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Clare's POV
"So, Clare, are you excited about seeing your dad tomorrow?" Dr. Johnson asked me. I had just spent an hour in my room trying to figure out why he would come in the first place, and now I was in her office for my session.
"Uh, yeah…"
She looked at me. "You don't sound very convincing," she noted and I sighed.
"No. No, I'm not excited to see him. He left me three years ago without an explanation or a goodbye! He never tried to contact me or anything. I don't know why he's here and frankly I don't care. I don't want to see him."
"I see. Are you sure you don't want to see him? Not even to get answers?" She asked and I was about to tell her that I never want to see him, but she had a point. I've spent so long wondering why he left, and I might actually be able to know why.
"I-I guess I could ask him why. I mean, he owes me an answer! It's not fair that he just left, making my life a living hell!" I said, now furious.
Dr. Johnson nodded, and for the rest of my session we talked about my dad. I never realized I had so much resentment built up toward him.
I walked out of her office, actually feeling better. It was really nice to have someone listen to me for once.
Eli's POV
I was walking around, trying to stay away from Clare. I didn't want her to see my scars, not yet anyway. I just wasn't ready… I'm afraid she'll leave me.
I rounded the corner when I heard the beautiful voice I've been trying to avoid. "Eli! Eli, wait!" I sighed and stopped walking.
"Yes?" I said, probably a bit too harshly.
"We should talk…Can we go to your room?"
I nodded and led the way to my room. We went in and sat on the bed, like last time.
"So. We're here," I said, as a way to get Clare talking.
"Yeah… Uh, what I saw… Was it-"
"Yes. I cut myself," I answered before she finished her question. She gasped a little and her eyes widened. I looked down in shame; I didn't like people knowing what I did.
"W-Why?" She asked.
"Because I deserve to be hurt," I whispered.
Clare was quiet for a minute, and then spoke, her voice also barely above a whisper. "No, you don't."
I exhaled sharply. "Yes, I do. We've gone over this already. It's my fault Julia-"
"Stop!" Clare yelled, and I was surprised. She continued, her voice strong. "You need to stop! What happened to Julia was not your fault!"
She paused, and lowered her voice. "You need to understand that, Eli. It was a terrible, terrible accident, and nothing I say can change that. But you weren't the one with the knife."
I didn't say anything. I was trying to process her words – was she right? I didn't kill her, but I put her in the situation in the first place.
"If you don't stop blaming yourself…You're going to be unhappy for the rest of your life. Do you want that?"
"No…" I whispered, and I felt Clare's hand wipe away the tears on my face.
"Then stop," she said gently and lifted my sleeve up again. I wanted to pull away, but I didn't. I felt Clare trace my scars with her finger. "This looks recent," she noticed, ghosting over one cut.
"It is," I told her.
"How?" She asked.
"I-I stole a pair of scissors from the nurse's office," I admitted, feeling ashamed again.
"Where is it?"
"Under my pillow." She stood up and went to the other side of my bed, lifting up the pillow. She grabbed the scissors and returned to her seat next to me.
"I'm taking this. And I want you to promise that you won't do this to yourself again. I can't stand to see you hurt," Clare said and I felt my stomach tighten. I didn't know if I would be able to stop.
"I-I don't know, Clare…"
"Please, Eli."
I sighed again.
"Okay…Only if you promise to start eating, and stop making yourself throw up," I finally said, and almost smiled because I knew that if Clare was serious about wanting me to stop cutting, then she would have to agree.
Clare's POV
I froze. I didn't expect him to make that offer. "That's going to be really hard," I told him.
"It's going to be hard for both of us," he reminded me. I knew he was right. He was probably as addicted to cutting as I was to throwing up.
"Okay. I promise. On one condition. We have to be completely honest and open with each other. And we can't run away when it gets tough," I replied, and Eli nodded.
"Deal."
I smiled. "Let's shake on it!"
"Hmm… I think we should kiss on it," he said, smirking. Blushing bright red, I rolled my eyes, but pressed my lips to his, feeling blissful.
The Next Morning: Clare's POV
"Don't worry, Clare. It'll be fine, I'm right here," Eli whispered in my ear. We were in the lobby, waiting for my dad; I asked Eli if he would come with me and he agreed of course. Dr. Johnson was also here.
A moment later, I saw my dad, Randall, walking in. He looked the same, just a little older. Eli gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and I sent a grateful smile his way.
"Hello Mr. Edwards. I'm Dr. Johnson, the head psychologist here," she said and he nodded his head and said "hi".
"Hello, Clare," he greeted, and then looked at Eli. "And Clare's friend…?" he trailed off, leaving the sentence hanging in the air like a question.
"Hello, sir," Eli said while I stayed quiet.
"Aren't you gonna say hi to me, Clare?" he asked, disbelief written all over his face.
"Why would I?" I snapped and he looked confused again.
"Because I'm your father!"
"Pfft, right."
"Do you have something to say, young lady?" he said sternly and I about blew up.
"Excuse me? You have no right to talk to me like you're my dad!"
"I am your dad!"
"Actually, you're not. You lost that title the day you walked out on me," I said harshly. "You left me with mom! She blamed everything on me! She said it was my fault you left!"
He didn't respond. "W-Was it my fault?"
He looked down and I fought back tears. "I just wanted some time alone. I wanted to live my life by myself," he explained.
"You mean w-without me? W-Was I not good enough?"
"Clare, that's not it. It wasn't about you; it was about me. I never really wanted a family. I only married your mom because she was pregnant with you, and I left because I realized I wasn't happy."
"You…You never wanted me? So you lied when you told me you loved me?" I asked and my voice broke on the last word.
He sighed and opened his mouth to talk, but I cut him off. "Why are you here? If you don't want me, why are you even spending time here talking to me?" I yelled.
"I know you're mad at me, but I'm still an adult, which means you need to respect me. So cut out the yelling."
"Woah. Hold on a minute," Eli stepped in, and I looked at his face. He looked absolutely pissed. "She doesn't need to respect you after what you just told her. I'm not going to stand here and watch you torment her with your words. She doesn't need this, and she sure as hell doesn't need you. This was a mistake and if I were you I'd just walk out now."
Randall had his mouth set in a line. "Now, listen here boy. I'm gonna let that one slide since I know you probably just said that so you can get in her pants tonight-" I gasped, shocked that he would think of me in that way.
"Don't talk about her that way!" Eli growled and took a step toward him.
"Alright, this is enough. Mr. Edwards, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," Dr. Johnson said to him and he left, muttering curse words the whole time.
"Clare, would you like to come into my office and talk?" she asked.
I shook my head. "No, I'm fine. I'm just gonna go into my room, if that's okay?"
"That's fine," she replied and went back to her office.
"Are you okay?" Eli asked after she left.
I was about to tell him that I was fine, but I remembered our promise to be honest with each other. "No, I'm not. My mom was right, which means K.C. was right, which means I mean nothing," I said, looking down.
"That is not true at all, Clare," Eli told me, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"Didn't you read that list? That's proof!" I cried, burying my head into his chest.
"Those were all lies."
"Yeah, right," I said, rolling my eyes.
"They were! And I'll prove it."
"And how are you going to do that?" I asked, meeting his gaze.
"We're going to go in my room, and read that list together. And then I'm going to tell you why everything he put on there is wrong."
A/N: So, did you like this chapter? Since a lot of people said they wanted to see the lists, I'm adding it in there! Next chapter is gonna have Eli and Clare read the list K.C. made, and it's gonna have Eli say why he thinks everything is wrong, which means there's gonna be a lot of cuteness! (: The chapter after that is going to have them read the list Eli made!
***Now, I have a proposition for you. If I can get up to 145 reviews, I'll post the next chapter TOMORROW. If not, that's cool; I'll just post it later in the week. So, review if you want to! (:
