn he was blushing. "I know I used to be the same way. But like I said earlier, I've changed. I'm not like that anymore, and I can't spend the rest of my life pretending that I am."
I nodded my understanding, slightly embarrassed at having asked him to share something that personal. I wasn't used to Fiyero being so honest, so… real. But whatever had come over him since I saw him last, I decided that I liked it. "If you don't mind my asking, what was it that brought about this change?" I wondered.
He looked at me then, and the expression in his eyes made my face flush. "It was you," he told me quietly.
"Me?" I echoed, astonished. Had I heard him correctly?
"Yes, you," he confirmed. "Elphaba… you're truer to yourself than anyone else I've ever met. You know who you are, you know what you want out of life, you know what you believe, and you don't let anyone sway you from it. You stick to your principles no matter what it costs you. And I admire that."
"You do?" I have very little experience in this sort of conversation, so I'm afraid I was sounding quite the fool. In fact – Oz forbid! – I was starting to remind myself of Glinda! I can come up with as witty a comeback as you please in an argument, but stick me in a conversation with a handsome man, where he's actually saying something nice to me, and my brain suddenly decides to turn traitor and shut down on me! It's not fair, I tell you!
Fiyero nodded. "I realized after you left that that's what makes you so different from everyone else." Then he smirked as he added, "Well, besides the obvious."
Normally I hate people making comments about my green skin, but for some reason, when Fiyero did it, it didn't bother me. "Of course," I agreed, my smile matching his.
I was surprised when he leaned closer and said earnestly, "I was so worried when you disappeared, Elphaba. I hated to think of you out there somewhere all alone, no one to turn to for help…"
Touched by his concern, I gently took his hand, lacing my fingers through his. "I've missed all of you something awful," I confessed. "And there were times I've been scared as anything. It's been so hard, Fiyero… so hard… you just have no idea…" And then all the memories of everything I've been through – all the pain, the sorrow, the loneliness, the fear – flooded my mind, and suddenly my cheeks were wet, and I realized I was crying. I stood and moved away from him, head down, arms crossed, shoulders hunched forward. "Oh, damn these tears!" I cursed, sniffling. "I hate to cry…"
I heard motion behind me, and then Fiyero was there next to me. He put his arms around me and pulled me to him. "Elphaba, where did you get this idea that you always have to be this strong, invincible, emotionless thing? I'm here now. Let me be the strong one for a while."
Well, that was all it took. I could've borne everything until the end of time as long as no one cared about me. But as soon as someone offered me a bit of sympathy, I was an emotional catastrophe. I buried my face in Fiyero's shoulder and let myself cry for the first time since the day I became the Wicked Witch of the West. I wept for everything I've lost, everything I've suffered, and he held me close, stroking my hair softly, until my sobs finally quieted.
And suddenly there we were, Fiyero with his arms around me, and me clinging to him as though my very life depended on it. He made no move to relax his embrace, and I didn't try to pull away. He reached out and wiped away one last tear that was coursing its way down my face, letting his hand linger on my cheek.
I had never realized before what a powerful thing touch can be, especially to someone who doesn't experience it that often. Until now, the only people who had ever willingly touched me (and did so without having to hide their disgust) were Glinda and sometimes Nessa. And even they never touched me as tenderly, as… as lovingly as Fiyero was doing now. I don't think anyone ever had. I closed my eyes, wanting to savor every moment, every sensation.
He traced his fingertips softly along the curve of my jaw, then lightly brushed his thumb along the bottom edge of my lip. I drank in the feeling of leaning into him, his arms holding me close, my body fitting so perfectly against him that it almost seemed we were made for each other. Then he caught me gently by the chin and tilted my face up towards his. A bit startled, I opened my eyes. The expression on his face made me chill and blush at the same time, made me want to run and want to stay, made me dizzy and terrified and thrilled. "Fiyero…" I whispered. I had no idea what I was going to say next, but it turned out that it didn't matter, because that was all I got out before our mouths met.
Part of me was shouting, What in Oz's name are you doing? That's Glinda's fiancé you're kissing, you fool! She'll kill you! But the rest of me (the much larger part) returned, Oh, shove off! He doesn't love her, he said so himself. I don't care what Glinda would think. He's not her fiancé. He doesn't love her. He never did. He loves me. Sweet Oz, he loves me! I wanted to shout it to anyone and everyone within hearing distance. My better judgment warned me that I was only deluding myself again, that this was far too good to be true, that it could never last. But then I thought, I've been listening to my better judgment all my life, and look what it's done for me. So I decided that my better judgment could go stick its head in a chamber pot, and I wrapped my arms around Fiyero's neck and kissed him like I've been dreaming about doing for years.
Now, I don't want to sound hopelessly in love, or pathetically cliché like those trashy romance novels that Glinda used to be fond of reading. But that kiss was… oh, there aren't even words to describe it! It was the most wonderful, incredible, satisfying thing I've ever experienced. I don't think I've ever done anything that felt so good, so… right. It was sweet and slow, filled with all the feelings that had been growing between us since the day we rescued that Lion cub. And it was the strangest thing… all of a sudden, it was as though the last few years had melted away. None of it seemed to matter anymore. All the pain, all the grief, all the wrongs I had suffered suddenly became worth the misery they had caused me, because they had brought me here to this moment.
When we finally eased apart, I was breathless, and my knees threatened to collapse out from under me at any moment. The thought of being separated at all from Fiyero, even for a single clock-tick, was too painful to bear, so I laid my head on his shoulder, and he kept his arms around me. We stayed like that for a while, neither of us speaking. It was enough for both of us just to know that the other was there, only a heartbeat away. Then an amusing thought occurred to me, and I laughed softly.
"What is it?" Fiyero asked.
I grinned as I answered, "It's just… for the first time, I feel… wicked."
Now, as I sit by the fire writing this, it's gotten late. Fiyero has long since stretched out on the thick carpet of fallen leaves, and every so often he props himself up on his elbows and asks me if I plan on getting any sleep at all tonight. I laugh and tell him that I've gotten used to sleeping only three or four hours a night, and he'd better do the same if he plans to stay with me. At this he rolls his eyes, shakes his head, and lays back down, leaving me to write in peace for a little while longer.
I can honestly say that right now I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life. I remember everything that's happened, the impossibly long list of people who hate and/or fear me… and all I can think is, I'm the luckiest girl in Oz. I have no idea how long my good fortune will last. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't look too far into the future. You have to focus on the here and now. But just for this moment, even if it's only for tonight, I have everything I could possibly want.
