A/N- Just a little word of warning this chapter definitely takes a very angsty turn and there is some violence and metions of rape.

11

Lucy groaned and stretched in her chair, hearing her back pop several times. Her fingers stung from passing them over Braille text all day long. She'd been working for nearly ten hours straight, but she didn't want to stop. In the month that she'd been working at Wolfram and Hart she'd come to love her job, more than just about anything else she'd ever done. She loved getting to read all day and discovering a world that she'd never had any concept of before meeting Spike.

Just as she was getting ready to dive back into her research she felt a tingle at the back of her neck and ha d the feeling that she was being watched. She held her breath and listened intently to the room around her. Within a few seconds she could detect the breathing and heartbeats of at least three people.

"Ok why do I have the feeling that I'm being stared at by an incredibly creepy group of people who are all hovering in the doorway of my office?" She asked without looking up.

"Happy birthday Lucy!" Came the shouted reply from her friends.

Spike watched as Lucy cringed and turned bright red with embarrassment. Next to him Fred stood holding a birthday cake, complete with burning candles even though Lucy couldn't see them. The rest of the group crowded behind Spike in the doorway.

"How did you guys know that it's my birthday?" Lucy asked, still sounding horrified.

"It's in your personnel file." Angel explained sounding very pleased with himself that he'd discovered the information, well Harmony had technically discovered it, but he'd arranged the surprise party.

Spike moved to Lucy's side and pulled her up from her desk. "Now no complaining love, we're celebrating your birthday whether or not it kills you to do it." He threatened and led her over to the cake in Fred's arms. "Now blow out your candles."

Lucy grinned despite herself and allowed Spike to position her above the cake. She blew and managed to blow out almost all of the candles without even being able to see them. Spike used his fingers to pinch out the three that she missed.

"This is really nice of you guys, thank you." Lucy said, finally deciding to allow the celebration.

"Ok now you have to come see your present." Fred instructed.

"You guys really didn't have to get me any anything." Lucy protested.

"It's your birthday Lucy, of course you get presents." Gunn replied.

Spike led Lucy to the elevators and then up to the ninth floor, with the rest of the gang following close behind. He stopped in front of a closed door and suddenly Lucy felt a pair of hands cover her eyes.

"Uh, Wesley she's not gonna see her surprise anyway." Spike pointed out and the hands quickly dropped from her eyes.

"Oh right, um sorry Lucy." Wesley mumbled sounding embarrassed.

"That's ok Wes. So what's my present?" She asked, almost sounding impatient.

"Your present is this room." Angel explained as Spike opened the door and they all piled into the room.

Lucy could tell the room was very large and mostly empty because of the way their footsteps echoed as they walked across the hardwood floor.

"Ok so I get an empty room? Um does maybe someone want to explain this to me, not that a big empty room isn't great and all…" Lucy said.

She felt Spike release her hand and then Angel took it and pulled her further into the room. "Here put your hand out." He instructed.

Lucy did as she was told and held out her hand. Angel guided her across the room and then moved her hand so that she could find what it was he wanted her to touch. Her hand connected with a smooth horizontal bar that was at shoulder height. She knew instantly that it was a ballet bar, it felt as familiar under her hand as her cane did.

"It's a dance studio!" She said excitedly.

Spike could see that everyone was pleased with Lucy's obvious happiness, but they didn't know her as well as he did. She sounded excited, but he could see the way her lips tightened slightly and the tiny furrow of her brow and he knew that she was faking her enthusiasm for the gift.

"We also got you some dance clothes and Angel found out what kind of toe shoes you used to wear so we got you some a those too. Plus there's a stereo and a bunch of music for you to dance to." Fred explained.

"Wow you guys this is amazing, thank you so much." Lucy gushed.

Fred moved over to the small table they had set up in the dance studio and began dishing up the birthday cake. The party lasted for nearly two hours, Lucy patiently put up with the attention without complaint, even though Spike could tell she hated every second of it. There were quite a few subtle and not so subtle hints, mainly from Angel, that everyone wanted to see her dance, but Lucy managed to side step the requests with the promise of another time.

Once the party was over Lucy claimed that she'd like some alone time to try out her new dance studio. She was given hugs from everyone before they filed out of the room and left her alone, standing at the bar. Spike waited until everyone else had left and then slipped quietly back into the room before the door clicked shut. He watched as Lucy listened intently to make sure she was alone, he was careful to hold perfectly still so that she wouldn't hear the movement of his clothing.

Finally satisfied that she was alone, Lucy fell to her knees and began to cry. She pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned back against the mirrored wall underneath the bar. It broke Spike's heart to see her so unhappy, but he didn't want to make her angry by letting her know that he was spying on her. Her crying grew more intense until she was sobbing loudly and rocking back and forth with her head buried in her arms. She reached out blindly and felt for a pair of toe shoes which Angel had taken out for her to feel. Once her hand located the shoes she beat them against the floor and then threw them as hard as she could.

Spike was so engrossed with watching Lucy's breakdown that he failed to realize the shoes were flying straight at him. The hit him square in the chest with enough force to make him let out an involuntary groan.

Lucy frozen when she heard the noise and her head whipped around to where Spike stood.

"Spike!" She yelled, knowing instantly who it was watching her.

"I'm sorry love, I just knew you were upset, I wanted to make sure you were alright." He explained quickly.

Spike cringed expecting Lucy to blow up at him. Instead she simply sighed and leaned back against the mirror again.

Spike hurried over and sat down next to her, putting one arm around her shoulders. She leaned into his embrace and sniffled. "Please talk to me love, its killing me not knowing what's making you so sad." He begged.

Lucy nodded reluctantly. "Ok, you're right, you told me everything about you and I haven't told you anything about me, it isn't fair. What do you want to know?" She asked fearfully.

"Everything." He answered instantly. "I want to know where your family is, why you're all alone in the world. I want to know why you won't dance anymore. And I want to know what happened to make you blind."

"Let's go back to our place first, alright. I don't want to talk in here." She whispered, almost like the room could hear her and would judge her for her dislike of it.

Spike pulled Lucy to her feet and waited while she opened her cane before following her up to their apartment. Once they were inside Spike sat down on the couch and patiently waited for Lucy to talk. She made her way to the bookshelves that took up one wall of their living room and ran her hand down the spines of her Braille books, until she found the one she was looking for. She pulled the large book down and brought it over to the couch with her.

Lucy took a shuddering breath and pulled off her dark glasses before she began talking. When she put the glasses down on the coffee table Spike could see her hands shaking badly.

She flipped open the large book and Spike noticed a stack of photographs hidden between the pages. She pulled the large bundle out and fingered the edges of the pictures, until she found one with a torn off corner. This picture she handed to Spike.

"This is my family." She explained and waited as Spike examined the picture.

The picture showed Lucy and three other people, and older man and woman who he assumed were her parents and a young man who looked to be the same age that Lucy was in the picture.

"Is this your brother?" He asked.

Lucy nodded and wiped a stray tear off of her cheek. "Alex. He was my twin."

"Your mom is really pretty, you look like her." He complimented.

Lucy smiled and ran one finger over the photograph, like she was trying to feel the images that she could no longer see.

"Are they dancers too?" He asked.

Lucy nodded. "Yes. My parents met in Russia when my mom was eighteen. She was an American ballerina and she came over to dance as a guest star with the Moscow ballet. My dad had been dancing with them since he was twelve or so. Alex was a dancer too." She answered.

Spike began sorting through the pile of pictures that Lucy had pulled out. Most of them were pictures of her and her brother, many of them were the two of them in costume. One picture showed Alex lifting Lucy high into the air above his head. It was such a graceful pose, but the two siblings were both grinning at the camera with their tongues sticking out, obviously hamming it up for whoever was holding the camera.

"I like this picture of your brother lifting you up." He said with a grin.

Lucy smiled and gave a little chuckle. "My dad took that one, right before a performance."

"So you grew up in Russia?" He asked, anxious to finally find out more about the woman he loved.

"Not really. Mostly I grew up in tour buses. We travelled with the company from the day we were born and Alex and I both started dancing with them when we were eight. We had tutors instead of going to school. Alex and I both started dancing with the company professionally when we were fourteen." She answered.

"Seems awfully young to have a career." Spike commented.

"Yeah, but that's the way it is in the ballet world. Nobody wants to watch people in their thirties or forties dance. You start young and you retire young. Besides, it wasn't like I'd ever thought to do anything else with my life, I grew up in the ballet, and I'd still be there if it hadn't been for…" She trailed off and vaguely gestured to her eyes.

"What happened Lucy?" Spike asked, unable to fathom what could have hurt her so badly.

"A fan, that's what happened. His name was Jason Richards. I started getting fan mail from him when I was seventeen. They were nice at first, he would tell me how beautiful and talented I was and how much he enjoyed my dancing. But after a few months they started to get scary and strange. He began talking about how we belonged together. He said that I loved him and didn't even know it. Then he started saying that he'd found a way for us to be together, that when the time came he'd make sure we were together forever." She explained.

"What did your parents do?" Spike asked.

"They called the police. We were in New York at the time. It was Christmas time we were dancing The Nut Cracker. It was a long gig, we were doing the same ballet from the week after Thanksgiving until the week after Christmas. We were staying in a hotel, instead of the tour bus, since we were going to be there for so long.

The police tried tracing where the letters had come from, but they'd been mailed from all over the country so they couldn't pin any one location down. The ballet company hired extra security guards and I was never allowed to go anywhere alone. Other than that there wasn't much that could be done, we didn't even know what the guy looked like.

The night it happened I was really tired, we'd done two matinees that day and an evening show. Plus half the cast was out with the flu, so I'd danced a couple of other bit parts during my breaks. I remember just wanting to get home so I could check on Alex. He had the flu too and our parents had gone to LA for the week to see a friend who was choreographing a movie.

One of the security guards walked me to my hotel that night and he offered to walk me all the way upstairs, but I told him I didn't need him to do that, so he just walked me to the lobby. If I had just asked him to come upstairs with me…" Her voice wavered and trailed off.

Spike put a comforting arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to his side. Lucy shook her head like she was trying to clear it before continuing.

"He was already inside when I got home. The police aren't sure when he got there or how he got in. We were staying in a suite. I remember walking into the living room and looking at the Christmas tree my dad had put up the week before.

I can still remember seeing our Christmas tree so clearly and then this cloud of blue powder came at me from out of nowhere. It started burning the second it hit my eyes and I started screaming. I couldn't see anything and I kept thinking that my brother would come help me."

"What was the powder?" Spike asked.

Lucy shrugged, "I don't know. The doctors never could figure it out. They don't even know what the hell it did to my eyes. All they know is that it somehow destroyed my pupils and mutated the pigment of my irises. I saw probably twenty different specialists and not one of them could figure out what he did to me."

Spike studied Lucy's eyes closer than he ever had before while she told him what the doctors had discovered. He could see why they were baffled, he'd never seen anything like her eyes. Both of her irises were a bright almost electric blue, completely unmarred by a black circular pupil or by any other shades of color. He couldn't imagine what sort of a chemical could cause such a strange coloring.

"What happened then?" Spike asked, urging her to continue with her story.

"I remember falling to the ground and he grabbed me by the hair and pulled me into my bedroom. I didn't even know he was the person who had been writing the letters until we got into my room. Then he started talking about how much he loved me and how we were going to be together forever. He put me on the bed and taped my wrists together and then my ankles so I couldn't move. I remember that by the time he was done tying me up my eyes didn't really hurt anymore, but I still couldn't see anything. Once he had me tied up, he… well he cut all of my clothes off of me and then…" She trailed off and Spike could see her face turning a bright red color.

Spike knew all too well just what the psycho path had done to Lucy. He'd done it himself when he'd been evil, but thinking about someone violating Lucy was painful in a way he couldn't begin to describe.

"The whole time he was doing it he was chanting." She added, breaking Spike away from his guilty memories.

"What was he saying?" Spike asked.

"I don't know I've never heard the language, but he kept chanting these strange words. I can still hear him in my head. Once he, you know, finished, he just stood over my bed, like he was waiting for something. I could hear him breathing for the longest time while he just stood there and then suddenly he got really mad. He ran out of the room and I could hear him smashing things in the living room and he kept yelling about how the binding hadn't worked.

It was while he was breaking things that I got myself untied. He had taped my hands behind my back, but I don't think he thought about how flexible I was from dancing. It didn't take very long for me to pull my feet through the loop my arms made and then it was easy to pull the tape off my wrists with my teeth."

Spike raised an eyebrow and gave Lucy an appreciative pat on the back. He already knew she was brave, but yet she still kept surprising him.

"I was so scared once I was untied." She continued. "I couldn't see anything, but I could still hear him in the other room so I started looking for my cell phone. I got down on my floor and felt around for my clothes, because my phone was in my jeans pocket. I never did find my cell but I found the knife that he'd used to cut my clothes off with. Right after I found the knife I heard him come back into the room. He let out this horrible yell when he saw me untied and he ran over and grabbed me by the hair again. That's when I stabbed him." She revealed.

"You stabbed him?" Spike asked, sounding impressed.

"Yes, I didn't really think about it, I just didn't want him to hurt me again, so I just stuck the knife out as hard as I could and when I felt it hit something I kept pushing."

"Did it kill him?" He asked.

"Not right away, but it hurt him enough that he let me go and fell on the floor. I ran out of the room, well I stumbled into the wall and then found the door, but you know what I mean. My parent's room was right across the hall from mine, so it wasn't hard to find the door and I knew that there was a phone on the nightstand by their bed. I shut the door behind me and locked it so he couldn't come in and then I got down on my hands and knees and kind of crawled over to where I thought the phone was. I called the front desk and told them to send help. They wanted me to stay on the phone, but I hung up and went looking for my brother." She explained.

"Did he kill your brother?" Spike asked fearfully.

Lucy shook her head and began to cry, two fat tear drops fell from her cheeks and landed on the couch making dark spots.

"No I found Alex in his bedroom, he wasn't moving but he was alive, I could feel him breathing. I sat in there with him until the paramedics showed up and took all three of us to the hospital."

"They took that scumbag crazy ass rapist to the hospital?" Spike asked outraged.

"Yes, but he didn't make it to the hospital, apparently when I stabbed him I hit his spleen and he bled to death." She answered, sounding slightly proud of herself despite the tears.

"What happened to your brother?" He asked.

"Jason stabbed him in the back of the neck and it severed his spinal cord, paralyzed him from the shoulders down." Lucy revealed, sounding sadder about her brother's fate than her own.

"So he's still alive?" Spike asked hopefully.

"No, he um, he died six months after it happened. His kidneys failed. I wanted to give him one of my kidneys, but I couldn't because of the powder that Jason blew in my eyes. Since they didn't know what type of chemical it was they wouldn't risk putting any of my organs into anyone else." She whimpered.

Spike couldn't believe it, but he could tell that Lucy blamed herself for her brother's death.

"You know that wasn't your fault love." He told her.

She nodded her head, but looked like she didn't believe him. "I was a match, if they would have just taken my kidney, it might have saved him."

She broke down crying then, harder enough that she couldn't talk. Spike pulled Lucy onto his lap and rocked her as she cried. He waited patiently, letting her get out all of the grief that she'd been holding onto. Once she had stopped crying she crawled off of his lap and gave him a sheepish smile.

"Love where are your parents?" He asked finally.

"I don't know. Russia or Europe maybe. They left about a month after the attack." She answered angrily.

"Why?" He asked.

"Because they wanted dancers, not burdens. They didn't want two handicapped kids who they would have to take care of for the rest of their lives." She snapped.

"They just left you both?" He asked, now angry like she was.

Lucy nodded and wiped the last of her tears off of her cheeks. "My dad put all of my savings into a bank account for me and then they told me that they were going to rejoin the company. They left the next day. They don't even know that Alex is dead."

Spike jumped up from the couch and began pacing back and forth. "That's just… I mean… Fucking sons of…" Spike sputtered so angry he couldn't even finish a coherent insult.

"You want me to kill them for you love? I mean just cause I have as soul now doesn't mean I have to totally stop killing people, I could make an exception for them." He offered through gritted teeth.

Lucy stopped sniffling and actually burst out with a laugh. She held out her hands and pulled Spike back down onto the couch with her. "No I don't want you to kill them Spike. They were never the best parents anyway. It wasn't completely out of the blue when they left. I mean I know it was a really shitty thing to do, but not totally unexpected. I just don't want to think about them anymore alright? They aren't my family anymore. You are." She explained.

Spike nuzzled her closer to him and ran a hand through her hair. "Damn straight I am. I love you Lucy Valentine." He whispered into her ear, it was probably the mushiest thing he'd ever said in his life as a vampire, but saying it to her felt perfectly natural.

A/N- So I decided to change the genre of this story from romance/humor to romance/angst. I'll still work in the humor, but this story has definitely taken a different turn than I thought it would. As always reviews are appreciated and totally loved!