I was going to make this a long chapter but I cut it in half because I like a little angst. ;l
Thank you if you take the time to read and review.
He laid on his back with his forearm across his closed eyes. He heard the early morning rainfall splattering through the open window. He should be worried about the wet weather on this day, but oddly he found it soothing. He moved his limb off his face and watched the obscured moon through the window. He needed the rain to rinse his temper and the moon to recharge his mind.
He had been angry for the past two days and it was draining his energy. It was the reason Katniss wasn't here next to him. It was a frenzied argument that had left them both upset, since the other was too stubborn to compromise. The opening of his bakery was tonight and he was hosting a gathering in celebration. He had inquired if she was going to go with him or show up later on her own. He had not expected her to answer to be that she might not attend at all. She had offered a list of bullshit excuses that she had to get up early the next morning to hunt. She didn't have any decent things to wear. He had called her out on them, but Katniss hadn't relented.
He was disheartened because this day meant everything to him and she knew that. He worked hard for two years to get back even part of himself and he succeeded. He made it back here to 12 and worked hard for the past seven months to physically reconstruct his occupational heritage. He never believed his love for Katniss had been completely diminished, but he worked hard to prove that to both themselves these past four months. After everything they had overcame, the only thing he expected from her was honesty and she wouldn't even give him that.
He had gone to Haymitch's yesterday morning, before she headed out to hunt. He had found Thom waiting outside for her, armed with a bow and quiver. When Katniss said it wasn't the right time to talk, it had only exasperated him more. She was avoiding him since then and the mutt voice that still lingered inside his head was beginning to jab at him.
He had considered speaking to Haymitch, but quickly changed his mind expecting the "I told you so."
He thought he didn't have to beg for her attention anymore, not when she alleged she loved him. He decided not to insist. It was the problem with loving a wild thing, you were always left watching the door. He would commemorate his family's honor and his individual feat with or without her.
She indicated with a head motion to the flock of wild turkeys within their visibility. He already had an idea of how they would approach the kill. She gestured with her hand and stealthily moved behind the moistened forest trees. He lurked in the direction opposite of her. They were some many yards away from the grazing birds. She looked over at him across the distance and he nodded. He pulled an arrow from his quiver and arranged it against his bow. Katniss prompted her own target shot in the same instance. He looked over at her and this time she beckoned that she was ready. He pulled the bowstring back and sent his arrow propelling forward. It lodged into the low point of a tree behind the congregated birds. The action sent them into a fluster, some attempted to go airborne, but not fast or high enough. A few turkeys scampered forward, away from the arrow just as pair had intended. Katniss's arrow pierced into the first unlucky creature, right through its head. Her second arrow, only seconds behind, impaled a neighboring turkey. The rest of the birds scurried in the other direction, but not before he managed to shoot a third down.
He looked over at her and she smirked back at him.
They approached their dead prey and she picked up his kill by the feet.
"Not as sloppy as yesterday," she stated while she handed it over.
"Give me a break. I hadn't hunted in weeks," he dismissed as he inspected the dead bird.
Katniss scoffed and picked up her own carcasses.
They trekked further into the woods and through their acquainted hunting trails.
They managed to shoot down two squirrels and three rabbits, by the time the sun peered through the departing rain clouds.
They sat down under a bulky hickory tree. Katniss leaned against the trunk and he stretched out his sore limbs from lack of regular use.
"You hungry," she asked moving her game bag to the side and reaching for a separate knapsack.
"I could be, depends on what you have in there," he responded while he stretched his shooting arm in circular motion.
She handed him the wrapped left over rabbit meat she heated this morning. She reached for her own separate share, but not before handing him a container of water.
"Since when are you so domestic," he asked mockingly.
"Since you became a government goon," she countered.
Thom rolled his eyes as he bit into his food.
After he swallowed the bite, he glanced over and asked, "So are you still fighting with your bread boy?"
"Don't call him bread boy and we're not fighting," she lied before placing rabbit portions in her mouth.
"That's not what it looked like yesterday, especially with his look of separation anxiety," Thom responded.
She stayed quiet and decided to finish her brunch, as an alternative to talking. Thom rolled his eyes again and finished his share too. It was too early to bother with the endeavor of trying to interrogate her.
While Katniss ate, she multitasked in thinking about Peeta. She had not wanted to hurt him, she never did. Yet again, she found a way to do it even without the intention. She hadn't wanted to voice her real reason for not wanting to be at the bakery's initiating ceremony. If she had learned something noteworthy in life it was, that you either said how you felt and fucked it up, or said nothing and it fucked you up instead. Hence, she had tried to lie and Peeta knew her too well to believe the bad acting.
The truth was that days ago she had visited Greasy Sae's booth in the Hob. While Sae remained busy with customers, Katniss played hide and seek with her granddaughter. She had hid behind a water barrel near the table benches, waiting to be found. She had not expected to overhear a conversation about herself from two old Merchant type women. They talked about the Mellark's bakery opening again and how proud Peeta's father would be of his surviving son. It was when they began talking about how disappointed his mother would be to see him involved with Katniss Everdeen. In her credit, one of the women responded that Katniss was the Mockingjay, not just any seam scum. The other woman had scoffed and responded the same Mockingjay who shot the wrong president. She had proceeded to talk about Katniss's fake pregnancy and how it was a sign from a higher power that there should never have been mixed breeds. They began talking about how they couldn't understand how Peeta could still want to be with a woman like her, now that there was no need for the false star-crossed lovers' romance. They said she would bring him no good, if she wasn't even capable of carrying a child to term.
Katniss had sneaked away, not able of listening to anymore. She ran all the way to Peeta's house, but she never made it inside. When she had passed by an open window, she saw Delly inside. They were using the kitchen together, for the dinner they had all planned to have later that night. She remained still and watched them interact. She knew they were just like siblings, but maybe Peeta did deserve someone like Delly. Delly saw life with optimism which warred with Katniss's cynical outlooks. Delly was beautiful, while Katniss was physically marked by her past. She recalled the woman's words about her not being able to carry a child. They had referred to her supposed miscarriage, but they had been closer to another truth. She knew one day Peeta would want children and he would be more than entitled to create a beautiful family. It just couldn't be with her because she didn't want them. She wasn't capable of risking love like that, not again, not in a system that still was unreliable.
She had walked away into the forest, where she battled sulking in self-pity. She wasn't the same Katniss who blamed everything on herself, but where Peeta was concerned all her insecurities lived by idly waiting to be resurrected. She processed the women's conversation in her head and reached the conclusion maybe they had a point. She hadn't grieved over the opinions they had of her, not in a post-Prim world. She only cared about Peeta and that he deserved to realize his happiness, even if it was far away from her.
She had wanted to have the conversation after his bakery's opening, but then he had questioned her. She didn't feel worthy of being there with him and that was the truth. She knew she was contradicting what had already been said, but she was only discovering life through trial and error. She knew she insanely in love with him, she knew that much. It hurt to think about not having him in her life, but she couldn't be selfish and give him false hope of something he would want so badly. She had to give him the opportunity to walk away if he wanted. It was going to be a blow to them both, but it was better to do it now, before they were in too deep. She wasn't willing to give up who she was and she wasn't willing to let him give up his dreams either.
She began to feel tears amount in the corner of her eyes, so she stood up. She turned away from Thom and threw the rabbit bones away from her. She wiped her eyes with back of her hand and picked up her belongings.
"You want to go pick some strawberries," she asked concealing the distress in her heart.
"Don't even let a man finish his meal," he grunted but stood up regardless.
He started talking about district delegates or something as they walked, but Katniss could only half-listen.
