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Chapter 11: Family Ties

Plutarch had laid the plan out in detail. He didn't tell us who else was involved in the scheme, but he did tell us that our objective was to get into an alliance with Peeta and Katniss. This was expected. Katniss is the mockingjay. She leads the rebellion...even if by accident. The Resistance could use her to spark a flame of inspiration with the people of all the different Districts. Plutarch informed us that Katniss and Peeta were being kept in the dark on this matter. They would not know any of the plans or details because it was too dangerous for them. Apparently it was not too dangerous for Finnick and me, though.

Plutarch had explained everything, answering our various questions. Then he had left abruptly, saying he had another important engagement to attend to. That left Finnick and I in the hotel room alone together again. Now I sat on the edge of the bed processing everything that Plutarch had told me while Finnick took a shower. We didn't dare to venture back to our own rooms.

The moment Plutarch had left I felt a knot tying in my stomach. So much could go wrong. What if someone was left behind? They would be tortured beyond all capacity, even if they knew nothing of District 13 like Peeta and Katniss. If I got left behind, I would rather die than suffer through Snow's twisted mind games. I winced. And then there was the other matter...my family. I could not just leave them behind. Maybe I'd get out of the arena and safely arrive in 13, but Snow would easily be able to pick up my siblings. Then what? I would rush back to the Capitol to free the only family I had left. Plutarch had planned ahead for my concerns.

He had said, "We've made arrangements. I assure you, your family will be completely safe. They will be picked up at about the time you will be."

I hoped he was a decent enough man to be honest with me. And I hoped he was a smart enough man to realize that if he was lying he was dead, and so was the whole rebellion...because the moment I knew Snow had my family, I would spill any District 13 secrets necessary to save their lives, without a second thought. Family came first.

I realized, though, that this was only opportunity. This was my one chance of escape. I could be free from Snow's cold, clammy clutches. My siblings would be safe with me and firmly out of Snow's intrusive reach. I would survive the games. I would help with the war. I would overthrow the Capitol. I would get my revenge. This was what I had been waiting for. This was it. There was no other opportunity lurking around the corner. I had to seize this chance of freedom for myself, my family, and my people. That is why when Plutarch asked if we were in, I smiled and shook his hand, "Definitely."

Finnick had agreed as well, after Plutarch's promises about Annie's rescue were made. Finnick loves her more than anyone or anything in the world. She is very beautiful...and very insane. The Hunger Games had messed with her head, not that it left any of us unaffected. She just isn't fully there. Finnick loves her nonetheless, and he loves her unconditionally. He has been with so many women by President Snow's demands, but in his heart he always belongs to Annie. It was too bad he could never really be hers. Snow would never allow it. But maybe with this plan in play their union was finally a possibility.

I had given up love a long time ago. Sure, I had loved someone once. It was so long ago it felt like a dream. I was such a different person back then. But the unspeakable happened and it ended. It had to. I had ended it quickly, but he had lingered, hoping and wishing. His hopes and wishes amounted to nothing just like I knew they would. It was pointless, really, to love me. There was no way it would ever work. The reason was different, yet similar to the one now. The reason was always my family. I had to sacrifice everything, including love, to keep them alive. I had known a different life for a few years before the incident, but that life seemed surreal now. I lived in the blunt reality. I would never be allowed to love someone. Something or someone would always be in my way. Whether it was Snow, my family, the games, or even I, it didn't matter. This was the truth I had acknowledged and accepted since I was 15: I was to live my life without a partner.

A brief memory surged into my brain before I could suppress it. I saw his face. Aden. I snarled at myself, but I couldn't get his face out of my mind. I had worked so hard for so long to forget him, or at least push him to the farthest corners of my brain. And now he had resurfaced. He could never leave me alone. All the memories flooded back leaving me in a gushy mess of the emotions that I had once allowed myself to feel. My body convulsed as the pulse of feelings overwhelmed my heart. I put my hand over my chest, feeling my heartbeat quicken. For a while I had forgotten about my heart. Now, with these emotions that I hadn't felt in so long coming back, its presence was undeniable.

Color rushed back into my brain and I remembered the way it felt to be with him, with Aden. I could feel his hand intertwine with my own. His lips peck my cheek. His arms wrap around my waist. His warm breath tickling my neck. His fingers running through my hair. His eyes, bright green with all the excitement for a promising future that young eyes always possess. I remembered what it felt like to lay my head on his firm chest and hear his heart beating in sync with my own. I remembered everything.

My eyes watered up as an involuntary smile spread across my face. Then with one image all those happy memories disappeared. I remembered the impossible happening. I remembered how he had tried to help me, but how it hadn't been enough. I remembered being hungry. Sammy, a newborn, wailing all day. Metalia whimpering at me with tearful big blue eyes. Penny complaining all day and all night. Lumi wide-eyed and terrified out of his mind as he realized he was supposed to be the man of the house. And I had only been 14 years old, but had stepped up to the plate. I would not let my family fall apart. So I just existed. I did not live. I worked, finding odd jobs here and there, begging for scraps of food. We scraped by for a while; I maxed out the tesserae. I found little time for Aden. He understood, though, and helped me as often as possible. But none of it had been enough, and I knew we were not going to make it.

I had found a way out when I'd met Lydia. She introduced me to a new way to provide for my family. It had been uncomfortable and humiliating, but it had been necessary. It paid off too. My brothers and sisters did not go hungry; their bellies were satisfied. I owed Lydia my life and all my siblings' lives. Aden tried to understand, he did. But in the end it was too much for him. It would be too much for anyone, I think. He had felt betrayed, as I knew he would. That was why I had tried to set him free before it got ugly, but Aden had never heeded my advice. He left broken just like my heart. That was it. And after all of that, I had suppressed those excruciating memories and feelings to spare myself the agony. I could only suffer so much heartache at one time, and ever since the first games I had simply not found the time to conquer the past lurking in the recesses of my brain.

So now once more I pushed the pain back, for it to haunt me another day. Tonight was not the time to analyze the skeletons in my closet. I heard the water shut off in the bathroom. Finnick would be out soon. I glanced over to the wall mirror to check for puffy, red eyes or running makeup. I wiped my index finger underneath my eyes just to be safe. Then, I kicked off my heels and stripped down to my underwear. My sparkly outfit was highly uncomfortable. Finnick would not care. It's not like he hasn't seen a woman naked before. I amended; it's not like he hasn't seen me naked before... I shuddered at the thought. But then again who in Panem hasn't? I retorted to myself with dark sarcasm.

I wrote this chapter… and it was over 3,000 words long. So I split it up into two chapters. But the cut-out is really not ideal. :/ But I don't think it's terrible. Sorry a lot of thinking and backstory happening in this chapter, but it is necessary for later stuff. Hope you liked it! Review please(;