Notas: I hurt my hand and now I'll write slowler. Without Beta. More than OoC. I still can't understand what I wrote in this chapter. I am confused about it, but not worries... I think.
Enjoy
11. In which Scott missed his chance.
It had been like what seemed hours to him, but TJ let him approach Rush and the child. Rush looked up at him. He had been there the whole time. TJ threw out the colonel right after their short chat, and then put panels around Rush's bed. He heard their conversation. Rush had decided to breastfeed the best he could the baby until they got another way to feed her. He sat there, listening to the suctioning noises, feeling pretty awkward.
Now, he could look at the baby. And at Rush. He relished on her features, the dark soft hair on her head, the slight furrow, how her eyes danced from light to shadows. He frowned. Her eyes. Her eyes were deep blue. He looked up at Rush. Rush didn't have blue eyes, and as far as he knew it took two people with blue eyes to have a child with blue eyes.
"It's a recessive gen, moron," Rush scolded him, though more warmly than with sarcasm. "I have a grandmother with blue eyes. Now I know I have the gen too."
"You read my mind?"
Rush chuckled. "It was impossible to miss. You had it written on your forehead, lad."
Rush was being soft. Too soft. Well, it's not like he complained but, he wasn't expecting him to be this... kind. He looked at the baby. "I have the perfect name for her."
"Save it for your next one. She has one already, and I am not changing it nor adding a new one. Period."
"But-"
"It's done."
"But-"
"My last world."
Scott sighed in defeat. "Okay. Can I hope it's not something horrible?"
Rush raised one brow. "What kind of name are you fearing there, boy?"
"I don't know," he shrugged. "Henrietta, for example?"
Rush laughed. "No. Not that one. Her name is Desiree."
Scott looked at the baby, mumbling the name, "Desiree, Desiree." He looked up. "I like it."
Rush snorted. "Of course you like it, I chose it."
"Says Mr. Modesty."
"Bravo! You are actually capable of being ironic."
They looked down at Desiree again, falling in a comfortable silence. She was falling asleep.
"Why Desiree?"
"Mm?"
"No, yes. I mean. Why did you chose Desiree?"
Rush blushed there, and Scott couldn't help to think of how beautiful and cute he was like that. "Because... It was Gloria's second name." Scott looked surprised. He had never heard anything about Rush's late wife until now. "I always thought that if I had a daughter, I would call her that."
"Why?" Scott felt something itching in his chest, like pain, but not as sharp. Uh? Jealousy?
"It's the meaning." Rush sighed, looking down at the now soundly asleep baby. "It means that she is desired, wished for, wanted. Even... after all that had happened until now, I still want her with me. I... I love her." He caressed the head, fixing the hat that she was wearing to cover her ears too.
"I... see..." Scott wasn't looking at Desiree, but at Rush. The expression on his face, the way he held the baby, it was all too foreign for him. This Rush was way too different from the bastard he knew. Was this the man with Mrs. Rush fell in love? He could love this man too. Scott shook those ideas out of his mind and focused on the child again.
"When she wakes up, you can hold her." Rush voice startled him. In was too soft, too caring. Foreign.
"Eh? Ah! Yes, um... Thank you."
/0/
It was endearing. There was a crowd on the jam door to the infirmary. They were forbidden to get in. Rush needed to rest, and the child needed to be near her father, so TJ forbade to go visit them for now. This didn't kept them from coming and looking from afar. They could hear Rush humming tunes to the baby, while she looked up at him.
But Rush felt uncomfortable with all that attention, and even though he tried to ignore them – some where from Homeworld Command borrowing bodies so they could meet his daughter – it make him shift on the bed, trying to find a position in which he would be hidden. TJ noticed, and kindly put some panels between his bed and the door. He sighed, appreciating it.
"So, what do we do now?" asked Scott, who was at his side. Rush frowned. "I mean about Desiree. Should we move together?"
"No. I prefer to stay how we are now. I think... Ah... I was thinking I could have her until she is older?" Rush looked at him, an unsure look in his eyes.
"Am.. Well... Yes?" Scott had been preparing himself to pick a fight, but Rush was asking him nicely to have Desiree with him instead of telling him that he would have her. "Am... How... How long?"
"A few months. Until she can be spoon-feed." Rush looked away, his cheeks reddening.
Scott couldn't help to look at his chest. It wasn't noticeable, and maybe it would take some time, until anybody could think he had breast. He hadn't, of course, or maybe yes. He might have developed them, or at least the organ to... Scott shook his head. This was not something he knew about. Maybe he should investigate regarding it. He coughed, clearing his throat before talking. "If that's what you want. Em... Yeah. Well... Am... What about your work?"
Rush snorted. "I think Lt. Johansen won't let me go back to work until she thinks I am well enough."
Scott nodded. This was weird. He was having this kind of conversation with Rush, and they were not arguing, or yelling or... whatever. Just, talking. He reached and took Desiree on his arms, helped by the scientist, and looked at her. She looked back. Her eyes were truly beautiful. He couldn't help but smile.
When he looked up, Rush had his eyes closed. He seemed relaxed. Scott felt his heart skip a beat. Their Fate was still active, so he had no way of knowing if these feelings were implanted by it or his own, developed from all this messed up situation. He put Desiree on her crib. As her father – he called himself daddy, while let Rush have father –, she was falling asleep. He let her hold his finger until she closed her eyes, yawning. Now, his heart felt warm.
A few minutes after, when he was sure she was asleep, he straightened, looking around. It was time to leave the infirmary and go to his own quarters. He glanced at Rush one last time, but he didn't move. He watched his chest going up and down, breath even. Rush was positively asleep too. Feeling bold, he leaned over, putting aside some locks of hair. Then, he approached his lips.
Before he could kiss the man someone coughed behind him. As he turned to see who it was, he found TJ looking at him. "No, Matt. Go now." He got angry. Who did she thought she was to tell him what he could or could not do? "Please, Matt. He needs to rest." He walked away, towards the door. "I know you are sulking, but it's for the best."
"I don't think so, TJ," he mumbled for himself before exiting.
/0/
Col. Young wasn't feeling that bad, but since TJ told him to go see her –apparently she didn't want to leave the infirmary for too long, in case Rush needed something, since the scientist couldn't get up on his own yet, or couldn't walk on his own... or TJ didn't want to risk him leaving the infirmary on his own.– In fact, he did not think that what he had needed to be treated. Truth be told, he was feeling cowardice. He didn't want to go there since Rush was there.
He breathed before pulsing the door release and entered the room. Not looking around he turned to close the door again. New rule, always close the door. It kept Desiree's fans at bay. Then he turned around, looking for TJ. She must be in her office. He noticed Rush. The man was sleeping. He approached him.
Rush looked the same. The same kind of bastard, silvertongued who could get the best of him just by saying a few words. The same brilliant mind that got them into this mess and could get them out of it – with some help from Eli. But above all, he saw the same man he had started to trust, for the sake of the crew, for the mission.
He shifted on his sleep and woke up slowly. When he had his eyes half open he looked at him. "Morning," he said sleepily.
"More like afternoon," Young replied.
"Yes, could you help...?" Rush reached with both his hands and Young took them out of reflex. It feel awkward to hold this man like this after all... Do not think about it. It's all over now, he thought to himself. Rush used him to get off the bed and was leaning heavily on him. "I need to go to the bathroom."
Young nodded and walked with him. There was a sanitary in the infirmary, it even had a shower. When Rush entered there, he let go of Young and closed the door. This was when TJ appeared, not from her office, as he thought in the first place, but from outside.
"Well, that was fast. I was out just two minutes."
"I suppose we crossed paths and didn't saw each other."
She nodded, scanning the room. "Where is Rush?"
"Rest room," he said, pointing at the door behind him.
"Okay, come here and let me see what you have done to yourself now."
He felt a smirk on his lips. "It wasn't me, remember? It was David, who kindly let my tendons be smashed."
She giggled. "Yes. It was quite the view. He had his eyes as wide and round as a full moon. I think he was pretty scared. And when we opened Rush he almost fainted. He kept complaining about the loss of blood."
Young nodded. He let TJ take a look at his hand. Instead of having less problems with his hand, the pain crept up to his elbow. She moved his wrist, fingers and elbow, poking here and there. After a while, she nodded to herself.
"What is it?"
"You have tendinitis. I'll have to bandage your arm." She turned to take some cloths when the rest room's door opened.
Young rushed himself towards the scientist and helped him go back to his bed. Then, he noticed that the crib by his bed was empty. "Where's the girl?"
"With Scott," answered Rush, rolling over, giving them his back. "He wanted to have more time with Desiree, so he took her to his quarters."
"I agreed, she needs to become used to him, be more familiar," said TJ when Young looked at her with both brows raised. She leaned and lowered her tone. "Also, I think he needs some time for himself. He glared everyone who entered the infirmary and I don't think Desiree needs her father to be that aggressive."
Young seemed perplexed. "Are you serious?"
TJ nodded, bandaging his arm. "Now he is in a foul mood, but he will get over it."
"I can hear you, Lieutenant," grumbled Rush, not changing his position.
"I know, that's why I am talking about it. You should act as a grown up already. Matt's not gonna kill her. Stop stressing yourself over it. You need to rest."
Rush snarled again, but ignored them afterwards. Young shared an amused look with TJ. Rush was sulking because Desiree was with her other father, and surely with the rest of the crew. When TJ was over, he went towards the door but he wasn't even near when it opened. Lieutenant Scott entered the room, closing the door behind him with his back, his arms holding the baby who was gurgling happily.
Young heard a "thud", TJ gasping and then something almost collided with his arm, passing him like a lightning. Rush was panting in front of Scott, a hand on his lower belly, the other reaching for the child. Scott let Rush hold the baby, preferring to take Rush towards the bed, putting his arms around him. TJ was still in awe on her spot, but she reacted, running to help Scott. Young decided to get out the way and watch silently.
"I swear to God, Doc, that if you have only one stitch out of place I am going to chain you to the bed until I say you are good to go," she was scolding.
But Rush didn't mind her, he only had eyes for his baby. "Whatever, Lieutenant," was his answer.
Scott just sighed. He spotted Young and gave him a look. Young grinned, the Lieutenant grinned back. Young muttered "a lot of work," at which Scott nodded.
TJ and Scott helped Rush to lay on the bed, the man still holding his daughter. Young let himself compare the two men: on the one hand the acerbic, deceiving, smart and smartass Dr. Rush; on the other hand this new man, with love on his eyes, smooth touches and smiles that came directly from his heart. The two of then didn't match at all.
So, this is what David was referring to, he thought, remembering a conversation with Telford about Rush, some months ago. Well, yes, it was crystal clear Rush was capable of loving someone now, but he was worrying about the impact on the scientist health that could made. He didn't care about his stitches, nor the pain. He was barely walking, but he rushed towards the girl as soon as Scott came in with her. That was to be worried about.
Young shook his head, he would talk about this latter, now he would let the "happy" family there. Though he doubted that was one happy family, just by looking at both men expressions one could get fooled. In fact, now he was sure that what Scott felt for his lead scientist was genuine. With a last look he left. In fact, he couldn't help feeling envious of Rush and his daughter, remembering Carmen, thinking of what could have been.
/0/
Eli was working on his documentary, talking to a kino, trying not to look like he was reading a script while blabbing a speech about Fate and Rush and baby Rush. Unlike the rest of the crew he didn't feel like meeting the baby yet. He felt awkward only thinking about Rush being in the same space ship as him, he was sure he would shudder and sweat the exact moment he met Rush.
"...I mean... He.. I... I did pretty nasty things, you know?" This wasn't on his script, but he needed to say it out loud. "It's not as if all those things were bad it's just... C'mon! It's Rush. I can perfectly blame him for everything bad that happens in the whole universe and not feel remorse..." He looked away, frowning. "Or maybe I was able to... in the past... What the heck is wrong with me today? I mean... from what I overheard the baby is a sweetie, and Matt is like crazy about her, showing all this proud smiles and walking like he owned everything. And he does not even think about Chloe!"
Eli sighed, throwing his hand to the air. Then, looking directly at the kino he said, "I am gonna delete that part."
But, the happy fact about all this weird situation was that it was over already. He was happy. He wouldn't want to... to... He blushed furiously. Moaning, he hid his face on his hands. How could he do those things to Rush, of all people? He went for a walk, since he was totally sure Rush wouldn't be around. TJ would never ever let Rush out the infirmary until... well, until he was ready to go, and since he would need at least one additional week to recover, it was safe to roam around.
He wondered how he was doing, and who the baby resembled more, if Rush or Matt. And he had the opportunity to know it because Matt was there, with his daughter on his arms, following Chloe, and Chloe was walking fast towards Eli's position.
"Eli, hold her for a moment," Matt demanded.
Eli didn't know if he was referring to Chloe or to baby-Rush, but his doubts were cleared when Matt put his daughter on his arms, and ran after the woman. Eli, trying not to panic, looked down to find a startled stare. The baby was not crying, but her face showed how upset she felt.
"Em..., hi? Ah... I am... Uncle Eli. Err... Nice to meet you."
The baby started to cry, silently, hiccuping. Now, Eli felt like panicking. Seriously, what was he supposed to do with a crying baby? Take her with her father? He grimaced. He had been successfully avoiding the infirmary but now it was a necessity. He couldn't stay in the middle of a corridor with that child on his arms, crying her heart out... without making any sound. Weeeeird, he thought.
So he found himself in front of the infirmary, not at all ready to enter and confront Rush. The baby was now making small noises, still hiccuping occasionally. During their way there, he tried not to look at her at all, since her crying face was already burned into his mind's eye. Changing the way he held the girl, he hit the door's button and entered the infirmary, closing after him.
First thing he saw: Rush on his bed, wearing what looked like a tunic, working on who-knows-what. Second thing: Rush right in front of him, snatching the baby from his arms. Now, the baby started to cry out loud, maybe feeling safer.
While turning to go back to his bed, it seemed like the man felt bad and almost fell to the floor. Luckily for him and his daughter, Eli reacted on time, more or less, and could balance him.
"Shh, Des, don't worry, honey, papa is here, it's ok, it's ok, papa's with you," was muttering the scientist.
Eli helped him to climb his bed, not missing the face he made. He must hurt somewhere, he thought. Eli stayed there, not knowing what to do, listening to Rush accented voice, almost singing his whispered words towards the baby, who was calming down. When she stopped crying, Rush gaze set on Eli.
"What the hell?" was his question.
"I don't know. I swear. I was doing my stuff and then Chloe ran past me, and Matt after her and then, suddenly, I had a crying baby on my hands and I didn't know what to do and, why the heck did you ran? Don't you know that you might get your stitches-?"
"What should I care about the stitches when my baby is crying so desperately?" Rush cut, annoyed.
"..." Eli gaped. Then, seemed to find his voice. "Because if you don't take care of yourself she will left alone in the world?"
"Fair enough," Rush seemed to soften, looking down at his daughter. "Have you...?" he asked, looking up again, directly into Eli's eyes. "Have you meet her?"
Eli shifted, uncomfortable. "Well, kind of. I introduced myself as Uncle Eli." The young man was surprised at the bright smile his words brought. "But I haven't caught her name yet. I just... called her baby-Rush," he admitted, turning red.
Rush laughed good naturedly. "Well, her name is Desiree. Sometimes I call her Des."
"It's... it is a pretty name." Eli couldn't believe his eyes. Rush was acting so open, and cheerful and... What the heck? Why was this man smiling that much? It made his heart race in his chest. He still couldn't forget... And why was he thinking it would be so great to...? "Err... I think I should... go back to... my things. Am, er, stay healthy."
He turned around, feeling too stiff.
"Mr. Wallace." He stopped. Rush never called him that unless what he was about to tell him was of utmost importance. "I do believe we need to discuss some matter about the recharging systems. The same talk we were about to have before-"
"I know. I know," he cut, turning again to look at him. "But I just thought you would prefer to... I mean, I know that now your body is assimilating the placenta so you can produce milk instead of throwing it out and-"
"Please," cut Rush, "don't continue with that." The man looked away, seemed embarrased.
"Am... em... How... how is it?"
"How is what?"
"Err... Bre... Feeding her?"
There was an awkward pause. Rush looked down, and Eli looked somewhere else. "Strange."
"Um... I... see... Well... Am... I should go back and... err... take care."
When he was almost at the door he heard Rush's voice again. "Eli?" He looked over his shoulder. "Thanks for bringing her." He nodded before exiting. It had been less weird than what he thought.
/0/
Chole couldn't believe herself. She had given up on running away from Matt and now they were both seated on one of those multiples rooms with huge windows. They had been looking out, at the FTL colours, not saying a word. She heard Matt sighing.
"I lost my chances," he said at last.
"Your chances?" She looked at him. He looked back.
"Yes. I lost my chance with you. And then I ruined whatever little chance I could have to be with him. And, the last one was the chance to name my child. I didn't get to name the first, and it was the same with the second."
She laughed humourless. "I can't believe you chased me only to say..."
"That's not what I had in mind. But what am I suppose to talk about? I don't know how to start a chat with you without earning your wrath. Seriously, Chloe, you are mad at me, rightly so, but please, we need to talk-"
"About what? Whatever had to be said is said. There's nothing more. Only empty words. Broken promises. You can't admit it yourself now, but I have been with you enough of time to know that you are genuinely falling in love with-"
"Stop! Don't say that! I... I... I'm not. It's not... It's just because he is Desiree's father, nothing more. Fate got totally off yesterday. And Rush told me that the others had calmed down already, so..."
"Wait. You know about the others?"
Matt shrugged. "Only a bit. I don't know how many of them... Or...how... how far..." He looked away. It was embarrassing enough to admit it to himself, more so to say it out loud. It was so clear that he felt jealous about that. And Chloe could read him like an open book.
"Gosh! That's great, I don't know how would have you reacted if you knew who were them."
"You... You know who?"
She snorted. "Of course I know. My content wall wasn't only for you, but for them too. Though when Rush wanted to be with them he could be a sneaky bas-"
"WHAT!?"
She jumped on her seat. Matt looked paler than before, and more frantic, and a little bit murderous. She kept quiet.
"Repeat that," he said. She shook her head. "Rush sought their company out?" She closed her lips, tightly. "Why wouldn't...? He never...! I wasn't..."
She rolled her eyes. "Duh, Matt, he didn't want to be with you. From the start. He would have been thrilled if you and me were still an item, you know? He only went looking for them because of the device."
"Yeah, Fate seems to have all the fault, eh?"
"In fact, it is its fault to begin with," she scowled. "And I do remember some Doctor complaining about the military poking around."
"Yes, sorry. I'm sorry."
They fell on an uncomfortable silence.
"This is not going as I pictured it."
Chloe frowned. "Where is your daughter." she looked up, at him. He seemed dumbfounded. "Where is Desiree?" she asked again, worried now.
"Oh!... I don't... I don't know."
"Oh, god, you are useless!"
They got up at the same time Matt's radio came to life. "Lieutenant Scott, could you please come down to the infirmary? There is something I need to tell you."
Crap! That was Rush. He sounded angry. Angrier than ever. He ran. He ran with all his might. Because, because if Rush didn't know... Where was Desiree? How could he leave her somewhere and run after another person when his duty was to be with his daughter?
He entered the infirmary feeling really bad, not knowing if he was capable of looking at Rush in the eye now. Chloe had followed him. He could hear her footsteps, still running to catch him. He opened the door and let it open, leaving the task to close it to Chloe.
Rush was sitting up on his bed, baby on his lap, playing with something bright red. He let a sigh of relief out of his body, relaxing now.
Rush got up, put the child on her crib and walked towards him, slowly, deliberately slow, looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. Just when Chloe reached the door, he felt Rush's fist on his face, knocking him out of his feet. He fell to the floor, still surprised at the unexpected attack.
In a low, controlled voice, Rush spoke. "How dare you to leave my child forgotten? I let you have her, thinking you could take care of her, but you left her behind instead. What was that stupid thing that you had to do? Was it more important than taking care of your own daughter? Because she is your daughter too. But if you ever leave her again, I'll put all my efforts to make you less than a stranger to her. Are we understood?"
Matt was speechless. Rush was right here. Some how.
"Only if the ship was under attack you should leave her with a civilian. Not because you want to have a little chit-chat!" Scolded the older man. "Do you know how much she was frightened? When Eli brought her here, she was shaking so much, and crying. Crying!"
Chloe closed the door and went straight towards Rush, taking one of his arms and guiding him to the bed. The man was shaking, and his face was as white as paper. Eli had explained her that Fate could still drain energy from his body to make some more changes post-childbirth. And TJ was looking for something to chain the man to the bed so he would not do things like these.
Surprisingly enough, he let Chloe lead him. "I think Matt understands this, Doc. You should rest."
"Yes, rest. I'm always in need of rest on your opinion."
He was referring to all the people who constantly were complaining of the bad humour of the man, caused without doubt by a poor sleeping habits.
"I... I am sorry. It... It wasn't..."
But Rush wasn't looking at him. He was just ignoring him. Chloe could understand. She took Matt out. She knew not one of them could believe what had happened with the baby. Not even Matt. She was sure he would start flagellate himself for it.
More Notes: I'll surely take a lot of time to write next chapter. I write faster with two hands than with one xD
