A/N: Angst ahead! Some more backstory revealed and Thomas's side of the Noailles sister suicide.
WARNING: SUBSTANCE ABUSE, SUICIDE
ALSO: Would anyone read smut scenes? I want to step out of my comfort zone more so just leave a review on your thoughts about it.
What Adrienne said was harsh. It was harsh and he deserved it. A scolding he needed because he really was being a coward. He merely wanted to know how James was doing and she had asked him to visit.
It was always a visit.
He couldn't do it. Thomas Jefferson, someone know for their flamboyant confidence, couldn't look his former best friend in the eye and say it. Ego was one hell of a drug.
But every single word James had said had the brutal pang of honesty. Because Thomas left him behind and it wasn't for the reasons James had said. It wasn't because he didn't know how to support him and it wasn't because he wanted to leave James. They both knew it ran much deeper than that.
No, it was because every time he saw James, he was reminded of how he felt. Of what he did.
Guilt.
Every single time.
Adrienne… she filled his void. The void of leaving behind his brother behind. He loved her, he truly did and the fact that she was related to her…
They looked so much alike.
He was standing outside the hospital, just staring up at the lettering above the entrance. The name of the hospital he already knew since he was seven. When he stepped inside, the scent of clinical sterilization hit his nose. The lobby was meant to smell like coffee and warm danishes but all he could smell was the floor James was on. The beeps and the smell of antiseptic. The cold air that swept in and out.
"I'm here to see James Madison." He said to the receptionist who nodded and gave him a visitor's pass with a smile. He vaguely heard himself thank her before going up the elevator. He could remember coming here, years ago and watching in the E.R. as they tried to restart Adalene Noailles heart.
And he remembered holding back James as he clawed at the glass and the girl who was in the room with the E.R. doctors, staring lifelessly as they called her sister's time of death.
Knocking on the door, he clenched his fist and prepared himself. "Come in," and so he did. He prepared for words, for something to be thrown at him.
He didn't expect silence.
Staring at James, pale and near-lifeless, made his insides coil. He pinned him with a dark gaze that used to be alive and crossed his arms. Thomas knew that if he came close enough, he would see the healed scars that ran vertically down his forearms just like if anyone came close to him, they would see the track marks along his arm veins.
"James," he had refrained from calling him 'Jemmy'. Told himself to do that on the way over. He told himself that this wasn't his little brother James Madison. This was him, grown up and scarred and beaten. This was the man who was alone for a long time because he fled. Because he was a coward. "I came by this time."
"Good to know you remember I still exist." He took a step closer but James' gaze told him to stay where he is. "I bet it bothers you. 'Poor, unfortunate me.'" He mocked, "James is still here - he ruins my asshole, don't give a fuck about anyone persona. At least he doesn't stop me from fucking every girl on campus.'"
"James, come on-"
"'Woe is me, I have no problems in my life.' Well guess what, Thomas? Your life is so hard." If you could see sarcasm, it would've blinded Thomas then. "I'm just in a fucking hospital because I tried to kill myself three different times. Woe is fucking me." The harsh, sardonic tones made the wild-haired man flinch with every word.
"How can you say that?" Thomas asked, thoroughly shocked. "I don't think that. I'm here for you!"
"Are you sure?" barked James and Thomas felt completely defeated. There was no way he could salvage anything between them anymore. "Aren't you glad that I'm out of the picture? That's what you've wanted for a while, right? That's why you didn't bother to be my best man when we've been friends since, what, diapers? You're only here out of pity."
"That's not true!"
"Then why didn't you care? That I was getting married? That I was happy?" He yelled, ripping off his blanket. Standing, he stumbled towards his friend. "Why didn't you do anything? You should've done something!" He ran to his friend's side, holding him up but James pushed him away. With surprising force, he tripped into the wall and became a heap on the floor.
"James, please," Thomas didn't know he was crying until James was on top of him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and shaking him.
"What happened to rehab? What happened to saying you'd do better for me? What happened to my friend?" He asked hoarsely, voice straining and almost incoherent in his rambling anger. "What happened to caring?" James' tears fell onto his face, mixing with his own as he just pushed down on his shoulders, head bowed in defeat.
"I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry - but what can I do? Can I do anything to help you forgive me?"
"Admit it."
"Admit what?" James' body was no longer on him but instead it was standing, wiping at tears as Thomas pushed himself up on one arm.
"The Great Thomas Jefferson can't admit anything. How could I forget?" Deep down, Thomas knew just what he meant. That, really, he was jealous of how much she took of James' time and how she was taking away his best friend even though Adalene was a friend to him too. He had hated that he had hated her at times. He hated that she was clinically depressed and still he did drugs around her. He hated that it was his fault.
That made it so much worse. Especially when he remembered the times Adalene would scream and cry, and he and James would spend hours outside her door because they couldn't leave her alone. Because Adrienne needed to go to school - she couldn't skip too many days.
And then he did that. If Adrienne knew… it would kill her.
"James-" he reached a hand out but when the patient gave him the most withering glare ever known to man, it fell limp.
"Have you even told Adrienne?" He cut whatever he was going to say off and Thomas squeezed his eyes shut. The worst day of his life. "That the reason she sunk was because of you. That you killed her sister."
"I didn't mean-"
"You were doing cocaine. Before our damn wedding, Thomas. And you knew… you knew that she was out of rehab." He was shivering, shaking so hard his voice wavered and James hugged himself, collapsing to his knees as tears came, flowing uncontrollably down his face. "She was fragile and you just left it there-"
"She was strong." He was surprised that he spoke, especially in a situation like this. "She worked at a pharmacy - a place that is shelves high full of drugs. She was strong."
"Apparently not strong enough. You think I never knew?" James snarled, shoulders shaking and Thomas felt the urge to wrap him in a hug. Crawling towards him, he launched himself over James's form as the man tried to fight him off. By now, the patient was sobbing, hands trying to plug the tears. "You bastard! Get off of me!" His elbow caught Thomas's nose and he reeled back, flinching as blood ran down his skin, warm and thick. "Get off of me."
He had landed a foot away, hand propping himself up as his other clutched his nose. He didn't forget that time - didn't think he'd ever will. With the shady dealers and addiction.
"Just tell me one last thing before I kick you out of here." James had hauled himself to the bed again, exhausted and red-eyed. "Is Adrienne… is she… did you infect her with your shittyness?" Did you make her a drug addict too? The question went with the underlying venom and Thomas felt it, with every nerve, poison his soul and he felt it collapse inside him. Did you destroy the other half of her too?
"I'm clean. I have been ever since I met her." He murmured honestly, "And I think you should know," He stood, blood seeping into his mouth. He tried to smile and James matched his in bitterness, "that the Noailles sisters are impenetrable to my shittyness."
"Were. There's only one now," like he could forget, "and that's your fault. Now get the hell out."
"I didn't kill her," Thomas said firmly but he knew his voice shook and it wasn't because of the pain. "James-"
"Tell me that again when you believe yourself." The dark-haired man whispered cruelly. "You're leaving a mess all over my floor. Get out."
And Thomas left with a shattered soul and a broken nose.
A/N: Ouch. A bit more revealed about the circumstances of the happenings before the story. I might make a prequel but until then, you'll have to wait until more sides of the story unfold.
Recap of what we know if anyone forget between my long updates: Adalene, whose name was just revealed, is Adrienne's older sister. She was formerly engaged to James up until her death. James and Thomas are best friends. On one side of the story, Adrienne believes it's her fault. On the other side, James believes it's his and Thomas's but blames Thomas more. Thomas blames himself. James is in the hospital because he's suicidal and he's been there because Adrienne found him on the edge of a bridge and he jumped but survived. There were two more attempts, one was him cutting himself and another is unknown. Adrienne and Thomas haven't visited James in a while because everything hurt - Adrienne lost her sister and herself, Thomas felt like it was his fault and the guilt wouldn't let him do anything rational.
And yeah. Angst.
REVIEWS:
RainbowBarfingUnicorn: #ADALENEDESERVEDBETTER I'm honestly thinking of writing a prequel for this story once this is finished but, who knows! I'm so glad you enjoyed and hope you love this installment!
GravityUniverse13: same dude... same.
Blusical Musical: Glad you think so! James is definitely Addie's brother since he used to be engaged to her sister. They used to be super close. Sorry for the wait but here's the next chapter!
Strawberry Cat: You will never be satisfied! I tried my hardest there but I'm glad it's just you being horny because honestly same. I'm okay with experimenting more on those kind of scenes so just comment below about it. I hope you keep reading this along with Soldier because I'll be updating this during my hiatus of that fic.
