These Words Are My Own

Chapter 11

This was turning out to be a terrible day, Will thought to himself as his cab sat in traffic about four miles of New York Presbyterian Hospital. He was in panic mode, Nina was at the hospital and he was not. He knew nothing and the longer he waited in the back of the cab, the more enraged he became. Decided to take his chances, he got out and ran to the hospital. Not very well, but he did it.

At the front desk, he asked the attendant, "I'm looking for Nina Howard, brought in about an hour ago, I think. Car accident."

"Husband?" The attendant asked searching for the name on the computer screen.

"Um...yeah." He said lying, knowing he wouldn't be let back if he said he was anything but that. There needed to be a better term for the man impregnated a woman, but wasn't really quite sure what the relationship.

"Alright sir. I'll have someone take you back to the waiting room that's designated for visitors waiting for patients in surgery."

"Surgery?"

"Yeah."

"She had surgery?"

"Yep."

"I need to talk to a doctor right away."

"She's still in surgery, sir. But you can go to the waiting room and the doctor will see you when the surgery is done."

"Alright, alright."

Will paced for twenty minutes, tried to sit for about thirty minutes, picked up and put down about four magazines and checked his Blackberry a countless number of times. Anything to make the time go by faster.

The doctor came out, "Mr. McAvoy?"

"Yes."

"Dr. Lopez. Nice to meet you. Listen. Minor procedures. We had to essentially pop a few bones back into place. She's doing great, though. She's already starting to wake up."

"Oh thank God. I had no idea why she was in surgery. So the baby's okay?"

The doctor looked confused, "I'm sorry...the baby?"

"The baby? Is the baby okay? Did something happen?"

"Mr. McAvoy, I think you need to talk to Ms. Howard..."

"What? What are you saying? Nina is 9 weeks. We've been planning. She's...pregnant."

"Sir, I don't know want to be the barer of bad news. I'm sorry. We ran tests before the surgery as a precaution. She's not...I think you two need to talk. I'm sorry. Good luck to you."

The doctor put a hand on his arm and left.

For about the eighth time that day, Will was left in shock.

When Will came in into Nina's room, she had several casts on, one on her leg, one on her arm. She was dosing off. He sat in the chair beside her and stared off into space.

"I didn't think you'd come." Nina said, opening her eyes.

"Yeah. I'm happy you're okay."

"Yeah, me too. I'm going to need some physical therapy, but all things considered, I'm pretty lucky. Although, I don't think I'll be riding in cab anytime soon. Maybe when the baby is born, we can move out of the city. See what fresh air feels like." She began to caress his hand and he jerked it away.

"So how far were you going to take this, Nina? What? Were going to get a fake baby bump? You were going to have to start showing at some point. And when it came time to delivering. What? Were you going to steal a baby?"

She looked down, unable to meet his eye contact.

"You lied to me." He looked down and whispered, still in disbelief.

"I lied to you?" She shouted back.

"Yeah, you lied to me."

"YOU LIED TO ME! You said you weren't in love with Mackenzie."

"Are you kidding me? You can't even come close to comparing the two."

"I was desperate. I wanted to be with you so badly and I felt you just slipping away from me and I knew...I always knew. You love her. The way you look at her, the way you talk about her, the way your eyes light up when she sends you a text message. I couldn't compete with that. You were out the door and so I created this thing, this lie and everything just got so out of control..."

"I can't believe this. How could you do this to me?"

He was met with silence.

"NINA!" He started to cry.

"I don't have any excuses. I did a horrible thing that I can never take back."

"You'll never know..." He shook his head.

"I'm so so sorry. Please...you have to forgive me. Please, Will..."

He took out the baby shoes that he kept in his pocket, the ones he kept to remind himself of the love he was able to give. The chance to be the father he never had. He took out the shoes and put the them on her hospital table.

He touched the shoes one more time, before leaving the room behind.

Will McAvoy was a man who prided himself on his words, but at that moment he was so heartbroken that there were no words.

There was no baby and there were just no words.