Chapter 11 - How Tragic

It had been a week since the funeral. Ten days since one of Magnus' dearest friends had departed. No, not departed; that wasn't the right word to describe what had happened. Massacred was more fitting. Magnus' pain and anger only grew day by day and only wearing Alec's clothes and drinking could help him get through the days, just like when Alec went missing. And even though he had improved a little since Clary and Jace moved in, now he was back at ground zero. Just when he thought he had reached the surface of the ocean to take a breath, a wave of tragedy came crashing and sent him back into the depths of his misery. Magnus was drowning again and he didn't believe he could make it back to the surface this time. No matter how much help he received from Clary and Jace, losing Tessa was such a painful strike on his already shattered soul that Magnus felt like his heart would never stop bleeding.

After confirming that the couple was distracted in the kitchen with Matthew, Magnus sneaked into their room and picked up the file resting on the desk in the corner. He couldn't help himself, the report and the images drew him there like a magnet. With shaking hands Magnus opened the file and felt his stomach flinch at the gruesome photographs. Forty two mundanes were killed along with Tessa and The High Warlock of Hong Kong. It happened in a fancy restaurant in Paris where they had met. Severed limbs were everywhere and blood covered almost every surface of the establishment. The place had turned into a complete mess. Shattered tables and splintered chairs were signs of a heavy struggle, along with the broken china and mundanes ruled it as a terrorist attack, but the Shadow World knew better. No human could possibly accomplish that in less than ten minutes. But what creature could be strong enough to kill someone as powerful as the High Warlock of Hong Kong? Jace had told Magnus that they suspected one of the warlock's enemies had done it and Tessa, like the mundanes, was probably in the wrong place at the wrong time. All cameras had been turned off and there were no witnesses to tell the story. It was a very meticulously planned attack.

Magnus' stomach revolted when he got to the picture of Tessa's severed head, her face petrified in a dreadful scream. Magnus fixed his eyes on it while tears started pouring out of them. He didn't know why he was doing this to himself. Why he needed to torture himself every day. Maybe he hoped it would serve to distract his mind from Alec? Or maybe all he could focus his energy on was negativity and pain. He felt like there was no room left for anything good in his life anymore. Even wearing Alec' old sweaters couldn't make this feeling go away. Magnus would never be the same again.

However, as Magnus turned the last photo to look at the report again, something new caught his attention. A word that wasn't there the previous times Magnus had been through this file. A word that left him breathless: Asmodeus


"That's it, I give up," Jace declared and put the spoon back into the half full plate. Matthew immediately picked it up and started banging it against his high chair. Jace feeding the baby was an unsuccessful activity most of the time. The boy didn't seem to take Jace as seriously as Clary or Magnus and those two would always make fun of him for that. Clary was preparing her and Jace's food and turned around to give him a mocking look. Jace rolled his eyes and stood up, ready to tease her back when he felt the splash against his stomach. He looked down and stared at the mush of food that Matthew had just fired at his blue shirt with the spoon. The boy had this unsettling habit of throwing food at him, whether with the spoon or his bare hands.

"He only does this with you, you know," Clary remarked, barely containing herself from laughing.

"Matthew Lightwood Bane. You think this is funny?" Jace faced the baby and asked all serious. Matthew let out the cutest little giggle as his response and Jace couldn't keep a straight face anymore. He picked up the baby, with his dirty napkin and everything and kissed his food covered face.

"You're lucky you're so adorable!" Jace beamed and tickled the baby playfully, earning the most delicious laughs out of him. Then he lifted him up and buried his face in the baby's and planted kisses all over his sweet face and then down on his chest, not caring about getting dirty at all.

"How on Earth do you get food down your pants?" Jace asked the baby, astonished, when his fingers felt the wetness at the hem of his pants and saw that it was food. "Explain it to me!"

The boy babbled something incredibly cute and unintelligible and gave Jace a piercing look with his crystal clear blue eyes. Jace loved how clear the baby's eyes became when he was happy.

"He's just special like that," Clary said with a smile and approached them with a napkin. She wiped Matthew's cheeks and nose clean and then took the boy out of Jace's arms. "I'll go change him. You should start eating if you don't wanna be late."

Jace looked at his watch and realized he was already late. He had managed to keep his work restricted to daytime hours, so he could stay home at night and be there for Matty and Magnus. He decided to skip lunch and headed to his room to change.


"What the hell?" Magnus heard Jace cursing as he walked inside and caught Magnus with the file again.

"You never told me about this!" Magnus accused him, showing the paper that had his father's name on it up in front of Jace's face. "Is this your real suspect? Asmodeus?"

Jace ripped the paper out of Magnus' hand and took a deep breath before speaking.

"It's none of your concern, Magnus," he said coolly.

"Oh, I think it is. I was born because of him. I was born because he raped my mother. So I think it is my concern if he's the one who murdered my best friend!" Magnus spat.

"We don't know that for sure! It's just a theory. They found a very strong demon signal on the scene and… It traced back to him," Jace explained. "Whoever did this is connected to your father somehow. He's definitely involved in this."

"That makes no sense. Why would he want Tessa dead?"

"I don't know. But they weren't the only warlocks who died," Jace said reluctantly.

"What?"

"There was another warlock a couple of months ago. We didn't tell you, because you had enough on your plate. He was killed in a park in LA. Burned alive."

That took Magnus back to a memory of a maze... Had he been there before? No, it was a dream. Of course, he had dreamed of a maze a few months ago, and a burnt body in it. Back then he had thought it was Alec, but now...

"Was there by any chance... a maze in that park?" Magnus risked.

"Yes, there was. How did you know that?" Jace asked curiously.

Magnus was left with no other choice but to tell Jace about his terrifying dreams. The one with the burning bones and the one with Ragnor's decapitated head in a dark cell. Jace listened attentively, but he didn't say anything, not even after Magnus admitted seeing Asmodeus in one of these dreams.

"I wanted to go with her to Paris. I wanted to be there for that meeting. But she wouldn't let me," Magnus said after a few moments of silence.

"She probably saved your life," Jace said. He was still mad that Magnus had lied to them about his little trip to London, meeting with Tessa in secret and saying he was back to work. And he actually believed Magnus was starting to get better… Jace was fooled and he hated it. He didn't want secrets in the house for this exact reason; what if Magnus did go with Tessa and got hurt? Jace would have been powerless to save him and he wouldn't have been able to live with that.

"What if Ragnor's next?" Magnus started to panic again. "Or what if he's already dead, his head ditched somewhere and no one has found him yet?"

"Let's not overreact, okay?" Jace shook his head. "We have no reason to believe that Ragnor is dead."

"Sure, other than his deadly silence," Magnus mocked him bitterly. "And what are you gonna do about this? Asmodeus has no motive to kill warlocks. He has the power to wipe out all life on this planet, why would he even bother with this?" He asked, throwing the file back at the desk. "If you accuse him... and you're wrong... He has an entire dimension of hell to unleash on you."

"We're not accusing him of anything yet. And I told you, it's our problem to deal with. Shadowhunters' problem. Not yours," Jace pointed out again, driving Magnus crazy.

"You know what? I don't care anymore," Magnus declared dramatically. "I couldn't care less for you stupid Shadowhunters and what you all think. I can't deal with this anymore and I don't even want to!" He picked up the file again, his hands trembling. "Just let me mourn alone and…"

"Magnus, stop it," Jace implored. He was so tired of having the same argument over and over again. He ripped the file out of Magnus' hands once again and tried to push him out of the room, without success. "Stop torturing yourself! And stop drinking, you're not helping anyone in this state, especially not Matty."

"Well, maybe he's better off without me," Magnus said hysterically, tears washing away his poorly made makeup. He clearly couldn't think rationally anymore, the grief and the alcohol had clouded his judgement. "I can't do this anymore! I can't give him anything!"

"What are you saying? That you don't want Matthew!?" Jace asked furiously.

"What good am I to him anyway? He needs someone functional. He would be much happier with…"

"How dare you!?" Jace raged, his body going hot.

"No, how dare you? You know nothing about parenting, you can't boss me around like you know better…"

"You are not abandoning him, Magnus!" Jace fumed.

"I'm not asking for your permission!"

"Shut up and listen to me!" Jace yelled. "Matthew is not returnable. You wanted him once, now you're stuck with him for life! Better get used to it and cut the bullshit!"

"You don't understand!" Magnus yelled right back. "Alec is gone! Tessa is gone! Ragnor is gone!" he listed desperately. "I have no one, I have no answers, and nothing to give! Matthew is better off without me!"

"I swear, I will punch you if you don't shut up right now," Jace threatened.

"Do it then! Just kill me at once, take Matthew and go!" Magnus begged heartbreakingly.

Jace was barely able to breath from the anger. How could Magnus say awful stuff like that? How could he say that Jace knew nothing about parenting? After living together for months and taking care of Matthew like he was his own son, how could he insult him like that? Being drunk wasn't an excuse. Jace was shaking, but controlled himself not to answer. Instead, he pushed Magnus out of the way and headed to the living room, where Matthew was in a new change of clothes, playing peacefully on the edge of the blue rug with his stuffed animals.

But unfortunately, the fight didn't stop there. Magnus followed him and went on about his pain and how he couldn't continue living like this anymore. Jace couldn't stand by and let all of it pass, so he fought back just as furiously. Clary must have heard them and was drawn out from the kitchen. She stared at the two men in shock.

"How dare you say that you don't want Matthew anymore? Your own son! How do you think Alec would feel if he heard this?!"

"I don't know, why don't you ask him? Oh no, wait. He's not here! How tragic!"

The fight had caught Matthew's attention as well, and now the boy was whimpering nervously on the floor, watching the two most important men in his life fight like enemies. Clary noticed that he was scared and turned to the arguing duo next to the drinks cabinet.

"Okay guys, stop this. Stop it right now!" She demanded, but no one was listening to her. She tried to calm both men down, without any success.

And then things got out of hand. Jace cursed Magnus and couldn't contain himself any longer. He picked up a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet on his left and smashed it on the wooden floor with all his force, sending countless amounts of shattered glass in in every direction. It landed less than forty inches away from the baby, who jumped from the scare and instantly started crying.

"Jace, stop it!" Clary screamed, and ran to the baby to check for any injuries. Her heart pounded insanely as she checked, but luckily the boy was unharmed. He was bawling from the scare though, so she picked him up and hugged him against her chest protectively. Part of the blue rug was soaking in whiskey and pieces of glass covered almost half of it. She gave the two men an angry glare that said 'You fucking idiots!' It finally looked like her message sunk in, because they finally stopped fighting and both looked petrified, realizing that they could have hurt Matthew. She didn't trust herself around Jace and Magnus right now. She knew she would let her fury get the best of her, probably by yelling at them until her voice was gone, and that wouldn't have helped Matty at all. And it didn't seem like her intervention was needed anymore; Magnus looked like he was about to cry and Jace, after blinking shamefully at the baby, walked away in remorse, picked up his seraph blade at the entrance hall and stormed out of the apartment. So Clary decided to focus on the baby. She took him to his room and did her best to calm him down.

"It's okay, sweetie," she said soothingly. "It's okay. You're fine. It was just a big bang, that's all." She walked up and down in the room, rocking him in her arms and hoping it would eventually calm him down. She hardly noticed her own tears running down her cheeks. "I know it was scary. But it's gone now, it's gone. Here, do you want this?" she offered him a pacifier from the wardrobe counter, but the baby threw it away angrily and screamed even louder, trying to free himself from Clary's embrace.

"Okay then. Time out for you," Clary said firmly, dodging the boy's angry little punches and put him down in the crib. The baby didn't stop crying for a second. "Yep. Just let it all out," Clary said, wiping her own tears away and then she realized that her body was shaking. She felt hot from fury and the agony of listening to the baby's loud sobs. She couldn't take it any longer and walked away, locking herself in her room.

She noticed the file of the dead warlocks and Tessa was lying open on the floor, with photographs and the dogeared report, worn from being handled so much. Magnus was looking at the brutal pictures again; that must have been what triggered the fight. Clary sighed and gathered all the pieces of the file. She couldn't look at it anymore, so she just tossed it back on Jace's desk. But she couldn't bring herself to sit down. She paced up and down thinking about what just happened. These were the moments when Clary felt like giving up. It wasn't easy raising someone else's child, especially since she hadn't been prepared for it and the circumstances were so depressing. How could this happen? They were fine, just having an ordinary day. Surely Magnus had been provoking Jace with his destructive behavior, but Jace got way out of control. This could never happen again. She had to make sure this never happened again. She wouldn't risk Matthew's safety for anything, she cared too much about him at this point. She and Matty always had a special bond, since the day he was born. It wasn't something Clary understood well, but she knew she couldn't stand watching that little blue eyed angel get hurt. She'd rather take the pain than let him feel it and she'd been trying so hard to make sure he grew up with a somewhat normal family and didn't feel like he was unwanted. As Clary listened to Matthew's angry cry turn sad and lonely, she felt like a failure. She wanted to do this right for endless reasons, including her love for Lydia and Alec. Clary also suffered a lot from losing them, but she always had to be the strong one near Magnus and Jace. It was exhausting and the only thing that kept her going was sweet Matthew.

He deserves better than this, she thought as she wiped the new wave of tears off her face. She decided to do better. All she wanted was to comfort Matty and herself, so after taking a deep breath she headed back to the baby's room with newly found courage. She just wanted to hug him and tell him that everything would be okay.

But she was late, because Magnus was already there, picking the baby up from the crib. Clary stopped by the doorway and watched him lift the boy up and sit with him on the rocking chair. She remained undetected and leaned against the wall.

Matty's cries became softer and slowly faded now that he had company, and Clary could hear Magnus' whispers to him.

"I'm so sorry, my love. Daddy said some terrible things… But I could never do that. I could never abandon you. Please, will you forgive me?" Magnus pleaded and the boy blinked at him silently. "I love you so much," Magnus said and hugged the baby close to his chest and covered his head with soft kisses. "I love you so much," he repeated desperately, like he was trying to prove it.

Clary turned away without a word. She didn't want to interrupt the much needed father and son moment. Instead, she went straight to the living room to clean up the mess and get the rug washed. She would need to be the strong one for a bit longer.


Matthew finally relaxed curled up in Magnus' lap, and with his small hand he grabbed the sweater Magnus was wearing. Alec's oldest sweater. It still smelled of him. The cool wind coming from the open window intensified that smell and Magnus looked at the boy with awe as the recognition slowly hit him.

"You remember him, don't you?" Magnus whispered as he watched the baby hold on to the sweater like he used to when he was a newborn. He used to hold onto Alec like that and Magnus felt his heart warm up from the fond memories. He remembered Matthew only letting go when he was fast asleep. Alec had always made him feel safe. Magnus kissed the baby's cheek as he was starting to fall asleep, face buried in Magnus' chest and inhaling that comforting smell.

Magnus did his best to suppress the sobs invading his throat. He didn't want to disturb the sleeping baby, but he couldn't stop the endless tears from running down his face as he pictured Alec's sweet smile and the happy glow in his eyes whenever he had held his son. Wherever Alec was now, Magnus was sure he was missing Matty like crazy and that thought just made Magnus feel like dying.


Betad by Holly0114.

So yeah... Sorry if this ruined your day, you should totally watch the new episode of Shadowhunters, because IT WAS FREAKING PERFECT and it WILL cheer you up!

Thank you for everyone reading and reviewing, I LOVE reading your comments! They always cheer me up and inspire me to write more. What did you think of this chapter? Was it too much? Will Jace and Magnus ever get along? How many tissues did you waste while reading?