Author's Note; Okay people, I know, quick update, but hell ... I was on a roll and I think I will be for a couple days so be prepared for a lot more of this amazing story I'm going to call my baby! Now, this might seem a short chapter, but a lot is discussed, like Naruto's new eating habit as well as some other things. Yes, Rin will be in this story and I made her Kiba's older cousin because I always forget what her real last name is. So, if anyone wants to tell me they can but I'll keep her as an Inuzuka in this story and use her real last name in another story.
Well, now I'm going to stop talking and let you read the story, so, enjoy :D
Chapter 11
More Secrets Revealed
They locked me up for three days in solitary, and all three days in a goddamn straight jacket.
They couldn't keep me locked in there for too long, it's against policy to keep patients locked up longer than four, but they let me out on day three when I officially stopped trying to hurt myself trying to get out or just to simply hurt myself. All I managed to do, was give myself a headache and nearly dislocate my shoulders trying to get the straight jacket off.
Well, I'm going to take back what I said earlier, I was allowed out of the straight jacket … just to use the damn restroom and for them to check my forearms of the cuts Kabuto so graciously gave me a week and a half ago that weren't healing like I hoped they would. But that's about it, when it came time to eat, they fed me themselves. I wasn't ready to see Yagura, hell, I don't think I could ever face him again after what I did to him. I'm just glad it was Fuu, because I have this god awful feeling that it was Kakashi that gave me that knock out shot, mostly because he's strong enough to hold me down and use a hand to do what needed to be done.
Yes, I wish I didn't snap like I did, I really do! I wish I didn't hurt Sasuke and Itachi like I did, I know Itachi probably has a really hurt shoulder and neither of them will probably talk to me for weeks.
I don't blame them either.
But, back to the point that I'm upset about, Tsunade visited me when I was let out of solitary, since she's not a doctor on this floor she doesn't have the right to see me unless I truly hurt myself for the need to have her around, and she gave me quite an ear full.
She went on ranting how ungrateful I was to Sasuke and Itachi, especially after they said they'd do everything in their power to help me move on and learn to cope with what I did and that I had actually dislocated Itachi's shoulder with my Biology text book. Then, I almost gave Sasuke a concussion when I threw Yagura at the two, and Yagura has a sprained wrist, which explains why I have yet to see him and that someone's taking his place today. Then she left making me feel so guilty I wanted to hurt myself seriously -I mean, come on, she should know how unstable I fucking am!
For this new nurse, I don't know this person either. He has green hair -like Fuu- orange-ish eyes like Fuu … but his personality is closed off -I could tell the first time I met him- and he's very quiet. The complete opposite of what Fuu is, but I can't help but think they might be related somehow. It is a possibility.
Back to Sasuke and Itachi, Itachi did take Sasuke home that day -after his shoulder was put back in place and put in a sling- and that Sasuke had Tenzo promise to call them when I got out of solitary.
I only know that because I overheard Tsunade and him talking when I was sitting in my room, guilt tripping over myself after she left.
So, which leads up to the present time, with me sitting in the rec room with Sasuke across from me -it must be the weekend, that's the only thing I can come up with how he's in front of me at ten in the morning. He's not allowed back in the rooms anymore since he's not a patient, but I wish they'd make an exception for him.
"Naruto, you doing okay?" Sasuke asked, his eyes downcast and I could tell he's blaming himself for my rage episode yesterday.
"I'm doing better, now that I'm calmed down a lot." I shrugged, unable to make eye contact with him either. "And Sasuke, don't blame yourself for my rage episode, really, it was bound to happen at some point or another anyway."
"But Naruto-"
"But nothing Sasuke, it was bound to happen." I told him. "I was holding in my emotions and you know what happens to me when I do that after so long."
"I guess … you're right." He sighed, finally, in defeat as his shoulders slumped forward a bit. "Itachi's doing okay, got a week or so off work because of his shoulder. And, he's spent every minute of his off time making sure Kabuto stays behind bars. The trial for murder and rape was yesterday and they added life to his five years he was already serving because of you."
"Wait, he was charged for the rape?" I asked, surely Itachi thought he couldn't be charged with it, but since Sasuke's mentioning it, it means he was able to.
"Yeah, the time limit for rape to be charged against someone is five years after the rape is committed." Sasuke nodded. "Itachi was raped four years, eleven months and five days ago. And Itachi thought it was two years limit."
"At least he's never getting out now." I chuckled darkly, which sent shivers up Sasuke's spine. I could only tell because he shuddered.
"Yeah, and neither of them could get time with parole, so we don't have to worry about them getting out either." Sasuke noted, which I nodded to. But I was more than ready to change the subject.
"I'm sorry for what I did to you two …" I said, probably for the hundredth time -mostly to myself- but I truly was sorry, and I wanted him to know that. "You two have done nothing but be there for me since we both got here."
"Naruto, forget it, we know you're sorry." Sasuke said, and I was finally able to look him in the eye, and I guess he was finally able to look me in the eye too, because he was staring right at me when I looked up at him.
He looked like he hasn't slept well for a couple nights, but I guess now that he knows I'm okay, and that I've calmed down, he might sleep better.
"Sasuke, I'm sorry, but Tenzo's wanting to talk to Naruto. He moved their session to eleven instead of in the afternoon like he planned." The new nurse said, and I still want to ask him if he's related to Fuu or not.
"Sure. Naruto, I'll see you tomorrow okay? Same time?" Sasuke asked as he stood up from the chair he was sitting in, and I nodded quickly.
"Yes, same time. I'll have something to look forward to when I wake up now." I said with a small smile. "Oh, and tell Sakura to visit me okay? I miss talking to her."
"I'll try, I haven't seen her yet. I haven't been to school. Itachi's giving me some catching up to do at home before he's letting me go back. I won't go back to school until Monday in two days." He explained.
"Oh, alright." I nodded "I was wondering why you weren't in school right now. Well, bye, see you tomorrow."
"Bye Naruto." Sasuke said, and he was gone before I could tell him to have Itachi visit me next time too, but I guess I'll tell him next time, or when I'm allowed to call people -which I have yet to do since I got here- and I follow the new nurse out of the rec room to the doorway of Tenzo's office, well … new office.
"Hold on, okay?" I said suddenly. "Could I possibly know your name please?" I asked, trying to sound polite and all.
"The name's Saiken." He said. "I'm Fuu's older brother."
"I knew you two were related." I grumbled.
"It's the eyes, our hair isn't naturally green ya know." Saiken said.
"Well, why'd you two dye it the same color?" I asked.
"We did it for Halloween and the color stuck, we liked it." He said with a small smile, and I smiled back before Saiken opened the door to Tenzo's office and led me in, only closing the door once I was situated in the couch.
"Morning Naruto." Tenzo said, and I nodded to him.
"Ohayo to you too." I said.
"You're bringing out your Japanese roots again I see." Tenzo said, and I nodded to that too. I can already tell it's going to be awkward between the two of us now, there's no doubt about it with this tension in the air right now.
"I guess, well, what'd you wanna talk about Tenzo?" I sighed.
"I'm giving you a new therapist, and no, it's not because of what happened three days ago." Tenzo said. "And it's one of the doctors I told you about in that other place we were thinking about having you go to."
"So, I'm not going?" I asked, hope rising inside me like bile to the back of my throat. I wanted to hear something positive from him for a change.
"No, you're not going, because this therapist has agreed to come and work here until your stay is complete." Tenzo said, and I sighed with relief and felt all the tension in my body release. God, it felt good knowing I'm not leaving to the other side of this huge ass city.
"Her name is Rin Inuzuka, and she's going to start being your therapist as of today." Tenzo said. "You'll be seeing her in ten minutes actually."
"Where's her office?" I asked, and I wanted to know before hand.
"She's in the office next to where his was." Tenzo answered. "You know obviously that Kakashi and I are sharing an office until mine's fixed, and we wanted to make doubly sure that you didn't go back into that one office if it could be helped."
"Thank you." I nodded, and I felt relieved again that I didn't have to go back in there. Hell, even if I did have to go back in there, I wouldn't go anyway.
"Okay, may I ask how you're feeling this morning Naruto?" Tenzo asked.
"I'm okay I guess … saw Sasuke this morning and all …" I said. "I'm just mostly feeling extremely guilty for what happened a couple days ago."
"It's okay, no one was prepared if you were to have an episode like that either." Tenzo said, and he sounded a little guilty also. "We should have known that you might … snap sooner or later, especially after what you went through. It was bad judgment on my part too thinking the complete opposite of what you would do."
"You thought I might have committed suicide or tried to because of what happened?" I asked, and I needed to know what he was thinking.
"Yes, I thought you might have tried." He nodded, and sighed heavily before scratching the back of his head a bit.
"It would have been understandable … I had been contemplating it for days after it happened … but I guess anger rushed into me before I could think more on it and …" I said, now unable to make eye contact with my now ex-therapist and sighed heavily. "I hate it when I get mad like that."
"You've been that mad before?" Tenzo asked, and he sounded surprised.
"Just once, and that the result from that time earned me this gash on my side that healed horribly." I answered, it was true, though I actually didn't do it to myself. It was when I was in middle school and a couple high school kids ganged up on me and beat me to within an inch of my life and stabbed me in my side. It was a horrible week on my part, and the fact that I also bloodied up one of the high school kids enough for them to also go to the hospital wasn't fun either.
Hell, the only reason I went off was because they were debating on whether they should rape me or not. I gave them their answer in five minutes. None of them could tear me off the one that came up with the idea for that long.
Then I noticed that Tenzo was waiting for an explanation, and that reminded me that I was thinking to myself again and I sighed.
"Well … lets just say that when I was twelve, guys thought I had an ass tight enough to fuck then too." And I didn't say it without venom and a purely sarcastic smile on my face. "No, they didn't get to, because I totally trashed the one that came up with the idea and the others beat me up so bad I couldn't move. Hell, I'm surprised I'm alive after they stabbed me."
"Alright." Tenzo nodded, making notes to give to Rin I guess since his pen was scratching furiously on paper. "Okay, I think we can go and see Rin, she just wants to get to know you today and for you to get to know her also. So it's more like a half hour session today than anything else."
I only nodded and stood up just before Tenzo grabbed my folder and his notes from today and walked with me to the office next door, and I let Tenzo knock and open the door. I was really not in the mood to meet a new therapist. Remember what happened to the last one I got?
"Oh, Hello Naruto, I'm Rin Inuzuka." The bright, brunette said as she stepped out from behind her desk and walked over to us.
Yeah, she's totally an Inuzuka, with her chocolate eyes, dark brown hair, and she even had sort of the same facial tattoo that Kiba had, but they were rectangles and in a shade of purple that reminded me of deep lavender. She looked cute too.
"Yoroshiku." I mumbled shyly at her. Yes, I'm shy right now! Damn it, I'm still trying to wrap my head around getting a new therapist that might not want to fucking rape me!
"Nice to meet you too, Naruto-kun." Rin said, and I stared at her. "I can speak Japanese too, but not a whole lot."
"I don't know much Japanese either." I shrugged before sitting down on the couch she too had and noticed that Tenzo was still here. I thought he was leaving.
"Rin, here's his file, and some stuff he talked about this morning with me before coming here. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me okay?" Tenzo said, okay, I thought he was going to stay here, but I guess I'm wrong. "See you in half an hour Naruto." And with that, he left me in here with the female doctor, who sat down in a chair across from the couch while reading my file. I wonder if anything Orochimaru took notes on is in that file. I just hope not.
"Naruto-kun, I know you might be nervous, but let me assure you, I won't do anything to you. All we'll do is talk, and I am here to help you." She said, and I could tell she picked up on my nervous aura and I gulped loudly. "I truly wish to become friends with you."
"I have a question." I said, and I felt like I needed to get this out in the open before we went further into our conversation.
"Sure, what is it?" She asked, and she looked ready to answer any question I had.
"Are you related to a Kiba Inuzuka?" I asked.
"Well, yes, I'm his cousin." She nodded. "Why?"
I could only guess she asked 'why' because I frowned angrily at the thought of remembering that prick.
"Well, your cousin is one of the main reasons why I'm here. I've been tormented by him for years." I tell her, and she didn't look pleased at what I said.
"I assure you, Naruto-kun, that my cousin will never lay another hand on you again." And she said this with a smile, though the tone in her voice made me believe what she said.
"I'll hold you to your word, Rin-chan." I said, smirking when she blushed slightly at the honorific. Well, it's only fair because she's using one with me too. "But please, don't call me Naruto-kun or Naru-chan … I beg of you."
"I'll just call you Naruto then." She smiled, and I'm glad she didn't ask why. But it's probably written in my file anyway, but I wouldn't know.
"Thank you." I smiled, though it was barely a twitch of the corner of my mouth. I'm just relieved. "So … what times is my session with you after today?"
"I think I'm going to keep it around eleven o'clock, like when you had Tenzo as your therapist, I'm sure you wouldn't want to see me later in the day." She said, and I totally agreed. "And I want you to be as comfortable with me as possible."
"Okay." I nodded, now completely unsure of what to talk about anymore, mostly because this isn't a therapy session, it's a get-to-know-each-other half an hour.
And, like Tenzo promised, there was a knock on the door signaling that the half hour was up and I felt my body relax knowing it was over with.
"Well, looks like our half hour is over, Naruto, I'll see you tomorrow around eleven." Rin-chan said, and I nodded to her as I quickly got up and went over to the door that Tenzo was in the midst of opening and left the office when the door was fully open.
I just hope I don't get my hopes crushed by her, I don't need anything else happening like with that pedo-snake.
xxx xxx xxx
I gotta say, Kakashi's wary of me since I went completely nuts the other day. Hell, he's actually been avoiding me a little bit, not pushing me to talk much during group and he didn't even order me to read my poem out loud that I wrote for our poetry session during group.
I'm starting to worry if he doesn't like me anymore. Not that I cared or anything, but I just don't want him pushing me away because of my rage episode. And I planned on confronting him about it after group, but then someone new walked into the rec room and took a seat next to me between me and Kakashi, since group was still only half over and this new person made me nearly forget about wanting to talk to the pervert.
The new kid had mid back length black hair, deep blue eyes like mine, glasses over those eyes and he wore scrubs today that totally clashed with his pale skin. I guess he's a new patient and he hasn't had family bring him clothes yet. But, looking into those eyes, he reminded me of someone, but right at the moment, I can't put a finger on who he is. And that just made me a little irked because I usually remember people.
"Oh, I'm so glad you could join us today Tsumi." Kakashi said with that weird eye smile he always does, and I couldn't help but tense at that name. I wonder why this guy's here.
"Don't talk to me." Tsumi muttered under his breath, and he reminded me of Sasuke and his stoic bastardness and I couldn't help but chuckle about it. Though, I do wish it wasn't out loud.
"I'm only going to ask you to introduce yourself and tell something of yourself to the group." Kakashi said, still with that same tone that's going to get him killed one of these days. "And that's all."
"I'm Tsumi Seijin, and if you want to know something about me, then I'll tell you why I'm here; I'm here because I tried to kill myself after having sex with my boyfriend, who in turn, decided to try and kill me after sex."
This guy also has issues … fucking hell! I wonder if he was raped instead of having sex … But I'm not going to pry, if he wanted us to know, he would have told us.
"Thank you Tsumi, now, everyone introduce yourself and tell one thing about yourself." Kakashi said, and I groaned, not entirely wanting to do this again.
"I'm Gaara Sabaku, and I'm here for chronic insomnia … which led me to have hallucinations and I almost killed a couple people because of them." Gaara said, and he didn't seem to care if people knew he almost killed someone, but that's just Gaara I think.
"I'm Karin Uzumaki, and I'm here because of stalking that almost got to the point of obsession, kidnapping and rape." Karin said, and I still shuddered every time I remembered she's part of my family.
Great, it's my turn …
"I'm Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, Karin is my distant cousin … anyway, I'm here because I have bipolar disorder and I only got sent to the hospital because during one of my rage episodes when I was letting all my anger out on myself, which is something I've always done, I almost died of blood loss …" I said quickly. "I've also been here since … the end of August and my birthday is in four days …"
Dear fucking God, my birthday is almost here! I'm going to have to spend it here or late when I get out of here … whenever the fuck that is, because I truly don't see myself getting out of here any time soon before the holidays.
God, I'm such a fuck up!
"Naruto, are you okay?" Kakashi asked, drawing me from my self-loathing and I nodded. "Okay, lets call group over for today and we'll do more tomorrow. Tsumi, why don't you stick with Naruto for the rest of the day, he'll help you get acquainted with the place."
Oh hell no he didn't.
"Wait Kakashi, I want to talk to you." I said, a little angrily because he was already on his way to leave and lock himself in his office, well, his new office since Tenzo took over his.
"Is everything okay Naruto?" Kakashi asked, and he seemed distant, like he wasn't wanting to be part of this conversation. And it was pissing me off.
"Alright, that does it, what the hell is your problem!?" I yelled at him. "You've been avoiding me since earlier this week and now you're driving me nuts! First time I'm here and for the entire six weeks you're my group therapist, you won't leave me alone to participate, and now, all of a sudden, you want nothing to do with me. What the hell did I fucking do to you?"
"I assure you Naruto, it's nothing, really. I've been feeling kind of under the weather is all." He says, well bull shit.
"You've always bugged me, even when you were sick." I snapped at him. "Is it because of my goddamn rage episode three days ago, Kakashi?
There, I figured it out, because he tensed at the mention of that episode.
"Thanks for answering my question with your body, now stop acting like a pansy and treat me like the other patients here from now on. I have troubles like them too, 'ttebayo." I snapped at him as I crossed my arms.
"I thought you would be angry with me, not want to talk to me because I am the one that used the syringe on you …" Kakashi said, making me tense at the mention of the syringe he used to knock me out to calm me down.
"I'm afraid of needles, thanks to that fucking pedophile, but I'm not afraid of the other people who use them on me. I just prefer you don't." I said, shuddering at the fact that I'm talking about it, and I really wish we weren't. "Now, stop distancing yourself from me or I'll tell my father you're starting to neglect me."
"You're not mad at me for using a syringe on you?" Kakashi asked, and he sounded shocked.
"No … not completely. I mean, there was a reason for you to use it, it wasn't to be used for something else …" I mumbled, though I'm starting to feel my palms get sweaty just talking about it. "Now, just stop pushing me away and I won't yell at you anymore." I added before I stalked back to the rec room before Kakashi could say anything and noticed that Tsumi wasn't there anymore.
Sighing heavily, I walked back down to the rooms and passed mine, I'm getting this feeling he's either in the room Sasuke was in, or the old room I was in. I'm just praying he isn't in that last room. But no, nothing is ever on my side here and I find Tsumi in the last room on the right, the room I last stayed in … the same room I was attacked in while I was sleeping.
Gulping loudly, I knock loudly on the door, envious because he's allowed to have it closed, and I wait patiently for him to open it, which takes a few minutes. And when the door does open, he's glaring at me with hard blue eyes that I wish I had. Man, his eyes are just as intensely blue like mine are.
"Um, well … I was wondering if you'd um …" Fucking hell, I had almost everything I wanted to say to him down by the time I got here, but now I have no clue what to fucking say to him, and just being near this room is starting to make me feel like hyperventilating.
"Well, what do you want?" Tsumi asked, and he sounded annoyed.
"Um … wanna … play five hand with me?" I asked, which was totally not what I wanted to ask in the first place, but at least something came out.
"Sure … but I don't want to go back out there, go get the cards and we'll play in here." Tsumi said, and I froze, my eyes going wide at the offer but I took a step back after a moment while shaking my head quickly.
"Why not?" Tsumi asked, and he sounded offended.
"It's not you." I said quickly "it's … it's the room itself." I added while pushing up my sleeves, showing him my arms that were still heavily wrapped with ace bandages. "I was attacked in my sleep while I stayed in that room …"
"Oh … sorry." Tsumi said in a low voice. "We'll go to your room then."
I nodded quickly and rushed down the hall and to the rec room where the cards were sitting on one of the tables and as I grabbed them, the new nurse, Saiken, walked into the area announcing lunch and I sighed heavily.
I put the cards in my pocket and went back down the hall to his room to see that he's about to walk out anyway, and I wave to get his attention.
"It's lunch, lets play while we eat?" I asked.
Tsumi didn't say anything other than shrug and he followed me back out to the rec room and the two of us occupied a table. But I couldn't help but notice that Gaara's sitting alone, again, and I'm going to make this right. I should have talked to him first when I got out of solitary this morning.
"I'll be right back …" I told Tsumi, who didn't seem to mind as he started eating and I left my food at the table and walked over to where Gaara was sitting and made it so he couldn't get up from his chair without having to move the table, since it was in a corner.
"I don't want to talk to you Uzumaki." Gaara said, knowing that calling me that would put me on edge, but I didn't care right now.
"Gaara … I didn't mean to hurt you or whatever I did to you a couple days ago." I told him, but he wouldn't look up at me. I don't blame him really. "Hey, look Gaara … I'm not always like that."
"Naruto, before I came here, if someone did that to me I would have killed them within a heart beat, not caring if I would get in trouble because I would have claimed self defense …" Gaara said, and I gulped loudly. "But, I'm going to give you one more chance, because I want to start a different life, a life with no violence and a life where people won't be frightened of me. Do something to get me mad again and I'll make sure you don't get back up."
"Alright." I said with a small grin that I forced -still can't get myself to do it without forcing it, hopefully that will change soon- and I stand up. "Come eat with the new guy and me, we're playing five hand."
"Maybe tomorrow, I want to get some homework done." Gaara said while shaking his head no.
"I didn't think you were enrolled in school yet."
"I was enrolled before my family and I moved here, but I didn't get the chance to go to school because of my insomnia, remember?" Gaara said.
"Oh, that's right, sorry." I said with a slight nervous chuckle. "Well, you can work on homework while you sit with us."
"Fine." Gaara sighed heavily, realizing I wasn't going to let up and the two of us went back to the table and I got the deck of cards out of my pocket and started shuffling them when I sat down. I was already starting to feel like I'm in a better mood already, but I know most of it is just a façade, I'm not going to be truly happy for a long time, and I know that.
xxx xxx xxx
After lunch, Saiken decided to let me go downstairs after talking to Tenzo and Rin, and they both agreed that I could go downstairs to jog for half an hour. They came up with the excuse that I needed off the floor for a while -which was true in a way- but I would rather leave the building for some fresh air. I'm going to talk to Rin about it tomorrow and see if it's okay if she and a nurse go outside with me while Sasuke's visiting after tomorrow.
Anyway, I'm listening to Asking Alexandria again while I run, only because it's one of the very few albums that can get my blood pumping with enough adrenaline to get me to even want to run anymore, and Saiken's sitting a few feet away reading a magazine about something that I'm not wanting to pay attention to and suddenly I feel my chest tighten, which makes my breath hitch in the back of my throat and from then on it hurts to breathe and it becomes hard for me to breathe.
God, I wasn't going faster than a fucking jog! And I haven't even listened to four songs yet! Why is this happening to me all the time?
"Naruto, stop the machine and sit down while I go get the oxygen tank." Saiken said, but he turned the machine off for me and helped me sit down before he went across the room.
It was obvious that my asthma kicked in, but I don't know why. Maybe it's because I don't eat like I should … I haven't had a decent meal in weeks. And it all started when I tried to kill myself. I think that was a month ago. Fucking hell.
"Here, hold this to your face and I'll bring the strap around to the back of your head." Saiken said calmly and I did what I was told and tried to take deep breaths, but it felt impossible. "I called Tenzo and Rin, not knowing who to call, and they're on their way down."
I groaned as best as I could but it only came out in a cough, a moment later, Saiken's sitting next to me rubbing small circles on my back. And I appreciate what he's doing, because it helps me calm down a little bit. And a few seconds later, both Tenzo and Rin are walking quickly through the doorway into the physical therapy room and making their way towards us, though Tenzo doesn't look happy.
"Is everything okay?" Rin asked when they got to us.
"How did it happen this time?" Was what Tenzo asked, and I frowned as I still tried to get my breathing back to normal.
"He was going recommended speed, not going faster than a jog until suddenly about ten or so minutes later, he started choking for air and holding his chest." Saiken explained for me. Really? I only ran ten or so minutes? That's not good, definitely not good.
"Naruto … we're going to have to do some blood work, take your blood pressure and weigh you when you get back upstairs okay?" Tenzo said, and I think I paled at the mention of blood work … it involves needles. "Don't worry, we'll be with you while you get your blood drawn, so there's no need to worry about it. We'll make sure it's only that."
I nod, but I refuse to speak, since I'm still trying to get my breathing a little slower now that I'm not feeling as light headed as I was a few minutes ago.
"We were going to do it anyway because of the medicine you're taking." Tenzo said in his defense, and I only nodded. "And … how's your eating lately?"
That's when I tensed visibly and noticed that he nodded and looked at Saiken for a possible answer, though he knows he won't get much from him.
"He didn't touch his lunch today, but since I haven't seen him until today, I can't give more than that." Saiken said, and I mentally cursed him for saying anything.
"Alright, I'm going to have to talk to Fuu, Rin and I will go upstairs and you can catch up when you're breathing is back to normal." Tenzo said and the two of them walked off, leaving me here with Saiken and the growing urge to hit something, but I force myself to calm down with deep breaths of fresh oxygen. I'm going to have to get a prescription inhaler or something … it takes too long to get oxygen back into my lungs with just oxygen alone.
A few minutes later, Saiken and I are heading upstairs and I hand him my iPod and my headphones in the elevator so I won't forget to give it to them like I did this one time and almost got sent in solitary for an hour… that wasn't a pleasant conversation, but at least it was Fuu who noticed I didn't give it back and not Tenzo or Kakashi. They overreact with me sometimes.
"So, Naruto … how's my sister been treating you?" Saiken asked.
"I like her, she's awesome and kind … I wish I had a sister like her." I said, which is the truth. Fuu is an amazing person. She's in the right profession.
"I'm glad to hear, she talks about you all the time at home." Saiken said, and I looked over at him. Really? "You know, just basic stuff and shit. She doesn't give away anything unless she's allowed. Anyway, she's been worried about you for a while."
"Really?"
"Yeah, said that you're not eating like you should, she's noticing you've been locking yourself away and all." Saiken said, and I only stared at him wide eyed. "She's hoping you'll get better soon."
"Aren't you staying on this floor?" I asked, mostly because I wondered if Yagura's working on the psyche floor again.
"No, I'm only temporary, I work at the institution that Rin works at. Yagura's going back to work in two weeks. You gave him a nasty surprise three days ago." Saiken said, and now I feel guilty again. "But don't worry about him. He and I are buddies and he'll pull through, and he's ready to give you an earful when he comes back."
"I'm sure he'll be beyond pissed off with me when he does come back." I grunted when the elevator opened and the two of us walked off and into the rec room through the entrance.
I see Gaara working on homework still and I remember mine that I need to finish. Tsunade hasn't said anything about my science homework so I'm not working on it unless she says I should. I need a shower too, I stink like I've been running for miles.
"Naruto, you can take your shower after your physical." Saiken said, and then he leads me to Rin's office and suddenly I don't want to be here anymore.
"We'll take your blood pressure, temperature and height and weight first, so relax okay?" Saiken told me, and I noticed that Rin and Tenzo were in the room too, but I couldn't help but wish I was doing something else.
"Naruto, want to take your height and weight first?" Rin asked and I nodded quickly, but then I remembered that I'll possibly have to change into a gown or scrubs. "Don't worry, we'll step out so you can change." She added as Saiken handed me a pair of light bluish, gray scrubs and the three of them stepped out and I quickly changed, so we can get this over with and quickly before I have another panic attack.
"I'm r-ready." I said loud enough for them to hear, but then I remembered it's hard to hear anything said in these rooms on the outside, so I go to the door and knock on it before quickly backing up as they walk back into the room and Rin leads me to the scale that's by the door. I guess they brought it in while I was on my way back up, because I don't remember it being in here before then.
I sighed heavily as I stepped up onto the scale, watching as the electronic numbers quickly changed between 110, 137, 150 and 143 before landing on 114 pounds. I grimaced at the number that showed up and tensed visibly. I remember when I was last weighed a couple months ago, I was around 139 pounds, but that's just …
"No wonder you had an asthma attack while you jogged this afternoon!" Tenzo said loudly, making me jump off the scale and back away to the couch and sit down on it. I needed to breathe damn it!
"Naruto, calm down okay? Breathe slowly for me, please." Rin said, and I'm glad that it was her talking to me, because I think Tenzo would have just made it worse. "We still need to record your height so could you stand back up on the scale for a moment longer?"
I only nod and a moment later I'm back up on the scale as they record my height. I'm only 5' 11'' tall, I weigh much too little to be that all, according to Tenzo's thoughts since he said them out loud and I'm sitting back down on the couch where they take my temperature and blood pressure. It's a little high since I'm scared and nervous right now, but they said it was normal for me, but maybe a little lower than it should be.
Then next was the devil needle, God, I wish they could put me to sleep but they said it would do something to the results and I'd have to go through it again. I don't want to go through this again, so they allow me to bite down on something hard, and actually listen to my music while I'm poked with the needle and got my blood drawn. But neither helped me keep the small panic attack away and Rin helped me calm down a bit.
But I'm far from calm, I want to go home, I want to be as far away from this place as I can possibly be. Maybe that'll help me forget, because being here is doing nothing but making me remember everything that's happened to me these past few weeks.
I want to forget damn it! Is that so hard to fucking ask?
"Naruto, you can go back to your room now and take a shower if you wish." Rin suggested, and it was only then that I realized that Tenzo and Saiken were gone from the room, and I nodded quickly now that my breathing as back to normal and I was calm again. But that took half an hour to do so.
"I'll see you tomorrow Naruto." Rin said with a happy smile and I could only get my lips to twitch as I grabbed my clothes and left the room. I'm comfortable in the scrubs right now, so I'll stay in them a little bit longer.
But, I don't go to my room, I go into the room Sasuke stayed in and climbed into his bed. It actually still smells like him, this room. Or maybe I'm imagining it, I don't know. I guess I just miss him more than I let on.
I feel so pathetic, really. I've been degraded to nothing but a pile of pathetic nothingness that can't do anything right. I'm supposed to be getting better, but now I'm severely underweight, I'm afraid of needles terribly, I'm still having problems with my anger and nothing seems to be working for me, and I hurt my best friend and his brother so much that I'm shocked they're talking to me again.
Hell, I'm shocked I still have friends.
No! I need to stop thinking like that! I won't get better if I keep thinking like that!
I wrap my arms around the pillow under my head and I just cling to it while my tears silently fall. I want to get better, no, more like I need to get better or I'm going to be in and out of these places for the rest of my life.
"Naruto?" I hear a distant voice say, and I actually barely hear it until I hear footsteps walk towards me and a hand touch my shoulder that makes me jump a bit. "Naruto, are you okay?"
It's only Fuu. "I'm fine." I tell her, but I know she knows I'm lying. It's not hard to see.
"If you were fine, you wouldn't be crying, want to tell me what's wrong?" She said as she sat down on the edge of the bed, her hand resting near mine but not touching.
"I feel pathetic." I tell her in a low voice. "I came here to get better and now look at me, I put myself through so much that I don't deserve and now I'm scared of the slightest touch, and I've never been scared of needles before until now. I hurt Sasuke and his brother so bad the other day, I was so sure that they wouldn't talk to me ever again until I saw Sasuke this morning. I don't deserve his forgiveness after what I did."
"He forgives you because he knows what you went through, he told me this morning before he saw you that he'd forgive you if you had another rage episode and it went out on him, because he knows you can't help it." Fuu said, but it only made me cry harder.
"I've only let my rage out on others besides myself twice my whole life. That's why I have so many scars, Fuu." I tell her. "I hate hurting other people so much that I don't care what I do to myself as long as others aren't hurt."
"But others do get hurt, Naruto, when you aim your anger and frustrations out on yourself." Fuu said. "They hurt emotionally because they feel like they can't do anything to help you. Maybe, if you let others help you, then maybe, just maybe, you'll start getting better. They'll help you through your bad times and make sure you always have a healthy way of venting your frustrations out when they become too much."
"I don't have many friends! Just four; Gaara, Sasuke, Sai and Sakura. No one else would ever be friends with me because I'm such a fucking freak." I said as I wiped the tears off my face with the pillow.
"I'm hurt Naruto." Fuu said, which made me look up at her and I saw hurt in her golden orange eyes. "Don't you consider me a friend?"
"I guess, but … how will we see each other outside here?" I asked her.
"We can still keep in touch, ya know." She said happily. "I can give your parents my number and we can exchange letters for a while until you graduate and then we can hang out more. I'm graduating from college in two years for my psychology degree and I'm going to start being a psychiatrist like I've always wanted. Hell, you can even ask if I can be your therapist when you need someone you know to confide in."
"Is that possible?"
"I'll make sure your parents know to call me if you need a new therapist." She nodded. "Okay, now, get rid of that frown and lets go get some homework done, but first … shower, you stink really bad."
"I really do smell that bad?" I asked, but I don't check because it's indecent as I sit up and dry my face some more. She's really too kind to people, to me specifically. I'm just glad that she and Gaara are here when Sasuke isn't.
