Emily's Pov

"Babe, sorry, I can't come over right now. I'm studying for a huge Physics test," I said, while Alison was starting to leave trails of kisses on the side of my neck. I push her away with a smile, but her lips came running back.

"You have been so busy with swimming and studying, Em," Hanna said over the phone, "I miss you. How about tomorrow? My mom is leaving for a business trip and we can have the whole house to ourselves!" She excitingly said.

"Get off the phone," Alison whispers and lightly bites my other ear. Distracted by Alison's lips pressing against my neck again, I almost forget that I was on the phone with Hanna.

"Hello?" Hanna said.

"Yeah?" I said as if I woke up from sleeping in class.

"So tomorrow after school?"

Alison straddles my lap and lifts her shirt over her head. "May- maybe," I said, getting distracted by Alison unbuttoning my shirt. "Okay, bye Han," I said before hanging up the phone. Once I look up at Alison her lips dropped down and kissed mine.


It's been a whole month since the accident and Hanna is back with Caleb. Hooray. Every once in a while, Hanna visits me here at the Brew. We always have a short and friendly conversation, but it ends once the person behind her asks for me to hurry up so I could take their order instead. And Alison? We agreed to staying friends but I haven't seen her around lately.

After everything that has happened, all I want for Hanna is to be happy. Even if I wished it was me in that position to make her happy so I could make up all the tears and pain I gave her. The door opens, bringing in the cold wind inside but it goes away as the door shuts. Hanna had just walked in the Brew with Caleb. Their hands were locked together but Hanna lets go as soon as she see me.

"Hey," She said at the other side of the counter. Caleb gives me a wave and then make makes his way to the chairs.

"Hi," I said. She had on a dark blue jean jacket on and black jeans. "Did you turn over all your dresses for jeans? I chuckle.

"Are you checking me out?" She gasps with her hand over her mouth, then laughs.

I return a laugh and in this short moment in my head I admire every second of it. "What would you like to order, Han?"

"Two medium coffees," She said, reminding me Caleb was with her.

She hands me a $10 dollar bill. I take the money from her hand, accidentally touching fingers. I glance at her and she looked nervous. Her eyes were a little bit wider and she was breathing faster from the looks of her chest going in and out.

"Coming right up," My hand slips away from hers and I turn my back against her quickly to try to avoid any more awkwardness. I filled up to medium coffee cups and once I turned around, I could just hear my heart crack. Hanna was sitting next to Caleb with his arm around her and his lips kissing her cheek repeatedly. I take a deep breath in and set the coffees down on the other side of the counter where customers usually pick up their orders. "Um, Han," I said. It was like the sound of my voice could easily take her attention because she turned her head towards me quickly. I point at the coffees and she got up and away from Caleb's arms to pick it up.

I turn to the register and put the money inside, giving back Hanna three dollars.

"No it's okay," She says with both of the coffees in her hand and Caleb behind her, "Are you coming over to Spencer's tonight? It's movie night."

"Yeah," I said, while adding the three dollars in the register.

"See you later then," She said.

"Bye," I wave at the two of them. They walk away to the door. He has his hand on her waist as he opens the door for her. I couldn't myself but stare. People say if you don't like what you're seeing then it's better to lock away. It's like I'm hurting myself on purpose.

"Tell her how you feel!" A familiar voice shouted at me. I turn to my right and Aria was standing right in front of me out of nowhere.

"What the hell, Aria?" My eyes widen, "How-, when did you get here?"

"I was here before your shift started an hour ago on the other side of the room from you," She says, "Anyways, you have to tell her how you feel!"

"Aria, I did. At the hospital and she said she isn't ready to be with me," I shrug, "Besides, shes with Caleb now."

"Em, I saw that hand touch. You both look like you were paused and couldn't see anything else but each other."

"She's with Caleb now," I remind her again, "She probably has no interest in anything or anyone but him," It's true. When Hanna was first with Caleb, they were pda-ing everywhere and all of her attention was to him. Well before she fell for me, of course.

"Em, ever since she got back she looks at you like your stars. When she came to us at the accident, she was begging for you to open your eyes. She may not be ready to be with you yet, but she's still obviously in love with you," Aria said, bringing me a new level of confidence.

"Oh really?"

"Yes really."

The first thing that came to my head was taking back Hanna. If she really does love me, then no one else should be in that photo. Then, I started to have my doubting thoughts take over.

"Hanna's happy with Caleb, and that's all that matters."

"Yeah, but how could you go one living knowing that the person you love is 'happy' with someone else?" Aria raised one eyebrow.

I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. She was right and she made fully realize that if I wanted Hanna to be happy it should be me.


Once the door opens, a happy Hanna appears. Suddenly, I felt so much guilt and I just want to turn away from Hanna and run. If she knew about Alison and me, she'll break up with me and I don't want that at all. The feeling or thought of Hanna not being with me destroys me. So why am I even sneaking around with Alison?

Her arms are circle around my neck and pecks my cheek with her lips.

"Han.." I laugh and rest my hands on her hips, settling her down.

"I know it's only been a week, but we usually hang out everyday, so it felt like forever," She said before walking over to the couch. I follow behind her and sat down.

"Sorry, I know it's been a while. Coach just has me practicing extra to make sure I beat all the other schools," I said slowly, trying to think of the next word in that lie when I was really spending my time with Alison.

"It's okay," She says, sitting beside me, "Tell me how it was, did your coach slip and fall from a puddle again?" She laughs.

"Almost," I chuckle.

The laughter slowly faded away and she rests her hand on the side of my face. She slowly leans in and kisses me. It was gentle and it grew with a more deeper passion. She makes her way on top of my lap and lifts her shirt over her head. All I could think of is how wrong this was and I could only hear my conscience screaming at myself saying, "Tell her about Alison!"

She was going to lean in to kiss my neck, but I stop her. "Wait," I said.

"What's wrong?" She said.

"I don't think we should do this right now," I said.

"Why not? It's been almost two months since our first and only time," She said.

"I know, but I'm just tired. It's been a long day," I said, giving a kiss on Hanna's chest. I take her shirt and hand it back to her.

She looks at me and puts on a half weak smile before taking the shirt. She got off my lap with her shirt back on, but she became quiet. Her eyes and attention stayed back at the tv, and I knew I upset her. I rest my head on her shoulder and stared at her until she looked at me. She never did.

"Are you mad?" I said with my arms wrapped around her waist.

No response.

"Hanna.." I wrap my leg over hers. "I'm sorry," I said, giving her a long kiss on her cheek. "Baby.." I quietly said, which brought her attention to me.

"It's just that you been acting off lately," She said.

"How?"

"I don't know.. The short conversations on the phone, the late practices, and this," She sits up, causing my head slip away from her shoulder. "I'm starting to think that you're getting tired of me."

"I'm not tired of you," I said, caressing her hand. "I just been-" I was first going to say the truth. I was going to say I been spending time with Alison, but I couldn't. "I just been busy, but I'm here now," I said instead. She comes closer to me and kissed me.

"I love you," She said.

"You tell me that everyday," I smile.


That whole night with Hanna was just filled with cuddling and slowly falling asleep during the movie. The pain of guilt punching me in the stomach as Hanna leans in to kiss my neck every once in a while was the worst, because Alison had been doing that to me lately. The next day at school during lunch, it felt like all feelings of guilt went away as Alison drags me in the bathroom right before 5th period had started and takes me of over with her compelling kisses. After school, I told Hanna that I was going to be practicing late again. She was not amused at all, she was disappointed. But I was keeping Alison waiting, so I didn't talk to Hanna more after that. "Don't forget about our date tonight!" Hanna said right before I made my way to "practice".

I had to make sure Hanna left home first before I left school to drive over to Alison's house. Before I could make a second knock on Ali's door, she opens it and drags me inside. My lips automatically attach to her neck and already, groans escaped her lips.


I open my eyes and see a sleeping Alison to my right with her bare body covered by the blankets. I look over at my phone and check the time. It was 9:30pm.

Shit! Our date was at 8:30pm.

I also had received 10 minute old messages from Hanna asking me where I was. I reply to her message quickly, "I can't make it tonight sorry baby." And send.

During school the next day, I noticed the empty seat in English next to me. Where is Hanna? The bell rings for lunch, and usually I would visit her to see what was wrong. Hanna missing school is never because she's "sick." It's usually her staying up late watching tv marathons, not knowing what to wear so she stays home instead, or because she was sad. Seeing Hanna would just make me feel more terrible about myself, so that's why I had been keeping my distance away from her. It's just that this feeling I have with Alison make me feel like I'm stuck in love with her and it was easy for Ali to get my mind off anything else.

It was around 10 at night where I felt to myself that Hanna probably needed me. It took me an hour to take myself over to her house.

And here I am, standing at her front door at eleven o'clock at night. I knock the door and her mom opens it. "Hi, Emily?" She greets.

"I'm sorry to come here late, but I just need to see Hanna," I said.

She steps aside and lets me in. "Thank you," I said, making my way upstairs to Hanna's room. I stand at her front door, with my hand hesitating to touch the door knob. Slowly, I turn the knob and walk inside her room. She's sleeping. I sit beside her and rest my hand on top of hers.

Her eyes open and her face lights up. She hugs me tightly, "I love you.. I love you so much, Emily Fields." She said beside my ear.

I didn't know what to say but return the "I love you," with "Baby," added to it. I said it like I was holding it back and regretted it, but I didn't.

She lies back down on her bed. I follow, with my arms holding her. It was like that the whole night. She seemed to fall asleep faster when I was there. With my arm wrapped around her waist, her hand was intertwined with mine. I tentatively slide away from her body to walk out the door. I start to feel a stinging pain that made me walk back to Hanna. I press my lips against her forehead and whispered, "I'm sorry.."

And then I left..


(the next day)

"Em.." Hanna walks up to me at the lunch table that had Spencer, Aria, and Alison sitting in it.

"Yeah?" I look up to her.

"Can we talk?"

"Yeah, sure," I said, standing up and following her to the brick walls away from the lunch table. "What's up-"

"Do you still have feelings for Alison?" She cuts me off. My eyes grow wider and my jaw clenches. Does she know?

"Wh-What? No," I said, "I already have someone special in my life, Han. And it's you." I press my lips against hers. At the same time the bell rings and it was a great timing too. I thought I was going to explode.


Later after school I went over Alison's. The whole reason why I went here was to put an end to sneaking behind Hanna's back. However, once I got there it was like she took my breath away. "Ali.. We need to talk.." I said, trying to ignore this desiring feeling I have as she moves her hands along my lower abdomen.

"About?" She said with a smirk.

"This is serious.." I said, settling her hands away from me.

She takes a step back and says, "Okay, what?"

"I don't think we should do this anymore. Hanna's starting to suspect us," I said.

Her hands slide down my arm to my hand, and she pulls me closer. "Oh, Emmy.." She said mischievously, "I could do a lot of more things Hanna can't." She smiles.

Just her words take over me and I find myself breaking, then I press my lips against her neck. She practically rips off my shirt to get more contact of my grip of my hands take her legs around my waist and we fall back on to her bed.


Coming down the hallways, I see Hanna stumbling her way to her locker. A jock helps her to her feet, with his hands on her elbows. My eyebrows immediately creases and make my way to her. "Ahem.." I said to Hanna and the jock. I think the death glare I sent him enough to scare him because he looked very frightened. "I was just trying to help.." The jock said.

"Well she isn't your problem." I snapped at him. My attention goes back to Hanna, who is giggling for no reason. From a feet away, I could smell the alcohol on her. I hold her by her arm and dragged her to the parking lot.

"Did you drive here?" I ask.

She didn't say anything but stared at the floor.

"I'm taking that as a 'yes'," I said, taking her purse, "You could of got hurt, Han!" I raise my voice. I take her car keys out of her bag and gently settle her inside. Once, I get in the driver's seat, her head was against the window.

"So why did you get drunk?" I ask. She still didn't say anything. "Han, why?" I ask again.

Nothing.


(day after that)

"Hey Em, where's Hanna?" Spencer asks after the bell rang of first period.

"I have no idea," I sigh.

"She's acting weird lately. She ran out my house crying a few days ago and she hasn't been returning any of my calls or texts," Spencer said. Then, Hanna walked in the class that just finished. Her hair was all messed up and she came in her pajamas.

"Han," I walk up to her.

"Jeez, Hanna. Have you been drinking? I bet I could smell that from a mile away," Spencer said.

"Why are you late?" I asked,

"And why were you drinking?" Spencer added.

Instead of answering any of our questions, she walks away. "Han.." I reach out for her arm, but she tugs it away like I was an infectious disease.

"Have you lost your mind?" I snap. Then there she goes again, walking away.


A couple days go by and I haven't heard from Hanna. And all the anger I had from being ignored by her was all fixed as I had Alison's body to take out all my stress. "What if she needs someone right now?" I sighed. Alison was just behind me on my bed, giving me small kisses on the side of my neck.

"Em, all you been talking about is Hanna, she probably needs space," She said.

"Space from what? She doesn't know about us," I said, turning my face to her.

"I don't know," Alison shrugs. "But hey, let's not talk about her anymore.." She said right before pressing her lips against mines. I slowly kiss back, but the light of the other room shined on us. I pull away and turn to the door.

It was Hanna. Hanna was standing right there at my door with her hand covering her mouth. My eyes widen and I felt my heart stop for a moment. Her eyes meet mine and I could see the brokenness into them. It was something I never wanted to see from her, especially because I caused it. Hanna runs out, and once I make my way off this damn bed, Alison stops me.

"Just let her go," Alison said.

"Are you crazy?!" I said, pushing her hands away from me. I run out the door to find her making her way inside her car. "Hanna!" I yell, running for her. It went to a point where I was just saying random things I didn't know the answer to, but I had to in case it stopped her tracks. "I can explain!" I shout. She drives away, but I was still running. I had to get to her. I have too.

She picks up her speed, until I could no longer catch up. I fall to my knees in the middle of the road and bury my face in my hands. I broke her..


It was a normal movie night at Spencer's, where we all sat in her room on the floor with the tv on plus snacks, and to make tonight more fun, Aria brought alcohol. After 7 shots, Spencer was dancing and running around her room quoting Shakespeare. "Oh, to pee or not to pee!" Spencer slurred as she stumbles to the bathroom. Aria holds on to her stomach and laughs really hard before getting up and helping Spencer back on her feet.

"Don't touch me, you Montague!" Spencer shouts as she runs away from Aria.

"God, I haven't seen her this high on Shakespeare in so long," Hanna laughs and shakes her head.

I sit closer next to Hanna, taking Aria's spot on the floor. "Well, that's what you get for leaving for so long," I raise my eyebrows at her.

She takes a pillow and whacks it against my face. One of her eyebrows rises with a smug smile. I knew that face. It was a face of war. I take two pillows and start to attack Hanna. She fights back with the sound of her sweet laugh. "Okay.. Em.. Stop!" She shouted between laughs.

"Nope!" I said, beating Hanna up with a pillow more. I suddenly found myself straddled on her with two pillows in my hands.

"Okay you win," She breathes out. Her eyes looks down and she realizes that I was on top of her. Her cheeks turn pink and she goes, "Um.."

"Sorry," I said, making my off of Hanna's lap. She sit backs up and takes a shot of vodka.

"Want one?" She offers.

"Not really," I said

"You had barely drank tonight, Em. What's up?" Her shoulder bumps mine.

"I just have a lot of things in my head, that's all," I shrug. The only thing that had been in my head the whole day was Hanna. I told myself before that I wanted her back, and I'm not going to give up on that. I couldn't tell if it was stressing me or anything. The feeling of getting Hanna back would be so amazing, but at the same time she had just got back together with Caleb a month ago. It would always leave me in a situation where I don't know what to do.

"What's going on?" She asks.

Instead of replying or even thinking, I let my body do the talking. I scout back closer to Hanna and place my hand on top of her cold hands. She looks down at my sudden hand touch, but I turn her sight back to me by having my other hand turn her face. She seems to be falling into my gaze just as I was melting inside her blue warm eyes. I slowly leaned in...


(Set after Hanna left to Oklahoma)

Ever since Hanna left to live with her Nana, Spencer was practically gone too. She was still ignoring me, and Aria become the messenger. "Can you tell Spencer to call me back?" I ask Aria over the phone.

"Em, she's just going to send me that angry Hasting's glare again if I ask that again," She said.

"Fine," I said, "Don't tell her, but I'm on my way over to her house right now."

"Last time you did that, she shut the door at your face," Aria reminds me.

"It'll be worth another try," I said, before hanging the phone up.


Once I got to her door that entered her kitchen, I knocked on it three times. Since the door was see through, it was clear that Spencer was ignoring me. She just looked up and away.

"Spence, open the door," I said. She walks over and opens it, "What?"

"I'm sorry," I said, "I wasn't thinking and I wanted to tell her but I didn't-"

"She came out my house crying, Emily. She was standing out my window and ran past me. I went to see what ever she saw, and all I saw was nothing." She said, "Then it turns out to that you were cheating on Hanna with Ali all this time," She scoffs.

"I know what I did," I said, "I just don't want you to be pissed at me."

"You drove our best friend- your girlfriend, miles away because you broke her heart!" She says, "Of course I'm pissed. You were all Hanna could talk about, she would be happy every time your name was mentioned."

I drop my face in my hand and feel the tears dropping in them. "I'm sorry," I said, wiping away the tears. "I lost Hanna, and I can't stand to lose you too, Spencer."

I feel her arms wrap around me, allowing me to tear softly in her shoulder. "I just miss her," Spencer said.

"I do too."


"Don't kiss him, Juliet, he's a Montague!" The loud voice of Spencer causes me to jump away from Hanna. I turn my sight back to Hanna, who was staring down at her hands. "Guys, a little help here!" Aria calls out.

I look over at Spencer who was getting held down by Aria. "Spencer said she was going to call Toby so his basilisk can enter her chamber of secrets," Aria said, with a disgusted face.

"God, Spence, you are such a lightweight." Hanna said before helping Aria up and taking Spencer to bed.

"Whoa, Han, don't need to tuck me in," Spencer said and then whispers loudly, "It'll make Emily jealous!"

Hanna glances over to me and back at Spencer. Aria starts to tie Spencer's ankles together, causing me to be confused. "What are you doing?" I ask.

"In case she starts to run around again," Aria said.

Spencer looks up at Aria and said, "I don't remember this part in 50 Shades of Grey?"

We all burst in laughter, while Spencer lays there confused.


Hanna's POV

I was the first one to wake up. Though, I don't think the words "wake up," counts if I had barely slept last night anyways. Blocking out all the feelings I still have for Emily kept me awake. Earlier, she was going to kiss me and I was going to let it happen. I don't know how she does it but, in alone situations like that, she makes me feel like no one else exists in the world.

The sound of the toaster goes off and the crispy bread pops up. "Han?" I hear Emily's voice call my name.

"Yeah?" I turn around and see her coming down the staircase.

"What are you doing up before noon?" She walks towards me.

"Didn't get much sleep," I said, going through Spencer's fridge to find lettuce, ham, and tomatoes to make myself a sandwich. She pours herself a cup of orange juice and walks towards the fireplace. She sits in front of it. So peaceful looking. I grab a plate and my sandwich to join her. I sit with my legs crossed beside her.

"I been meaning to ask you something ever since I got back," I say, "I just didn't know when the right time was."

"Shoot."

"Where did I go wrong?" I ask.

"What?" She creases her eyebrows.

"Where did I go wrong, when we were together?" I ask again.

"Han, you did nothing wrong," She creases her eyebrows, "You were great. Probably the best girlfriend anyone could ask for." My lips curve into a small smile. I look into the fireplace and watch the wood slowly burning.

"I'm sorry, Hanna." She said. I look at her and she looked full of remorse. "I'm sorry I messed up and hurt you," She says, scouting closer to me.

"Emily, we don't have to talk about it," I said, "It's okay."

"No, it's not," She says, with her eyes wandering around the room, "I hurt you and it killed me."

I didn't know what to say. I also didn't know if I wanted to talk about this at all or if I did. Without thinking, I said lowly, "Why'd you do it?"

"When I was with Alison, I didn't think at all. I didn't think about the people I would effect when I was sneaking around with her, because I felt like I was fifteen again," She said, which causes me to roll my eyes. "When Alison disappeared there was always a part of me that held on those feelings for her because I could never let them go-"

"Because she was your first love," I cut her off with a sigh.

She hold my hands in hers and her eyes were glued to mine. "When you walked in that night, I saw the hurt in your face.. The hurt that I caused you.."

"Emily stop," I said, looking away from her. My head felt like it was going to explode and I did my best to hold back what it feels to be a waterfall in my eyes. I feel a tear slowly running down my eyes but I wiped it away quickly.

"It's not that I lost feelings for you, Han. It was never like that, I was just distracted and lost," She says, "When I found out you left I was broken because I lost you and it felt like I lost Aria and Spencer too. You have no idea how much I regret hurting you-"

"You didn't hurt me," I cut her off, "You practically killed me. I loved you so much and you broke my heart.." I said quietly. I told myself to not be weak like this ever again, but here I am telling Emily how I felt.

"I know," She drops her head. "But when you came back, you were different. You had this new version of you that brought confidence and it made me fall for you all over again." She has her head back up and turns my gaze to her eyes. "I love you," She softly said.

I wanted to say it back but I couldn't. I can't ever go back to that pain, I told myself this. "I have to go," I said, getting up and walking away. To the corner of my eye, I see Spencer and Aria hiding on the staircase, they probably heard everything. I grab my jacket form the couch and walk out the door.


I bang my fist repeatedly on the trailer door. "Hey, hey!" I hear Caleb saying on the other side of the door. He opens the door with a frown on because I was seconds away from busting the door down. Before he even said a word, I smashed my lips against his. He responded slowly, but pulled me inside when he did. My hands search for his skin under his shirt. I roam around his abs and pull his shirt over his head. "I thought you wanted to wait?" He said as I began sending kisses on to his neck.

"I couldn't," I said , lifting my shirt over my head.

This is an escape from my problems other then alcohol. I need this.


Drunk Spencer was my favorite part of writing this (:. I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and I'm sorry for the slow update! Leave a review please!

To guest, Andi, yes the title was meant to be a Sam Smith song haha. Most of my chapter titles are song lyrics or titles if you guys noticed.