Chapter 11

There was silence in the small clinical room for a moment as both men let the doctor's assessment sink in. A pin dropping would have sounded loud as neither man even breathed.

Dr. Szewczuk had beaten a hasty retreat, not wanting to face the mahogany haired detective once he'd given his decision. As Starsky stared at the closed door in disbelief, his face reddened in anger and he brought his fist down again on the desk as if that action itself could change the words the doctor had spoken. Angrily, he got up and flung the door open, heading off down the corridor at a run, ignoring the pains in his chest, his blond partner in hot pursuit.

'Starsk? STARSKY' Hutch shouted at the rapidly retreating back as he rushed to intercept his partner. He'd seen the look on his friend's face and knew the hot headed detective had lost his temper completely. Starsky had always had a quick temper but had striven over the years to keep it under steely control. It surfaced when he saw injustice, or when he felt either he or his partner were being compromised. Now, as he made his way to the elevator that would take him down to the parking lot, Hutch could see Starsky was trembling with anger.

They stood together in the small elevator, the air palpable between them, but the big blond knew better than to try to speak to his partner while he was in this mood. As he saw Starsky reach for the car keys, however, he knew he had to say something, to stop either he or his partner from being hurt.

'You're not gonna drive while you're like this!' exclaimed Hutch as he tried to reach for the keys.

'Like what? Like an invalid? Like a guy who's too weak to hold down a proper job?' Starsky yelled, walking toward the car.

'No, not like an invalid. Like an idiot who'll get his neck broken if he drives in this mood!' Hutch countered, catching up with the brunette and placing a hand on his shoulder.

Starsky shrugged away the hand angrily. 'Well I'm the "miracle patient" aren't I? I can mend any injury, even a broken neck if I got one. I can come back from the dead and make the doctors dance with delight, but I can't get my old job back. What's the use, Hutch? What's the point of me fighting all this time if I'm still treated like a wash-up?' Starsky was red in the face, his lips white with anger as he turned on his friend.

'Just leave it Hutch. Just leave me alone, otherwise I'll say or do something I'll regret'.

Hutch ignored him and reached for the keys, but Starsky was faster and whipped them out of his reach and pushed his partner away none too gently.

'Starsky, will ya calm down and just take a minute?' Hutch shouted back, 'What's the use of driving off like this? You'll get yourself killed and you'll probably take me with ya. Just give me the keys and I'll drive'.

The curly haired cop was lost in his anger, and couldn't seem to listen to the logic coming from his best friend. As he tried to put the keys in the door lock, Hutch lunged for them, pushing his partner out of the way. Starsky fell back and in his desperation, Hutch pushed him against the wall, his forearm across the brunette's throat, leaning into his partner with his body, stopping him from moving while at the same time trying not to hurt the still healing cop.

'Will ya listen to yourself? You're angry, I understand that, but you need to take a step back buddy. Another few months, ya can try again, but if ya hurt yourself today, there'll be no more healing. Now for God's sake give me those keys and let me get us both home in one piece!'

He stared into the stormy indigo eyes, seeing the anger roiling below the surface as the brunette fought to get his temper under control. Starsky was still struggling beneath him and as Hutch let up on the pressure slightly, he fell back in surprise as the damaged detective's not so damaged fist connected with his jaw, snapping his head sideways.

Slowly, Hutch reached up and wiped at the small trickle of blood at the corner of his mouth. Then locking eyes with his heavily breathing partner, 'That make ya feel better huh?' he asked, 'Or d'ya want another go, just to get it out of your system once and for all?'

Starsky stared at him wordlessly then pushed Hutch away from him, throwing the keys at him as he walked around to the passenger side of the car and slowly and stiffly eased himself into the low seat. Hutch picked up the keys from the pavement and got into the driver's seat, switched the engine on and pulled out of the parking lot, never once looking at the brooding brunette. They drove in silence for the twenty minutes it took to get back to Starsky's apartment, the atmosphere between them tense. Neither man wanted to speak. There were no words to describe how they felt.

For Hutch, the doctor's decision meant more months of boring routine paperwork and small jobs, or the heartbreaking decision to take another partner. Although he'd never even considered it before, Dr Szewczuk's decision today had been like a pail of water in the face for the blond cop, illustrating just how far his partner still had to go on his long and painful road to recovery.

For the first time since the shooting, Hutch found himself wondering whether he could, in fact, get used to another man at his side. Angry at himself for even allowing himself to consider such a course of action, he mentally shook himself and vowed to keep on doing whatever it took to get Starsky back onto the force by his side.

For Starsky, the doctor's words had reinforced what he knew deep down but had refused to accept; that at 32 his body was having a hard time healing from such devastating injuries. In the past, when he'd been shot or injured, he'd always made a good recovery and it had seemed, if not easy, then at least it was a fairly fast one. This recuperation was too slow for him to deal with and he wished desperately for a fairy godmother to come along with her magic wand and make everything all right again. He desperately wanted assurances from this blond detective sitting next to him that Hutch would wait for him, but then he'd gone and hit the one man in the world who'd stood by him through thick and thin.

What sort of a friend was he? Starsky felt depressed and foolish, but mostly he wished he could have turned the clock back and not laid into his friend and supporter with his fist. The feel of Hutch's jaw throbbed on his knuckles as if to mock him and he closed his eyes, trying hard to shut out the world he felt was conspiring against him. All he saw though, was the hurt and understanding in those ice blue eyes back in the police garage moments before.

As Hutch pulled the car up outside the apartment and stopped, he got out and stood watching as his friend tried hard to pull himself out of the car, the day's events having taken their toll on the brunette's body. Eventually he walked round the car and wordlessly held out a hand. The curly head raised and sad deep blue eyes locked on the ice blue ones. Tentatively, Starsky reached for the big blond's hand and grasped it. Hutch heaved him up and pulled the smaller man to him until the top of his partner's mahogany head was resting under his chin. He rubbed the brunette's back as Starsky leaned into him, refusing to cry but fighting back the tears angrily.

Starsky had built himself up for this day for so long. In his imagination, he'd seen the police surgeon shaking his hand and telling him he could start back at work as soon as he'd liked. Starsky had always known he wasn't really ready, or fit enough to do that, but the goal had driven him on and now he felt he had nothing left to strive for. He'd never failed at anything he had full control over and although he knew he could go back for another assessment in a few months, he felt that he'd failed himself, his partner and Laurel.

'M'sorry Hutch,' he mumbled into the blonde's collar.

Hutch sighed deeply. 'Hey you once told me I had a way to go, when I was hurting from the heroin. Now it's my turn to tell you. You've come such a long way in a short time, but we both gotta have patience, that's all."

"C'mon lets get inside. Laurel will be waiting,' he pulled his friend away until he had him at arm's length. 'You gonna be OK, Gordo?'

Starsky didn't answer. He just turned and struggled up the steps. He pushed open the door and without a word to Laurel, went into the bedroom, closed the door with a slam and simply collapsed face down on the bed, shutting out the world. His body felt heavy and low and he fought the waves of despondency that threatened to wash over him.

Hutch walked in and saw Laurel staring at the door to the bedroom. She raised questioning eyes to the blond.

'Doc said he's not fit and he can't sign him back to work,' he touched the blossoming bruise on his jaw. 'He erm….he didn't take it too well. Hasn't really spoken since the Doc gave his verdict'.

Laurel pulled Hutch's hand away from his face. 'I see his fist said it all for him,' she said wryly, hunting for a jar of Comfrey from under the sink. She quickly made a small poultice and carefully placed it against the bruised skin.

'I don't know what to do, Laurel,' Hutch said despondently, sitting down heavily on the edge of the settee. 'He was so angry and now it's like he's given up completely. …and what do I do? Do I wait for him to maybe get well enough to come back, or do I start considering my options? God, help me Laurel. Someone tell me what to do, please!" Hutch cried out in desperation, his head falling into his hands as if it were too heavy for him to hold upright any longer.

Laurel knelt down beside the hurting detective and put her hands over his. 'Ken, you are an amazing friend. No one could have done more than you for Dave. He is incredibly lucky to have you by his side. He can't go back on the streets at the moment, you both knew that deep down. If he did, he'd jeopardise both your lives and that can't ever happen. Neither Sarah nor I could live without either one of you."

"Only you know what to do," Laurel continued as she moved her hand to rub up and down Hutch's back in comfort, "…and if you consider long enough I know you'll make the right decision, for you and for Dave. Have faith in yourself. Things will work out. Just give it time, and in the meanwhile, we both have to be here for him'.

Hutch looked at her lovingly. 'He's awfully lucky to have found you,' he said, tracing his finger down her pretty face. 'How'd ya get to be so wise?'

Laurel chuckled. 'A year of living on your own half way up a mountain in the middle of nowhere will do that to a girl. Now away with you. You're exhausted and Sarah will be waiting for news. Leave Dave to me. I'll make sure he calls you later'.

Hutch kissed her lightly. 'Yes ma'am, whatever you say,' he said smiling. He knew his friend was in good hands. Just being in the same room as Laurel had made him feel somehow calmer and at peace.

'Tell him to call huh? I'll be waiting'.