Author's Note: Hey, everyone! I hope you're all having a fantabulous week. Mine's been ok, just very tiring. I finished my part-time job today and got lined up for another one starting this coming week - Mama's a Working Girl now ;D I'm stoked to be releasing this new chapter to you guys this weeks. A big thank you to PerennialKillJoy for looking over it and giving me invaluable input. Another big thank you to MusicManiac12323 as well for inspiring a quote down below, hope she spots it :P I'm releasing this early because my Internet's acting up because of the rainstorm we had last night - gotta love winter ;D Now onto the chapter, I can barely contain myself :D
Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, its characters or the genre of angst. Very disappointing :/
Freddie didn't even hear the rain pouring down outside. He had slept right through the entire debacle, missed out completely on the showers splashing away at the windowpanes with biting incredulity. If he had heard it, he would've been able to make out the coarse thrumming within the droplets, which sounded like Sam's mumbles. And every now and then, a sharp hiss of rain clamoured against the walls, which would've reminded him of Carly. But still, Freddie slept on, the rain taking on the very pattern of his tumbling thoughts, crashing and splattering like angry bees against the thick glass.
Ironically, it was the gentle pitter-patter of unobtrusive drizzle that woke Freddie up around 6am on Sunday morning. It took a few moments before his sense of equilibrium had been restored and his fluttering heart rate had died down. Then he remembered why his heart felt so heavy in the first place.
And it had everything to do with Sam.
Her face had plagued his dreams all night long, her blonde hair the colour of the scorching sun, blinding him into dulled remorse.
Freddie hadn't ever thought of the impossibility of anyone getting past Sam's numerous defences and impenetrable walls, much less him. Who would've guessed that the surest way to bring Sam Puckett down to her knees was to hit her straight in the heart?
Freddie had never felt more ashamed in his life.
Of all the times he'd dreamt of getting his petty revenge on Sam, none of it compared to this low blow. And that's when he realised that he'd never wanted to hurt Sam or toy with her emotions. But he couldn't take it back now, she wouldn't let him. He knew all too well that even if things went back to normal by some wondrous miracle, Sam would never let her guard down in the near future or at all and it was his fault.
Freddie pressed his hands against his eyes till he felt like his eyes were going to pop out of their sockets. Sam of all people had seen right through him all along. He'd been trying so hard to fool everyone including himself. Had he really thought he could get away with it? He'd become the kind of guy that he accused Carly of dating constantly, the guy he despised. And that was someone who was selfish, thoughtless and above all, uncaring.
Sam had never been afraid to tell Freddie exactly what she thought of him and last night had been no different. But instead of malice or biting sarcasm, she had opted for the truth for a change. Ironically, Sam's unexpected honesty had stung far more than any insult or blow she could've unleashed on Freddie.
There was no point moping around in his bedroom all day, although the idea was tempting. Even in past years when he'd liked Carly and not had his feelings reciprocated, Freddie had never allowed himself to get down about it. He'd always found a way to pick himself back up again and this time would be no different. Freddie knew that he'd deal with this mess he'd made eventually, but today was not one of those days.
He glanced outside his bedroom window at the rain coursing down onto the streets. There were a couple of kids playing a game of baseball in the alley, looking like they didn't have a worry in the world. No matter what happened in life, the world was repeatedly changing and evolving, like a giant computer ready for its next big upgrade.
The whole world was constantly updating, waiting for no one to press the 'restart' button.
Freddie looked outside the window again and caught sight of the kids in the alley. He made up his mind in an instant. He was going to take a walk in the rain and do some much needed thinking. His mom would probably freak, but he had ways of getting around that. Ever since Freddie had moved out and gotten his own apartment in Bushwell Plaza, Mrs. Benson had tried not to be as overbearing with a few relapses in-between which accompanied her best intentions.
With that thought in mind, Freddie got out from underneath the covers and began making up his bed meticulously. Then he went and took a long shower and started getting ready.
Carly too was up early; she hadn't slept well at all. She'd spent most of the night tossing and turning in her bed, thoughts of Sam and Freddie plaguing her mind relentlessly. All she could think about was Sam's memory of that night when she walked in on her and Freddie dancing in the Groovy Smoothie after the 'Girls' Choice' dance at Ridgeway.
They were best friends, past and present tense.
How could she not have known that Sam saw them? How could she not have known about Sam's feelings this whole time? What kind of friend was she? Not just to Sam, but to Freddie as well. He hadn't asked for any of this, and yet, she'd still found a way to make him the scapegoat for her own confusion and inner turmoil. And to make it worse, she'd somehow made Freddie think that she and Brad were dating in some hapless bid to make him jealous just because Sam liked him.
Carly groaned audibly and pressed her palms against her eyes till she saw orange spots behind her lids.
"What a mess. Nice going, Carly…" she murmured wearily and sighed heavily.
But it was done now. No point crying over spilt milk and letting it stick to the floor without bothering to clean it up; her mom has always told her that. Carly had no idea how she was going to attempt to fix this mess, but she had to try somehow. She owed it to Sam after her startling honesty the night before. But more importantly, she owed it to herself.
Carly got out of bed and took a chair into the bathroom with her. An extra-long shower helped her feel less exhausted and more resolved. It was as if the hot water had seeped right into her skin and washed away all the rotting parts deep within that had caused all of her resentment and deception the past few days. Feeling like that on any level made her feel unfamiliar and dirty.
She shook off the thought like dust clinging to her clothes. There was no point dwelling on things that couldn't be changed now. It was still early – she had a feeling that it was going to be a long day.
Carly skipped down the stairs and found Spencer already in the kitchen, inserting two Cherry Poptarts into the toaster.
"Morning, Spencer." Carly greeted while muffling a yawn with the back of her hand.
"Hey, kiddo." Spencer greeted warmly, watching Carly furtively while she took a seat at the kitchen counter.
He tried to remove the Pop tarts from the toaster and muttered a few curse words under his breath while blowing on his fingers from their scorching heat.
"You sleep ok?" he inquired a few seconds later.
"Kinda, could've been better," Carly offered in a non-committal tone, murmuring her thanks a second later when Spencer handed her a Pop Tart.
Spencer leant against the back of the kitchen counter and gazed around the apartment.
"Sam really didn't sleep over last night?" he asked pensively.
"No. I guess she just wanted some time alone," Carly answered, matching his tone.
A lump rose up in her throat while she stared forlornly at her surroundings. The apartment was far too quiet and sparse without Sam here. She fervently hoped that this wouldn't become a recurrence: Sam's absence and the way it made her feel.
"Are you guys ok?" Spencer questioned seriously of Carly while she chewed distractedly on a piece of her Pop Tart.
"I'm not sure. I hope we will be though," Carly admitted truthfully, turning her head to look her older brother in the eye.
Spencer gave her a small smile and rubbed her shoulder comfortingly.
"Whatever happens, I know that the two of you can work it out, no matter how impossible it seems right now. Years of friendship isn't worth throwing away, not for anything." He answered, placing his hand back on Carly's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.
Carly smiled a little at this and briefly clasped Spencer's hand resting on her shoulder without looking at him. Then the moment was over and Spencer cleared his throat loudly and self-consciously. Carly felt a vibrating sensation against her thigh; her cellphone was buzzing in her jeans pocket. She retrieved it and saw that she had a text message. She read through the message and grinned sincerely for the first time all morning. She bit on her bottom lip and sent a reply back before pocketing her cellphone once more.
"What's that smile for?" Spencer asked with a teasing smirk of his own, watching his sister's face carefully.
"Just got a text from Brad. I'm gonna head out for a bit." Carly announced, hopping off the bar stool and leaving her Pop Tart half-eaten on the plate.
"You going to see Brad?" Spencer inquired in confusion, wondering why Carly seemed so jittery as she came back down the stairs with her favourite denim jacket on.
"Nope, I just gave him a little piece of advice," Carly answered gaily with an odd twinkle in her eye as she swept past Spencer still standing in front of the kitchen island.
"So where are you going then this early in the morning?" Spencer asked in a curious voice with a furrowed eyebrow.
Carly stopped grinning momentarily at the joke Brad had sent her via text message and faced Spencer once more. This time, her face accurately depicted her more sober train of thought.
"I'm going next door to Freddie's apartment. I need to talk to him," she explained meekly.
"So…you're gonna actually talk to him? Not dodge the serious issues at hand or lie about dating Brad?"
"I told you last night, that was a mistake, Spencer. God, I wish I'd never said it in the first place!" Carly lamented with a dramatic wail while palming her forehead.
Spencer frowned in confusion when Carly managed to control her conflicting emotions a few seconds later.
"It's done now and there's nothing more I can do about it. But I can try to make things right with Freddie. I don't even know what I'm gonna say to him after everything that's happened lately," Carly groaned in frustration.
"Just speak from the heart, Carls. The rest will follow." Spencer proposed with a nonchalant air.
"Right, I'll try that. Thanks, Spencer!" Carly yelled as she sprinted towards the door.
"Take an umbrella!" Spencer shouted after her, but Carly was already out the door.
Then he glanced around the living room in dismay when he realised that he was all by himself.
"Great, now I have no one to talk to, not even Spuncer. Stupid cruddy Sunday mornings," he grumbled under his breath and stalked dejectedly into his bedroom.
Unbeknown to Carly while she spoke to Spencer, Freddie was already on his way out. He exited his bedroom and shrugged into his favourite black windbreaker as he strolled into the living room of his apartment. Marissa sat at the kitchen table reading through the newspaper, a mug of steaming black coffee resting near her hand. She looked up at the sound of footsteps and saw her son coming towards her.
"You're up early," she noted softly.
"Couldn't sleep anymore, figured I might as well get dressed. I'm surprised you're still here." Freddie commented with a gesture towards his mom's casual attire.
"My shift only starts at 2pm."
Marissa paused briefly before phrasing her next statement as nonchalantly as possible.
"I didn't even hear you come in last night. How was your date with Sam?" she asked somewhat reprovingly on the last part.
"Not so great. She went home early." Freddie responded tersely.
Marissa finally raised her eyes from the newspaper and looked at Freddie.
"Is everything alright?" she asked in a more sincere voice than before.
"I hope so. I'm going out for a bit." Freddie announced abruptly, trying to mask his inherently morose state.
"In this weather? Freddie, it's raining outside," Marissa stated in alarm.
"It's just a little drizzle, Mom. Relax, I'll be fine. I won't be gone long." Freddie replied dismissively while walking towards the front door.
"If you insist on going out in this weather, at least wear your raincoat with the whistle on it to ward off serial killers or worse, hobos!"
"Bye, Mom!" Freddie called out loudly in parting, being sure to shut the door before Marissa could follow him.
He had already walked around the corner of the hallway when Carly opened up her front door and strolled the short distance towards the Benson apartment…
All the way across town, Sam too was up early. She was located on the porch outside her front door by herself. She sat with her knees raised loosely against her chest, beaming the adjacent railing with pebbles from a slingshot in her hand. The rain flowing over the entire city had graduated into a steady downpour of drizzle, which was now a hazy orange glow due to the morning sun peeping through the thick billowy clouds.
Sam hardly seemed to notice as she continued beaming the railing with rocks. The sound of the rain was oddly soothing to her, dulling her senses and stopping her from thinking about anything, especially what had transpired last night between her and Freddie and between her and Carly. If she never had to think about any of it ever again, it would be far too soon. She didn't begrudge either one of her friends for any of it, but that didn't mean that she was eager to see either one of them just yet. Usually, it drove her crazy to spend so much time by herself when she could easily just swing by Carly's and watch 'Girl Cow' with her best friend on her favourite sofa. Today, it felt strangely peaceful to welcome the solitude.
But it wasn't meant to be when she heard someone calling out to her. Sam looked up from her menial destruction of the metallic rail and frowned in annoyance. She couldn't see who was standing in the middle of the driveway, only that he or she was tall and shrouded in a silvery blur from the rain overhead. She finally began to make out who it was it was the longer he walked in the pouring rain towards her; she couldn't for the life of him make out why he was here though.
"Brad?" she asked dumbly, scrunching up her eyes to see him more clearly.
It was definitely Brad, and he was clearly soaked to the bone. Not that Sam cared a great deal, but she did wonder why he hadn't thought to bring an umbrella or put on a raincoat. He seemed like the type to worry about something as stupid as that. Brad now stood on the porch in wet jeans, soaked green and black flannel shirt, squelching black sneakers, brown hair wet and flat against his cheek that it looked black in this light, shivering uncontrollably from head to toe.
"Hey," he greeted self-consciously with a quick wave of his hand.
"Hey." Sam greeted back, although in less friendly terms than she expected.
A curious lump formed in Brad's throat when he looked at Sam. To the untrained eye, she looked like she didn't have a care in the world. But to someone really taking the time to look, they'd see that Sam was trying really hard not to let her true feelings show, or any emotion for that matter. That was always a tell-tale sign when someone had a secret they didn't want anyone else to know, not even themselves.
"You here by yourself?" Brad asked curiously while gazing at their sombre surroundings.
"Nuh, my Mom's at home."
"Asleep?"
"Passed out on the couch."
Brad didn't know how to respond to that, so he just dug his hands back into his sopping wet jeans pockets.
"Whatchu doin' here, Brad?" Sam asked in a casual tone of voice which belied her inherent suspicion at his sudden appearance at her house.
Brad swung his arms awkwardly at his sides as he came to stand in front of Sam on the porch.
"Carly told me about what happened last night. I came to see how you were doing." He answered, opting for the truth.
Sam scrunched up her eyebrows at this while remaining sitting in the same position.
"Carly told you about our fight?" she questioned in bewilderment.
She began glaring pointedly back at Brad when a nervous smile appeared on his face.
"She told you about Freddie?"
Sam was on her feet with her fists balled like two thick and heavy hams, her teeth clenched in an unmistakably menacing growl. Brad backed away from her hurriedly with his hands upwards to protect his face, trying to keep his balance so he didn't fall down the stairs back onto the wet pathway.
"Please don't be mad, Sam! Carly wasn't gossiping about you and Freddie, it's not like that. The truth is…I've known about you and Freddie for days now. Carly told me about it at school on Monday, before iCarly on Wednesday night." Brad explained rapidly, hoping desperately that he hadn't just ruined everything between the iCarly trio.
Brad kept his hands up in front of his face for a solid 10 seconds, only daring to look between his bunched up fingers to make sure that Sam wasn't coming at him. And to think he'd thought Freddie had been kidding about Sam's temper. He heaved a deep sigh of relief when Sam relaxed her stance, her hands hanging limply at her sides while she regarded Brad with a fathomless expression.
"You mean…Carly told you about me kissing Freddie on Saturday night?" she asked in a voice barely above a whisper.
Feeling emboldened, Brad took his hands away from his face and kept them in front of him in surrender. He nodded in response to Sam's question.
Sam sank back down onto her posterior and hugged her legs close to her chest. Brad took that as a sign that she wasn't going to punch him, so he sat down tentatively next to her on the porch floor. Sam didn't react at all, but pointedly ignored looking at Brad, wishing she could just disappear into the ground.
"She was pretty upset after she saw you kiss Freddie. I guess she just needed someone to talk to," Brad offered after a few seconds of silence.
Sam didn't answer for a while as she pondered on this. She couldn't believe that Carly had told Brad about what happened with Freddie, she'd never be able to live this down. All she wanted to do was forget that it had ever happened. But oddly enough, she wasn't that irritated by Brad's presence at her house. He had a soothing effect on her erratic mood. She finally dared to look at Brad, expecting to see judgement in his eyes and being surprised when she found absolutely none. All she encountered was his warm brown eyes and a small smile on his face, which made her feel a little better about everything.
"So…you and Carly talked about it…a lot?" Sam asked hesitantly.
Brad chuckled slightly before answering.
"Not really. I tried not to bring it up too much because Carly wasn't ready to talk about it just yet. So we talked about other stuff when we hung out together." Brad replied earnestly.
Sam smiled a little at this, albeit it somewhat ruefully while thinking about Carly and Brad's date. Carly may not have seen it as a date, but Brad must've thought otherwise. She felt peculiarly sympathetic for his plight.
"That was really nice of you, Brad. It must've been big-time chizz just trying to hang out with Carly knowing that she likes Freddie too." She stated in a knowing voice.
It took Brad a couple of seconds to figure out what Sam meant.
"Nah, it was cool hanging out with Carly. She's a great girl. Figuring out that you liked Freddie a lot, especially when I saw how pretty you looked on Saturday night – well, that was the worst part for me." Brad responded uncomfortably.
He hadn't meant to say it, that hadn't been his intention when he had decided to come see Sam. But now that it was out there, he didn't want to take it back. Brad wasn't expecting anything of Sam; he knew that she wasn't going to forget about her crush on Freddie in a day, especially when she knew that Freddie still liked Carly after all of this time. He just wanted to be here for her if she needed someone to talk to, to let her know that someone understood what she was going through.
Sam on the other hand, couldn't believe what she was hearing. Brad liked her? She thought that Carly and Freddie had gotten it completely wrong with the MoodApp. But she wasn't as shocked as she should've been in the moment. If anything, she was weirdly flattered that someone as cool and non-nubby a tech-nerd as Brad had a crush on her.
"Sam, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that-"
"Brad, it's cool. You don't have to explain, I get it. I'm ok with it," Sam interjected sincerely.
"Really?" Brad questioned in amazement.
"Yeah, sure. It's not…chizz." Sam offered blankly, not knowing what else to say about the matter.
She'd had enough of chizz boy drama to last a lifetime.
"Thanks. I'm…glad I'm not chizz to you." Brad joked feebly.
As lame a joke as it was, Sam began laughing quite exuberantly at Brad's attempts to make her feel better after all. Brad began relaxing and joined in her laughter as they sat together. When Sam was finally calm enough to speak, she noticed an object resting against the wooden rail that she hadn't noticed before.
"What's in the backpack?" she asked curiously.
"Oh…that. You'll probably just laugh. There's some fudge in there."
"Why would I laugh about that? Mama never jokes about food."
"I…I brought you some fudge."
Sam's jocular grin vanished when she accurately read the meaning behind Brad's words.
"You came all the way to my house in the middle of this jank rainstorm to bring me a couple pieces of fudge? Aren't they wet by now?" Sam questioned with evident disappointment in her voice while gazing dejectedly at Brad's rain sodden backpack.
"Not just a couple, a whole bunch of fudge just for you. And I packed it in a lunch box so it wouldn't get wet." Brad replied meekly with a small smile on his face.
"Well don't just stand there talking about it. Go get it out so we can eat it," Sam suggested excitedly.
Brad laughed in turn and rummaged through his backpack, producing the lunchbox from his backpack. He opened up the plastic lid and extended the lunchbox towards Sam, who took it from him. She began devouring her first piece of chocolate fudge before moving onto the next in rapid succession.
"Slow down, they're not gonna disappear. You don't wanna give yourself indigestion from eating too fast," Brad suggested lightly, fighting down laughter at Sam unabashedly chomping away on the delicious treats.
"Mama eats too fast to get indigestion, not in 'slowdy motion' like other nubs. Besides, I did say we were gonna eat it, didn't I?" Sam asked with a sly smirk on her face.
Brad grinned broadly when Sam handed him back the lunch box so that he could take a piece of fudge for himself. He tipped his piece in her direction as if it were a glass of champagne. Then the two of them sat together on the Puckett porch, eating fudge and talking comfortably about nothing in particular while the storm raged on all around them.
Carly made it to the Benson's front door and began knocking exuberantly on the wooden surface with her fist. She was more than taken aback when she came into inhumanly close contact with Mrs Benson's stern face and pursed lips staring down at her.
"H-hi, Mrs. Benson," Carly greeted in an uneasy voice.
"Goodmorning, Carly. You're up early," Marissa noted with evident disdain in her tone.
"You know me – I'm an early bird. The earliest to rise catches the tree…or something." Carly offered unconvincingly with a nervous smile on her face.
"How aspirational," Marissa countered drolly without moving a muscle from her position by the door.
"Is there something I can do for you, Carly?"
"Actually, I'm here to see Freddie. Can I come in?"
"I'm afraid not."
"Please can I come in, Mrs. Benson? I need to talk to Freddie about something important."
"You can't come in because Freddie's not at home."
"Oh," Carly murmured in surprise, disappointment quickly setting in while she considered her various options for what to do next.
"Well…do you know where he's gone, Mrs. Benson?"
"He didn't say specifically. All he said was that he wanted to take a walk in this awful weather. He left a few seconds before you got here." Marissa explained curtly.
Carly's brain began working on overdrive. Freddie had only left his apartment a few seconds before she had arrived. If he wasn't walking too quickly, there was still a small possibility that she could catch up with him before he left the block by walking around Bushwell Plaza or catching a bus out of Kennedy Square to wherever he was going.
She made up her mind in a matter of seconds.
"Thank you, Mrs. Benson!" Carly thanked hurriedly before turning on her heels in a blur.
Marissa watched the dark-haired girl sped down the tiny hallway and around the corner out of sight, shaking her head at the former's peculiar behaviour.
"Kids: why do they insist on going out in the rain without a raincoat or an umbrella?" Marissa asked herself with an indignant sniff before stepping back into her own apartment and closing the front door again.
Carly ignored the elevator and bounded down the stairs, her boots making a racket all the way down. A stitch was forming on her right side, causing her to double over slightly in pain when she made it down to the lobby, Lewbert's nonsensical shrieking throbbing against her eardrums.
"Ny-eeeaaaagh! It's bad enough mopping the fl-oor with people walking into the lobby right now with muddy shoes from the rain. Now you're leaving and gonna come back later with even dirtier shoes and I'm gonna have to start all over again!" he screeched exasperatedly while swinging his arms comically like a gorilla.
Carly caught sight of a figure with dark hair just walking through the glass doors of the lobby and out into the pouring rain. Ignoring Lewbert completely, she began sprinting haphazardly after him.
"Freddie!"
"Ny-eeeaaagh! No yelling in the lobby! Grf, I knew I should've gone to culinary school instead of becoming a doorman!" Lewbert shrieked ruefully while Carly ran through the glass door which swung back on its hinges after her exit.
Carly spluttered in shock when the cold rain began hitting her from all her sides. She put a hand up in front of her face while she tried to look for where Freddie could've gone. She managed to make out a figure walking a few paces ahead of her across the street in a black jacket similar to one that Freddie usually wore.
"FREDDIE!" Carly yelled again, but no avail.
She knew she could just give up and head back into Bushwell Plaza where safety and warmth were waiting for her. But she'd already come this far – she might as well keep going. It had been nearly a week of strange and impulsive behaviour on her part, one more day wasn't going to make any difference.
Carly tucked her elbows in and continued running after the figure in the pouring rain.
Freddie was walking ahead in the pouring rain, his earphones shoved into his ears, trying to drown out the sounds of his tumultuous thoughts as they drifted mercilessly onto both Sam and Carly at morbid intervals. The sound of someone calling out to him in close proximity finally caused him to switch his Pear-pod off and find the source of the commotion.
He turned around after he had reached the pavement on the other side of the intersection. At first, all he could make out was a blurry outline of what appeared to be a girl the same age as him. When she called out to him again, he didn't need to be told twice as to who had come after him. He would've laughed at her inherent resemblance to a drowned rat at that particular moment if he hadn't been feeling so morose about everything. But in spite of her appearance, she was flawlessly beautiful and he hated that she could still make him feel that way about her on any level. With a weary countenance, Freddie turned his back on Carly and continued walking in a straight line ahead.
Carly gasped in shock – Freddie saw that she came after him and had kept walking! On any other day, Carly would've given up and gone home again. But she was in a strangely determined mood that wanted to see this through. She pushed her legs forward through the icy rain, her hand stretching out till it found purchase on Freddie's muscular shoulder, causing him to come to a stand-still.
"Freddie!" Carly called out, her voice echoing slightly with the close proximity between her and the object of her ardent pursuit.
Freddie stared back at her, his dark brown completely flat from the rain, his fringe unfurled across his forehead. For a moment, Carly didn't know what to say, the air in her throat feeling bizarrely constricted.
"I need to talk to you," Carly yelled after a few seconds of contemplation in a bid way to make the conversation plough forward.
"We don't have anything to talk about, Carly." Freddie retorted waspishly, rain flying from his mouth like spittle.
"Look, I-I know you're mad at me and you have every right to be. But I need to talk to you, Freddie. I need to explain-"
"Go back to Bushwell Plaza before you catch pneumonia, Carly." Freddie commanded roughly before turning on his heels and stalking away from her.
Now Carly was angry, her feet guiding her forward as she struggled to keep up with Freddie's incredibly fast pace.
"Freddie, wait a minute!"
He ignored her and continued foraging his way through the relentless rain.
"Would you just stop for a second so I can say what I need to say?" Carly spluttered, her eyes abnormally large from the downpour overhead. "Can't you just meet me halfway?"
Freddie stopped in his tracks and rounded on Carly so quickly that she barely had time to prepare herself, the look on his face making her decidedly nervous for the first time all morning.
"You want me to meet you halfway?" Freddie demanded in disbelief. "Let me ask you something, Carly: why is it that I'm always the one who has to meet you halfway with everything? Maybe that approach worked when we were kids. Newsflash: I've grown up since then and I'm tired of playing by your rules."
"That's not what I'm trying to do, Freddie! I'm just trying to…trying to make this all…right again." Carly protested uncertainly, her words sounding hollow even to her own ears.
"And what do you need to make right here? You got exactly what you wanted: you don't have to worry about consistently kicking both me and my feelings to the curb anymore. You're off the hook!" Freddie shot back maliciously, rain pelting his jacket from all sides.
"That's not what I want, Freddie." Carly protested, pushing her brown hair which was now limp and raven black from the rain out of her eyes.
"Then what do you want, Carly?" Freddie fumed exasperatedly, standing a few inches closer to her.
Carly's heart was thumping embarrassingly loud in her chest while she tried to maintain eye contact with Freddie's stare, searing right through her bones. Even with his clothes completely soaked and his wet hair hanging in a curtain over his eyes, Carly thought that Freddie still managed to look good somehow. Under a constant downpour, Freddie's brown eyes looked like they had flecks of crystal blue in them, making it impossible for Carly to look away from him. How had she not noticed any of this before?
"I…I want…"
Freddie seemed to be holding his breath for a very long time in spite of his innate misgivings about this entire scenario.
"You. I want you, Freddie. I just never realised how much I wanted us to work out…until it was over and we both tried to move on with different people. If it was supposed to work out with someone new in our lives, it would have. It should have by now. But it hasn't. Adam got dragged off by a bunch of nutty iCarly fans at WebiCon, Sabrina was too tall. Cort was too…stupid. None of them were ever the right one…except for you. You were always right for me while I always got it wrong. You win, Freddie." Carly concluded sorrowfully.
Her face felt way too hot for her body as her tears dripped down her cheeks, mingling with the cold rain pouring over her and falling back into her eyes.
At first, Freddie didn't know what to say. And then he was suddenly laughing in incredulity, which stung Carly more than his attempts to walk away from her in the first place.
"I've waited years for this moment. I've thought about it a million times. But Sam said something to me last night that's been stuck in my head and I can't shake it. She said she didn't want to play the secondary role in someone's life. She didn't want to be a consolation prize anymore and that she said she deserved better. I deserve better too, Carly. I don't wanna be just an afterthought to you. I don't wanna be the guy that you feel obligated to consider just because I saved your life. I'm better than that, and I finally realise it now. So if you think I'm about to be your 'consolation prize', you're dead wrong." Freddie answered vehemently, his voice echoing loudly in his ears over the sound of the raging storm.
And then he was turning away again and Carly was following him, like they were playing roles in a pantomime.
"You've never been a consolation prize, Freddie. Not to me anyway," Carly murmured sincerely.
Freddie wanted so badly to believe that Carly was telling the truth just this once. But then something else occurred to him, which set him right back on the path he was choosing to go down.
"Shouldn't you be hanging out with Brad right now?" Freddie sneered condescendingly.
"It's not like that with Brad! We've just been hanging out lately – we're not dating!"
"That's not what you made me think on Wednesday night when I asked you about your 'date'!" Freddie exclaimed angrily.
"You caught me off guard when you accused me, so I lied! It was wrong of me – I shouldn't have done that."
"Do you honestly think that magically makes everything ok?"
"What do you want me to do, Freddie? Do you want me to beg your forgiveness on my hands and knees? Is that what you're expecting of me?" Carly shouted with her hands raised in the air.
"I'm not expecting anything of you! I can't do this anymore, Carly!" Freddie yelled helplessly, struggling to keep his emotions in check.
"No, please don't say that, Freddie! We can't just walk away from this, especially after wasting an entire year not dealing with all of our romantic history. Sam told me the real reason why she gave you that 'foreign bacon' analogy in the first place. It was partly to convince you that my feelings for you probably weren't real. But mostly, it was because she didn't know how to deal with her own growing feelings for you. We've been off track ever since. Not just you and me, but all three of us, Freddie." Carly protested, her shoulders shaking from how hard she was sobbing.
Freddie was thrown for a few seconds while he considered what Carly was telling him about Sam's feelings for him. After everything that had happened lately, he didn't know what to think anymore or how to feel about anything or anyone for that matter.
"So what if Sam had ulterior motives about the 'foreign bacon' analogy? She was still right! I'm always gonna just be foreign bacon to you, Carly. Nothing's changed whatsoever." Freddie finally concluded, the words stabbing at his insides.
"Yes, it has! I just didn't wanna admit it to myself because I was scared of losing everything that I knew! It didn't hit me until I saw Sam kiss you during the lock-in!" Carly interjected fervently.
"This isn't about your feelings and we both know it! This is about you and Sam and your incessant need to compete with each other to get your way. The only difference now is you're just using me as the scapegoat. It's Shane all over again!" Freddie quipped impatiently, losing his cool once more.
"That's not true! We both care about you, we always have!"
"Oh really? If you both really cared so much about me, Sam would've told me the truth from the start about her feelings instead of using me as a punching bag to make herself feel better about being in love with a tech nerd! And if you really cared about me, you would've given me an answer about where we stood after I took my casts instead of chasing another guy right in front of me! Do you really care that little about my feelings, Carly?"
"I made a mistake with Adam – I see that now! I can't build a time machine and take it all back, I wish I could, Freddie!" Carly cried out, her tears indistinguishable from the rain pouring down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry that I hurt you time and time again, you have to believe me!"
"Why are you doing this to me now when I'm trying to finally put this behind me? What do you want from me, Carly?"
"Sam came to my apartment last night and we fought over you for close to 2 hours. It was messy and horrible, but when we finished, we both knew it was behind us. It'll probably be a while before things are cool again. But it's a start, Freddie. I want everything to be ok again."
"You think I don't want that? I just don't see how we can go back after all of this. I hurt Sam, Carly! Really hurt her in the worst way possible. Do you wanna know what the irony is? I actually care that I hurt her, after everything she's ever done to me! I hate that I became this version of myself that could stoop so low to hurt her just to get back at you. It sucks, Carly! I'm not that guy who uses and abuses girls. I never wanted to be that guy." Freddie responded in a forlorn voice wrought with guilt and wretched sadness.
"Sam will forgive you, Freddie." Carly answered calmly.
"And then what, Carly? We're all supposed to carry on with our lives and pretend none of this ever happened. I'm sorry, but I just can't do that. Sam might've started all of this when she kissed me. But you made it this way - you have from the start!" Freddie declared with an accusing finger pointed at Carly's chest.
"Are you seriously gonna stand there and blame me for everything? I know I screwed up, but that's not fair. I can't help how you've felt about me for years! I was just trying to keep things together so we could still be friends without things getting weird and complicated. What else did you want me to do? Pretend I liked you then and lead you on? Would that have made you happy, Freddie?"
"Ok, if you weren't trying to lead me on, then what was the whole taco truck thing about?"
"That was different! I actually was in love you after that happened! But then you broke up with me just because you got cold feet!"
"I was trying to be sensible about it! I wanted you, but I needed to make sure your feelings were real and not because you felt guilty. I tried to do the noble thing, hoping you might actually do the same after my casts came off. But you didn't say anything - you just left me hanging for a whole year while you made it clear with your actions that you didn't wanna be with me!"
"You didn't say anything either! You just...went on with your life! I'm not the only one who moved on! Was Sabrina just a vacation from reality for you?"
"Excuse me for wanting a little normalcy away from pining after you for years and not having my feelings returned. You're right - I'm totally insane for wanting to move on from someone who's only ever cared about herself!"
"Well, it beats being in love with someone who always has to be right about everything!"
"Oh, we're in love again, are we? Uh, I hate to break it to you, but you've said that about 100 times before this to a bunch of guys, Carly!"
"Well rest assured, this will be the last time I ever say it again!"
"I highly doubt it."
"Urgh, Freddie Benson! You are the most infuriating boy I've ever met in my life! I can't believe I actually chased you across the block in the middle of a rain storm!"
"I didn't ask you to do that - now you know what it's like to be in my shoes. Get used to it!"
"I don't have to get used to anything - you can't tell me what to do!"
"Great, 'cause I don't wanna talk to you at all, least of all in the middle of a rain storm!"
"Suits me just fine! I can't believe I'm still standing here in the pouring rain!"
"Me neither! Don't you have some random guy to chase in the neighbourhood? But maybe you should grab the Yellow Pages and a blindfold first to save some time!"
"You really wanna go there, Freddie? Got any more best friends you feel like kissing? Maybe you should give Gibby a call and see if Patrice will let you borrow him!"
"I can't believe I was in love with you for years! I don't know what I ever saw in you!"
"If I'm such a let-down, then why are you still here?"
"I don't know!"
"Me neither!"
"Well, I guess we're done talking."
"I guess so."
"Fine."
"Fine!"
"Good."
"Good!"
"Super!"
"Awesome!"
Instead of turning around and walking away forever, they collided sharply, limbs flying forward and meeting in a blur of perplexity and bedlam. Then lips hurtled into each other before springing apart, destined to repeat the same baffling pattern over and over again. Carly's hands were on Freddie's face, one of them fisted tightly in his hair like she wanted to bury herself inside of him. Freddie's hands grasped her hip and lower back, brazen fingers daring to creep under the invisible pathway between her skin and her shirt riding precariously upwards all the while, no skilled rebuff to halt its progress.
All of the constant bickering and confusion of the past few days was of no consequence now. Simply put, they weren't thinking at all, choosing instead to feel and live. It was as if time itself was about to collide and freeze right along with them, the ticking hands matching the sounds of their breaths and soft moans muted to a hushed murmur amidst the riotous raindrops. All of it was forgotten: the first time he'd laid eyes on her in Bushwell Plaza; the first time she'd laughed at him when he said he loved her; the first time she had kissed him on the nose in gratitude; the first time they had danced together and forgotten everything and everyone; the first time she had kissed him on the lips and no was the wiser; the first time he'd walked away and left her behind.
Gone.
It was just this moment: heartbeats racing in time to the hum-drum of rain pounding down on them; hands touching and exploring previously alien territory; fire quenching pent-up desire; lips touching and tasting a piece of their own souls lusting for recognition in the other. They were kissing for all the world to see, a few cars coming to a complete stop on the busy intersection beside them just to make out what obscurely black silhouette had finally merged into one.
Author's Note: *insert douche Dan Schneider voice* So...what did you guys think? I'd post a link for a video like Dan does, but I don't have a video :S
Mood Music for the Chapter:
"Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall" by Coldplay
"E.T (Futuristic Lover)" by Katy Perry
PhunkyBrewster, I thought of you while writing in Sam and Brad's scene :D I apologise if the final Creddie scene upset anyone - I'm ending the story here. I'm just kidding, there's still one more chapter before it's curtains for this story, which will attempt to explain EVERYTHING. I hope there won't be anymore FF review fails like last week, so please leave me reviews and feedback, it cheers my heart so to hear from all of you :D Till next week, I've enjoyed screwing with your heads. Snapplelinz out!
