We made it on good time, at least I thought. The palace loomed gloomily down at us, as if already mourning. Its inhabitants inside gray and slump, murmuring low as if Sesshomaru already passed and they were quiet out of respect. If they were surprise to see me it didn't show.
I didn't bother changing into drier clothes, dripping wet I made my way to Sesshomaru's room, my heart in my stomach.
In all honesty I didn't know what to expect all I knew was that I needed to reach him in time.
I felt like a symphony made out of horrible notes, rattling the silence in his room as I entered. Just as his eyes snapped opened lighting and thunder rumbled the earth, making my knees quake. For a moment I didn't understand the overwhelming feeling of crying.
Then he turned to me and sounding much like a broken whisper he undertoned, "Rin."
I also didn't understand why my movements were rushed as I made my way to his bedside, kneeling on the ground as to not drip him with water. Instantaneously, his hand found its way to mine, weakly squishing in reassurance. I tried to smile to reassure him too but my mouth trembled at the effort.
"You came," he said seconds later.
I leaned my head in our clasp hands, not wanting to speak. My voice usually trembled around these moments. Albeit I forced the words out, "As fast as I could."
After a few minutes of complete silence I raised my head, all too afraid of what that meant. His eyes were closed, his faced serene, his mouth slightly gaped, breathing shallow. Despite my relief my eyes watered.
I quickly wiped at them furiously. I sighed at myself, at this moment and at life. Regardless of my wishes at staying quiet the silence was suffocating. "I always thought you were until forever."
Sesshomaru made a vague echo of a smile. "At the end of the day even the sun has to go down."
A lump formed in my throat. "And when morning comes?"
Sesshomaru breath caught, I sensed it deep in my lungs as if I were the one without air. "Maybe a new fire can take its place."
Sobs rattled me as I gripped his hand, never releasing any sound. I could not accept that reality. In fact I wasn't ready or capacitated for it. I needed more time to sort through my tangled thoughts, to memorize this moment to the core. It was like I was consume and every time I thought I saw the surface and broke to get a gasp of air another wave came. I felt like my heart was convulsing in my ribs. I felt like I was dying too.
"Come and rest beside me," he said after a couple of minutes.
I raised my head again, wiping at my face. Then looked down, I was still soaked. "I'm wet from the rain."
Sesshomaru looked at the ceiling as if trying to find a solution. "I have clothes in my wardrobe. The bathroom is the door to the right."
I took in what he said frozen in place, speechless.
"Please, Rin."
Not knowing what else to do I did as he instructed me. I grabbed a random garment from the wardrobe and headed for the bathroom, feeling more than uncomfortable standing there, trembling and naked, knowing this was probably one of Sesshomaru's most private sanctuaries. When I was finally done, my wet kimono discarded in a corner, the one I was wearing overbearingly big, I froze again. I knew that if I took too long he'd know something was wrong. So, forcing courage to my bones I opened the door, running both hands through my damped hair.
I stood there, my back against the bathroom door, not knowing what to do. Then just like that Sesshomaru stretched one of his arms, indicating that I should come. Pushing the fear away, I made my legs move towards him.
I first sat in the bed, then slowly raised my legs until all I had to do was lay down. The instant I did that my eyes began to water, knowing I would never have Sesshomaru this close again. Like that his arms came around my shoulders, reassuring me. Why was he reassuring me, I wondered, when I should be reassuring him?
I leaned my head in his shoulder and let my mourning and dread consume me until I fell asleep in his arms.
My eyes flashed opened an hour later as someone shook my shoulder, rattling me.
"Blasted child! What do you think you are doing?" Jaken shrilled quietly, hovering over me.
In the haste of sleep and exhaustion all the pieces fell together and I remembered why I was there. My head wiped towards Sesshomaru who seemed to be deep asleep. I almost exhaled all the air from my lungs.
"Get out of there. You are only causing him more pain!" Jaken kept insisting silently as he started to pull at my arm.
"But he told me-"
"Forget what he said he is no state to reason."
Relenting for better judgment I let Jaken drag me out of bed, Sesshomaru's garment almost making me fall two times. Out in the hallway Jaken took notice of my attire. "What are you wearing!"
I opened my mouth but never could finished the sentence before he interrupted again. "Never mind. I need you to clean up and look presentable. There will be an assembly in a few minutes."
"What?" my mind was beyond exhausted to attend an assembly. I just wanted to close my eyes, fall into a void and live through this gloom until it was all over, with no attachments and loss after morning rose. Yet the uncertainty of what it implied gawk at me. Could I rise from the ashes when it finally came to an end? Can I overcome loss again when all this was over? When did Sesshomaru mean this much to me?
"We have to prepare. Sesshomaru entrusted you in my hands and told me to prepare you for his court- or pride for better use of the word. To remain on top you must try to keep up and to do that you must claw your way there."
Despite the sadness I felt anger rose above it, burning my cheeks. Tears stung in my eyes as I tried to maintain my façade. "Don't they know Sesshomaru is in that room? How can I take up my place as heir if he's still alive? He's not dead!"
Jaken eyes water as he looked at the ground, seeming to focus on shiny marble for words. "Yet." He took in a shaky breath. "Child, I'm doing this because My Lord asked me. He does not trust anyone in his court but you. If someone were to take what is rightfully yours because you weren't present to account for that deed than I shall die too for even dead I failed Sesshomaru. Find reason, Rin. Listen to me."
I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the to-come instead of the now. I concentrated on the people I had instead of those who I was going to lose. If I didn't withhold my position as new leader of the lands it was more likely that the next one was going to kick the village out of their new territory, leaving us vulnerable and vagabond to fend for ourselves. The village was just getting its pieces together, they could not handle the change. Worst of all the northwest would massacre what's rest of our people to clench their lost and they would not hesitated once they know the village is unguarded. I doubted the court would retaliate against that transgression.
I could see that and a million other scenarios that could go wrong if I decided to stay at Sesshomaru's side.
"Let it be quick." And with that I walked to my dorms. There two servants waited for me. I was washed, combed, dressed and powdered. I hurriedly walked to the assembly room, making little to no notice at Jaken hobbling behind me, telling me what to say and do. Not that I was listening. I just wanted it to be over so I could return to Sesshomaru's side again. Along the way I had decided that watching him go-saying farewell was the best case scenario for me at the moment. Other than that I'd be crushed beyond repair. So, determine to make it on good time I entered the room.
The next few hours were excruciating, to adequately express the torture. Long scrolls and papers. Regiments, laws, oaths. Description and graveness of the position. Warnings and precautions. Faces and names. Then finally and abruptly it was all over, the morning sun beginning to filter through the room.
"Rin, heiress and new leader of the lands," said one of the older more experienced looking members who was in charge of the paper work.
I only had a second to bow my head before the enormous double doors were flung opened, a rattled looking Jaken behind them. For a moment I tried to understand this scene. When I had come to the assembly Jaken was beside me, pestering me to do this and that but now that I saw him across the room wondered why he wasn't at my side like I had anticipated. Then it was all clear.
I shot up from my seat just as Jaken started to sob.
The palace was an overcast of grim faces and set eyes. I still refused to cry in front of the people around me. Though I convinced myself that I didn't because I didn't know Sesshomaru personally to mourn his lost properly. To get sentimental would be viewed hypocritical and that was the last thing I wanted now that I was the new leader of the lands.
I couldn't force myself to go inside his room, not to even examine his remains. I feared that if I saw him in that state I would truly lose it. I tried to keep my thoughts organized and a safe distant away from the impending reality that awaited me.
So, I stayed at the assembly, I heard what the advisors and specialist had to tell me, pondered with the strategist on resolving the war, discussed with the court what conditions I had to initiate a peace treaty between the two lands- and talked and listen and listen and listen. Through and through possibly two hours have passed. In the thirty minutes the court and I were going to come to a final agreement. About the war, my leadership, their position. Deep down I know they don't truly trust me, after all I was a just a weak human. All in all it was fine with me, really, I would take anything just to keep my mind off Sesshomaru.
I felt silly, when I thought back on it, that I don't want to face Sesshomaru's death when a few months ago I was determined with the loss of mine. I guessed, at that moment, retribution was possible. I thought that if I avenged my friends they would have not died in vain, that after everything was said and done I could finally rest my soul. But this- this was of no consequence. I couldn't just go declare another war to the northwest- that would only cause more loss and blood to fall on my hands. Ironic, was the word that kept popping in my head. Perhaps what I dreaded the most was not really knowing and understanding who Sesshomaru really was. What he actually meant to me…
I couldn't quite understand the science but a moment I found myself sitting on my chair in an empty assembly room the other I was facing his door. The silence seeping through was penetrating my bones. My arms and hands twitched with the force of holding my impulses in check. My brain said yes but my heart said no.
I felt an inky foreboding since Jaken walked into the assembly that if I didn't do this now I would mourn my decision later.
I took a plunging breath, rising my arm and placing my hand on the doorknob.
"What are you doing Rin!"
I froze as Jaken came to my side, an elegant Lady following behind. I felt like I should know her. "But-"
"Let her in first. She came from a great distance." Jaken interrupted distraught.
"But I have to meet the court in a few minutes."
"Then you should be there early. Sesshomaru's mother needs her time to mourn her lost."
Sesshomaru's mother…. I looked up to her. I had only seen her once and with the years I had completely forgotten her but I could never forget what she had done to me. I felt like I both owed my life to her and Sesshomaru. They had resurre-
"Go in, malady." Jaken opened the door and let her inside, ignoring me completely. Then he turned on me and shooed me away. "Go on, hurry. You're going to be late."
Opting for returning later, I left. Taking my sweet time, of course.
I was right about the court not trusting me. I had supposed that just like Sesshomaru had the last word on every decision so would I. But everything I offered was turned down. After half an hour of debating my patience thinned.
"What do you all propose then?" I looked around at all those annoyed set faces, matching their own.
"That we continue on until we overcome their forces and claim the northwest as our own," someone piped in.
"With our deteriorated forces that be suicide. It'd be best to counter with a deal," one disputed. "Gain what we lost in this futile war."
"We've had a better chance if we retrace our step find a way against their army. Come up with better strategy."
"Better to increase our numbers and out match them."
"And lose more of our own! It is more adequate to call in close acquaintances and alliances from all over the land for support."
"All this is madness! It's more logical if we retreat."
And so on and so forth they went until I loudly cleared my throat, making them all quiet until all I heard were the sounds of my thoughts. At least I have that power over them. I was their new leader, like it or not. They had to listen to me.
"I think," I began slowly once they all felt silent, "we should continue with our original plan. A peace treaty. Obviously there would be no gathering or event of any sort. I don't want to give them an opening to our lands. If we terminate this it's going to be on their own turf."
Some members looked displease, others muttered behind their breaths and others rolled their eyes. For a moment I tried to recall if Sesshomaru ever faced such a bad crowd. I sighed. "That is going to be my decision and it's final."
Loud murmuring again, heads turning. Total outrage.
"You are not adequate to make such a choice," one of the members burst out. "Why, it's because of you we are trying to untangled this bloody mess."
I narrowed my eyes, reminding myself of Jaken's words. To be on top I have to claw my way there.
"The friction between both lands has gone long before I was born. It's of no consequence." I said firmly, holding my head up. "Either way, my mind is set."
I heard another member scoff. "With all due respect, I'd advise you to think back. A month and a half ago we hosted an event to end these silly hot headed dispute. I believe that if it were any other member of the court that had been taken hostage we wouldn't be in this predicament."
There were nods and sounds of agreement. I tried not to gap at them. They thought this was all my fault. "You can't blame me for the decisions Sesshomaru took."
"But you see," one of the humble looking elders began silently, "there is no other reason to charge in enemy territory if were not for you."
I tried to let that sink in, the blood in my head unable to pump enough to form the right reaction. Me…
"I always told him that getting involved with humans would be the death of him," another one growled. "Look at him now."
"Worst of all he left one behind to order us around!"
That snapped me back, just as a ruckus started to originate. I stood from my chair, trying to get the attention back. Loudly I began, "I'm in no fault for this. Just like I didn't choose to be born I am here with no other choice. I will take reign of this position not because I want to but because I was trusted with it. My best interest at heart is for us to end this chapter and begin anew. With that in mind, I repeat again: I will offer the northwest a peace treaty. And I will not change my mind."
"Preposterous," one shouted, standing up too, "how can a human lead a court of demons. She will never understand. Why, in her puny village she was trained to slay us down. How can she have the best interest at heart!"
"I say we revoke her leadership. I want one of our own leading us!"
Sounds of agreement. Then the assembly room transformed itself into a verbal battle field. Worst of all they all targeted me.
Finally, I could feel the desperation seeping through my bones, rendering my lungs without air and my heart without pulse. The entire day seemed to weigh down on me all at once. I wanted to scream and cry, run and hide until it was all over. I wanted was to find a hole where I could crawl in, maybe even join Sesshomaru in his.
"I rather Sesshomaru rise from the underworld and tell us to do as this puny human says before I scum any lower than I have today."
Others agreed with shouts and whoops.
"You are very fortunate then," a voice said, silencing all the commotion as did the sun in the dark.
It took a moment for it to register, the hair at the nape of my neck standing up. I thought for a moment that I lost it. Under the pressure I was in, I could see why. But that meant others around me were too, as they all stood to face what I was facing.
There standing at the entrance of the assembly like an apparition of some kind was Sesshomaru- alive and not dead.
A/N: I had to get around this chapter but albeit here it is. I obviously couldn't kill Sesshomaru off since it's a SessRin based story but I thought it made more sense if Sesshomaru's mother resurrected him. Next chapters are gonna get more intricate as they come along and I will finally introduce more friction and tension between SessRin. The political stuff is going to take a backseat for a moment while sort through Rin's feelings. If yours exited please leave a review.
