Hereditary sensory and autonomic neuropathy (HSAN) Type 4, Congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis: An autosomal recessive condition. Affected infants present with episodes of hyperthermia unrelated to environmental temperature, anhidrosis and insensitivity to pain. Palmar skin is thickened and charcot joints are commonly present. NCV shows motor and sensory nerve action potentials to be normal. The histopathology of peripheral nerve biopsy reveals absent small unmyelinated fibers and mitochondria are abnormally enlarged. [1]
"I'm sorry," Alice whispered from her spot in the doorway, looking at Jasper. "I'm so, so sorry."
Jasper's back was to me, but I could see his fist clenching and unclenching. His thoughts were so jumbled, and he was broadcasting them so loudly I put my hands over my ears, a useless vestige of my old human mannerisms.
I started walking backwards, slowly, as the other Cullens entered the living room from their various places throughout the house. As they got closer their mental voices grew louder and louder, helped along by the anger escalating through the house, projected uncontrollably from Jasper.
I bumped into the front door, and the noise made Alice look over.
I'm sorry, I mouthed and reached behind me for the doorknob.
I stumbled out onto the front porch and made my way to the edge of the woods. I thought that after the past few weeks I had acclimated to the thoughts of all six of the Cullens at once, but this was overwhelming.
I stood there for a moment. Even the small distance helped, and I could almost manage all of the voices shouting in my head. I should go back in and help defend Alice, I thought. Instead I turned and ran into the woods.
About a mile in I slowed, then finally stopped when I reached a small clearing. I sat down in the damp undergrowth, and thought about what heard.
Jasper had pictured a couple, both blond and vampires, standing in a ravine at night. The landscape was barren, the dust and rocks spotted with short, scrubby trees. The man was yelling at the woman to leave. They both seemed terrified of something – Jasper, I realized. As soon as the woman turned and ran off the man joined her, disappearing quickly over the ridge of the small canyon.
It must have been Peter and Charlotte. The landscape looked like they were in Mexico. If they had been created by Maria, why were they so scared of Jasper? I wished I knew more: about them, about Maria, and about Jasper and his life back then.
I closed my eyes in concentration as I started to try and untangle the rest of what I'd heard in Jasper's mind. I recognized other images of Peter and Charlotte, flickering stills in different locations and different decades, from what I could tell. The longer I thought about what I had heard, the clearer and louder Jasper's inner monologue seemed to get. Then suddenly, it was much louder, and I realized that he was with me in the clearing.
I opened my eyes and saw him standing a few yards away from me.
"What happened?" I hoped that Alice had fared okay. I don't know why I thought that my presence would have helped; I probably would have just fucked things up more.
Jasper looked at the ground. "I didn't stay long either, obviously. I didn't want Alice to... I was afraid I couldn't control my temper."
Jasper's thoughts were almost incoherent. He was thinking about Alice's emotions over the past month: stress, fear, exhaustion, and most of all, guilt. I kept picking up phrases like "not like herself" and "she's hiding something from me, hiding something with him."One dark thought, a question, flitted through his mind briefly.
"No, Jasper, it's not like that. God." I shook my head. How could he doubt Alice like that? I was mad at myself and at Alice. I knew trying to hide our private conversations from Jasper and the others was a bad idea, but I had no idea he would jump to that conclusion.
"I... it's not what you think," I continued nervously. "What did she tell you?"
"Fuck you, Edward," Jasper spat at me.
I suddenly felt embarrassed, almost mortified, and I was confused. It took me a second, but when I put what I was feeling with what I was reading from Jasper's mind, I realized that it was Jasper's embarrassment and mortification. He couldn't believe that I had actually picked that thought from his head.
I wanted to placate him, calm him down.
"Jasper, I can tell you that you're the only one she's thinking about. She just wants to protect you."
"From what, Edward? What do you know?" Jasper's frustration added to the thick, heady emotional cocktail that was being forced on me. It was making me uneasy, and I couldn't sit still. I stood and started to pace, watching my bare feet crush the ferns covering the ground.
"Jasper, you need to talk to Alice." After all her careful planning I couldn't fuck it all up now.
"Damn it, Edward!"
I stopped my pacing and looked up. Jasper had moved, and he was standing right in front of me. I let out a long breath. I tried to rein in my emotions, but anything I was feeling was completely overwhelmed by Jasper.
"Jesus, can't you just leave me alone? I don't get a damn minute to myself; you all are always fucking here and in my head." I ran my hands through my hair, looking around the small meadow. I felt twitchy and angry and at loose ends.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Jasper said sarcastically. "I'm sorry that my friends getting killed interrupted your 'private time,' Edward. You know, I certainly didn't have the luxury of moping around for weeks after getting changed." He stopped talking out loud, but his thoughts continued.
Why did Alice ever make us go into the city that day? Those nomads should have gotten him instead.
Without thinking I cocked back my arm and punched him in the face. Jasper's head snapped back as the deafening crack echoed off the surrounding trees. I stood there dumbly for a second, shocked at what I had done. I hadn't thought, just reacted, a physical manifestation of the feedback loop of anger and frustration that had been building between us.
I realized that mind-reading really didn't help in a fight with Jasper. I knew he was going to hit me back a nanosecond before I felt it, but there was no way my newborn strength and speed was enough to block his one hundred and fifty years of trained reflexes.
It was my first experience of pain after waking up as a vampire. I could actually feel my jaw crack—not the bone, but the whole thing almost crumbled, as if it was a rock crushed by some violent force. I staggered backwards from the impact, my arms instinctively reaching out to steady myself.
I was able to anticipate Jasper's second attack, and I lunged to the left as he swung again. But I didn't see him kick until he hit my right leg, breaking it, and with my own momentum I started falling to the ground.
He landed on top of me just as I started to twist around, effectively pinning my left arm under my body. He twisted my right arm back with one hand, and his other elbow dug into my neck. His steel-toed boot dug into my shin, and it fucking hurt. The more I struggled, the deeper his elbow sank into my throat. I knew theoretically I didn't need to breathe, but it triggered something deep in my brain, and it was terrifying.
I was shocked by the overwhelming pain. The burning during my transformation was horrible in its own way, but like a sickness, like a blanketing fever. This pain was razor sharp, honing my anger like a knife steel. My vision dimmed down to a pinprick, and with every short huff of breath I realized I was snarling, accompanied by low steady growl that almost seemed surreal to be coming from my own body.
For all of my movement and noise Jasper was the mirror opposite, quiet and still as he held me down. His thoughts weren't disjointed with anger and emotion like they had been earlier. They were calm, rational, and precise, waiting and planning to react to my next move. He was flipping through memories, carefully weighing my body type and natural fighting style to other newborns he had encountered, deciding what would work best to further subdue me.
I started to feel tired, almost numb. My anger began to calm as Jasper's bodyweight was mirrored by his projected heavy, narcotic emotional calm that deadened my own senses. My breathing slowed down, and I stopped struggling. Theoretically I knew I wanted to get him off me, but I couldn't find the energy to do anything about it.
Through the haze I listened to Jasper's thoughts. They were eerily different than normal, almost clinical and detached. He was wondering if I was calmed enough for him to let go of my arm, allowing him to use both his hands to twist off my head. Hearing that thought shocked me enough to push though the ennui, and I was able to speak, the words slowly drifting through my mind, like air bubbles trapped in honey.
"Jasper," I whispered, "please, don't."
For a minute we both lay there, frozen, while Jasper weighed his options. Then his thoughts shifted, warmed, became again the steady cadence of stream of consciousness that I was used to hearing.
He slowly, carefully, lifted his elbow from my neck and pulled his foot off my legs. He slid off me and backed into a crouch a few feet away. I rolled all the way over onto my back and looked up at the sky. As Jasper's emotions retreated, the pain returned. It was almost a relief after that sickening haze that he had forced on me. I felt emotionally exhausted, and I ran my hands over my face. My jaw felt off, rough, like sandpaper.
"What...?" I ran my fingers more carefully over the edge of my jaw. It was like the broken edge of a piece of concrete, wet and slippery. "What the hell?"
"That's what happens when we get hurt. It's not like human flesh. It will regenerate; give it a few minutes. If it was worse, you'd have to find the piece that broke off and hold it in place for the venom to work." Jasper's voice was quiet, almost difficult for me to hear.
I rolled my head to the right and looked over at him. His face was unreadable, but his thoughts were calm, at least calmer than they had been when he entered the clearing. The scars crisscrossing his face and neck glittered in the faint sunlight that filtered through the canopy of leaves.
I winced as I started to sit up. My leg was throbbing, and I wondered if it was broken too. I didn't want to move, afraid it would hurt more. I stayed propped up on my elbows, both my legs out straight in front of me. My right pants leg was damp with venom, and I realized Jasper had broken it. I held my breath as the pain started to shift and burn.
"Jasper, I'm sorry about Peter and Charlotte." My voice sounded harsh as I gritted my teeth. "I can't imagine what you're going through. But it's not Alice's fault; you have to trust me on this." Jasper didn't move, just continued to look at me.
"Alice and I have been together almost sixty years. This is the first time she has ever kept anything from me."
"I know," I said, unsure what else I could say. I still didn't want to betray Alice's trust. I didn't want any of the Cullens to be harmed; I was so afraid of saying the wrong thing.
"Why do you think someone would kill them? Did it have anything to do with..."
I was cut off as I heard another voice approaching from the south. A second later I heard footfalls, then realized it was Alice approaching us.
"Alice is coming," I said quietly to Jasper.
"I know." Jasper stood and turned toward the sound of her running through the underbrush.
I was afraid to try and get up yet, but I turned toward the woods as I continued rubbing my hand over my jaw. It was starting to smooth out, and the pain there had faded considerably.
As Alice approached her thoughts became clearer, a steady repetition of don't hurt him don't hurt him don't hurt him. I wondered if she was thinking about me or Jasper.
She slid out from between two trees, her face an open book matching her frightened thoughts. She looked at the two of us, her eyes darting for a minute to my leg, then back to Jasper.
"Jasper, you left, and I want to explain..."
"What, Alice? Did you know about this? Was there anything we could have done?"
"No, I had no idea, I promise. Ask Edward."
"Whoa, stop, don't bring me into this," I interjected.
"Alice, please, just tell me what's going on." Jasper's voice was soft.
Any remaining anger Jasper had been feeling when he entered the clearing had completely dissipated. He was resigned now to the fact that Alice probably wasn't going to tell him everything, and he was running through his mind every possibility of who could have or would want to kill his friends. He was wondering if it was related to the vampires in the city, and if Alice was in any additional danger. He still wanted to protect her, above anything else.
I wasn't sure whether I wanted to feel relieved. I guessed I was glad I wouldn't have to take sides. Could I even honestly choose between the two of them? I was still so confused about my new role within this family, I really just wanted to keep my head down until I could stop worrying about everything all of the time.
"Jasper, I didn't know. Edward..." Alice shot me a glance, thinking about our previous conversations and how she could give Jasper something, some reasonable explanation.
"Edward asked if any of our friends might know who was in the city. I knew that we'd been talking to Tanya and Kate, but none of us thought to check with anyone else. I... when I decided to call Peter and Charlotte, it didn't change any of my visions, so I didn't think to tell anyone. I'm sorry."
I heard Alice start to run her statement back through her mind, seeing if there were any obvious holes in her explanation. She hoped that Jasper wouldn't have picked up on the fact that she had lied to Eleazar.
Luckily, Jasper wasn't analyzing Alice's response. He was now thinking in more detail of memories of his friends. Not many memories of his time in Mexico, but memories of talking to Peter about politics, hunting through darkened city streets with the Charlotte, and a particularly clear memory of him introducing Alice to the couple, as his wife.
"Let's go back to the house, all right?" Alice said as she walked up and rubbed her hand up and down Jasper's arm. He leaned his head down and rested his forehead against Alice's.
I looked away, embarrassed. I didn't know why I always felt uncomfortable around them when they were like that; it didn't happen around Rosalie and Emmett, or Carlisle and Esme.
"Um, I'll stay here a little while longer, if that's okay." They looked down at me. Jasper frowned at my leg; he was thinking about the last time he had fought a newborn. It was before he left Maria, and he thought maybe he had been a little rough with me.
"You think?" I asked sarcastically. Neither Jasper nor Alice said anything, and a moment later they had both disappeared into the trees.
"Whatever," I said to myself, looking around the clearing.
I still was hesitant to stand up, afraid to put any weight on my leg. Now that Jasper had gone I felt petulant, angry about the pain in my jaw and knee. The pain was weirdly foreign. I hadn't realized how differently my new body reacted to external stimuli. I could feel hot and cold, sharp and soft, but in an almost academic way. Nothing seemed to fully penetrate. I wondered idly if during the transformation the nerve ends retreated from the top layer of the epidermis.
I wondered what sex would be like as a vampire. On the one hand, you had heightened senses and physical strength and speed, but I couldn't imagine it could be as good without the depth of feeling and reaction a human body had. I missed feeling hot, or cold, or uncomfortable.
Besides hunting, the fight with Jasper was the first time I'd felt really connected with my new body since my change.
I waited another twenty minutes, then carefully stood up, keeping my weight on my left leg. I slowly shifted over, and I was relieved to find that my right leg could handle the weight. The pain had completely disappeared. I walked out of the clearing and headed back to the house.
When I returned the thoughts of the rest of the Cullens had changed considerably from when I had left. Although there were still thoughts of Peter and Charlotte, and worry for Jasper, there was hope and concrete planning going on in everyone's minds.
"What happened?" I asked as I pulled open the French doors that led from the back porch to the living room.
Carlisle responded, "We've decided to ask our friends from Alaska for help. Eleazar called back after Jasper and Alice had left, and offered his assistance."
All six of the vampires were seated around the dining room table. It reminded me of a scene from some military movie.
Alice smiled at me. "They will make all of the difference. That's what I was waiting for. By having the others with us, we will outnumber the vampires in the city, and none of us will get hurt."
I frowned; Alice's thoughts were excited and relived, but something seemed off, somehow. I wondered what she and Jasper had talked about on their way back to the house.
Emmett and Jasper were sitting next to each other, quietly talking strategy, figuring out the best time and location to try and ambush the nomads in the city.
Esme and Rosalie were talking about their friends from Alaska, and Esme was wondering if there was room in the house for the additional vampires. Carlisle was looking at the paperwork in front of him, thinking wistfully about the loss of opportunity for Alice to attend medical school at UW.
I stood there awkwardly; there were only six seats at the table, and I would feel weird walking up and trying to integrate myself into the group. Alice looked around at the others, then stood up and walked over to me.
"Don't worry, Edward. I know you'll be sad that you can't fight with us, but it will all work out," She reached down and squeezed my hand. "We have a full day before our friends will get here. Why don't we go play baseball?"
"Baseball?" I asked. Seriously?
"That's a great idea!" Emmett interjected. "We haven't played in ages!"
Everyone's thoughts shifted with Alice's suggestion, and I was bombarded with memories of huge fields, thunderstorms, running and laughter. "Come on," Alice tugged at my hand. "It will be fun!"
[1]http://en[.]wikipedia[.]org/wiki/Hereditary_sensory_and_autonomic_neuropathy
A/N:
Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing! I apologize for the delay on getting this chapter posted. Damn graduate school getting in the way of writing fanfic! A HUGE thanks to Feisty for beta'ing this - and on her birthday, no less!
