Neji's first heart-to-heart doesn't go so well.
"Neji…" Gai-sensei's voice was unbearably close. Heavy hands came down upon her shoulders and she continued to avoid looking into his eyes. She was frightened by what she saw. "Neji…look at me."
"No."
"Why will you not look at me in the eye?" Gai-sensei waited patiently for her to do so, knowing not to push. "Am I so terrible, Neji, that you would not even look at your sensei?"
Almost as soon as he said it, she met his gaze. In his orbs, she saw what frightened her the most.
"What do you see?" he murmured.
She looked terrified, but resigned. "I see…not myself, but a Hyuuga."
"Close, Neji. You're so close! Look deeper…now, tell me, what do you see?"
She didn't answer, but her body was tensing, like an animal about to spring.
He shook her. "What do you see, Neji? Tell me now!"
"I see my father," she blurted out. She glanced away, looking shamefaced. "I see my father in you," she corrected quietly.
Kneeling down in front of her, he marveled that he was still taller than her.He forgot that he genin were little more than children. His hands stayed on her shoulders, though, a firm comfort. She tried shrugging him off half-heartedly.
She still wouldn't look at him and there was something defeated about her posture.
"Why couldn't you have left it alone, Gai-sensei? I don't want to feel like this. Why would you do such a thing?" She unknowingly parroted Tenten's words.
"Neji," he said, tone impossibly warm, "you are my student, my child in all sense but blood. When I agreed to be your jounin instructor, I knew that our team would face difficulties in the future. Common troubles that plague young genin, but personal ones that I knew would inflict you in particular."
She grimaced. "That was very presumptuous of you."
"Yes," he agreed. "It was. So eager was I at having my first team, so bright and full of potential…Tenten is a sweet girl and her drive will get her very far. And Lee," he couldn't quite hide his pride, "overcame all odds and far surpassed all my expectations, and he continues to do so! Hard work in place of a bloodline…that is Rock Lee. Your brother…my son."
Neji was stone faced. "But today I attacked my 'brother.'"
"I am not going to punish you." His voice turned hard, "But in the future, you must consult about experimentation with me first before you proceed. Why am I not punishing you?"
"I didn't realize," she whispered, "and it was so powerful! But he came so suddenly, and my training—I…I reacted. Completely overreacted…and I was just so annoyed. I wanted to see! But Lee…he could have been hurt."
"He could have," Gai-sensei said, nodding.
Her eyes flicked up to meet his. "You were hurt." She slumped forward, leaning into his hands. "And when you came, I didn't know…how to stop…Kaiten…it wouldn't stop." Her eyes grew impossibly wide and panicked. "It wouldn't stop, Gai-sensei. I couldn't control it!"
"And that, Neji," he murmured, "is why I will not punish you. You were acting in ignorance, but all is well. No one was hurt."
She stared dubiously at his chaffed arm.
"No one was hurt," he repeated firmly.
"No one was hurt," she said. "No one was…hurt?"
There was such sweet relief on her face that Gai-sensei chuckled.
"I'm sorry that I lost control."
"Yes, but it was not your fault." Some of his old vigor returned. "To the Springtime of Youth!! Yosh! All is forgiven!"
He was rewarded with a small smile. Gai-sensei grinned, knowing that he was the cause of it.
Her smile faltered. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about Kaiten."
"The hospital," he said knowingly.
Neji shrugged. "I learned by observation and scroll, and then Hiashi-sama began teaching me. He is…a hard taskmaster, but I swear I mastered Kaiten by the time I left the compounds." Her face was open and earnest. "I truly mastered it. I even performed it for him! So why did I—?"
"Neji…" Gai-sensei stood up. "Come with me and I will show you why."
Unsure of where he was taking her, but craving answers, she followed.
"The Monument…?"
"You know of it, Neji?" Gai-sensei didn't sound surprised. In fact, he sounded approving, but sad.
She briefly brushed a pale hand against the opaque surface. "…My father should have been on here." Her head dropped. "He died in service. He was killed in action, too. But he's not on here…"
Gai-sensei laid a comforting hand on her head. "It was considered Hyuuga business. I am sorry that they did not give your father what was his due."
"I know," she said. "They don't even say his name anymore."
"What do you feel when you look at these names, Neji?" he said suddenly.
"I did not know any of these people, but I do realize that this surface is not large enough to hold all the names it should have." Her hand fisted. "I know that many more honorable men died in anonymity just like my father. I know that few kunoichi ever have their names carved here because they died while using the seduction arts. I know that almost none of these bodies were recovered and that they have no graves to speak of."
She was shaking now and Gai-sensei made no move to speak or comfort her. Instead, he looked down at her with such sorrowful pride.
"I don't know what I feel, Gai-sensei, but when I look at this rock, I realize that I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to have to be the one to come back to the village and report that another comrade died. I don't want to be the one that grieves and never moves on. I don't want to be that person."
"And what of Lee? Tenten?"
Neji blanched. "When I think of their names affiliated with K.I.A., I feel so cold." She blindly turned towards him, crying, "I don't want their names on here, Gai-sensei! They can't—not them. Not…not them."
"And that," he said quietly, "is the reason you lost control."
She stared at him, suddenly remembering the reason they came here in the first. She was so caught up in the horror of this place, the injustice—
"You manipulated me," she said. "But I'm glad."
Gai-sensei's smile was grim. "I am sorry, but this was the only way."
"I understand." They fell silent, simply gazing at the stone. She blinked, turning towards him. "Tenten wants to be the strongest kunoichi from Konoha. Her role model is Tsunade, has been ever since she was a little girl and eavesdropped on a shinobi conversation at her father's blacksmith."
He nodded; he knew all of this.
"When we were all placed onto a team, I became her new role model."
Gai-sensei raised a brow in interest. "Oh?"
"I'm afraid I've disappointed her." Neji's features tightened. "I'm not the heroine she was waiting for, that tangible kunoichi to look up to while she served Konoha. Tsunade has long gone, but Tenten should not have to be so desperate for a precedent to her success. She is too ingrained with the concept of female inferiority that when she became a kunoichi, her self-esteem was severely low."
"I will keep that in mind, Neji." He sounded approving of her analysis. "It is because of her civilian status before she joined the academy. It is most unfortunate."
She nodded tersely. "Please do. I cannot…help her as I would like." Neji looked away then, a little awkwardly. "I noticed that she seemed to favor…shuriken. It was not the standard academy chosen weapon, as it's difficult for novices. Could you…please…?"
Gai-sensei smiled broadly. "I was going to speak to her father about this. He caters to shinobi customers often and taught his daughter well."
"And he is not of shinobi class?"
"Even civilians can wield metal weapons, Neji," he chided.
"Can she use anything else though?" She frowned. "I've only seen her use standard issued weapons, but nothing else. And she does not like jutsu."
"No," Gai-sensei sighed. "She doesn't. As a first generation kunoichi, her coils do not have the hereditary advantage that clan members would. On top of struggling to develop coils that have never been developed before, she has an unusually small chakra supply, even for a child."
Neji looked stricken. "She is having that much trouble? How could I not have have seen it before?"
"She is first generation. Her coils must be sufficiently developed before they are large enough to match the size of her chakra gates. Only then may a Byakugan user may see her chakra system to full advantage."
"Civilian," she breathed. "She has the system…of a civilian."
He grimaced. "Now you see why Tenten is determined to succeed and why she is inclined towards weapons."
"I told her she would fail." At his sharp gaze, Neji stared at him, shocked. "I told her that because she was born into a blacksmith family, she was destined to fail."
Gai-sensei closed his eyes slowly.
