At thirteen-years-old, Squalo wasn't surprised when the twins had started hitting puberty. He had been quick to notice that, though Bel seemed to cope somewhat alright with the new changes, it was Rasiel who seemed to be distraught by them. The man had a feeling it was because with everything the boys had been through, the older twin probably feared this meant he would turn out no better than the monsters who could never be called parents.
Lying on his bed, having been reading while Xanxus tended to the company, Squalo allowed Rasiel to vent his stress on him, calm as he tried to help the boy understand that everything was okay. "It's normal for you to feel that way and want to touch yourself, Siel; I touch myself, and so does Xanxus. There's nothing wrong with it."
Rasiel looked uncomfortable as his head dropped forward. His shoulders tensed as he tried to gather up the courage to explain things, and it was the comfort that Squalo radiated that helped him reveal a piece of his past he couldn't help but reflect on every day of his life.
"...Mommy and daddy used to touch Bel down there..." A single tear slid down the boy's cheek as his hands fumbled with one another, remembering the fear that had consumed him for so long. "They made us touch each other, too... They made Bel... put his mouth on me, and made me... put that inside him..."
Squalo's eyes softened as he reached out, pulling Rasiel onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around the boy, holding him close as he sighed; he knew that Bel had been raped, but he hadn't known that the twins had been forced into sexual relations with each other; he swore that with everything he learnt about his charges' pasts, he only grew more heartbroken at the pain they had suffered. "That was so fucking wrong of them, Siel..."
"They took us into the basement where the video camera was..." More tears slid down Rasiel's cheek as he finally opened up to Squalo about what his nightmares made him remember each and every night; never before had he talked about this in such detail, but he had truly come to trust his guardian over the years. "Sometimes daddy would put that inside Bel and make me watch, or else he'd make me do it instead, but it was always where the camera was... He'd hurt us if we tried to say no... He'd always make me hurt my little brother..."
"What they did to you both should never have happened, Siel, but you shouldn't let that get in the way of things." Squalo ran his fingers through blond locks, wishing he knew what to do; the only problem was, he had never been in that kind of situation before. "The things they did to you make them the sick ones, not you or Bel. It's completely normal for you guys to... to be sexually stimulated now, and it's healthy for you to touch yourself. What isn't normal is what they did to you."
Rasiel shook his head, moving closer to Squalo's warmth. "I don't want to touch myself or Bel anymore... I don't... want to keep… want my body to keep doing this…"
"Siel, it's going to happen whether you like it or not. I can't imagine how it makes you feel, but it's really not anything to be scared of because in this house, no one is going to touch you against your will, Siel. The only one who will touch you from now on is yourself. Okay?"
Rasiel nodded, knowing his guardian was right. He pushed himself off of Squalo, lying next to the man as he watched him pick up his book again. His obscured eyes scanned the words quickly, wondering what the book was about.
"What's Bel doing?" Squalo's eyes continued to flicker along the page as he questioned the younger, having always found himself worried when the youngest twin didn't make his presence known for a while; who knew what the boy was getting up to without supervision.
"He's in our room with Mammon." Rasiel moved his eyes upwards to look at Squalo's face, a hint of sadness about him as he thought of his beloved brother; he hated to admit it, but as hard as he had tried to care for his twin, Bel's hatred towards him only seemed have grown. "He said he was feeling bad today."
"How are you getting along with him?" The man was aware of the fact that, though Bel was getting better at behaving himself with him, he had been pushing Rasiel away and going as far as to attack him at times. He wasn't entirely sure of what he could do about the situation, not wanting to punish Bel in a way that would cause him to remember things he didn't want to and force him to take steps back, but he knew he had to do something; he just wasn't sure of what.
"He bit me earlier..." Rasiel rolled up his white sleeve, revealing teeth marks that had broken through skin. He fought back his tears, trying his hardest to pretend that everything was fine and his brother didn't viciously maul him if given the chance.
"For fuck's sake..." Squalo threw his book onto the bed as he sat up, pulling Rasiel along with him. "And he wonders why he's not allowed to have knives anymore..."
Rasiel followed Squalo into the adjoining bathroom, watching as the man grabbed the first aid kit from the medicine cabinet. He held his arm out, waiting patiently for the taller male to tend to the wound.
The thing Rasiel loved most about his guardian was that, though Squalo was distant from most people in his life, he truly loved and cared for his two charges, willing to do anything for them.
~~XX~~
"Mammy, I'm bored." Bel sighed, shifting slightly from where he laid across the ground with his head in Mammon's lap. He was enjoying the feeling of the girl threading her fingers through his hair, but he was tired and grumpy, having not been sleeping properly for the past couple of weeks, his insomnia flaring once again.
"Well, what do you want to do?" Mammon didn't mind the position she was in; she found it quite comfortable, loving the feel of the boy against her; she had grown closest to Bel, even more so than her own family, and as much as her touch soothed him, his was also comforting for her as well.
"I want to go into town today." Bel's small fingers reached out, playing with the hem of Mammon's black skirt. "Can we go into town today, Mammy?"
"If Squalo says it's okay." Mammon waited until Bel had sat up before she got to her feet. She pulled her skirt down, fixing her matching black jacket before she walked to the door, knowing the boy would follow.
Bel was quick to dart in front of her, bouncing over to Squalo's bedroom door in eagerness; he loved going into town with Mammon, knowing that the girl would agree with his every whim. He knocked on the hardwood before he pushed it open without invitation, dancing inside as if he was in a great mood.
"Squ-Squ?" Bel grinned in a manner that reminded Mammon of a crazed killer. In all honestly, Bel wasn't the most stable person she had met, and she wasn't entirely sure of it was only because of the previous abuse or not; there had always been something beneath his once-sweet disposition that just hadn't sat right with her, hidden beneath the layers that shone through the cracks.
Mammon had never let it get to her; she loved Bel the way he was, even if he could frustrate her at times.
"In here, Bel." Squalo and Rasiel stepped out of the bathroom, the man's dark eyes narrowed as he pushed the older twin in front of him. "Did you bite your brother again?"
"Ushishishi~" Bel nodded, his grin widening as if he found this whole situation funny – with the way he had been acting out lately, he probably did.
Squalo worried greatly about Bel, knowing that the boy's personality had developed from a traumatised child into one that showed signs of psychopathic behaviour - however, it seemed that no matter how many doctors he took the boy to, none of them were willing to do anything to help, instead dismissing Bel's actions as that of a damaged child and claiming he would "grow out of his phase".
The man sighed, often worn thin by caring for these twins. "Why would you bite him, Bel?"
"Because I hate him." Bel's smile never faltered in the least, seemingly emotionless at the whimper Rasiel made. "Can I go into town with Mammy today?"
"What the – Voi! Bel! You can't just hurt your brother and then expect me to let you do whatever you want!" Squalo shook his head, trying his hardest to discipline the boy who just didn't seem to learn. "It doesn't work that way!"
"But I'm bored!" Bel argued, stomping his foot on the ground. "I want to go into town!"
"You bit your brother when he did nothing to you, Bel." Squalo knew that Bel was seeking aggression from his guardian because it had been solely what he was raised with once upon a time, and he knew also that he couldn't give it to the youngest; after all the abuse the twins had been through, Bel barely understood love and kindness - he could be placid when he wanted to be, but Squalo knew, beneath it all, Bel wasn't all there. "Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"
"Ushishishi~ Nope." Behind long bangs, Bel's obscured eyes sparkled with entertainment. "Now I can go into town with Mammy?"
"Not until you apologise to Siel."
Bel pouted and stomped his foot. He shook his head, making an agitated noise as he growled, "I want to go!"
"I said you can go once you apologise to your fucking brother!" Squalo snapped back. He hadn't meant to take his frustration out on the younger twin, and he felt horrible when Bel whimpered and flinched, stepping back to hide behind Mammon as if he feared the other was going to hurt him – that most likely was the case; the smaller twin still had yet to fully trust that Squalo wasn't an abusive guardian.
With a sigh, Squalo made his own apology. "I didn't mean to snap at you, Bel... I'm sorry."
Bel nodded, frowning as he stared at his feet, his good mood dampened; he hated being yelled at. His fingers curled into Mammon's jacket, pressing closer to the girl as he willed his body to stop shaking.
"Mammon, my wallet's downstairs." Squalo placed a hand on Rasiel's head as he tried to keep himself calm, knowing he had done enough today; he hated whenever this happened, always feeling like the worst person whenever he upset the twins. "Take some money out of that. Have him home by dinnertime."
Mammon nodded, turning around the leave the room. Bel followed close behind her, his head down as he refused to pull his hand away from the girl. Squalo knew that he was remembering the abuse, and it was all because he hadn't been able to keep his temper in check.
As much as he loved his kids, they really left him feeling drained a lot of the time.
~~XX~~
"Mammy..."
Mammon was aware of the other travellers on the bus watching them with cautious eyes; with the way Bel kept rubbing up against her in between grinning in a crazed manner at the other passengers, it was clear that they were sharing the bus with a boy who wasn't entirely sane.
"What is it, Bel?" The seventeen-year-old was counting Squalo's money, her attention only half focused on the boy. She had no worries of him getting himself into trouble on the bus as he tended to shy away in large crowds, instead preferring to confront a group small enough to count on one hand – that wasn't to say he was a coward because he had picked fights at school with seven people at once before; he simply knew when he was at a disadvantage, and there were too many adults around for him right now.
"When we get into town, can we get some ice cream?" Bel rubbed against the older teenager again, draping his arms around Mammon's neck. His hot breath billowed onto her ear, sending shivers down her spine – Mammon couldn't admit that she liked this position, knowing how wrong of her it was to feel sexual excitement around a thirteen-year-old whose past was scarred by said abuse. "I want strawberry."
Mammon nodded, used to Bel's spontaneous acts of affection; she couldn't work out for the life of her why Bel trusted her more than Squalo or Rasiel, but she had a pretty good idea; her suspicions told her he had once wanted the love of a mother he had never had, and as he grew older and his unstable disposition developed, his wants changed to suit his way of thinking, something that wasn't quite sexual but at the same time, more than just friendly.
The girl could remember a time where Bel was sweet and quiet, all laughter and smiles if you played a few games with him. Over the years he had become a bit withdrawn, pulling away from Mammon and his family, only to emerge again with aggressive behaviour that had come on so suddenly, Squalo had been at his wits end in trying to work out how to deal with it.
Bel's aggression had never been directed to Mammon or Squalo, the one taking the brunt of it Rasiel and a few kids at school who Bel knew he could stand over. However, unlike the standard 'coward' bully, Bel would pick on people bigger and stronger than he was, and if someone fought back, Bel never backed down, proving himself to be a force to be reckoned with in his own right.
Vastly contrasting to Bel, Rasiel was quiet and kept to himself, no one having anything bad to say about him.
"Mammy, after ice cream, can we go see a movie?" Bel unwrapped himself from Mammon and instead dropped onto his back, resting his head in the girl's lap so that he could look up at her from beneath his long bangs. "Please?"
"What movie?" Mammon had taken more than enough money from Squalo's wallet – she had to make sure she was paid for this, after all – and knew there would be plenty to spend on whatever Bel wanted to do.
It was a good thing Squalo and Xanxus were loaded, because Bel required a lot of money to be spent on him in order for him to have fun.
"I don't care." Bel's grin widened, not even sure of what movies were showing; he hoped there was something on that he would find interesting. "Anything~"
Mammon glanced out of the window as she felt the bus coming to a stop. Shrugging, she muttered, "Squalo's paying, so why not?"
Bel sat up when people started leaving their seats, ignoring the looks that were sent his way. They bothered him, but he had learnt that it was his eyes that made him seen through – with them covered and a lazy smile on his face, no one would guess that he felt hurt inside.
The two teenagers were the last to get off the bus, walking closely together in the direction of the local ice cream parlour. Ice cream was Bel's favourite snack, second only to sushi, and he would never pass it up when he came into town.
As they walked, Bel hummed to himself, observing everyone around him with a wary manner; he had to make sure none of them were going to hurt him or Mammon, after all.
~~XX~~
Seated towards the back of the ice cream parlour, Bel and Mammon sat together, the two focused on their treats – at least Mammon was; Bel was busy watching her out of the corner of his eye, his attention grabbed by her hot tongue licking at her own ice cream.
"Mammy~" Bel scooted closer to the girl, his grin plastered to his face. Ever since his body had started undergoing changes, he had come curious about sex and its meaning, trying to understand if his guardian had been telling the truth when he said it could be something the twins could learn to like if they would give it a chance; though Bel had yet to experience what Squalo had described as 'sexual need', he was curious about kissing; if it was something one did to someone they loved, then...
Kissing Mammon was something he was going to have to learn to do, right?
"Has Mammy ever kissed someone before?"
"You know I haven't, Bel." Beneath the hood Mammon always wore, she rolled her eyes; Bel was a very smart kid, so why was he asking questions he already knew the answer to?
"Does that mean you don't love me?" Cocking his head to the side, Bel frowned.
"What makes you think that?"
"Squalo said people kiss who they love." Taking another lick of his ice cream, Bel frowned. "But no one ever kisses me. Does that mean no one loves me, or that Squalo was lying?"
"You're misconstruing what he means, Bel." Mammon sighed, knowing she wasn't cut out for explaining this type of thing, but also acknowledging the fact that neither was Squalo, and had probably made the twins misunderstand him in his awkwardness. "Kissing means love, yes, but not just any kind of love."
"Is there more than just one love?"
"Yes, and more than one type of kiss depending on the type of love."
"What kiss do you give me, then?" Bel couldn't help but stare in awe at his friend.
"A kiss on the cheek, because we're friends."
"Can you give me one?" Moving closer to the older teenager, Bel's mouth fell dry in anticipation; was this the moment of truth? Was he finally about to learn about kissing?
Mammon tensed at this question, having never thought she would kiss someone before. She was silent for a few seconds, uncomfortable with this request, but seeing the disappointment slowly creeping onto her friend's face, she leant forward slowly.
Bel's breath hitched as soft lips ghosted over his cheeks, but apart from the surprise and the slight tickle of warm breath, he otherwise felt nothing. Looking at his lap, he frowned deeply. "…I didn't feel like Squalo said I would…"
Mammon didn't know how to reply to this, so she instead turned her attention back to her melting ice cream, not wanting it to go to waste. "…"
"Kiss me how Xanxus and Squalo kiss."
The girl almost choked on her treat at this, knowing that Bel didn't know any better, but still shocked that he could ask for such a thing; did he not understand that those kinds of kisses were…
Of course he didn't understand; that's why he was asking for it.
"Do you have any idea how wrong it is for us to be doing such a thing?" Mammon shook her head, hating to disappoint the younger, but knowing it had to be done sometimes; Bel couldn't always have his way, especially for things like this that could get them both into trouble. "You're thirteen, I'm almost eighteen, and as far as I know, there are no romantic feelings between us."
"Romantic feelings?" Bel cocked his head to the side, a soft, curious sound escaping his lips. "Do we need them to kiss in that way?"
"Yes, and you're too young to do it with me."
"Squ-Squ said I can experiment so I can learn lots of stuff about it." Fidgeting in his seat, Bel sniffed sadly. "I want to experiment with Mammy because she's the only one I love."
"Experimentation aside, why would I want to make out with you, Bel? What gives you that idea?"
"Because I can make Squ-Squ pay Mammy double."
Mammon could just see the dollar signs popping up in front of her eyes; Squalo always had paid her more for whenever she made progress with the twins, and she could just imagine the money she could make if she somehow found a way to get Bel past his trauma and make him sexually active.
In all honesty, Mammon had fantasied about Bel plenty of times before, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to act on her urges; what if she hurt her friend? He was so young and trying to deal with unimaginable trauma – the last thing he needed was to have the person he trusted the most making him worse.
"Eat your ice cream first; it's a waste of money to let it melt." Mammon didn't want to admit that she wanted to 'experiment' with the younger, that she wanted to take things even further with him and teach him that sex was something he could enjoy; if she let Bel get too carried away with this whole ordeal, he might rush himself into things he isn't ready for in his attempt at being okay.
The girl knew it was wrong of her to think in such ways, but Bel was really the only person she had grown attached to on an emotional level. She had her parents, but they were distant. There was her cousin, Mukuro, but he and his parents were the black sheep of the family. She had more of a babysitter relationship with Rasiel who was closest to Squalo, and apart from them, there really wasn't anyone else in her life.
"Does that mean Mammy will let me?" Bel grinned as he licked at his ice cream, excited; he had often seen Squalo and Xanxus kiss each other, and it had always made him wonder what it would be like if he kissed someone; would he crave it like Squalo did? Or would he get the same satisfaction Xanxus felt over dominating the long-haired man? There was so much he didn't understand about this, but he wanted desperately to comprehend things; all he wanted was to feel okay.
"Where no one can see." Mammon shrugged, knowing the boy would click on to her reasoning. "I can get in very big trouble otherwise."
Bel nodded, understanding what his friend was saying. He was quick to eat his ice cream, watching as Mammon finished hers at a decent pace. Part of the boy was nervous about what he had asked for, but excited as well; he could only hope it would be better than the kisses he and Rasiel had been forced to share with each other so many years ago.
~~XX~~
After they ate ice cream, saw two different movies – Bel had gotten bored just five minutes into the first one and wanted to see a different showing – and did some shopping, they had stopped at the park. It was usually a quiet park, away from the busy streets, and the best thing about it was that, right now, the only people in it were Bel and Mammon.
Mammon sat down on the park bench, patting her lap. Bel grinned as he sat on her, his legs folding by her sides. He wrapped his arms around her neck, resting his forehead against Mammon's as his obscured eyes stared intently at the older teenager's lips, fathoming what they tasted like; was he going to enjoy this?
The female put her hands on Bel's hips, holding the quivering boy still. "Do you know what you're doing, Bel?"
Bel nodded, breathless as he pressed his lips forward in a shy manner. He brushed them against Mammon's, trying to see if he liked it, before he pulled back. He stared at the girl for a few seconds, his mind piecing together a giant puzzle that made sense only to him, before he leant forward again, this time lingering a little longer as his confidence grew. His obscured eyes stared into Mammon's face, his body quivering as emotions clashed within him; while he was certainly feeling something over this, he wasn't in proper touch of himself to be able to identify them.
Mammon reached up to curl her fingers in Bel's blond locks, pulling him closer to her. She opened her mouth as she snaked her tongue out to lick at her friend's lips, her small hands moving to hold the boy's shaking hips still; she wasn't sure why he was trembling so much, but she didn't think it was from fear; she knew the twin well enough to know that if he decided he didn't like this, he would have stopped already.
Bel parted instantly with a small gasp, as if he had been taken by surprise. He didn't reject her actions, instead brushing his own tongue shyly against Mammon's, trying to join a dance he didn't know the steps to. He didn't completely understand why their tongues were touching like this, but he knew it was normal; he had seen some very messy kisses between his two guardians – it must be normal if everyone seemed to do it.
The taste of candy in Bel's wet cavern was overwhelming as Mammon brushed her tongue across every inch of the younger's mouth. She tried to coax the shy tongue back into her own, finally succeeding after a while as the boy pushed his front against hers, seemingly relaxed completely with all of this by now.
Bel whimpered in delight, noticing a mint flavour as he tried to mimic Mammon's previous actions with his tongue. However, his lungs weren't as strong as the girl's, and he had to pull back for air after a short while, his breaths coming in short pants as he stared into the other's face.
"Did you like that?" Mammon ran her hand through silky blond locks, smiling ever-so-slightly as the boy leant into her palm.
Bel nodded, still trying to catch his breath. He had loved it, though he still didn't quite understand what Squalo was talking about when the man had said it was an act of love; he loved Mammon, but he wasn't sure if he loved her in the same way Squalo and Xanxus loved each other; he didn't understand a lot about what went on in his head, much less about his emotions and feelings – he was so broken, he really didn't even really know what love was.
"Can we do it again?" Bel's smile was so innocent, Mammon couldn't help but agree.
This time, as their lips locked and tongues danced together, Bel's fingers crept down Mammon's side. Bel eventually pulled away, moving his mouth to Mammon's neck in order to suck on it in the same manner he had seen his guardians do, wondering if he would experience more of the warm feeling; anything to bring back that brief feeling of being alright that kissing Mammon gave him.
Mammon moaned softly, tilting her head to the side to give Bel more room. She knew she should stop it from going further, but this was the kind of feeling she could only imagine previously – to finally be doing the real thing…
When the girl felt sharp teeth bite down at her neck, she finally pushed the boy away, not wanting her parents to notice the mark and question her about it; she knew what conflict it would cause, and she really didn't want to deal with it.
"That's enough, Bel." Mammon wiped the saliva away from her neck, knowing that Bel really hadn't known any better; the boy was just curious, which was exactly why they had done this in the first place.
Bel was grinning proudly to himself as he sat back on Mammon's lap, his hidden eyes sparkling with joy. He couldn't be sure, but he was thinking he was finally starting to understand why Squalo always made a big deal out of Xanxus being affectionate; being so close to Mammon had made him feel things he had never experienced before, things so different to his usual hatred and anger, he didn't even know how to describe the warmth in his stomach.
Mammon, however, was just thinking that she deserved quadruple the amount of money this time around.
