Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha
Okay, so I finally updated, yay! Now all those threats to blow out my knees with sledge hammers and to steal my reviewers will stop for a while, right. And I really wish you guys would have accounts where I have to reply to tell you I put up a new preview on my profile to satisfy y'all while I work on finishing up this chapter. Hanmajoerin is still doing editing because she's just awesome like that. Well, I finally finished so please enjoy!
NoRMaL
Chapter 11: Step Back
The Archery Club was one of the very few safe havens I held in the world. It was something about the sound of an arrow whizzing through the air and the muffled thud of it hitting the target that comforted me. It made the knots in the back of my neck loosen and it seemed like it was finally okay to breathe freely. It was peace bottled up into one activity.
"Are you even listening to me?"
Unfortunately, Rin somehow found a way to join the club for a day without even having to touch a single arrow. She was sitting in a patch of grass near me, wrapped up in her coat and gloves, prepping me on my so called 'date' with Inuyasha later today. It was hard to relax when Rin was letting the stress of this afternoon with Inuyasha build up on me.
"You're not the easiest to ignore," I mumbled, stringing another arrow and pulling back. "And you're my best friend." I let the arrow fly but Rin's voice blocked out the sound I needed to calm my nerves.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means I'm not allowed to ignore you," I explained, reaching down for another arrow. But lying is okay.
I shook the thought off.
"You do realize you can't mess this up, right?" Rin asked from her spot in the grass a few feet away. "This is your chance to fall in love! And with Inuyashaaaa," she sang his voice as if she were tempting me with a dog treat or something.
Love makes me sick.
"And my plan to spice up your wardrobe worked," Rin added, grinning. "Inuyasha has been checking you out."
I let go of my arrow and it went off course, hitting the outer edge of the target. "Rin…"
"Yeah, I know, you're in a deep pit of denial and all, I gotcha. I just don't want you to come out of that denial too late and realize you missed your shot with him and regret screwing up this one little date by doing absolutely nothing."
"We're working on a project," I pointed out for what felt like the billionth time. "At the library." I strung another arrow. "That hardly qualifies as a real romantic kind of date."
"Skipping the whole library and project stuff, you're going out to eat at a sit down restaurant and he's paying. I've already told you a billion times that's a date."
My aim is really off today. I haven't hit bull's eye once and that practically never happens. It's probably all the dating talk. Or just Rin in general.
I don't want to be mad at Rin, but I am. I am just really agitated right now and Rin is somehow doing a really good job to piss me off. This was my place to relax and forget the rest of the world even existed but she came in intruding on my 'Me Time'. And now she won't shut up. All she can talk about is dates and falling in love—with Inuyashaaaa—and it's starting to piss me off. Rin is my best friend and I love her, but she's pissing me off. Sometimes I just want silence. But it's not like I'm going to go and tell my only friend off because she's doing what normal teenage girls do and talking about boys.
"Oh! Don't forget to wear some really nice underwear." Rin said and I blanched. My arrow went way off course. As in, somewhere up in the trees.
"What!"
"Nice underwear," Rin repeated with a shrug as if it were nothing. "You know…if y'all go to his house after the restaurant."
That's it. If Rin spits out anymore of her crazy ideas I'm going to flip on her and I don't want to flip on her. Her whole Kagome + Inuyasha = LOVE! theory is driving me insane and just what will happen if I show up to our 'date' insane? Good Lord, it's just another lecture just waiting to happen.
"I gotta go," I mumbled, picking up my arrows off the ground and heading towards the target to rip the few I shot out. "Don't want to be late for the"—I inwardly cringed—"date."
"I thought the Archery Club wasn't over until four-thirty."
"I'm checking out early," I told her, ripping out the arrows as fast as I possibly could. "I have to get ready to meet Inuyasha."
"Taking my advice and changing?" Rin asked, raising her eyebrows and I rolled my eyes.
"For notes, Rin. I left my notes at home."
Thank God Inuyasha wasn't here to call my bluff.
-x-
When I was younger the library used to be one of my favorite spots to go, as nerdy as that sounds. It had started when Souta was first born and he was always crying and, even at three years old, I couldn't stand all the screaming. My dad took me to the library one day when I had done enough excessive complaining and he let me run free in the kids' area. When I was three it was more about the bright colors and books my dad would read to me and the toys they had laid around in the gazebo area with the alphabet rug, but when I started to learn how to read on my own I went there a lot on my own and pretend I had an extraordinary life that never had a dull moment. And then when Dad got cancer and he started looking like death, I ran to the library for an escape, reading books where the cancer victim has a breakthrough and they defeat cancer and continue their life living happily. I refused to look at the factual books on cancer; I had a problem facing reality even at twelve.
When Dad finally did die I didn't go to the library anymore. Partly because his death put the fact that all those books I loved to read where the ending was always happy were just bullshit into focus. And when Dad died Mom checked out of the world and there was too much to look after at home to keep running to the library to read about teens whose only problem were their boyfriends ignoring them.
Stepping back through the glass doors and getting hit with the wave of heat that instantly made my nose warm brought on a barrage of memories of me and my dad sitting in the chairs by the fireplace, using the computer, getting my library card. Memories I had long ago made sure to forget.
"Are you okay?"
I snapped out of my daze and turned to see that the hand that was waving in front of my face was attached to Inuyasha's body. He pulled his red hood off his head and his ears twitched twice.
"You're early," I said, not sure if I'm fine was a true answer.
"It's cold outside." He readjusted his book bag on his shoulder. "We can get to work early now, maybe finish early and then eat."
"Yeah." The sooner we finish the sooner we can get on with the date. Yay.
I led the way up the stairs to the upper level where the computer lab and nonfiction selection were located with tables set up by the bookshelves. I grabbed a table by one of the large windows that overlooked the front lot littered with dying leaves. I put my bag in the seat next to me and Inuyasha got the hint and took a seat across from me.
"So did you get anything done over the weekend?" I asked as I pulled my binder and Frankenstein book out of my bag.
"Not really."
"Well, I started the journal entry for the letters Sunday but I kind of got stuck so I brought it over so you can read it and maybe help." I got out a pencil and then an eraser. "I also figured we could start working on themes since we have so much already highlighted."
"Uh huh."
"So do you want to—"
"Do you like the library?" Inuyasha asked suddenly, looking up from his book and pinning me with one of his intense looks.
"What?"
"You just seemed adamant about working here," Inuyasha shrugged. "I was just wondering if you liked the library."
"Well, it's quiet and I like quiet places sometimes. And it was either here or the restaurant and Miroku doesn't trust you so it's best that we work here." I picked my book up. "So I was wondering—"
"Do you come to the library often?"
Honestly, I shouldn't be mad at just Inuyasha, but myself. I should have seen it coming a mile off. Alone with Inuyasha would only lead to questioning. Apparently, our Lit grade doesn't even matter enough to him to stop interrogating me long enough so we can actually get done.
"I use to," I answered, looking for the highlighted information myself. The work done on this project doesn't seem like it'll be split evenly.
"What made you stop?"
"I didn't have enough time anymore," I answered quickly. Why did I even think a normal conversation with Inuyasha was even possible? "Do you know which scene you want to act out yet?"
"There's a good one coming up in the monster's narration of the story that I think we could do," he answered, actually picking up his book to skim through it quickly. I'm shocked he said something related to Frankenstein. "I think I could act it out well."
"Great. Just make a note of it when we get there."
"Yeah." I looked up at him and he was staring down at a page in the book.
"Did you—"
"Did you use to read a lot?" Inuyasha asked, closing his book and shutting out whatever it was he was thinking as he stared at the page. He looked up at me at me expectantly. "So?"
"I don't like reading much fiction books anymore," I told him. "They bring along false hope when you check out of reality."
"Did—"
"I don't know if you realized, but we came here to work on a project," I cut him off, not wanting to delve deeper into the subject. "So you can look over my summary and I'll start organizing the highlighted material into possible themes."
Inuyasha sat up a bit straighter in his seat. "Okay."
"Good."
We worked in silence for a while and I enjoyed it, knowing it wouldn't last for long since Inuyasha seemed to want to know everything about my life.
"You smell good today, by the way," Inuyasha spoke offhandedly, breaking the silence, and I involuntarily froze and turned red, unable to think straight. "No deceit."
"R-right." I took a deep breath and recollected my sanity. "Glad I'm not making your stomach sick today."
"You didn't do that before."
"Right, it gave you a headache. My bad."
"With an attitude like that you're never going to get married." Inuyasha looked up at me and smirked. "Too much sarcasm."
"Who says I want to get married?"
"So you want to die alone?"
"You say it as if we're going to take our last breath at the exact same time." I rolled my eyes. "This isn't The Notebook. And just because I don't want to marry anyone it doesn't mean that I'm going to live my life alone."
"So you don't want to get married?"
"No." Not if my life stays the same way it is now. Even if I graduate from college and get a great job I can't forget about my mom.
"Okay, now I get it."
"You get what?"
"You're one of those girls that are afraid of commitment." Inuyasha seemed satisfied with his conclusion as he smiled a bit, sitting back in his seat and crossing his arms over his chest.
"I don't have a problem with commitment," I hissed. "I just… I don't like… depending on anyone." And who does? If I'm independent and do everything on my own the only person who can let me down is me. The only one to be angry with or disappointed at me would be me. It's easier to avoid conflict if the only one to be mad at is me.
"So you're one of those independent feminist."
"I'm just independent," I corrected. "You don't have to be a feminist to be independent."
"So you don't think girl's walking around in bikinis is degrading to the female race."
Rin wears bikinis. "No, but I wouldn't wear one."
"Because…"
"I'm not comfortable." Sometimes it takes bruises a while to heal on the days when Mom is raging drunk. And how do you blend when you're exposing just about everything? "And we have a huge project worth our entire grades practically so let's get back to that."
"Did you know you change the subject when you want to avoid a topic?"
"It's that obvious?" I asked, rolling my eyes, trying to get back to my work. I actually really do care about my Lit grade and Inuyasha is screwing it up. This is exactly why I didn't want to work on partner projects.
We worked for another hour where, in actuality, I did most of the working and Inuyasha would look at his book for a second before thinking of a question to ask me. He did manage to read over the beginning of my summary and tell me it sucked. Very helpful.
"Have you ever gotten completely wasted?"
"No." I didn't even look up from my paper, hoping Inuyasha would get the hint that I was actually here to work, not socialize. The hundredth time has to be the charm. "I've never had beer at all."
"Really?" Inuyasha sounded genuinely surprised. "A high schooler who hasn't even had a sip of beer." He shook his head. "You're missing out."
I doubt it.
"Did it occur to you that I don't want to try beer," I snapped. Teenagers like that piss me off. They all thought the effect of beer was a buzz that lightened up the mood, livened up the party, made everything funny. They completely forget the number of deaths caused by drunk drivers, alcohol poisoning, not being able to think clearly because your inhibitions are always the first thing to go. How many girls lose their virginity when they're wasted? And alcohol ruins families. My family. But my peers are too stupid to see the problems with beer. In their minds its beer equals party and partying equals fun.
"Why not?"
It hurts to know my project partner is one of those dumb idiots. "Because who likes drinking their own vomit? Does it really taste that good? And is it fun not being able to think for yourself because all your senses flew out the window? And why would I like a hangover that makes me stumble around to the point where I run into walls and can't get back up when I fall?"
"Whoa. I was just—"
"And alcohol kills people. It tears apart families. Beer hurts people." I looked Inuyasha in his eyes. "Why would I ever drink beer?"
"I was just asking a question," Inuyasha mumbled looking down. "Did you lose someone to alcohol or something? You're really adamant about this too."
I haven't lost her yet, but she's slowly slipping away.
I looked Inuyasha in the eyes again when he lifted his head. He said it in a light manner but his eyes said he was serious for an answer. An answer I'm not about to give.
"I'm done," I declared, closing my binder and collecting my stuff. "I'm going home."
"What? Why?" Inuyasha looked around as if to be searching for the problem when it was so obviously him. "We're working on our pr—"
"No, I'm working on the project. You're just trying to pry your way into my life when you're not welcomed. If I want to let you in"—and no one gains entrance—"it'll happen, but stop forcing you way in. This is my life and you can't force me to let you in so just fuck off already!"
"Kagome, I didn't—"
"I'm going home," I repeated as I swung my bag over my shoulder. "I'll see you at school tomorrow." I began walking away from the table, ignoring the glare one of the librarians shot me.
"Kagome, I'm sorry." Inuyasha was out of his seat and following me now. "Please, let's still go out to eat and—"
"How about no?" I turned around suddenly and Inuyasha stopped abruptly, taking a second to regain his balance to keep from tipping us both over and sending us down the flight of stairs. "Apparently, we can't have a normal conversation and I don't like being interrogated anymore."
"Kagome, I won't—"
"Goodbye, Inuyasha, I am going home now," I said slowly so he would finally understand. I spun on my heel after Inuyasha didn't reply and I left him alone in the library.
-x-
"So… how was the date?"
I probably shouldn't have picked up the phone. Damn that guilty feeling hitting full force now of all times.
"It was—"
"Was the food even any good?" Rin cut me off. "If the food is bad the date couldn't have been that great. Unless, you know, Inuyasha made a move or anything. So did he?"
"Did he what?" I asked, faking dumb to buy myself some time.
"Make a move!"
"Oh. Uh… not—"
"Crap, hold on. Somebody is calling on the house phone and only important people bother with the land line. I'll get back to you in, like, a second."
"Okay." No promise that I'll pick up though. "Talk to you later."
"And you better pick up."
There goes my plan. "I will."
"Okay, bye."
The second I hung up the front door flew open and I tilted back in the kitchen chair to see Kazuo standing in the doorway with his eyes closed and arms wide open as if he was expecting to be greeted by someone.
"Mom's still at work," I called out to him and his arms dropped to his side and he opened his eyes. "She should be home by eight."
"Oh."
"Good day?" I asked rocking on the back two legs as Kazuo all but skipped down the hall to the kitchen. "A really good day, I'm guessing."
"You are looking at the new regular act for Tuesday nights at that stuffy restaurant with the bad food and high prices."
"Wiebel's?" We all went there once for dinner to celebrate after Souta's team won the championship game and Kazuo would not stop complaining about the horrible quality of the food and the outrageous prices and Mom just laughed along with his antics. I agreed with him fully but I wasn't letting the entire staff here my opinion.
"Yeah, there." Kazuo grabbed a soda from the fridge and sat across from me. "I'm surprised they gave me the job."
"You should be careful," I warned, picking up my pencil to resume my math homework. "It might be a set up."
"Set up or not, it's a job." Kazuo looked down at my math book. "They're still giving y'all that confusing stuff to solve?" He shook his head. "Graduating was the best thing that could have happened to me."
This was one of the things I loved about Kazuo. He's always so easy going that it just makes me want to smile. In fact, his personality makes everyone smile which is just what my family needs; a reason to smile. Which is why Mom can't keep screwing up.
Ring, ring, ring! Ring, ring—
Kazuo reached for the phone but I snatched it up before he had the chance to take it.
"It's for me," I explained, answering his unasked question as I pressed 'Talk'. "I was talking to Rin earlier."
"Okay," Kazuo said, nodding his head as he got up from his seat. "I'll be upstairs if you need anything. I'm pretty sure there's something in there for you to eat, but if there's anything you need you can just take my car. I left the keys on the coffee table."
"Alright." I watched him walk back down the hallway and then turn to head up the stairs before putting the phone to my ear. "Hello?"
"He's really sorry, you know."
"What?"
"Inuyasha," Rin clarified. "He just called, asking me to tell you that he's really sorry about what happened in the library. He says he'll lay off now."
"I'll believe it when I see it," I scoffed, standing up to look through the fridge for tonight's quick dinner. I want something that won't take longer than ten minutes to cook. My stomach is growling.
"I'm just delivering the message." There was a pause and I waited as I stared into the fridge, not really looking. "But he sounds really sorry for whatever it was he did. And Kagome, he's a good guy; just give him a chance to redeem himself."
"You make it sound as if I completely cut him off." I shut the fridge and headed over to the pantry. I wasn't planning on being home for dinner tonight so I didn't take anything out to cook. Cereal was looking like a good meal. "I just told him to stop butting in not to jump off a cliff and leave me the hell alone."
"He said you told him to 'fuck off already'. That's kind of cold."
God, did he tell Rin everything? "I was just a little agitated," I told her, reaching for the Frosted Flakes. "Tell him I didn't mean to be such a total bitch." But I meant everything else.
"It would be better if you told him."
"I don't have his number."
"I could give it to you."
"Correction, I don't want his number." I would have to stress over the choice whether to call or not if I actually had the means to call. "I'll just talk to him at school tomorrow, okay?"
"You promise?"
"Yeah, yeah, I promise." I went back to the fridge and pulled out the milk, popping the lid and sniffing it. It was actually still good. "Is there anything else?"
"It's a real shame you didn't go out to eat with him," Rin said, and I rolled my eyes as I poured my milk. "He really wanted to go."
"He actually said that?"
"No, but you could tell by the desperation in his voice when he asked me to deliver his apology. You know, he's really sweet and nice when you actually listen to him."
"You can still go after him," I told her, grabbing a spoon and heading back to the table, pushing my math homework away from me. "I'm not going to stop you."
"Too bad he's already has his eyes set on you."
Gag me.
-x-
"So, about yesterday…" I had taken the initiative to start the conversation, but I hadn't thought of the actual conversation until I was on my way to Inuyasha's locker and I hadn't gotten past those three words.
"Yeah."
It seems Inuyasha hadn't given much thought to this conversation either.
"So, yeah, I'm sorry about snapping and leaving on you yesterday I was just…" My standard excuse for my moody behaviors is that I'm PMSing but Inuyasha would call that bluff automatically. "I don't like anyone just barging in, okay? And, yeah, all that questioning stuff was fine when we were just hanging out Saturday but yesterday it was annoying."
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that," Inuyasha mumbled, scratching the back of his head. "I just… wanted to get to know you better."
That line should have sounded so cheesy and yet for some reason it didn't.
"Okay then." I shifted my weight to my left foot, feeling somewhat uncomfortable. "So let's just pretend the whole thing never happened, 'kay?"
"But it did happen. I can't just wipe it out of my memory."
Did he really have to be this difficult? "No, but let's just wipe the slate clean anyways."
"As much as people want that to be the case, it's not going to happen."
God! He's so… frustrating!
"Alright then, what do you want to do?" I snapped, placing a hand on my hip.
"Just move forward," Inuyasha shrugged, shutting his locker and taking a step back. "Life's about learning from your mistakes, right? You can't learn if you refuse to acknowledge the problem even existed."
I just stared at him, speechless for a moment, wondering who the hell this guy was. Any other guy would have agreed with my plan on the spot and we could go on living like nothing was wrong. How could a teenager have so much insight at the age of sixteen? It's supposed to be impossible.
"So can we just keep going now that I know not to just question you?" Inuyasha looked down at me, waiting, one strap of his book bag slung over his shoulder.
"Uh… yeah." I shook my head to gather my thoughts. "We'll just keep moving forward."
It felt weird not to be taking my usual step back.
-0-0-0-0-0-
Alright, so I know some of you guys wanted romance but now wasn't the time to put it in there, but trust me, it is coming. Give me about… two or three chapters. But, for those who don't know, I do post previews on my profile that'll I'll try to update every now and then to keep you from getting impatient for my next update which might take a while since I start school next Wednesday (yes, I'm crying too). So, it would be fan-frickin-tastic if you left a REVIEW when you're done reading because I just LOVE reviews. So REVIEW!
And the underwear comment, courtesy of hanmajoerin.
~Kimiko888~
hanmajoerin is glad to say that she has finished editing! YES!
