A/N:Merry-whatever-the-hell-you-celebrate-if-you-celebrate-at-all,
everyone. Also, (I) is a bit of a continuation on Set Ten's (VI),
you know, the one with the ghost sex talk.
Also, I, um, sort of
lost track of time dealing with family and, um, watching a
documentary on TV. So, as such, I'll be posting up the rest of what
I was originally intending to upload today tomorrow.
Genre: General/Humor
Pairings: I.
Donut/Grif, Sister/Tex, Church/Donut; II. Donut/?/Sister; III. None;
IV. Grif/ Simmons, Sister/Doc, Donut/Tucker, Donut/Tucker/Church; V.
Grif/Simmons, Sarge/Tex, Donut/Tucker/Sister, Donut and Sister/A row
of cute boys; VI. Tex, Donut, Sister, and just about all the guys
Rating: PG-13/T
Summary: High
School: The Oddest Frontier.
Warnings: Slash,
het, cursing, talk of sex toys, mentions of sex, allusions to sex,
mentions of threesomes, underage drinking, and general teenagerness.
School
Days Haze
(Set
Eleven)
(I)
"I mean, it's not fair if I have Grif, 'cause you can't fuck him," Donut said as they walked down the hall.
"Well, I don't mind," Kerry told him. "Look at it like this; you can have my brother, and I'll have all the girls."
"That's a good compromise," the blonde agreed.
"And speaking of girls, there's Tex."
The two Juniors went over to said girl, who was at her locker with Church.
"Hey, Tex," Donut greeted. She didn't respond.
"When I'm dead, you should come visit the stage sometime," Kerry suggested flirtatiously. Tex looked at the younger girl, eyebrow raised quizzically.
"Why would I do that?"
"I'll make it worth your while," Kerry promised, winking a hazel eye at her. She and Donut turned and resumed their walk to class.
"What the hell was that?" Tex asked, bewildered as she watched the younger girl leave.
"Oh, you can guess," Church said cryptically. He wore a knowing smirk.
"Yeah, and I don't think I like it."
"You were interested."
"I'm straight," Tex reminded.
"She said while simultaneously checking out Kerry's ass."
"And you're staring at Donut's, so shut the hell up before I make you a eunuch."
(II)
"It's decided; me and Donut are gonna get married," Kerry announced. Grif looked at her.
"You're telling me that you, a female, are marrying a gay guy?" he questioned slowly.
"Yup," the two confirmed.
"I completely approve of this," he told them happily.
"See, we're getting married for the benefits," Donut told him.
"Then, we'll just sleep around."
"I'm not liking this as much, anymore," Grif mumbled, frowning.
"And we both promise to bring home all the really cute guys," the blonde continued.
"Of course, I'll keep all the girls to myself since Donut doesn't swing that way," Kerry added.
"Girls are yucky," the boy said, face contorting into a look of disgust. As an after thought he added, "No offense."
"None taken. You just have to get the really masculine chicks."
"I could only ever do it with a girl if she had a strap-on," Donut commented.
"Same here," Kerry agreed.
"You both ruined what could have been great news for me," Grif told the two. They weren't listening.
(III)
"Grif, no. No way am I getting in there," Simmons said stubbornly.
"Oh, come on. You have to eventually," the brunette told him.
"No I don't," he argued. "It's a free country, after all."
"Listen, just make this easier on yourself and get in the damn pool."
"Hell no! Not until I'm dead and hell's a frozen landscape."
"Goddamn it," Grif sighed in exasperation.
He swam over to the edge of the pool and looked past at Simmons. Suddenly, he smirked in a way the freckled teen did not trust one bit.
"One last chance to do it yourself, Simmons," Grif warned.
"I'm not-"
Simmons didn't get to finish his sentence as Donut tip-toed up behind him. The blonde positioned his hands so they were almost touching Simmons' bare lower back. Then he pushed with all his might.
Before he knew hat had happened, Simmons found himself suddenly immersed in water. His green eyes shut instantly and his limbs flailed around in a desperate attempt to make himself float. He tried to shout for help, yet only succeeded in getting his mouth full of water.
Then, a hand grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to the surface.
Simmons gasped, then sputtered and tried to spit out the water as he rubbed his eyes madly. It was a long minute until Simmons could crack them open and glare at the other two. It took even longer for him to regain his speech.
"See? It wasn'tthat bad," Grif said, grinning. Crouched down behind him at the pool's edge, Donut snickered.
"When I…have…enough energy," Simmons panted, "I…am gonna…drown…you guys."
(IV)
"Guess what, Donut," Kerry rhymed, coming over to the blonde and putting an arm around his shoulders.
"Huh?"
"We're sluts," she told him smiling.
"No duh," he replied with an eye roll. "How'd it get brought up this time?"
"Simmons said something about it 'running in the family'."
"Had another fight with Grif?" the boy assumed.
"Nothing new-just Grif cheating," she confirmed.
"Simmons should just put a leash on him."
"The guy's probably masochistic," Kerry mused. "That's why he keeps coming back for more."
"Ooh, you know what would really solve everything?" Donut suddenly asked, having reached an epiphany.
"Huh?"
"If Grif just brought the guy he's seeing on the side home to Simmons, and they could have a threesome."
"Hey, that's a great idea!" Kerry agreed enthusiastically. "Adultery is fine by me as long as people share."
"Sharing is caring, after all."
The two Juniors spotted Tucker, Church, and Doc not too far off. Coming over to the group, they wore bright smiles on their faces.
"Doc, if you ever want to have sex with someone who's not me, then I'm fine with it as long as I can watch and-or join in," the girl said.
"Same for you, Tucker," Donut told him.
Whereas Doc blinked rapidly, taken aback, Tucker grinned.
"Really? Hey, Church…"
"Are we expecting me to say no?"
(V)
"You know what I deserve for Christmas?" Donut asked, sitting down at the table. "A row of cute boys with ribbons tied on them for me to unwrap like presents."
"Talk about stocking stuffers," Kerry commented.
"Donut, I'm trying to eat my lunch. Could we not talk about naked men?" Simmons requested.
"Who said anything about being naked?" Grif asked. "That's only what you'reimagining."
"Grif…"
"If you want, Simmons, I'll be your X-mas present," the brunette offered. Said boy groaned, burying his head in his hands to hide his flushed cheeks.
"Seriously, guys, I deserve my own holiday harem," Donut continued. Kerry nodded.
"You and me both. We've been pretty good this year."
"Exactly. I mean, sure, we did spread that-entirely true-gossip about Brittany cheating on Bradley with Lucas, but other than that we've been down-right angels."
"Wait, didn't you two scratch Church's car and blame Tex?" Tucker asked.
"That was you two!" Church exclaimed.
"Oh, right. Forgot about that one," Donut mumbled.
"But those are, like, the only bad things we did."
"On the contrary," Sheila spoke up. "You two stole our math teacher's classroom keys and snuck back in with Tucker later that night."
"You what!" Grif yelled, mouth agape.
"Ah, the follies of youth," Donut brushed off.
"Hey, I remember that night. Vaguely," Tucker said. "Heh, we were pretty damn wasted."
"Underage drinking, another mark on the naughty tally," Simmons told them. The two shrugged.
"Happens all the time in this day and age," Kerry pointed out. "Nothing new, no harm done."
"Besides, we returned the keys." Under his breath he muttered, "After making copies, of course."
"What about when you stole the principal's wig?" Church asked. "You dyed it pink." They rolled their eyes.
"Please, we did her a favor."
"Not to mention the time you pinched this girl and blamed it on someone else," Church added.
"Childhood indiscretions," Kerry explained. "Besides, they were trying to steal our boyfriends."
"Didn't you dump them afterwards?" Sheila asked. In response she received two off-handed affirmative nods.
"What about when you took Simmons' glasses and somehow used the sun to set your assignment on fire during class?" Tucker recalled.
"You took my glasses? Well, that explains the scorch marks," the freckled teen mused.
"Hey, you have to admit that that was pretty damn entertaining," Donut said.
"Sure livened up that boring old lecture," Kerry added with a grin.
"Also, for something more recent, you –somehow- rigged the school security cameras so there was a blind spot. That you told Sarge and Tex about," Church reminded.
"Oh, so that's where they've been all this time," Sheila realized.
"That was our good deed for the day," Donut defended.
"Plus, it stopped them from killing us for the whole apple-sauce-dog incident."
"The what?" Church asked, flabbergasted.
"Long story."
"Regardless," Grif told them, "you two are far from good."
"Fine," Kerry said, giving in. "Then the hot boys can treat us like naughty kids."
"Either way, we get awesome X-mas presents."
"'Sides, it sounds even funner the naughty way."
(VI)
"Tex, out of all the guys here, which would you prefer to have sex with?" Donut asked the older girl. He and Kerry looked at her expectedly.
"I've already hadmost of these boys," she pointed out.
"So have we," Kerry said.
"Just choose, even if you've already had that dog's bone."
"Fine."
She looked around the hallway as if browsing for furniture. After a minute of consideration she decided, "Sarge."
"Good choice," Donut complimented. "I'd choose Caboose, myself." Kerry rolled her hazel eyes.
"That's because you're way into muscular guys. Not that those two aren't' nice, but I'd like a taste of Doc."
"Why?" Tex questioned incredulously. It was Donut's turn to roll his blue eyes.
"She's way into the sensitive guys," the blonde answered for her.
"What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing," Donut quickly assured. "I just prefer my men to have huge biceps."
"But have you seen Doc's legs? He is in track, after all."
"Ooh, you're right. I never thought of that." Tex rolled her gun smoke eyes now.
"Are you two done yet?"
"Hold on, we've got more questions," Kerry told her. "Who would you want a threesome with?"
"Church and Sarge," she answered with little thought. "Wait, anything goes?" They nodded. "Church and Sarge."
"That sounds fun," the blonde commented. "Church and Caboose, for me."
"I think my first choice would actually have to be Simmons and Tucker," Kerry said. The other two looked at her oddly.
"Why them?" Tex questioned.
"That's not exactly a pair that goes together."
"Hey, I, for one, think that'd be hot," Kerry huffed. "'Sides, I've seen how hung Tucker is, and Simmons without a shirt is hot."
"Ooh, I think I like that combo," Donut agreed.
"I think I'd rather have Tucker and Church," Tex said.
"Also a good choice."
"What do you think of Sarge and Simmons?" Kerry tried. Donut nodded approvingly. Tex couldn't help but mule it over in her mind.
"You know what I suggest, though?" the blonde asked. The others looked at him, waiting for the boy to continue. "An orgy of us, Doc, Sarge, Church, Tucker, Caboose, and Simmons. I'd include Grif, but it might get kind of awkward considering you're his sister and all."
"Donut, you're a genius!" the younger girl exclaimed.
"Mm…Yeah, I think I could get behind that idea," Tex agreed.
"I'd rather be in the middle of that," Kerry said. The others nodded.
