A note from Madi:

You guys seriously fucking rock.

okay then.

Keeping My Head Just Above the Water

E.C.

I've sort of gone off the grid. Well, as far as a Marine in physical therapy, constantly visiting the VA hospital, and dealing with a million different thoughts can possibly go.

She's going to haunt me eternally, I just know it.

I know this because I booted up my computer and typed her name into a search engine; she's got it all. Bella is married to a guy named Jacob Black. He's loaded. He makes more money in a year than I'll see in my entire life. The dingy glass is becoming a little clearer now, and it's obvious why she made the choice she did. I couldn't have offered her much more than a single bedroom apartment in some Seattle rat's nest.

The Bella I knew—the Bella I thought I knew—wouldn't have minded that. She lived for the freedom. But I'm a grown-ass man now, and I learned that poverty is definitely not freedom. I work my ass off, get shot at, to earn my pay.

I should've gone this investment banker route. Black seems to know what to do; how to take care of a family. It hurts like hell that he has the family that should be mine.

She's tried to reach out to me. Which is annoying as fuck, because I tried for all those years to no avail and now she thinks she just gets to make the effort. I choose to ignore the fact that a lot has changed in the last decade. People are easier to find, and she now has my station, rank, and unlimited resources at her disposal. She's like the face of the goddamn charity helping my sorry ass, and that makes me feel weak and helpless. I don't want to owe her anything.

How can someone just pop up out of nowhere all these years later and say, "Hey asswipe, you've got a kid," and expect it to be cool. It's not cool. Not fucking cool.

I really need to grow a pair and meet her for coffee like she's been asking. But there's a big part of me that wants her to suffer. I hate her. Almost as much as I loved her.

That's a lot.

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A/N:

I think it's time for Bella to do some explaining.

PS. I have a Facebook group, so please friend me and request an add if you'd like. Madi Merek. :)