AN: I was planning to save part of this for the next chapter, but decided to add a little more. Hope you like it!

Chapter 11

I was so nervous, my hands were shaking. This wasn't like me. I was an easy going kind of guy and normally, it took a lot to rattle me. Of course, my life was anything but normal at the moment. I had been dealing with the stress pretty well, considering. But when it came to this man, I lost my cool completely. And now I'm not sure where I stand with him or if he even wants to hear from me.

I ran through the conversation in my head several times. The imagined future conversation of what I would say to Edward and how he might respond. The possibilities were endless and I was driving myself crazy in anticipation. I had no idea how he would feel about me calling him. But, if I wanted Edward, and I certainly did, then I needed to try and win him over. I needed to show him that I could be a sensitive and caring listener, a friend, a boyfriend, a lover. Hopefully he would give me a chance to become at least one, if not all of those things for him.

I had made a difficult call only yesterday, to Dr. Cullen. I tried to ignore the fact that he was Edward's father, reminding myself that he had been my doc for a lot longer. So, I did my best to continue business as usual. He talked to me briefly and recommended at least one meeting with a private therapist as well as a group session that met monthly.

My life was changing fast, but I had finally resigned myself to this. I just needed a little help. My individual appointment was set for a week from Wednesday and the group would be meeting the Tuesday evening after that. I had already called my Mom and informed her of this. She was happy that I had taken her advice and kept my promise to keep her updated.

Rose had been great, as always, and listened to all of my angst ridden worries with grace and patience. She dropped by Sunday evening, a couple hours after I had finished my confessional phone call to Mom. My best friend listened attentively and let me get everything out.

Rose couldn't understand Edward's abrupt departure any more than I could and chalked it up to nerves or something. She said if I felt this strongly, I should definitely go for it and follow my heart.

As the evening continued, I realized I had gone on and on about myself without even thinking of what had been going on with Rose. I felt like a self-absorbed jerk. She understood, though, and didn't hold it against me at all. She was my supporter right now, but I had been that for her through the years as well. We flipped roles a lot and never worried about things being even. We loved each other unconditionally and never failed to be there for one another.

When I finally did ask her about Jasper, Rosie's face lit up in a way I'd never seen before. As she described him to me, and I watched the pure joy in her face, I knew that this was serious. She gushed about how sweet he was, truly a southern gentleman underneath the tough guy exterior.

Rose was so open and unabashed about her life. She told me every detail about her evening with Jasper, including plenty of things that I really didn't want to know. But she was my Rose, so I decided to suck it up and listen as she'd done for me. To summarize, they had spent the night together and he'd even cooked for her the next morning. They had plans to meet up again this weekend and she was thrilled.

It sounded like they were perfect for each other. She was surprised at how fast she was falling for him and, frankly, so was I. As open as Rose was with me, she had a very hard time letting others really see her. She always put up this front to protect herself. But somehow, in one night's time, Jasper had managed to break down her walls. I couldn't have been happier for her. She'd had some very difficult times with her relationships in the past and I sincerely hoped this time would be different.

If things went well, I would soon be meeting him more officially. That was a good thing because I wanted to check him out a little more. I was definitely the overprotective big brother where Rose was concerned, and I had to make sure Jasper was a worthy suitor. And although she would protest, I knew Rose loved that I looked out for her.

I thought of all these things as I paced back and forth in my living room staring at my phone where it lay on the coffee table. I couldn't put this off anymore. Actually, I could, but I didn't want to. Waiting wouldn't make it any easier. I just needed to go for it and Edward would either agree to see me or not. I couldn't control his response, only my own actions.

I breathed deep and gave myself a mental pep talk while I scrolled to Edward's number and hit the green call button. I wasn't sure which would be better, getting his voicemail or catching him in person. I couldn't decide which to hope for and gave up, choosing to concentrate on keeping my breathing calm and steady.

After five rings, it went to voicemail. I was a bit disappointed, but maybe it would be easier this way. My heart lurched as soon as I heard his voice. "Hello," his message began in that smooth velvety tone, "You have reached Edward Cullen. I am unable to answer your call, so please leave me a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible." It was simple and to the point and I was fantasizing about him as the beep sounded, leaving me momentarily scrambling to remember what I had called to say.

After a slight pause I started to speak, "Uh, hey Edward. This is Emmett calling… Emmett McCarty. I was just wondering if you would like to get together sometime. Maybe get a cup of coffee or something? We didn't get to talk much the other night and I'd like to get to know you a little better. I, uh…well just give me a call back when you have a chance and let me know if you would be interested. Thanks Edward. I hope to hear from you soon. Okay, uh, bye."

I hung up shaking my head. I was sure I had sounded ridiculous and stupid. Leaving messages was never easy, particularly in a situation like this. Well, I had done it and now it was up to Edward whether or not he wanted to see me again.

In the meantime, I needed to find something to occupy myself with or I would go crazy waiting for him to call me back. I looked around my place trying to find something that would keep my mind off of this. I caught up on some emails and read the sports section of the paper. But, it didn't really do the trick.

I was jittery with apprehensive excitement and needed to move around and get all this nervous energy out. So, I opted to go for a run. About halfway through my normal route, I was panting and sweaty and out of breath. This was unusual for me as I was in good shape. But I had pushed myself really hard, trying to let out my anxiety and fear through the motion of my feet pounding into the pavement.

As tired as I was, I didn't let up, pushing myself even harder as I continued. By the time I got back to my apartment I was exhausted from the physical strain as well as the emotional stress. But it had taken the edge off a little. I grabbed a quick shower and then headed straight for bed, too tired to dwell on thoughts of…well anything or anyone.

***EE***EE***EE***EE***EE***EE***EE***EE***EE***EE***EE***

Three days passed with no word from Edward. I hadn't expected him to call immediately, but was beginning to doubt that he would return my call at all.

It was now Friday and the night of Rose's date with Jasper. She had insisted on coming over to show me her outfit for the evening and get my "approval."

I saw right through her.

As if that woman would ever relinquish control of her wardrobe, and to me, no less. Rose had a wonderful fashion sense, even back when I had first met her fourteen years ago. I rolled my eyes at her pitiful attempt to distract me. But I knew she was worried about me. And, if I was being honest, I was glad to have the company for a bit.

She had decided upon a black halter dress that was very low cut in both the front and back, but still managed to remain tastefully seductive. Jasper wouldn't know what hit him. After assuring her that she was the most gorgeous woman I'd ever seen, I wished her well and sent her on her way.

Now that I was alone and contemplating what I should do for the evening, I realized how distracting her visit had been. It was kind of pathetic, but I hadn't hung out with anyone other than Rose in a long time. Don't get me wrong, I had plenty of other friends, but I always gravitated to my Rosie first. Especially in the last few months, as I was dealing with all this cancer stuff.

But now Rose had Jasper, and that was great for her. I needed to move on with my own life too. I had just been hoping to move on with Edward. I sighed and thought of who else I might want to hang out with for the evening.

I finally decided to call Mike. I hadn't been in touch with him in a while and it would be good to catch up. He and I ran track together in college and continued to meet up occasionally. He was a good buddy. Chances were he'd already have plans for the night, but it couldn't hurt to try.

After a quick phone call I found out that Mike was, surprisingly, free and we agreed to meet at Quaker Steak for some wings. The food was awesome and the company, while not exactly great, did take my mind off of things for awhile. Now I remembered why I hadn't hung out with Mike lately. He always talked a lot and totally monopolized the conversation. But, for tonight, I was glad to be focusing on someone else.

It was refreshing to hear Mike's ordinary ramblings. He spoke of everything from his job and worries about the economy to stories about the girl he picked up last weekend. He knew I was gay, but that didn't stop him from bragging and giving me all the dirty details. I was glad that he felt so comfortable around me, but this was one of those times I wished he wouldn't be so open and uninhibited.

All in all it was a good time. Mike was funny and friendly, but not someone who I would call on in a time of need. We were definitely casual friends, and that was fine. It was exactly what I needed right now. No pressure, no questions. Just pure meaningless conversation and some guy time.

Mike did his job and sufficiently distracted me for a few hours. But, upon returning home, I was assaulted with a fresh wave of loneliness.

Sleep did not come easily and I tossed and turned all night. My dreams were haunted with visions of emerald eyes, full sensuous lips, and wild bronze hair. I tried to touch him and bring him closer, but he was always just out of reach. Edward slipped out of my grasp time and time again until he vanished completely, leaving me heartbroken and alone.