Author's Note: Thanks again to moosals for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters. Also special thanks to edwardisaputz for pre-reading from the male perspective!
Loved this insight into Edward in a review to the prior chapter: "He had so many opportunities to take the wrong path in this chapter and in every instance he choose the right path."
Becca: FF ate your email address, so try again to review logged in and I'll send along the recipe!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
"Ow!"
It feels like someone is stabbing my chest with several very sharp, very small knives. I open my eyes and realize it's the cat standing on me, his claws out. I carefully pull the claws out of my bare chest, pick him up and set him down on the floor. Leo immediately places his paws on the edge of the couch and jumps back up.
"Ok, ok," I mumble, sitting up and setting my feet on the floor. "I'm sorry, all right? I didn't know Bella was gonna squeeze you like that. You looked like you wanted to help!"
Leo cocks his head, looking at me, then licks my hand. I guess that means we're buds again.
I peek in the bedroom on my way to the bathroom, finding Bella still fast asleep. "Go in there and take care of her," I whisper to the cat.
After I shower and get dressed, I shove my blanket over into the corner of the couch and sit down, picking up the remote control from on top of the coffee table. It's not quite time for the early football games, but there's a pre-game show on.
I haven't been watching for long when the bedroom door opens. Bella stands in the doorway staring at me, looking so small and fragile.
"Did you sleep out here last night?" she asks, her voice hoarse.
"Yeah," I nod. "I wasn't so sure you'd remember asking me to stay in the morning."
"I need a shower. We can talk after, ok?"
I nod again. "Omelet for breakfast?"
"Sounds good."
When I hear the shower turn on, I jump up, heading into the kitchen to start cooking the bacon and dicing the tomato for our omelets.
"Almost ready," I call over my shoulder when I hear Bella's footsteps behind me. I hear her adding some food to Leo's bowl before taking a seat.
"Are you feeling ok?" I ask hesitantly, setting her plate down in front of her.
She nods slowly. "I think that was the worst attack I've had."
"Why did you hang on to the baby clothes if you were gonna react like that?" I ask curiously. I don't miss the way she winces.
"Same as Jacob's clothes — I couldn't bear to get rid of them." She shrugs, taking a small bite of her omelet.
"That's where your photo album was, right? How come you didn't freak when you got that out of the trunk for me?"
"I knew where it was," she explains. "I didn't look inside the trunk."
Bella doesn't look ready to talk about any more right now, so I wisely stop with the questions for the rest of our meal. "I'll take care of the dishes," I tell her when we're finished. "Go wait for me in the living room. And I think Leo wants you to apologize for almost squeezing him to death last night," I add with a chuckle. "I already told him I was sorry for handing him to you."
"Don't be. It really did help, like I had something holding me down to this earth. Sorry I can't explain it well."
After a few minutes, the dishes are washed and put away. I find Bella on the couch, petting the cat in her lap. I sit in my usual spot then motion for her to come closer. I hug her small body to my chest, rubbing up and down her arm to try and calm her.
"Just relax, Bella. Watch the game with me for a while. It's just starting."
"I thought you were watching football when I first woke up?" she asks, glancing up at me.
I shake my head. "Pre-game show."
I sit watching the game, holding Bella close and continuing to stroke her arms, hopefully relaxing her. At halftime, I stand up, stretching. "Should I heat up some chili for lunch?"
"Sure," she nods.
I nuke some chili in the microwave then ladle it into two bowls. The game is pretty close, so I eat quickly, trying to make it back to the living room by the third quarter kick off. Bella stays to handle the dishes before joining me, curling up against my side without me even having to ask this time.
When the game is over, I flip between a couple channels before turning off the TV. "I don't care about any of the games on right now," I shrug. "Are you… ready to talk?" I ask nervously. I'm almost afraid to hear her story, but I think she needs to tell it as much as I need to hear it.
"Not really."
"You promised," I remind her, though I feel like a bit of a dick for pushing her. I really don't want to see her upset again, but sharing her story will be good for her in the end.
"I know. I'm just not sure I can get through it."
"Have you ever told anyone?"
"The whole story? No," she replies, shaking her head.
"How about if I just ask questions, will that be better?"
"We can try," she whispers.
I smile at her, placing a soft kiss on her lips. She looks like a kid who's gotten caught doing something bad by her parents. "That wasn't just a normal panic attack last night, right?" I begin carefully.
"No," Bella whispers, burying her face in my neck. "My dad says I have PTSD." I kind of figured it was something like that.
"Are you in therapy?"
I feel her shaking her head against my shoulder. "I saw a therapist a couple times right after the accident. My mom forced me into it."
"So… were you actually in the car with Jacob? Or did you… miscarry when you found out about his death?"
"I was in the car," she whispers.
"Were you hurt?" She glances up at me and I realize what a dumb question that was. "I mean, besides… yeah." Damn, I'm an ass.
She sits up, moving a little bit away from me. "I had a broken leg, four broken ribs and internal injuries," she explains. "I spent a week in the hospital, and over a month in a wheelchair. It hurt my ribs too much to use crutches."
Jesus… it strikes me for the first time that Bella could've died in the accident as well. What a horrible, scary thought — I almost lost her before I ever met her. Fuck, where did that come from? If she'd died, then I wouldn't have lost anything. At least I wouldn't know that I did. But where would I be right now without her?
"How… um, how far along were you in your pregnancy?" I ask carefully. "Did you know for sure it was a boy?" The clothing I found last night wasn't blue, not obviously a boy's.
"Twenty weeks. We'd just found out the sex of the baby that day, at my ultrasound appointment. Jacob was so thrilled that he was going to have a son." I hear the tears in her voice and know I need to tread carefully.
"Will you tell me how the accident happened?" I ask quietly, stroking her hair. I watch her carefully, as she seems to psych herself up to tell me.
"We went out for dinner that night with Alice and her husband Jasper, to celebrate," Bella begins. "It wasn't unusual for us to split a couple bottles of wine at dinner. Of course, I couldn't drink. Jacob stumbled a bit when he stood up, and I remember thinking that he must've had my share of the wine."
"I thought you said he wasn't driving drunk?" I interrupt angrily. Did she lie to me about the cause of the accident?
"He didn't," she insists. "It was cold, icy, light sleet falling. I… I asked him to please let me drive," she whispers.
"Oh my God…" Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.
Bella stares down at the floor, biting her lip as tears pool in her eyes. "We were almost home," she continues in a whisper. "I changed lanes to take the next exit from the interstate, and the tire slid on a patch of ice. I lost control and then… and then — and then the car behind us hit the passenger side of Jake's SUV as we slid sideways."
She's breathing heavily again, and I hurriedly pull her to me, trying to stop another panic attack.
"When I woke up in the hos—hospital," she sobs, "My parents told me that my husband and baby were gone. Dead."
"I'm so sorry, Bella," I whisper, pulling her onto my lap so I can hug her tightly. "I'm so sorry." I cradle her in my arms, rocking her back and forth.
"It—it's my fault," she sobs. "I killed them."
"What in the hell are you talking about?" I growl angrily. "You didn't kill them, for God's sake! What you just described to me was a horrible accident!"
"An accident that I caused!"
"An accident that the icy roads caused," I argue. "Absolutely no one could possibly blame you for that."
"Jacob's dad did. At the funeral, he told me it was all my fault."
"Then he's an asshole! And he was wrong, Bella. You did not kill them."
"You don't understand, Edward," she cries. "No one ever understands."
"That's because what you're saying is ridiculous."
"It's not."
"It is."
"My bad karma killed them!" she shouts.
"What the fuck? Why on earth would you have bad karma? You do realize you're talking nonsense, don't you?" As if my Pollyanna could ever have bad karma. She shakes her head, and I want to strangle Jacob's father for ever putting this idea in her head.
I need a fucking drink. I lift Bella off my lap and stand, heading to the kitchen. I grab two beers then come back to the living room, handing one of them to her. "I need this to listen to any more of your ridiculous assertions," I snarl. "I don't care if it's still early."
"It's not ridiculous, Edward," she whispers.
"Explain."
Bella opens her bottle of beer, takes a sip and then stares at it. "I got… I got pregnant on purpose."
"So what? Couples plan pregnancies all the time," I reply. Don't they?
"I said I did, not we. I went off my birth control without telling Jake." My eyes widen a little. I hadn't expected my Pollyanna to have done something dishonest, but I've done far worse myself, so I'm in no position to judge her.
"He didn't want kids?" I pry.
"He did… one day. After he made partner, he always said. But that was still years away."
"And you didn't want to wait," I assume. I can believe that she wanted to be a mom; Bella would make a great mom.
"I didn't want to wait five or more years, no. But the, um, exact timing wasn't so much because of my desire to be a mother. I wanted to keep Jake from having an affair."
"The guy was cheating on you?" I shout. Fuck, all this over a guy who was cheating?
"No, no — at least I don't think so. He denied it, but I saw the way his legal assistant acted with him, and she definitely wanted him. It was only a matter of time before he caved."
"So how was having a baby going to fix things?" I'm not following her logic here at all.
She takes a long sip of her beer before answering. "Jake's mom cheated on his dad and eventually left, when he was just a kid. He always said that he'd never do that to his own wife and child."
"So you thought that having a baby would mean he'd never cheat."
She nods. "I was dishonest, but… I thought the ends justified the means. Jake was happy about my pregnancy. Maybe not so much at first, but once he found out we were having a boy, you should've seen the silly grin on his face.
"But then karma decided to take both of them away from me."
I set my beer on the coffee table, then turn to Bella, taking her face in my hands. "Bella," I tell her sternly, "Karma did not do this to you. You did not do this to you. It was an accident, simple as that. It wasn't your fault in any way."
"How can you touch me?" she whispers.
"What?"
"Now that you know how awful I am."
"Did you hear a word I just said? You are not an awful person, Bella."
"But I—"
"No buts," I interrupt. "You didn't kill them. End of story."
"It's not the end, Edward," she cries, shaking her head. "I can't just stop feeling like this because you tell me it's not true."
"Then you need to find a good therapist to help you. You can't go on like this, crushed by your own guilt. It's a shitty way to live, trust me."
"Trust you?"
Fuck. I squeeze my eyes closed, cursing my big mouth again. I fucking hate talking about this, but I know deep down that telling Bella my own story may be the only way to get through to her.
I slowly open my eyes, resolved that I have to do this. She won't judge me for it. She won't. "Trust me," I say again. "I know all about misplaced guilt."
I take a deep breath then stand up, turning around to face the couch. I reach behind me to grasp the back of my t-shirt and pull it over my head.
"This was my first tattoo," I say quietly, pointing at the butterfly tattooed over my heart, with my mother's initials and dates beneath it.
"Who was E.A.M.?" Bella asks.
"Elizabeth Ann Masen. My mother."
"She died the year you were born," she notes.
"She died the day I was born."
Bella stares up at me, a look of shock on her face.
"Complications," I continue. "She had pre… pre-something."
"Preeclampsia?"
"Yeah, that's it," I nod. I can never remember the name. "For as far back as I can remember, I've known that I'm the one who killed my mother," I confess quietly.
"What?! That's ridiculous, Edward. You were just an innocent baby!"
I give her a pointed look.
"It's not the same thing," she mumbles. "I wasn't innocent."
"I was raised by my dad alone," I continue. "He was… sick."
"Sick? Like he had cancer or something?"
"No, mentally sick. He heard voices. The doctors said he was a paranoid schizophrenic. He was fine whenever he was taking his medication. When he wasn't… he pretty much forgot about me."
"Which is why you had to cook your own dinner," she speculates.
"Yeah," I nod, "Or else starve," I add bitterly. "I blamed myself for my dad's mental illness, too. I thought the stress of taking care of me had caused it."
"Edward…"
I take another deep breath, squeezing my eyes closed. Fuck, fuck, fuck… I hate talking about this. I hate remembering. But I have to… for her.
"When I was 11," I whisper, "My dad's voices told him to kill me." I hear Bella's gasp, but I don't open my eyes. "He came into my bedroom early one morning and stabbed me three times." Fuck, I can feel a traitor tear sliding down my face. I don't fucking cry.
When Bella doesn't respond, I open my eyes, watching her stare up at me. "How did… how did you survive?" she finally asks. "How did you get away?"
"I played dead," I shrug. "When he left, I crawled out the window. A neighbor found me."
"What happened to your dad?" she whispers.
"He was found not guilty by reason of insanity. Sentenced to a psychiatric hospital. One of the other inmates, residents… whatever they are… killed him about three years ago. When I was in prison."
"Oh Edward…"
"This was my second tattoo." I point to the tattoo of the devil on the right side of my torso, then step closer to the couch, taking Bella's hand and placing it over the ink. She brushes her fingers over it lightly, shuddering when she realizes she's touching my scars from the knife wounds.
"I got it to remind myself that the devil didn't win," I explain quietly.
She continues brushing her fingers over the tattoo as if in a trance. "How did you come to be adopted by the Cullens?" she asks.
"Carlisle was my doctor in the hospital."
"You lucked out with the adoptive parents," she says with a smile.
"Yeah. I did. But I never felt like I deserved that. I didn't deserve great parents. I didn't deserve to go to the best schools."
"Of course you did! You probably deserved it more than most people because of the way you'd suffered."
"I was bad, Bella. I felt like I was evil. I killed my mother, made my dad sick, made my dad want to kill me…"
"No, you didn't!" she yells.
"And one day I had a choice between 'fessing up to my mom that I'd been fired and needed help, or finding some other way to pay my rent… And I chose to rob a liquor store. Because I didn't think I was worth any more than that." It's still a battle to remind myself that I'm better than that.
"But you seem so… cool with it all now though. You understand your motivations, so you can stop feeling that way."
"Do you think I got this clarity on my own?" I ask angrily. "I had three years of mandatory therapy when I was in prison. It took two years for me to understand why I made so many bad choices and to let go of the misplaced guilt that was holding me back.
"Once I got out of prison, I had a new attitude. I was going to do things on the straight and narrow, make better choices. Well, for the most part," I grin, thinking of the numerous women I've picked up in bars in the last two years.
"My point is — therapy helped me, Bella. And someone can help you, too. You can't keep living like this!"
I'm emotionally spent from remembering the worst day of my life, the years I tortured myself. I kneel in front of Bella, placing my hands on her thighs as I look up at her. "Please, please tell me you'll try to get yourself better. You deserve more than this half-life in the middle of nowhere. Nothing that happened to you is your fault, Bella. Jacob is dead, but you are still alive."
She stares at me, and I notice for the first time that she's crying. Have I gotten through to her?
"Promise me, Bella," I insist, spreading her thighs so I can move closer to her. I take her hands in mine, rubbing my thumbs along her knuckles.
"I promise," she whispers. "I'll get help."
I can't stop my smile. If she really means that, then everything has been worth it.
"You think your mission is accomplished, don't you?" she jokes.
"Not yet," I smile, reaching in to grasp her face gently. I stare at her, waiting for her to take that last step, to show me she wants to live again.
"What are you waiting for?"
"You."
She licks her lips and my eyes are drawn to them. I've never wanted to kiss anyone so badly. As if she can read my mind, Bella leans forward, placing a soft, chaste kiss on my lips. Before she can pull away, I draw her bottom lip between mine.
Fuck, I feel like we've made some sort of emotional connection, and that's going to freak me out if I stop to think about it. I don't do emotional. But this, this physical connection, that I do very well. And I want her so fucking bad right now.
Still kissing her, I grasp Bella around her waist, pulling her off the couch until she's kneeling in front of me. Goosebumps erupt when I feel her light touch on the bare skin of my chest and stomach. Even that night in the hotel room in Olympia, she had never really touched me.
"You're wearing too many clothes," I growl, pushing up at the bottom of her sweater. I need her naked.
She yanks her sweater back down. "Edward, we can't! Remember? No birth control."
Oh, how little faith you have in me, Pollyanna. "What if I told you we have condoms? Then could I take your clothes off?"
"But we don't!"
"What if we did?"
"Fine," she sighs. "If we had condoms, I'd… let you finish what we started Friday night."
Oh hell yes, that's all I need to hear. I jump to my feet, walking over to the chair where I'd stashed my plastic bag full of clothes. I reach into the bag, pulling out the box of condoms and hiding it behind my back as I return to Bella, kneeling down in front of her again.
"Is this what you wanted?" I ask, holding the box out to her. I want to laugh when her mouth drops open in shock.
"Where did you get those?"
"I bought them," I shrug. "When I went to the bakery Saturday morning."
"Why didn't you tell me? What were you waiting for?"
"I was waiting for this to be your idea, Bella," I reply, drawing one finger down the middle of her chest and biting my lip. "Tell me what you want," I whisper.
"I want… to feel your hands all over me. I want to run my tongue over the lines of ink on your skin," she whispers, her fingers tracing the butterfly on my chest.
"Stand up," I growl, pulling her to her feet. She squeaks in surprise, laughing as I drag her to the bedroom.
"Sorry, Leo," I call out, slamming the door behind us. "I'm not into voyeurism."
"You're not?" Bella asks. "You'll have sex with a stranger in an alley, but you're squeamish about the cat watching us?"
"It was dark in the alley," I shrug. "And he has beady little eyes." And I was drunk that night.
I toss the box of condoms onto the bed, then pull Bella's lips to mine, kissing her deeply while I walk her backwards. My hands paw at her bare skin underneath her sweater. She sits when we reach the bed, crawling backwards until her head is lying on the pillow. I follow her onto the bed, kneeling over her thighs, gazing down at the way she's laid out before me.
"Take your sweater off," I demand. As soon as it's off, I bend over, undoing the button on her jeans and pulling the zipper down. Standing, I pull her jeans down her legs, then simply stand and stare at her nearly naked body. Fuck, this is what she was hiding under her too-big clothes?
"I'm sure I don't exactly… measure up to what you're used to," she whispers, squirming.
My eyes snap up to hers. "What? Baby, you are not lacking in any way." Climbing back on top of her, I continue, "I'd much rather have real tits than fake triple Ds."
I yank her bra cup down, roughly sucking her nipple into my mouth to prove it to her. When she cries out, I snake my right hand under her back and snap her bra open. I reluctantly remove my mouth just long enough to pull off her bra before taking her other nipple in my mouth.
"Does that feel good, baby?" I ask, noticing her flushed face and the desire in her eyes.
"Yes," she moans.
"I really like these," I grin, squeezing one of her boobs in each hand and pulling at her nipples until they're pebbled. No, they're not huge, but she's so responsive to me — biggest fucking turn-on.
I place a quick kiss on her lips before rolling off of her and removing my own jeans. When I look back at Bella, her eyes are wide and she's staring at the bulge in my boxers. I can't help laughing at her reaction.
"Maybe you should save the shock and awe until I remove the boxers." My eyes narrow when a thought suddenly pops into my head — not that I'd have fucking minded. "Unless you snuck a peek when I was passed out in your bed."
"What?" she exclaims. "No! No, of course I didn't. I only…"
"You only what?" She's protesting a bit too much.
"I only looked at your tattoos. I wasn't interested in… what was in your boxers."
"And now you are?" I grin, pulling a condom from the box.
She licks her lips and I laugh again at how obvious she is. I roll on top of her and press my hard-on into her hip, making her gasp.
"Bella," I say in a teasing voice.
"Y—yes?"
"Are you going to take your panties off, or should I?" I tease her with my little finger, dipping it in and out of the waistband.
"You can do it," she whispers.
Grinning, I roll off of her again, kneeling down by her calves as I grasp the sides of her panties and begin pulling them down. I toss them to the floor, then stroke my fingers along her pussy. Fuck me, she's so fucking wet.
"Fuck, Bella, you really do want this," I groan, stroking her slowly. I push one finger inside her and feel just how fucking tight she is.
"Tell me you have toys or something." She can't possibly have gone without any form of sex since her husband's death.
"Um… no."
Oh fuck yeah, I need inside her now.
I remove my hand, yanking my boxers down and throwing them aside. I stroke myself a couple times to relieve some of the ache, then rip open the foil packet with my teeth. Bella watches me carefully as I sheath myself in the condom.
"Kiss me, Bella," I whisper, rolling back on top of her. She leans up to kiss me and I can't help smiling down at her. "Do you want me to go slow?" I really don't fucking want to, but I'll do anything to get inside her.
"No."
"No?" I ask in surprise.
"I didn't think you'd know how to do slow."
I laugh loudly. "You want the full Edward Cullen special, huh?" I grasp my cock, rubbing it along her pussy as I coat the condom in her wetness. "Ready or not…" In one long, hard thrust I'm inside her, and I quite nearly lose it.
"Oh my God," she squeals.
I groan loudly. "Holy fuck, you're as tight as a virgin. Hang on, baby."
When I think I'm under control, I pull almost all the way out before slamming back in. Bella wraps her arms tightly around my shoulders as she leans up to kiss me. She scratches her nails up and down my back and it feels so fucking good. I know I am going to come way, way too soon.
I tear my mouth away from her lips, moving to her neck, to her collarbone and finally to her tits. My hands brush up and down her sides, coming around to grasp her ass as I continue to fuck her.
Bella wraps her legs tightly around me and oh God, I'm this close to needing to recite baseball stats.
"Fuck, you feel good," I moan. "Best pussy I've had in ages."
She slaps at my shoulder and I laugh through my heavy breathing. "It's a good thing, baby," I assure her.
"I still think you're an ass," she pants.
"I'm an ass who's about to make you scream though," I growl, grinding my pubic bone against her clit on my next thrust.
"Ahhhh…" She throws her head back, tugging hard on my hair when I laugh at her for proving me right. Yeah, baby, I can make you do anything I want.
I suck hard on her right nipple, then bite it gently, before switching to the other side. My thrusts are becoming more and more erratic as I try to hold off on my orgasm. I need to make her come first to have any shot at a repeat performance.
I put my hand under her lower back, pushing up so that her hips are tilted just right for me to hit her clit on every thrust. "God… Edward…" she moans and her pleasure is fucking turning me on.
I swallow her moans with sloppy kisses, pulling at her hair with one hand and using the other to pull her hips roughly into mine.
"Mmmmmmmmmm… God!" she screams as I make her come, and I fucking feel her squeezing me. I slam into her three more times before I can't hold on any more. I freeze as I empty into the condom, my forehead falling to her shoulder.
When I feel like I can move, I pull out, flopping over onto my back with a long groan. Holy fuck… I can't remember the last time sex was this good, if ever. It's not like she did anything spectacular or kinky, she's just… Bella. Yeah, she's fucking tight, but it's so much more than that.
I reach down with one hand, pulling the condom off, then sit up slightly, tossing it into the wastebasket next to the bed. I flop back down again, still trying to slow my breathing.
Bella suddenly turns onto her side, pulling the sheet up over her naked body. I turn over toward her, pulling her back into my chest. "Are you cold?" I whisper.
"A little. You're warm."
"I thought I was hot," I chuckle.
"I never said that."
I place a soft kiss on her shoulder. "You were thinking it, baby."
Bella soon seems to fall asleep in my arms. I guess I wore her out, which does make me feel fucking proud. I lie there with her for a while, before I need to get up to piss. I find my boxers on the floor, carrying them into the bathroom with me.
I think about getting back in bed with Bella, but just the fact that I'm thinking about it is freaking me out. Instead, I grab a beer from the kitchen, then put on the lounge pants and sit on the couch.
As I turn the TV on, I notice Leo giving me the side-eye from where he's curled up on the coffee table. "I didn't hurt your mama," I assure him. "Those were good screams."
I try to watch the football game, but I can't stop thinking about this afternoon and the things Bella told me. Of course it makes sense that she was the one driving the car, given how freaked out she is about driving. I should've seen that coming.
The baby thing freaks me out a little bit though. I just can't picture the woman I know doing something so deceitful — well, she did lie to the police for me, so maybe she's not quite the Pollyanna I think she is. I even understand that a little more now, too — the things she said about not wanting to be the reason I lost my life.
I can't believe this guy, her husband. He must have done something to make Bella believe he'd cheat on her, to make her do something so drastic to hold on to him. He must have. If he was cheating, I hope she never, ever finds out.
I feel so bad for her, losing her husband and her baby like that. It's not that I don't understand why she gave up on living, because I do. My father did, and he only lost his wife. But why hasn't someone kicked her in the ass before now? Does no one realize how bad she is? Bella promised me she'd get help and I'm not going to let her forget that promise.
When my stomach starts growling, I realize it's after six and I haven't eaten since lunchtime. I peek in on Bella again, then head to the kitchen to start on dinner. I'll wake her up when it's ready if she's not awake by then.
I really did wear her out this afternoon. I hope I didn't… hurt her. I mean, she hasn't had sex in so long and I know I'm bigger than average. I wasn't exactly rough with her, but I didn't take it easy either. I just gave her what she asked for.
Fuck, I usually don't come back for seconds, but I really, really want to get Bella in bed again. I doubt she'll be up for it tonight though. Maybe she won't be up for it at all. I mean, this is a woman who was once married and expecting a child. She isn't the type to have casual sex, I'm sure of it. And that's all I can offer her — a good time.
Just because we had good sex, it doesn't change anything.
"Hey," I hear Bella's whisper behind me just as I'm finishing up dinner.
"Almost ready."
"What is?"
"Dinner. It's almost seven o'clock."
"Oh. What are we having?"
"Homemade fish and chips. Trying to see if I can make them better than the ones at the brewpub," I explain.
"You spoil me."
"You ain't seen nothing yet, baby," I say, turning around to leer at her. Fuck, she's just in a robe… one pull of the tie and I could have her naked.
"I meant in the kitchen," she replies, rolling her eyes. Yep, still a Pollyanna. I turn back to my cooking before I decide to have her for dinner.
I finish making our plates and carry them to table. When I set Bella's in front of her, I notice she's staring straight ahead, but her eyes don't seem to be focused on anything. She doesn't even notice that I set her plate down.
"Bella!"
"Huh?"
"Where did you go? I put your plate down 30 seconds ago but you're just staring into space."
"Sorry," she whispers, taking a bite of her fish.
"You're not gonna act weird because we fucked, are you?"
"No," she replies quietly. "I'm just…still tired."
"Are you sore?" Fuck, please say no so we can do that again.
"I'm ok," she nods, though I'm not sure I believe her. Damn.
"More football tonight?" she asks when she pushes her plate away.
"The Sunday night game should be over soon. We can maybe catch the end of it."
"No — no, that's ok. I was just wondering."
I grin, picking up her plate. I know Mom can't watch that much football either, unless Emmett's playing. "We can watch a movie, Bella, whatever you want."
"Thank God," she sighs, getting up to help with the dishes. Once they're done, we curl up together on the couch. I let Bella pick the movie seeing as she lets me touch her. After the late news, Bella gets up to get ready for bed. By the time I follow, she's already asleep.
A/N: I remember a lot of RFL readers were worried that Edward was just in it for the sex. What do you think now?
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