"If I could take your hand If you could understand
That I can barely breath the air is thin
I fear the fall and where we'll land."
Tamer - Beautiful Crime
After speaking with Jim on the phone, he doesn't know what to do or where to go. Inside of the cabin is an option, yes, but things are really difficult between him and Kate at the moment. His final decision is to give her some space and take a little tour around the small city that's not too far from the cabin.
It fills him up with waves of anxiety when he leaves her alone, but somehow he knows that she'll be okay for a couple of hours.
He drives his car through the forest, following the road signs that lead him to the city. While staring at the snowy road ahead of him, he can't help but let his mind flash back to the moment they had in the living room earlier, the feeling of her soft lips under his. His heart rate picks up, his breath hitches at the thought, making his palms sweat around the steering wheel.
The prints of her palm against the fabric of his shirt are still there, reminding him that she pushed him away with a faint 'I'm sorry. I can't.'. His brows furrow at the memory, trying to take over the whole information he got for the past twenty-four hours. The whole time she had this damn thing in her head and he didn't know. He had no fucking idea that things are much more complicated and worse.
There's this big feeling of sorrow that's stuck inside him, filling the spaces in his chest. The entire time he thought that she's getting better, but the tables turned unexpectedly and the fact that she's refusing to get treatment is making the situation even harder to comprehend.
He's unsure where they're going, where they've been. He doesn't know up or down. He's just trying to get her through this, but they're stumped on one thing and at the moment he's starting to wonder if they'll ever figure it out. Her whole life is peaking on this and if Rick failed, he will never forgive himself for not trying harder.
So instead of busying his head with thoughts, he focuses on where he's going right now and creates a small plan in his head. He promised her father that he'll do his best. He lied to Kate earlier about not keeping promises, because he surely does.
On his way to the city, Rick notices a couple of bookstores that struck him with the idea to get something for Kate.
Pushing the spare key that she gave him yesterday, he unlocks the door gently without making a cracking sound. He steps into the warm space, and when he walks into the kitchen, Rick is met with the sight of Kate sitting next to the counter with her hands holding onto her hanging head.
She lifts up her head when she hears someone entering the area, sorrow and grief painted across her beautiful face.
"Hey, it's me." He speaks, ensuring her that it's not someone else. Rick walks towards the counter to place the bags onto it, rubbing his frozen hands to warm them up.
"I thought you left." It escapes her mouth before she could even consider not saying it, her voice somewhat low and grief-stricken. He shifts his gaze down to her, watching as her eyes are somewhere in the empty space in the kitchen. Her eyelashes are darker and wet, which helps him notice that there are traces of tears on her cheeks as well.
He leaves the bags and goes towards her instead, his brows furrowing in concern. The questions 'Have you been crying? Are you okay?' are on the tip of his tongue, but he changes tactics and moves to fumble through the bags instead.
"Nope, you won't get rid of me that easily." He finds what he has been searching for, taking it out and placing it next to her elbow. "I wanted to see what's like around and I saw a couple of interesting places, and I-uh, I found something that I think you'd like."
Her forehead crinkles in confusion, a glint of surprise filling her irises. He nudges the big rectangular object in her hand and she cautiously takes it in her palms, examining it with her fingertips.
"What's this?" She asks while Rick's eyes are sparkling with excitement.
"I bought thirty postcards." He props his chin on his hand, watching at her puzzled expression with amusement.
"Why?" She tries to suppress her giggling, but ends up bursting into loud laughter, causing Rick's lips to curve into a big smile. There's a tiny pride filling the dark spots in his sternum.
"Because now only sixty-seven cards left." He shrugs as if it's obvious, observing as she gently removes the elastics that secured the postcards to stay together. "Oh, and these are not just postcards. Each of them has a thoughtful quote on them. You can read them whenever you need something to encourage you."
She's standing there with an unreadable expression, her eyes glittering with astonishment and confusion. "Rick, that's very sweet, but you know that I can't read this, right?"
"Actually," He holds up a finger, taking one postcard to open it and place it on the surface of the counter. "You can. Here, let me show you how."
One of his hands, catches hers in the cradle of his, startling her slightly. Kate doesn't pull her hand away when he lifts it towards the open card, nudging the tip of her index finger against the white paper that has bumps on it.
"Do you feel that?" He continues to stroke her finger against the bumps, looking up to notice something close to realization showing on her face.
"Yeah." She nods, her eyes blinking rapidly.
"Now, try to figure out what the postcard says. C'mon, I'll help you." He speaks gently and leaves her hand, watching as she accepts the challenge, tracing the bumps on her own.
It takes her some time to comprehend and examine it, her eyebrows scrunched in concentration the whole time.
"Difficult roads…" She traces with the tip of her finger and he gives her time to figure it out. "Is this the word 'often'?"
"Yeah, you're doing really well." He's really surprised that she's doing it so fast and correct for the first time.
"I have experience of figuring out my clothes color by the letters attached to them." She admits, smiling widely.
"You really do have a lot of experience." He hums.
"Difficult roads often lead to," She pauses, the next word taking her some more time to figure out what it is. Rick stays patiently next to her, trying to not give her any hints. "Awful destinations?"
Rick chuckles and shakes his head, correcting her. "Beautiful destinations."
"I know; I did that on purpose." She giggles. "So the whole thing is 'Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations'. Very wise."
"I know it's a little too cliché, but I thought it might be-"
"Hey, no – it's perfect." Kate cuts him off, amusement and pride swimming in her hazel eyes. "That's really sweet of you, I've never received a gift like that before. Thank you."
"I'm glad and honored to be the first." He wiggles his eyebrows, while she chuckles sweetly. He realizes that he's staring at her beautiful smile, wishing he could press his lips there, so he quickly pushes these thoughts away and goes towards the shopping bags. "I, uh, I also bought some Chinese and ice-cream. Do you want some?"
Her stomach makes a growling sound before she could answer and Rick laughs while she tries to not blush.
That night she crawls into her bed after exchanging 'Good night' with Rick and opens the rest of the postcards with a permanent grin plastered over her face, feeling them instead of reading them.
TBC
