Chapter Eleven

I trailed down the steps slowly. Dragging. Depressed? Yeah, Sure. That works.

Charlie had already left and the house was quiet. I entered the kitchen and sat down in one of the chairs, staring at the tiled floor emotionless.

I put my face in my hands and groaned loudly. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What to do. What to do.

Today had to be a day to clear some things up. That's all I knew.

I slowly got back up and went out the door, not minding my apparel of the sweats and big t-shirt. I just stepped into my truck and drove off.

I pulled onto the graveled road, my arrival becoming known loudly. I'm sure they both heard my from outside.

I got out and slowly stepped to the front door where Billy met me.

"Hi." Was all I said. Did Jacob tell him what happened?

He stared at me unhappily. I'll take that as a yes.

"I need to talk to him."

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

"Please." I pleaded. I needed this.

He sighed and took a peek at me before rolling off. It was silent for awhile. I could hear a couple voice. A few distinct sounds. The silence again. I was about to turn my body and leave when a very tall and upset Jacob stood in front of the door.

He pushed it open, making me step back hastily. Once outside, he just stared at me. He slipped his hands into his pockets and didn't say a word. Waiting for me to speak first.

"Can we talk?" I gave him a hopeful face.

"Talk." He stated simply.

I nodded. Of course he would be cold about what happened. How could I expect him not to be?

"Come on." I nodded towards the trail to the beach and he strode next to me silently. Waiting for me to talk again. Awkward silence. Wonderful.

"Well, I suppose I'll start off with an apology. I'm sorry, Jacob. Truly ,Sincerely, Everything within me, pleads for forgiveness."

He started to say something but I put my hand up.

"No interruptions yet."

He nodded and looked forward.

"At first. I didn't mean to use you like that. All I was thinking is I wanted to get revenge on Edward. I never thought, 'Oh, Jacob! He's gullible and will willingly have sex with me!'" He flinched a little. "I really didn't think like that. I was thinking that I wanted to forget. I wanted to be happy again. And when I think happiness I think of you. I think of how last spring, how close we were and how happy I was. They were great times and I didn't want anything to change."

I took a breath and stalled for a moment. Glancing at his expression. Judging by his stance how he was feeling.

"I really just wanted to hang out at first. I wanted Edward to come over and catch me happy. I wanted him to come right into the thing he should've been doing. It's his job as well to make me happy. And he hasn't exactly been fulfilling that part of his job." I bit the inside of my lip at the thought. "But the way we were. The position we were in. Then there was the way you look at me. Adoration. Respect. Love." He closed his eyes as the last word, but I continued. "I missed that look so much. I wanted it so badly that I took things too far. All I knew is I didn't want to just see the love. I wanted you to show me as well. So…I asked you to kiss me. And I was surprise when you obeyed." He opened his eyes and glanced at me warily. "Then I took things too far again. I wanted the thing from you that Edward could never give me. I needed it. I wanted to feel whole. And…I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have done that to your nor him. Even if he betrayed me like that. It was no excuse."

I took a deep breath as I finished my long speech. But I had to add something again.

"I am really sorry, Jake." I added. I needed him to believe me.

I heard him take in a breath. We had arrived at the beach by then.

"I'm in love with you Bella. Even after yesterday, I still am. I don't want to be, because I know it can never be fulfilled. At least not in the way I'd like. So yesterday, when you mirrored love that I thought was the same kind I wanted. I went along with it. I wanted to believe it was real. I wanted to believe that Edward wasn't in the picture and that you loved me. Only me. It was a lot to want. But it happened and you kept taking a step further and I kept going with you like a puppy. " He chuckled a bit. "I should've stopped us. I should've known that it wasn't right. You couldn't get over Edward that quickly. Any fool can see that you love him with everything you have. And just because he decided to make a big mistake doesn't change anything. You're stubborn like that, Bella." He glanced at me. "You just don't give up." He smiled a bit.

I couldn't help but smile back.

"I love you too, Jacob. Just…not in the way you want. I'm sorry-" He pressed two fingers to my lips to silence me.

"Stop saying sorry, Bella." He spoke sternly.

I nodded and continued. "I want to thank you also, though. You just made me realize something as well. I'm glad to have you in my life, you know?"

He nodded and looked out at the ocean, avoiding my eyes.

"You're still upset, aren't you?"

He sighed. "Yeah. I mean…In time I'll forgive you. And I'm happy you came to clear up the air. But it still doesn't' change that It happened. It's just going to take me awhile to get my head straight from what is fantasy and not real, to reality. Just give me time, okay?" He peered over at me with a pleading look.

I nodded. "I'll give you all the time you need, Jacob. I'm still going to be your best friend through it all. No matter what happens. I'm here." He smiled sadly and I smiled back. Oh how I wish I could just make him smile a heart filled smile. I missed those.

We turned around and headed back to his house in silence. Upon arriving at the front door I peered up at him. He was staring at me. I smiled a little.

He pulled me into a big bear hug. "Thanks, Bella." He spoke into my ear.

"For what?" I choked out. Holy hell could he give a hug.

"For just...being you, I suppose." My forehead creased in confusion. "Yeah…you tend to screw up. But you know how to make things right as well. Thank you for that." And with that he let me go and stepped back. He gave me that huge smile.

I grinned in return. "Give me a call, Jacob. I'll be waiting." And with that I stepped passed him and stepped into my truck. By the time I started the engine, he was gone.

I sighed and pulled out, sailing down the road.

It was afternoon by the time I pulled into the next driveway. My appearance was always known here. Even if I had the quietest car in the world.

I stepped out of the truck and hopped up the steps to the door and raised my hand to knock. But before I could the door flung open.

Edward stood there, a sad expression upon his face.

I saddened at the sight of it. I stepped back and he came out side with me, closing the door behind him.

I slipped my hands in my front pockets and rocked on my heels awkwardly. He was being silent. I wasn't getting used to the silence from everyone.

I sighed and peered into his eyes, their golden glow were looking down at me, but the glowing glint to them wasn't there.

I bit my lip and finally spoke up. I gave him a hopefully expression, my eyebrows raised slightly and my eyes pleaded as I spoke the words he's been waiting for.

"Ready to talk?"

I kept writing after I finshed chapter ten. Then I finished this one. So..I figured I'd put it up. After I got the review about Edwards reaction I had to get closer to more of his explanation.

Just to clear somethign up--Edward could've said more in the room when he walked in on them, but first Bella cut in then before she could respond she noticed Jacob and had to make sure he was okay. Then he blew up. And yeah you know the rest.

In the next chapter I plan on putting more of his wrath about his walk in on them mroe clearly. And her wrath with be in it too.

It'll be one hell of a chapter. I'm wonderign how long it's going ot be and when I'm going to get it out...Hmm.

Dunno,yet.

SO in the meantime!

You should...Review.

And! If I don't get the next chapter out as soon as you want. Check out my other stories. Honestly, I like them ebtter than this story. But all of you like this story more apparently so I continue with this one more.

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