So here's chapter 10! I'm writing chapter thirteen now and I had to start it over three times because each time I would finish and then the file would disappear. Damn. Anyways enjoy.

Tmi belongs to Cassandra Clare


Okay, so maybe I shouldn't have excepted much of Jocelyn, but she saved Jace and I from Valentine! How could I not expect a hero? However she didn't even want to be here. She didn't even want to see her daughter.

After Jocelyn spoke those insults I went on auto-pilot, only answering questions when I had to. Finally I managed to slip into my bedroom. I wasn't expecting any sleep, but I did want to rest. Of course my mind wouldn't let me, though.

I lived in foster care and horrible places for so long. The only thing that kept me going was the sense of something. I couldn't explain it but it felt asbif someone was looking over me telling me, telling me I have so much potential so I shouldn't end my life. So that's when I got back on the boat. I tried harder, better, and crazier, than ever before.

I guess it was Clarissa Morgenstern was at the back of my mind telling me I was a shadowhunter. I guess that makes sense. The person who you really are telling what you really are even though you didn't know the real you barely existed. Okay, maybe I'm thinking about it too much. It just doesn't feel like it was my subconscious. It felt like someone was talking to me. Like having a one way telepathic conversation. Yup, that makes sense.

"Clarissa?"

I craned my neck to look at who entered. "Hey Maggie."

"Dont call me that."

I giggled. "So if you're here to tell me-" I panicked and stopped breathing for a second. I literally couldn't talk. Then I tried to stand up but I couldn't. I make a what-the-hell face and gesture to Magnus.

"Sorry you're too persistent. Just listen okay." I eyed Magnus but it didn't seem to faze him at all. "Jocelyn has involved herself in the dark magics. Dark magics takes decades perhaps centuries to be able to use without side effects. Jocelyn used it and it's effected her sympathy levels. I'm going to work with her to heal her but… it takes time. She'll be staying with me so Maryse thought it would be better if you moved back into the Institute."

I nodded and smiley brightly at Magus. I disguised my curiosity. Why had Jocelyn been involving herselfn dark magics?

There was no time to dwell on my curiosity because Magnus opened his mouth, thought better of it, then closed it again. "Jocelyn has called a meeting I thought you would like to attended."

"Why?"

"She knows how to save your brother, Jonathan."


We all sat at a round table which Magnus had brightly told us 'Round tables suit me much better than square.' Typical Magnus. I looked down at my coffee a stirred it with my straw. Maryse's phone rang a horrendous sound startling me and I knocked over my coffee.

"Ow. Shit. Wow, wow that's hot." I bounced up from the chair and practically sprinted towards the faucet, surprised to find someone was already turning on the cold water for me. Goldilocks. I pretty sure my face turned ten shades of red.

"Some extra talented shadowhunter she is." I heard Jocelyn mutter from the kitchen.

"You okay Carrot-top?"

"Carrot-top?"

Jace smirked and grabbed a lock of my red hair. Twirling it in his fingers he smiled at me. "I'm sorry you remind me of a carrot-top."

"Actually im pretty sure a carrot-top is green. My hairs not green." Way to ruin a moment Clary. I blushed furiously again. I barely noticed that a single tear rolled down my face. My eyes threatened to let more escape.

"Let's go outside." I gave Jace a look of agreement and we slipped onto the small patio.

Jace slide onto the small bench and patted the empty spot beside him motioning for me to sit there. "What's up Clary?"

"She hates me Jace. She hates her own daughter."

I looked into Jaces eyes to see the shield that he put up all the time was no longer there. "She doesn't hate you, Clary. She's just confused from all the dark magics she used."

Hesitantly I looked back into Jaces open eyes. "Have you noticed that you're showing emotion right now?"

"Im not incapable of feeling, Clary. You show emotion with me so I though I'd return the favor."

I mumbled so quietly I didn't think Jace would be able to hear. "Yeah, well you have that effect on me."

"Do I now?" Seconds, maybes minutes passed before he spoke again. "Look at me, Clare."

There was a hint of desire in his voice. I just couldn't help myself. I looked into Jace's eyes and after such and agonizing time he leaned in.

Just the tiniest fraction of an inch away I pulled away hastily, bumping into his head as I stood up and backed away.

"What the hell? If you didn't like me you could have just said so!" He was about to open the door when I stopped him.

"I-I-I'm so s-sorry. I-I," Great the stutter from when I used to live with Amber and Mike came back. "I-I'm s-scared."

"Of what? That I'm going to freakn' rape you?" He said it because he doesn't know. He doesn't know, I kept telling myself.

Tears threatened my eyes. I've already hurt him enough, I might as well just tell the truth. "Yes, I-I'm afraid."


"What?" Jace stood frozen staring and me wide-eyed with his left hand still on the door knob. "Why would you… Clare, what at happened?"

I never took my eyes off and focused on the task ahead and not the tears threatening my eyes. "Mike, my previous foster father."

Jaces eyes glared with an emotion that I rarely saw. Pure and utter rage. "What did he do, Clarissa?"

"He was a little emotionally unstable. And, well, he was very drunk and upset one night. He tried to do some things." I looked down ashamed.

Jace strode over to me. I felt warm, familiar arms wrap around me. "How far did he go?"

I grabbed Jace's shirt like a lifeline. "He kissed me a bit." I closed my eyes and decided Jace didn't need to hear the details. "Regardless, he didn't get as far as you think. I beat him up pretty bad."

"If that bastard was still alive I'd man slaughter him." Jace just hugged me tighter.

"I have no doubt. Jace I trust you. I just-" I paused and chose my words with caution. "You could do so much better, Jace. You're gorgeous, kind, and amazing, but I'm just dirty. I've been assaulted by so many people. I used to be broken, useless. I just wanted to let you know who I really am."

"You want to know who you really are?" Jace spoke lightly in my ear. "You're beauitful, carefree, happy, stubborn, and strong both emotionally and physically. You don't realize how great you are Clare-bear. You're too good for me. I've done some things I'm not proud of and I've had a hard life, but you… you defy logic. You should be crushed, heartbroken, but you're not. You're so strong, Clare."

I hugged Jace once more. "Are you sure you want me? Out of every single girl in the world?"

"Yes. Are you sure you want me? Out of every single man on this earth?"

"Yes, yes I'm sure."

"Good. Now wipe up those tears carrot. We have to find out how to save your brother."