A/N: I'M BACK!! Welcome to another OT5 story of mine. Please read and review

Summary: It wasn't his fault. It never was but one wrong turn destroyed everything. Love was never his forte. As he shields himself from the world, he found someone to hold onto...but will he be able to fight for this person against them, against the memory, against the desire...?

Disclaimer: I don't own POT...though I wish I did so that Ryoma and I can live happily ever after!!

PS: "" for dialogs, '' for thoughts, italics for flashbacks, dreams and memories and bold for foreign, wired or text conversations.

More notes: Curious as to why Ryoma said he's not prone to giving second chances even though it is slightly obvious that he still feels something for his ex-lovers? Well, wouldn't you place your bets on doubts after you got hurt?

And yeah...as I have been reviewing the previous chapters, I found a glitch. It was described in chapter 2 that Tezuka was a Law Student and the proceeding chapters after it described him as a MD student. So I apologize for the mix-up. Now Tezuka is an MD student. Gomen!

to:

MoonExpressions: A super long update? wai!! Arigatou!! (Ria-chan jumps in glee!)

To everyone: I'm sorry for the cliffhangers . I think it's Syusuke's sadistic side. It's contagious.

willwillwill

Minutes passed by silently as Ryoma contemplated on the situation at hand. Basing from what Yukimura had told him, the others wanted him back. Something that he did not expect. Another thing that he did not expect was the way his stomach fluttered in excitement. If he's to believe Yukimura, they'd be here already.

'But I stopped believing.' Ryoma mused as he played with the dried leaves that fell upon him. 'They told me that they would never hurt me and yet they did. My parents told me they'd be by my side all the time and now they're dead. Yes...I stopped believing a long time ago.'

Then an image of Xander popped in his heart. it made his heart ache further. 'Just when I started putting my faith back on someone again...' He closed his eyes; a memory came vividly at him.

"Well, Atobe Keigo's a cousin of mine."

"I actually brought them here upon knowing that they know Papa Jiroh and you. But I didn't tell them you're here because that would literally break the promise I gave you..."

"...what's the problem? They told me that you were a kohai of them—"

He buried his face in his arms with a groan. He knew already the Xander was Atobe's cousin. He probably knew that the redhead would lead him back to his past. And yet...

"Don't Ryoma."

"I know what you want. You want it forgotten. I understand but please…don't say the words."

"I always had this fantasy in my head; that one day you will look twice and see me as someone more than a nuisance."

"And it came true yesterday. I felt like I was flying. I want to preserve the memories. I already know that you want nothing from me…just like the old times."

"B-but p-please…give me this…give me this memory to hold on to."

And yet he allowed his self a moment of weakness. He crossed the line. He was the one who kissed him first anyway. In darkness he immersed himself...seeing a very catastrophic...very painful future.

He bit his lip, almost oblivious to the fact that tears were now falling from his eyes. 'I'm really sorry Xander. I didn't mean to drag you in this mess I'm in.' He brushed off the treacherous tears away.

'I don't want to be hurt again...I don't want to be left alone again...but I certainly don't want to see you get hurt.'

will

'They sure move fast.' Tezuka mused as he found his self and the rest inside Xander's limousine. In the center was a packed picnic basket which the castle chef was able to produce in a flash. Richard was the one who insisted to personally drive them to "The Villa" of Xander's lover. Yosuke sat with him up front.

"So, tell us what this man is like." Fuji smiled at Xander. He instantly saw how the redhead's facial expression lightened up. 'He must really love him.'

"Well he's character is very opposite to mine. He's the silent, brooding type...still has a bit of brat-streak in him. He prefers to keep to himself most of the time." Xander wanted to laugh at his self right now because he'd probably be sporting a dreamy sort of look at the moment.

Sanada felt a sudden tug in his heart. 'This man is seemingly similar to Ryoma. Or is my imagination playing with my heart right now?' He forced his self to clear his throat. "And what does he do for a leaving?"

Xander shrugged. "He's a fruit farmer."

"What?!" Atobe looked aghast. "A farmer?! I thought you said he's well-off?"

Xander chuckled at his cousin's reaction. "He owns a 6-acre orange orchard Keigo. And right now, I'm helping him start on a new fruit venture. His parents bought the land from us and from that they became the supplier of the best oranges in this part of Britain."

"Is that the reason why you looked disheveled when you arrived this morning?" Fuji asked, his smile growing wider causing Xander to blush.

"No! Not like that!" Xander flailed his arms, his face heating up. "I just helped him out in cultivating his apple seedlings this morning. They only hire workers during harvest time so I felt sorry that he'd have to slave the day away tending the farm on his own." He smiled shyly at them.

"And besides, given his personality, it gave me a chance to be with him more and that makes me happy."

Atobe managed to placate his self. Damn, his cousin looked like an utter fool right now, blushing shyly and such. That further fanned the flames in his heart. 'I need to meet this man soon!' He looked out the window as saw a beautiful white structure coming at the distance.

"Is that it?" Fuji leaned in too, watching the villa avidly.

Xander nodded. "I sure hope I don't get into trouble bringing you there." His heart suddenly fluttered anxiously. He closed his eyes. 'What is this that I feel? I feel like I'm forgetting something but I can't remember!'

The next thing he realized was the limousine stopped in front of the elegant white house. He forced his self to smile as the door opened.

"Here we go."

will

Ryoga felt his heart doubled over just as he stepped unto the platform. They've just arrived...after being delayed for hours back in Japan.

'Did something bad happen to Ryoma?' His mind immediately reeled with the possibilities supplied to him. 'Surely he wouldn't commit suicide. Xander would make sure that he wouldn't'

"Ryoga-san."

He blinked a couple of times before refocusing on Nanako. "What is it?"

"You look pale." She said. "I think we better hurry so that you could lie in for the rest of the day."

Ryoga found his self agreeing. "That would be great." His eyes cast up to the sky. 'Ryoma...please be safe. Wait for me.'

will

Ryoma started on breaking the few yards of soil remaining. He's planning to put up a sort of small green house for his ornamental plants. He knew that he did not need another set of work in his already full hands but as the situation turned bad...he felt like he needed another zen-thing going on.

'And besides...' He placed all his strength, courtesy of his newly formed muscles, into unearthing the virgin soil. 'I promised Xander a surprise.' Sweat beads started to breaking into his skin and yet he ignored it.

'Yes...I guess I remember why I came to like farming now. It diverted all thoughts and emotions and turned it into raw power I need.'

'Very much like how tennis used to be for me.'

will

They immediately sought out Suzu who was still busy in the kitchen. From her Xander learned that Ryoma's still far out in the farm, keeping himself busy.

"Ok that gives us time to prepare for a picnic outside." Xander smiled.

Suzu smiled at him. "I already had Hugo set up the table in the garden." It was then that she noticed Atobe. "Is that—"

"Yes Suzu-san. I'm the proud young brat that you took care of twelve years ago." Atobe smiled at her. The old woman smiled back and embraced him.

"My you look stunning Young Master Atobe." She muttered. She then noticed the other of their company. "And these are?"

"My lovers Suzu-san." Atobe smiled at the shocked expression she has. "Now what's cooking?"

will

Ryoma surveyed his work. He managed to produce six soil plots in less than ten minutes...damn he's good. He dropped the spade to inspect the equipment he gathered. He took one of the metal pipes and the mesh net.

"Hmmm...I think it is much better to use these than build a glass green house. Much more cheaper...looks more natural and easy to build." He muttered to himself. He shrugged and started digging hole for the pipes.

Over the years that he spent in the farm, his body changed. It was something that he had learned to accept. He's lost most of his boyish, innocent look. It was replaced by layer of solid muscles and his skin turned a bit tan after spending grueling days under the sun.

No matter how many changes occurred to him...he's still as hot...if not hotter than ever before.

will

"Wow...this place in incredible." Fuji breathed out when they stepped into the garden where the picnic table was set up. His eyes turned to the white fences that let to a cast field of orange trees. "I wish I had brought my camera with me."

"See? I told you." Xander looked at them smugly. He saw Richard and Hugo talking in a corner. "Hugo, where is your young master?"

"He's still out in the fields Master Alexander. I haven't seen him return to the house after you left." Hugo replied.

Xander sighed. So typical of Ryoma. "That means I would have to fetch him there right? He wouldn't come around unless someone goes out to get him." He turned to his cousin and his lovers. "Come, I'll tour you around the orchard at the same time."

"Who knows? You might get the surprise of your life." He winked at them before he pushed the white gates open.

Atobe raised an eyebrow at his lovers before they followed Xander into the orchard.

"I think this is going to be fun." They heard Fuji muttered.

will

Ryoma moved in haste, his heart pounding in his ears.

"What is wrong with me?" Ryoma asked his self as he secured the third pipe. "Where did all this excited energy came from?" He bit his lip as he weighed down on the erected pipe to allow it to burrow deeper into the ground.

He let go with a gasp. 'Anxiety and hard manual labor do not go hand in hand Ryoma.' He brushed the sweat of his face, not realizing that he was sweating profusely. He scanned the area and saw no one.

Ryoma took one deep breath and clutched at his chest. 'You are one big fool hoping that they would suddenly show up.' His lips curve dup into a bitter smile.

"Weren't they the ones who told you to get out of their lives?"

will

The five of them wandered into the vast orange plantation, basking in the fresh scent of the healthy looking trees.

"It almost took three years before they were able to establish this orchard." Xander stretched out his arms and breathed in deep.

"I think it was worth it." Tezuka replied. "I've never been in an orange orchard before...let alone be in one of the best."

Atobe reached out and caressed a leaf. "So you mean your lover solely handles this business?"

Xander stopped dead on his tracks to face his cousin. The sadness that clouded his eyes did not escape the trained ones of his audiences. "His parents died a week ago." He forced a smile to help erase the gloominess that surrounded him.

Atobe was atken aback. 'Dead?'

Xander sighed. "That's why he needs me more than ever. He's just taken over the business and amidst the grief and all…he needs someone stable to hold on to." He spun around and started walking once more.

"They're Japanese, just so you know."

Sanada's heart drummed thunderously against his chest. 'His lover is a Japanese...whose parents died a week ago.' A sweat bead trailed down his face. 'This is becoming to be too much of a coincidence.'

"Ryoma never divulged his exact location. The night that he left Japan, he said that he will staying with his parents in Glasgow in Britain."

"Well he's character is very opposite to mine. He's the silent, brooding type...still has a bit of brat-streak in him. He prefers to keep to himself most of the time."

He bit his lip. He eyed his lovers, a tad frustrated that they are not showing any signs of curiosity.

"There is the apple orchard that I was talking about earlier." Xander pointed at a sunny yellow-colored wooden fence a few yards away from them. "He has already established the seedlings and he and I are helping out each other in tending to their growth."

"And what about your own vineyard?" Atobe asked. "Who's in charge while your here?"

Xander shrugged. "Richard, of course!"

Tezuka caught sight of a dark-haired figure moving about that fenced-off portion of the farm. the instant that he caught glimpse of that ebony locks, his heart tripled over. He suddenly grabbed Atobe's arm, causing the rest of his lovers to stop as well.

"Mitsu?" Atobe aksed, wincing as the bespectacled man's hand tightened around his. He followed his line of vision and saw Xander broke into a run, approaching the person beyond the fence.

"Ryoma!!"

will

Ryoma spun around at the sound of his name only to be tackled by an over-excited redhead. The next thing he knew was he was being attacked by a white cloth.

"You really shouldn't let the sweat dry off you. You'll get sick." Xander's voice came to his ear despite the ruckus.

"Easy!"

will

Fuji paled when the name reached his ears. 'N-no...no...' He took a tentative step closer to the fence and saw the redhead fuzzed over the man with a towel. 'This couldn't be right.' He shook his head.

"Oh god..." Atobe gasped. A different set of trembling arms held him and Fuji and slowly guided them towards the two. "N-no...G-Gen..."

"Shhh..." Came a hoarse voice. "W-we could be wrong." They watched in horror as Xander turned towards them and threw the towel away, revealing an annoyed-looking, Ryoma in all his tanned glory.

"N-no..."

"Keigo! Come!!"

will

Ryoma's eyes darted around upon hearing his ex-lover's name. It was like the whole world around him started spinning and the only thing rooting him back to the ground was the solid arms of Xander around him. He felt sick...he wanted to puke.

"Don't be scared Keigo. Just don't step on the seedlings ok?"

'That name again.' Ryoma blinked a couple of times, trying to regain his focus. The name created a whiplash in his chest. He looked up, confusion evident in his eyes. Through the haze in his mind he was able to make out four faces...

Four faces that seemed so familiar yet felt a tad too vague for him.

For that very moment...he forgot to breathe.

Xander sighed, seeing as to how his cousin and his lovers were rooted on the spot. He tightened his arm around Ryoma and urged him to start walking. "Come Ryoma. I want you to meet my cousin and his lovers."

Ryoma felt like dead as his feet started moving. 'Cousin and his lovers...' He forced himself to muster the best facade he could ever build in his entire life. He made his arm wound around Xander's waist, holding onto him tight.

Xander eyed Ryoma. He looked really pale and disoriented. He looked back at his cousin. They looked the same. Now his curiosity has reached its peak. 'Now what the bloody hell is going on?'

will

The four watched in horror as Ryoma and Xander started approaching them. The courage they had started to falter. Amidst the chaotic beating of hearts, erratic breathing pattern, they found themselves taking a step back.

"If this is a dream please someone wake me up now." Atobe breathed out, lips trembling. He would feel his eyes growing warm as the man that they longed for the most was only a few feet away...in the arms of another.

In the arms of his beloved cousin...just to compound his torment.

Then pain came...it snatched him away from his daze. he glanced down on his arm, Fuji's nails dug into his skin, cutting...hurting. He glanced at the tensai...bad. Fuji has his eyes wide opened and a mixture of negative emotions was swirling in those sapphire orbs.

"Get a hold of yourselves." Tezuka's hushed whispered rang inside their ears.

Alas, the couple stopped in front of them, Xander in all smiles. Ryoma however maintained a stoic expression...his golden orbs blank.

"Guys...you look like you just came across a ghost or something." Xander muttered, his smile morphing into a frown.

They stared at each other for a while; Ryoma and his ex-lovers. The much fated reunion happened in a very unfavorable time. He tightened his grip on Xander's waist. The redhead would probably be hurting right now but he couldn't help it. He needed something to keep him ground. His eyes were glued on four other pairs...obsidian...sapphire...hazel...chestnut. He felt like he was drowning in those orbs.

Xander, torn from the confusion and pain, tried to think of something to break the ice--or rather the iceberg that suddenly crystallized among them...freezing them...engaging them in a fierce internal battle.

"Why? Do you know them personally?"

Tezuka caught Fuji's warning glance. "His youngest son was a kohai of ours in junior high and his former coach was our coach."

His eyes widened upon realizing what he has forgotten. "Oh I get it!!" He clapped his hands. The sound of two flesh colliding broke the spell. "You're Ryoma's senpais, correct?"

Ryoma broke off from the fierce eye contact he had established with his ex-lovers. 'Ex-lovers...remember that Ryoma...never forget.' He forced out a smile before he looked up to his boyfriend. 'Remember Xander...remember your present...'

"Correct." Ryoma glanced back at his still-perturbed visitors. "They are indeed my senpai-tachi." His eyes lingered on the dazed orbs before him, not quite understanding why betrayal seemed to shimmer in them. 'What do they want from me now? Another round of retribution?' He felt his throat tightening. 'Would they want to slap their perfect relationship to my face?'

His eyes slightly widened in shock when he saw the adamant sadness in their eyes, especially Atobe's. 'It was his eyes that condemned me the most...why show me this kind weakness now?'

"W-what brings you here to Glasgow?"

will

Atobe fought back hard to suppress the cry the rose from his heart. The struggle pained him. He moved to clasp a hand over his mouth, shutting everything. His eyes darted around in panic...from Xander's confused face, to Ryoma's black expression.

He bit the flesh of his hard to tame down the roar in his chest. 'God! Is this t-the kind of punishment you want to bestow upon me?' His other hand clenched into a fist. 'Ryoma...and my cousin of all people!!'

He closed his eyes, unable to bear the weight of Ryoma's gaze. 'Why the two people I cherish the most?'

will

Tezuka struggled hard to keep his facade intact...however he did not have that much resolve left. It was their Ryoma...their beloved, hurting Ryoma who turned out to be Xander's lover.

'Xander...' Hazel eyes shifted to focus on steely-blue ones. He studied the redhead thoroughly, trying to understand what the raven-haired man found in him. He clenched his fists tight. There was an unexplainable anger that coursed down his veins.

"Were we too late?"

will

Sanada's eyes darted to stare at Tezuka. Yes, the man just whispered it, however that very whisper morphed into a shout.

"Too late? For what?" Xander asked curiously.

Sanada watched at how Ryoma's arm around his waist tightened. 'So it's affecting him like it is affecting us.' He took a deep breath, amazed at how hard it was to take one.

"He said we're too late. We were hoping t-to comfort our kohai. we're he's seniors anyway but he seemed...' He paused to find the right term. '...comforted already."

Somehow, that didn't turn out right since he saw how Ryoma's look darkened. He felt cold sweat trickled down his nape. 'Whatever I'm to say will not make sense anyway.' He closed his eyes, feeling those golden orbs burying into his flesh like hot steel.

'He's not the same. He's changed'

will

Fuji inwardly winced when he saw Ryoma's look darkened at Sanada's statement. As much as he want to hurt him for breaking his heart once more...he couldn't bring himself to mount such emotion. He felt hollowed out inside...empty.

'I'm going to close my eyes...I'm going to pretend that this is not happening. This is merely a dream...a dream and nothing else.' And close his eyes he did. He reveled at the dark comfort it gave him.

"So you came here..." Ryoma voice drawled into his dark space. "...to comfort me? H-how touching."

Fuji snapped his eyes open. Simple words lashed like whip in his flesh. The pain was evident. The resentment was palpable…the pain became the main evidence of reality. "Ryo-Echizen." Angry sapphire orbs met flaxen ones.

"See? Can't even say my name properly."

will

'I think I'm gonna be sick.' Ryoma swallowed hard, trying hard not to falter under the tensai's smoldering gaze. Everything soon came back to him; the sound of flesh hitting flesh, the anger blazing in their eyes, the words said so easily.

"Ryoma? Is something wrong?" He suddenly felt something warm on his cold clammy hand that was digging into something.

Ryoma blinked once. 'Who am I holding again? Why am I holding onto him again?' He forced his self to look up only to be smoldered by worry-filled ice-blue eyes. "X-Xander?" Those eyes seemed to smile upon the mention of the name.

"You seem faint Ryoma...let's head back ok?" Then he felt he was being enfolded into a tight, familiar embrace. Ryoma inhaled deeply Xander's scent...and found it rather calming. He relaxed under its gentle weight.

"Ok...let's head back."

will

A sleek, black Porsche Carrera GT skidded into a halt in front of the white villa. Two raven-haired individual stepped out of the expensive vehicle.

"Hmmm...no welcome? How odd." The man grumbled in his baritone voice.

"Maybe they're busy doing something." The woman replied. The man sighed and went to get their luggage out of the car compartment.

"Oh well, might as well let ourselves in." Ryoga smiled deviously at Nanako. He stretched out an arm, gesturing to the door of the villa.

"Welcome to our humble abode."

will

All six of them walked back to the villa in silence, with Ryoma and Xander leading the way. The four were haplessly trailing behind the two. Morose was almost palpable.

'I showed them around the orchard and they're pretty impressed." Xander broke the quietude. He had his fingers laced with the golden-eyed man. He squeezed is gently. "Right Keigo?"

Atobe stopped dead at first before he almost stumbled to keep up with them. "Y-yes. Ore-sama found the place acceptable." He watched carefully as Ryoma moved his free hand to slide inside his work suit's pocket.

"Acceptable? Wow...whatever have I done to earn such compliments, Atobe-sanpai?" Ryoma drawled out, putting as much sarcasm he could muster into his words.

"I'm gland you find me acceptable for your beloved cousin."

willwillwill

A/N: I will cut it short right here because I still have a faculty evaluation to attend to. Today is the last day of our summer class, and also my last day in the Emergency Room. True that I love the Operating room but can't deny the fact that life is indeed in the Emergency Room. Having your body kick into alarm stage of Stress every time a bloodied drunkard, or a burnt lineman or someone having a cardiac arrest is wheeled in is very exhausting by the end of the day.

And I love it.

And yes I'm too exhausted to really polish this one. I'm just so afraid I couldn't post it in time. Gomen everybody!

But if you still want more...

PLEASE MAKE ME HAPPY AND REVIEW!!