No copyright infringement intended, I do not belong any of the characters, save the baby. Everything else belongs to the DC Universe.

Sorry I posted so late on the last chapter, so to make it up, I have another chapter done already!

Chapter 9: Uma Thurman

"The blood, the blood, the blood of the lamb, It's worth two lions, but here I am!"

The following morning, Harley made her way down the steps, hissing at the pain in between her legs. It had been nearly two months since she and The Joker had switched warehouses. She still was not used to it. Boy, did the Joker do a number on her. She smiled fondly at the memory, it wasn't often for him to fuck her ass like that, but he probably didn't want another child for quite a while, especially by how needy this one was to him.

Arriving in the kitchen, Harley made her way towards the fridge, pulling out the necessary ingredients for a good breakfast for her darling Clown Prince of Crime. It was her job as a wife to make him breakfast and coffee in bed most of the time, unless she was pregnant or dying, which was not often.

While battering the eggs, she felt a pair of warm hands snake around her waist and she grinned when he kissed her cheek. "You're not supposed to be out of bed, Mistah J… You know that every morning I bring you coffee and breakfast up there. Usually you don't crawl out of bed until noon."

She smiled as he nipped her shoulder, making her squeal slightly. "Well, I had a nice refreshing nap after we had our fun time." He said, grinding his hips against her underwear –covered ass.

"I'm surprised you even remember, you were in such a drunken stupor I thought you were going to wake Spade…" She said nervously, continuing to mix the eggs and beat them repeatedly.

"Now why would I want to wake the one thing that can out-stare me?" He asked, a small smirk playing on his delicious red lips.

"He can already out-stare you?" Harley asked, pouring the eggs into the frying pan, a slight popping noise letting her know that the fire was too high and would eventually lead to her eggs burning. She lowered her fire and turned around, sneaking out of his arms. She smiled at him warmly and then proceeded to lay the bacon down on the pan for baking. When she was sure everything was either cooking or done, she allowed herself a peek at that strange man she called a husband. It was actually funny the way he proposed. Everything was a joke, even a lifetime commitment.

FLASHBACK:

Harley looked up at the Joker in astonishment. Was he actually on his knees right now, was he really holding up a very expensive ring? To her of all people? Harley remained unmoving, her shock too great to even say a word. In reality, she was battling what it would mean to be married to The Joker. It scared the crap out of her and naturally, she shied away from anything she did not know. Marriage was one of those things. Unyielding with his proposal, he had sprung it on her like a dying leech to a human. Caught her when she was the most vulnerable. Right after they had made love.

'Now, don't go all crazy just this second' Harley silently told herself as he began to look impatient. 'Isn't this all you have ever wanted Harley? To marry The Joker and have his babies? Granted, he is asking him to marry you because of a baby, but it still counts, right?' Swallowing the huge lump in her throat, she nodded her head, looking down at him with nothing but adoration.

"I'll make you the happiest man alive, puddin'!" Harley said with so much conviction he actually thought she meant it, but of course, Harley had remained the annoying, whiny, old Harley he came to love.

Little did Harley know that just by the Joker giving her that ring put a giant target on her back by the police. She did not know that one day, when pulling a heist; he stole something he usually did not touch. A diamond ring. Nevertheless, of course, with Harley's luck it just happened to be one of the most coveted rings in the entire world. An old queen of England had passed that ring down family generations, until finally, it ended up with an American relative. The greedy relative had then sold it to the New York museum for over 2 billion dollars. A museum the Joker had just stolen from. It was another month later and Harley still hadn't known where the ring came from until one day she came across the Joker watching the news.

"The case to find the missing two billion dollar ring just keeps getting colder. The batman assures he will find out what The Joker did with it, but for now, the police are asking as to any information regarding the ring or The Joker's whereabouts."

Harley hissed under her breath as she looked at the picture on the television set, the Joker turned it off quickly, hearing her hiss, but it was too late.

"Puddin… This ring is going to get us thrown back in Arkham! You need to take it back!"

"Take it back!?" He shouted. "You act as if I can just waltz into the damn museum and say 'Hey! I know I stole this, but I'm returning it now so please don't thrown my ass if jail because I have a child on the way.'"

Harley huffed, taking the ring off. "Fine, I'll do it myself…" She said, frowning.

She grabbed a small bag and placed the ring inside, then grabbed a note and wrote: "Sorry we took this, we were not aware it was a symbol of history. It is real, I assure you. Have the best of the best appraise it." –Harley and Mistah J P.S. He is super sorry.

When Harley was finished, she got in the car, the Joker throwing curse words like no tomorrow out of the abandoned factory windows, and sped off. She rang the doorbell and dropped the package off, watching from a safe distance as the museum curator took the piece of jewelry inside, screaming with glee. Sometimes, it was good to be a good guy.

But when she got home, it was another story. The Joker was beyond livid. She knew he would have that reaction, but he didn't need to be THAT upset about it. "Harley! I stole that fair and just for you and you just give it back like it's nothing!"

Harley sighed, feeling the weight of the day on her. "Mistah J… The Batman would be up our asses even more than he is now because of that ring. I can't be thrown in Arkham! Not in my condition, and I refuse to have OUR baby in an insane asylum! That is what laying low meant! NOT stealing some 2 billion dollar ring!"

And for once, The Joker finally agreed with her. It made her tremendously happy that he was finally seeing eye to eye with her.

FLASHBACK OVER

As Harley set The Joker's breakfast on the table for him, she heard a familiar cry from upstairs. Smiling, she climbed the stairs two at a time and reached the door just in time for him to nearly spit up on his favorite toy. "Oh no you don't." She said, putting a towel under his mouth. "Are you hungry now, honey?" She asked, picking her precious angel up in the crook of her arms.

It was when she sat in the rocking chair and pulled out her breast for feeding, him latching on immediately, that she finally noticed the reflection in the window. She screamed The Joker's name and then looked at the door where he was hiding. "You can come out now, asshole. I know you're there." She had no shame in feeding her son in front of Batman; he was the intruder here. The Batman stepped out, wincing as he found Harley in such a compromising position.

"Can you drape a blanket over yourself?" He asked, adverting his eyes from her exposed breast. "No, because this is my house." The Batman sighed heavily as The Joker came in, his eyes locked on Harley. He immediately went to her and kissed her and his head. "Are you both okay?" He asked, gritting his teeth. "Yes, we're fine, baby."

"What do you want, Bats?" He asked, his fists clenching and unclenching. His calm exterior was only agitating Batman even further, just for the simple fact that he looked like a Cobra about to strike.

"I came here to take the baby away from a horrible childhood, but… The looks you give him.. It likes you absolutely adore him."

"That's because we do." Harley said it, as she put away her breast, then proceeded to burp her baby boy. He burped, not once, but three times and Harley smiled, cooing at him and hugging him to her. Batman, upon seeing this felt a twinge of guilt.

"I thought I wanted to take the baby… Now I am not so sure. He looks happy. I don't think I've ever seen a baby look that enthralled by his parents. The Joker took Spade from her and she smiled, sitting down and crossing her legs.

"The thing is, Bats…" Harley began, filing her nails with her leg crossed over her other. "Is that you have no right to this baby. He was conceived of love, at least on my part, and his future brothers and sisters will be too. We may be criminals, but we are decent parents, and not even you can break the bond between us. NOW LEAVE." For once, he followed order and jumped from the window, leaving Harley, The Joker, and Spade alone again. Harley felt empowered. She had stood up for her family, and The Joker had to admit that was probably one of the hottest things she had ever done.