I slid off the worn, leather saddle I had been sitting on for weeks and, with a thud, landed on the ground. I winced slightly and tied my horse to a tree before taking a short walk into the woods while massaging my legs. I was sore everywhere, but I was used to it after all this time. I looked around me as I walked, trying to spot something familiar. Unfortunately, I was surrounded by trees and none of them were especially note-worthy. I sighed and found a nice, sturdy oak and started to climb. My muscles screamed at me in protestation but I ignored them.
I went to put my foot on a branch and I slipped. Suddenly I was hanging by one hand with the ground ten feet below me. My mind suddenly flashed back to five or six years ago… I had been, what? Fourteen, maybe? I think so. I'd been climbing a tree with Edmund and Lucy and lost my footing then, too. Luckily, Edmund had caught me and we'd been able to just laugh and keep climbing.
But Edmund wasn't here now.
My vision swam, but I gritted my teeth and pulled myself up, finding my footing and keeping on. When I reached the uppermost branches I let out a breath and leaned against the trunk. I closed my eyes, exhausted. I hadn't slept for about two days, but I couldn't stop riding. I only stopped when my horse needed a break. I'd gotten her in Calormene along with the saddle. I'd gotten a good price, too. Before that I'd had a horse I got farther south from a farmer. That one had broken a shoe, though, so I'd traded her off…
I opened my eyes and shook my head. I realized I had been falling asleep. Falling asleep could lead to literally falling and I didn't like my chances from this height. I yawned and shakily stood up on my branch. I peeked through the branches and looked off into the distance. I saw mostly trees below me, but then a huge body of water, and sparkling on the shore…
Cair Paravel.
I thought back. When was the last time I had seen it? Probably a year or so ago… but when was the last time I'd actually been there? It was hard to tell… two years, three? Maybe even more. I'd spent a good amount of time up north where there was always snow, so there was no telling how many seasons past while I was there.
I smiled at the city and hurriedly, but carefully, climbed down from my tree. I jogged back to my horse, who was grazing. She looked up at me and I could tell she didn't want to keep riding. I sighed.
"Sorry, girl, but I'm too close to give up now. Besides, it's only about noon. We'll be there in a few hours, I promise."
The horse only let out a huff of air. It was a dumb horse; meaning she didn't talk. Talking horses were nearly none outside of Narnia. I pulled myself into the saddle and urged the horse forward. It was slow going, what with the close packed trees and little rivers all over the place. By the time we finally neared the city I figured it was near 4 or 5. I pulled the hood of my cloak up to hide my face. It wouldn't do for anyone to recognize me.
I entered the gates of the city and was immediately bombarded by noise. People were running about everywhere; shouting and advertising. The smell of caramel apples and chocolate from the marketplace made me smile. No one took any notice of me as I made my way toward the castle. I hopped off my horse outside an inn and walked toward the stable. I had my own horse at the castle… at least I hoped I still did. Besides, I always kept a non-talking horse outside the castle in case I ever had to get away… like I did all those years ago.
I found a stable boy grooming a horse and made sure my hood was covering my face.
"What'choo want?" he asked, eying me.
I tossed him a couple gold pieces.
"Take care of the horse. And if anyone asks, you didn't see me."
The boy nodded and grabbed the reins. Technically, all animals were supposed to listed and kept in records, but a little gold in the right hands could get you around that. As a queen, I probably should have tried to nullify those acts, but they came in handy.
I stopped the boy and took off the saddlebags, shoving them in a sack I kept and slinging them over my shoulder.
"Many thanks." I said before leaving the stable and heading toward the castle on foot. I wondered what the guards at the gate would think. They would be happy, I hope, that I returned. And I wonder what the Pevensies would think… Edmund would be happy, I was sure. And Peter would be angry, but he'd forgive me. No doubt Susan would think worse of me, but Lucy wouldn't care. She never did.
But I was shocked when I found the castle gates open. I walked through them dubiously, but no one stopped me. I wondered what was going on. Was there some sort of event? I walked through the castle close and saw that nearly all the stables were full. I guess there was something going on. I walked to the castle door, but found a guard standing… well, standing guard.
I was happy to find that I recognized him. He was an Archenland fellow who had come to Narnia a year or so before I left. I walked up to him and heard him say:
"Sorry, miss, but anyone not here for the ball has got to go."
"And what ball would that be?" I asked, keeping my head down.
"Are you daft, girl? It's the young King's twenty-first birthday."
"It's Edmund's birthday?!" I said incredulously. My head jerked up, which caused my hood to fall off my head. I brushed a few hairs that had fallen out of my braid out of my face. I couldn't believe my luck. What a birthday present this would be!
The man's eyes suddenly went wide and he bowed.
"M-my Queen!"
"Hello, sir."
"We were not aware you were to return!"
"No one was. Not even myself, really. Now, tell me, why are so many people here? Certainly so many would not show up just for a King's name day. Perhaps for his eighteenth, but not for a twenty-first."
"Have you not heard? Word was sent to every country nearby… the King is searching for a wife."
"Oh," I said surprised, "well I never really thought of Peter getting married, and the country has enough monarchs if you ask me, but I suppose if he wants to be married…"
"High King Peter is not looking to be married, your Grace…"
"What do you mean?"
"It's King Edmund…"
"WHAT?!" I yelled before covering my mouth quickly. I looked around to see if anyone and noticed, and upon seeing that no one had, turned back to the guard.
"What?!" I repeated in a hushed tone.
"King Edmund is looking for a wife. I believe the Kings wish to strengthen their ties with the other countries. I would bet they wish to marry him to a Calormene girl and clean up all that mess with Susan and Rabadash."
"Yes, probably." I said thoughtfully. Edmund was going to get married?! But he was just a kid… well he wasn't, really, but I remembered him as such. I couldn't ever Edmund settling down or… or having kids himself. Now there's a scary thought. Mini Edmunds.
I shook my head.
"No matter… I'll go inside now, thank you."
"Yes, your Grace. Shall I alert the other Kings and Queens of your presence?"
"No, no." I said, "I think I shall surprise them. Thank you, though."
He nodded and bowed. I walked inside; my footsteps echoing on in the stony foyer. I hurried to my room. I hoped it wasn't occupied. I found to my delight, however, that it was empty. In fact, it looked like no one had been in there since I had been last. Everything was covered in a thick layer of dust and the room itself was undisturbed. My inkwell was still sitting on my desk where I'd left it and my bed was unmade.
I set my things down quietly on my bed, then pulled out a rag and got to work. I cleaned the room thoroughly; making sure that all traces of dust were gone. A few times I heard footsteps outside and paused, but no one ever even slowed down. In fact, most people seemed to speed up when they passed the door. I wondered if my room was treated like a ghost's after all these years. When I was finished, I decided that what I needed was a nice, hot bath. Actually, I was covered in as much grime as my room had been. In my defense, there wasn't much chance for baths beyond Calormene except for small springs and streams.
I walked into the bathroom and glanced into the mirror.
Yikes.
I hadn't seen my own reflection in a month or so and I looked horrible. My hair was falling out of the braid and was knotted and needed brushing terribly, my face and hands were covered in grime, and my clothes were ragged and torn. The only clean thing on me was my necklace, because I refused to let it get dirty. It was the last thing Edmund had given me… or sort of given me.
I had found it under the Christmas tree the night I left. No doubt it had been waiting to be opened the next day. But I wouldn't be there to open it. So I took it with me.
I sighed and turned toward the tub. Then I realized that there was no water in it. Of course there wasn't; it wasn't as if the maids kept it ready for me. I sighed and took off my cloak, then went to my closet and pulled out a white rag. I tied my hair up into it and looked back in the mirror. If I didn't know better, I probably wouldn't even recognize me. Except for my eyes.
They were perfectly split in half; half green and half brown. They had been that way for a while. That's why I came back.
I grabbed a bucket from behind the tub and opened my door. I peeked both ways down the corridor before shutting the door and heading toward the water room. Cair Paravel was nice in the fact that it had hot springs below it, so we always had hot water in the castle.
I looked around as I walked, amazed that everything was so the same… and yet so different, too. The same suits of armor stood throughout the corridor, but in different places. The same stones lined the walls, but they looked slightly older and a little more weathered. The same servants walked the halls, but they too looked older and a lot more weathered. I was looking up at a stained glass window when I turned a corner and ran straight into someone.
"Pardons-" I said in a voice higher than my own, by habit. But when I saw who I had run into, I was rendered speechless. It was Edmund. And he was grown up.
He was a lot taller than he had been and his features were all a little more defined. His jaw was more angular than it had been, and he had lost any ounce of fat he had retained from his childhood. He was all muscle. He was still clean shaven like he had been, but somehow he just looked… kinglier. Well, it had been… four years? If it was his birthday… four and a half. Nearly five years. Wow.
I quickly averted my eyes so he wouldn't recognize me. But I kept glancing at him, amazed that my best friend had somehow grown up without my realizing it.
"Your Grace." He said sternly.
"Excuse me?" I asked, confused and afraid he knew who I was.
"You meant to say 'Pardons, your Grace.' Surely you know who I am?" he asked; raising an eyebrow.
"Of course, your Grace. My apologies, your Grace."
And then I turned on my heel and hurried off in the other direction. When he was out of sight, I ran. I didn't stop until I reached the well room and then I leaned against the stone and pulled the rag off my head.
My heart was pounding, but I wasn't sure if it was because of the running or not.
"He is twenty one." I thought to myself. Of course he looked older. But last time I'd seen him he wasn't even eighteen! And now he was a man grown and looked like one too. Then I realized that if he was twenty one, I myself was twenty. Twenty! Where did all the time go?
I turned and tied my bucket to the rope and lowered it into the well. So that meant that Lucy was nineteen… now there was a scary thought. Lucy was an adult. Wow. So Susan was twenty three and Peter was twenty five. They were all kids when I left! Well, Peter and Susan were older but they still seemed like kids to me. It was different when I was with them all the time. I didn't notice them getting older as much.
When I had my water I walked back to my room in a daze. I filled my bath and sunk into the steaming hot water with a happy sigh. I hadn't had a hot bath in months. I scrubbed the grime off of my body and washed the tangles out of my hair. When I was done I got out of the rub and pulled on a silky robe. Now when I looked in the mirror I actually looked like myself. Well, an older version of myself than I remembered. I guess Edmund wasn't the only one who had grown up. I walked out into my room and sat down on my bed. By Aslan, I was tired…
When I opened my eyes, the sky was the dull yellow color of the sun about to go down. I jumped up and rubbed my eyes. How long had I been asleep? A couple hours, probably. I assumed that all the lords and ladies were at dinner, because I couldn't hear any music from down the hall.
I walked over to my wardrobe and opened it. There were dresses of every color and style. I sifted through them and pulled out a dark green sleeveless dress. Perfect for a summer ball. Plus it didn't have a back corset, which would be helpful considering I didn't have maids to do it up for me. I slipped the dress on and also pulled on some matching green flats.
I then sat in front of my mirror and started putting up my hair, braiding it up and looping it until it stayed in place. I then grabbed my crown from its box and laid it across my head. I smiled at myself in the mirror. For the first time in a long time I looked… Narnian.
I went over to my saddlebags and grabbed a silk pouch. I opened it and pulled out a small box of a red powder-like substance. I had acquired it Calormene. I rubbed it over my cheeks like the merchant told me, then pulled out a black vile. I grabbed a stick wrapped in cloth and dipped it into the vile, then rubbed the outside of my eyes with it.
I looked in the mirror and was actually quite pleased. My eyes looked bigger and brighter than usual and I had some color in my cheeks. Satisfied, I sat on my bed and waited. Finally, I heard music waft into my room and smiled. I stood up, smoothed my dress, and took a deep breath. Then I opened the door and headed toward the ballroom.
My heart swelled with every step I took and it took everything I had not to burst out running. I was so excited. I wondered how happy they would be to see me. I rubbed my necklace for luck and entered the ballroom.
As would be excited, the room was filled with people dancing and laughing and drinking. I looked around for Edmund. I spotted Peter first. He was standing off to the side talking to Susan. I thought about going and speaking to them, but it was Edmund's birthday, plus he was my best friend. I would talk to him first. I scanned the ballroom and finally saw him dancing with some Archenland girl.
I took a deep breath and headed in that direction, scooting around the edge of the dance floor. I waited in the shadows until the song ended. I saw Edmund bow and the girl walked away, blushing like crazy. Everyone always said Edmund was handsome, but since I was his best friend, I never really noticed. At least, I never used to… Apparently everyone else did, though.
When I saw that he was alone, I took a deep breath and headed toward him. When I was only a couple feet behind him, I said:
"Excuse me, your Grace, but may I have this dance?"
He turned around and when he caught sight of me, he froze. His eyes went as wide as gold pieces and I saw a million emotions pass across his face. In my imagination, this was always when he hugged me or laughed or did something out of pure joy. But this was not so now. His face went blank and he grabbed my elbow, politely steering me toward a balcony.
"Um, Edmund, what are you doing?" I asked quietly, but he didn't answer me. When we reached a balcony, he drew the curtains across the entrance and turned to me. Suddenly, instead of looking happy, he looked… mad. Mad and conflicted and sad and a million other things… but not happy.
"Are you insane?" he finally said to me and I was taken aback.
"What?" I asked.
"What are you doing here? Why here? Why now?!" he said angrily, crossing to the ledge and gripping it so tight his knuckles turned white.
"I thought it would be a nice birthday present!" I said, although I had no idea it was his birthday until that day.
"What, like your last Christmas present?"
His words cut into me like a knife and I stepped back. I had never even considered that Edmund would still be mad at me after all this time. I thought he would understand.
"Edmund-"
"Why?" he asked, cutting me off and turning around. His eyes bore into me and in them I saw sadness… almost like something in them had broken since I left. "Why did you do it? Was it something I did or did you just suddenly decide you were bored of us?"
"W-what? It wasn't because of that, I just had to get away for a while! I had to-"
"You didn't have to do anything! You had a country to rule! Did you not even think of your responsibilities? Not to mention I woke up and when I went to get you, you were just… just gone. I thought you had been kidnapped or something! I spent the whole day looking for you!"
"I'm sorry, but if you'd just let me explain-"
"You didn't even leave a note." He said, and I heard the hurt in his voice. "You could've explained then and maybe I would understand, but not now. Not after four and a half years!
I didn't know what to say. This was all wrong. He was supposed to be happy to see me; he was supposed to forgive me at once and we were supposed to go back to being best friends… suddenly, though, I realized how naïve that was. Edmund was an adult now; he wasn't just going to forgive me anymore.
"I thought you would be happy to see me." I said in a small voice that cracked as I spoke, taking a step back.
Edmund looked at me with pain in his eyes.
"Did you think that after I spent months looking for you and years waiting for you that I would just forgive you like a lost puppy? I'm not a kid anymore. You were my best friend and you just left me. How could I forgive you? How could I be happy to see you? How could I care about someone who doesn't care about me?"
"That's not true-" I said, my voice almost inaudible. But he was already gone and I was left staring out past the balcony. My vision started to blur and I realized it was with tears.
So with that, he was back in the ballroom, leaving me almost crying on the balcony. He didn't understand… he was supposed to understand… I sunk onto the ground and stared at the sky. The sun was almost completely set and I could almost see some stars in the sky.
I heard someone come onto the balcony and I looked up, hoping it was Edmund here to tell me he had changed his mind, but it was Peter.
"Are you okay?" he asked me, leaning down. I nodded.
"Hello, Peter." I said with a small smile, blinking my almost-tears away.
"Hello, Evelyn." He said, standing up and offering me a hand. I stood up and brushed the wrinkles out of my dress. Peter was looking at me strangely, like he was just realizing that I wasn't fifteen anymore. He, too, had changed. He was even taller than he had been, and he had grown a beard. It occurred to me that like Edmund, he was also very handsome. I don't know why I had never bothered to notice before.
"I suppose you're mad at me, as well?" I asked.
"Slightly. But I figure Edmund probably gave you Hell enough."
I nodded.
"He hasn't been the same since you left. At first he was depressed… we all were sad but he was horrible. He sometimes didn't get out of bed in the morning and he wouldn't do anything. When we finally accepted that you were gone, he turned mad. He got aggressive; sort of like how he was before. Ever since a couple years ago, though, he's been… polite. He acts as kingly as possible and he never stops working." Peter sighed.
"I never meant to do any of that." I sighed.
"Why did you go, anyway? Were you trying to get away from the pressure of ruling or from us or yourself, or what?"
"I wasn't trying to get away from myself, Peter. I was trying to… find myself."
He nodded as if he understood and held out his arm.
"Well, we should head back. I'm sure Lucy will be thrilled to see you. Although seeing you is almost like seeing a ghost. It's as if you're back from the dead."
I smiled and took his arm, then headed back inside. I saw Edmund a little ways away dancing with some other girl like nothing had happened. But though he was smiling, his eyes showed no sign of joy. I sighed and followed Peter across the room to where a young woman stood with an old faun.
As the woman turned around I realized that her reddish brown hair and blue eyes were awfully familiar.
"Lucy?!" I said incredulously, letting go of Peter's arm and hugging her.
"Evelyn?!" she squealed as her eyes lit up like the night sky. I smiled, realizing that Lucy hadn't changed a bit.
"Oh Aslan, it's really you!" she said when I released her, "I can't believe it! Where have you been? I've missed you so much! I celebrated your birthday every year, you know. Edmund did too… for a while…" she said, her face darkening slightly, "have you talked to him yet?"
"Well, if by 'talked to him' you mean 'gotten yelled at by him' then yes." I sighed.
Lucy frowned.
"Certainly he'll forgive you sometime."
"I hope so…" I said, glancing over at him. I could only see the back of his head.
"He will." Lucy said, "I know he will."
"Thanks, Lucy. Oh! You've just got to come to my room after the ball. I've got four years' worth of presents for you! You must travel with me sometime, too. The markets down south are the most amazing things. Really, Lucy, they've got all sorts of things we don't. You would love it, I just know you would."
Lucy smiled.
"I'm sure I would! I'll make sure to come by later."
Lucy and I talked for a while about my travels and about what had happened while I was away. When a boy swept her away to dance I talked to him for a while. I must have apologized a hundred times for leaving him to rule without me, but after assuring me every time I said so that it was perfectly okay, he went off somewhere as well. I stood by myself for a while, then saw two familiar heads heading toward me.
"Corin! Aravis!" I said, rushing over and hugging them. They ruled Archenland together and I hadn't seen them in years.
"Evelyn!" they both said, hugging me back.
"My dear girl," Aravis said, "where in the world have you been?"
"I do believe I might have seen all of it, I'll say that much." I said with a small laugh.
We talked for a while and finally Aravis said
"I'm so sorry you missed our wedding. It's such a shame; I would have loved for you to have been there."
"Oh, I think you'll find I was closer than you would think." I said with a sly smile. In fact, when I heard they were getting married I headed for Archenland at once and managed to catch the wedding while disguised as a Calormene woman.
"You were there?!" Corin said with a laugh, "you are a sneaky one, aren't you?"
I laughed and saw Edmund glaring at me from a little ways away. He was probably mad I'd been at the wedding. I'd seen him, too, but I hadn't been able to bring myself to say hello. I thought it would hurt too much.
After a bit more small talk, I politely excused myself from Corin and Aravis. I looked around the ballroom, but I didn't seem anyone else I needed to talk to. Susan was nowhere in sight and I didn't doubt that she wouldn't want to speak with me. The rest of the room was mostly filled with young girls probably trying to win over Edmund.
I still couldn't get my head around that.
I headed toward the door and went to my room. I laid my crown on my desk and collapsed onto my bed. I fell asleep without even bothering to change.
I wasn't sure if my crying was in my dreams or not.
