Retaliation
Chapter 11
Endings

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'." – Mary Anne Radmacher

Dave tried to see past the medics surrounding Aaron, desperate to see what was happening and at the same time terrified of what he would see.

Then he heard the word, 'Clear.' and he knew what that meant. He gripped Reid's hand and waited. He didn't pray, but today he made an exception. He didn't know what he would do if Aaron died, due to him.

'I am so sorry.' he whispered. Reid heard him.

'This wasn't down to you, Rossi. It was Symmonds' fault, and you must not blame yourself.'

Dave blinked back the tears that were threatening to overflow down his cheeks. Writing the book had been good for him at the time. All his inner demons were committed to paper and thereby washed from his psyche. But the imprint was still there, and he felt them flooding over him again, tearing at his very soul.

Logically, Reid was right. This was Symmond's fault. But he could only think that if he hadn't written the book, Hotch wouldn't be dying........

'Clear!'

He couldn't see Hotch, but he heard the sound of his body crashing down on the bed.

How could Reid be so ready to forgive when it was the man he loved in such grave danger.

Reid broke into his reverie.

'Is he alive?'

'I don't know, Spencer.' he said. 'I can't see.'

'Clear!'

'Sinus rhythm restored!'

The wailing alarm stopped and was replaced by the rhythmic pulse of Aaron's heart beat. One of the medics turned to Dave and Spencer.

'We got him back again.' she said. Dave noticed that Spencer was crying from his unseeing eyes.

-0-0-0-

Hotch felt the last shock pass through him, dragging him out of the dark place into the now. He felt the headache as though it was from a distance, and the dull throb in his side where the knife had been. He saw images pass across his inner sight, images of Jack and Haley in happier days; memories that would always remain in the past. He tried to claw his way back down into oblivion, but the pressure of the shock wouldn't let him.

The guilt of failing his team was a heavy load for him to carry. He remembered Dave was beaten unconscious, and had been tortured. He had allowed the UnSub to snatch Dave from under his nose, and he had got himself stabbed by falling for the oldest trick in the book.

And What of Spencer? He had been brutally raped right in front of him, and he had done nothing to prevent it from happening. How was he going to live with that? He had gone to get help alone in the forest. What terrors had he been through due to his, Aaron's, inability to keep his team safe?

Guilt haunted him and screamed, 'It's your fault.' at him like a terrible banshee. He fought against the shock across his chest, but failed again, and he became aware of hands touching him, easing him back into life.

Please leave me alone........

-0-0-0-

Reid sat on Dave's bed and wiped the tears from his face. He couldn't bear the thought of living on without Aaron by his side, and he almost collapsed with relief that he was all right. He was trapped in this dark world, and didn't believe that he would be able to function without Aaron. He released his grip on Dave's bandaged hand and reached out for Hotch. He took a step towards the bed, leaning on the IV stand. He touched Aaron's hot flushed skin and stroked his face.

Aaron, I love you, and I am so sorry......

He made his way slowly around the bed and pressed the bell. When the nurse arrived he beckoned her over.

'Please, would it be possible to move to another room?' he said softly. He didn't want Rossi to hear and try to talk him out of it. He knew what he was doing. He couldn't face Aaron, knowing what he had allowed the UnSub to do to him – he was soiled and dirty now, no longer worthy of the deep affection Aaron had for him. He needed to quit the BAU and never see Aaron again.

-0-0-0-

Dave leaned as far as he could towards Aaron.

'Aaron. You gave us quite a scare.' he said. 'Welcome back.'

Hotch turned towards Dave. He wanted so much to speak to his friend. There was so much he wanted to say, but the respirator tube prevented it. He lifted his hand off the bed and reached for him, and Dave returned the gesture.

Hotch turned to Spencer's bed, but he wasn't there.

-0-0-0-

Reid was standing by the nurses' station rubbing at his eyes. He was seeing light for the first time since the beating in the hut. Was his sight coming back?

'Do you still want to move rooms?' she asked. 'because there is a spare one at the end of the corridor, but are you sure you want to move? It would help your friends' recovery if you are all together.'

'No, it wouldn't.' he said emphatically. 'I need to move.' He rubbed at his eyes again. 'I think my sight is coming back.'

END

A/N – This is only a short chapter, I know. But I will be starting the sequel now. Called Fixation. I hope you enjoy it.