Aftermath


Disclaimer - It doesn't matter how hard I wish, they aren't mine, for all ownership rights see E Kripke and CW. I don't make any money from this and don't have any to speak of so don't waste your money by coming to look for me
Summary - This is set in the 'future' - after the boys have dealt the final blow to the demon we all love to hate. Dean is injured and on a rocky road to recovery but thankfully Sam and some other friends are there to help.
Author's Note - there is some reference to violence throughout the story and at times bad language.

Author's thanks - to the ever patient and encouraging Rae Artemis for everything she does and puts up with (way more than the average beta!) Thanks also to anyone who takes the time to read this, and everyone who reviews. To the reviewers - you are wonderful - I appreciate the time you take not only to read my efforts but also to comment. Thank you. Best wishes to you all.


Chapter 11 - Piecing it all together

The doctor is with Dean and he's explaining what has happened and what is going to happen when Sam leaves. Sam's already had the explanations. He's made a half-hearted complaint that Dean's injury had gone unnoticed for so long and what would have happened if he hadn't been there. He's made the complaint but he also knows just how well Dean can hide injuries. He knows how good you have to be to really read Dean. It's not easy. It's taken him years of practice and he's sure he's still missing half of it.

On his way past reception, the woman behind the counter calls to him, "Sam. Your cousin asked me to tell you, he's out in the gardens."

Thanking her, Sam heads for the door. As he gets to the door to the garden, he remembers how thrilled he was the day he got Dean this far. He wonders where the elation went, everything just feels like a mess again.

He hears voices as he walks down the path, recognises them as Jordan's and Bobby's. He wonders why they had to sit here of all places. Jordan stands and comes over to him as he approaches, "You okay, Sam? Is Dean alright?"

Sam nods, not trusting himself to speak yet as he remembers Dean sitting here, admitting failure, admitting he could no longer protect Sam, struggling to speak, to breathe.

"Sam?"

He swallows, trying to clear his throat, trying to force the emotions back under, wonders how Dean's managed it for so long. "He's in with the doctor. He's managing, I said I'd go back and check on him again soon."

"We'd better get talking then. What's been happening?"

Sam sits down, puts his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Jordan moves to sit beside him, resting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Tell us, Sam, what happened to him?"

Sam breathes deeply before he starts, "He tracked down the demon. I went to see a friend for a couple of days and when I got back, he had the information and a bit of a plan. We worked on it... the plan... eventually we decided it was workable, so we grabbed what we needed and went in quick. There were people being hurt. We had to move fast."

Sam is only vaguely aware of Jordan's hand on his shoulder. "What happened, Sam?"

"We had to fight our way in. The demon wasn't alone. There were people there, some possessed, some prisoners. Dean was in front, we were carrying as much as we could and we'd memorised exorcisms." Sam paused for breath, trying to collect himself as the memory threatens to overwhelm him.

"Sam, it's okay now."

Sam shakes his head and continues talking, "Dean spotted the first one who was possessed. He signalled and went in, tried to take the body down so that it would reduce the damage caused as the demon inside fought back. I did the exorcism. It worked kind of..."

"What do you mean 'kind of'?" Bobby is silent, trusting Jordan to ask the questions for now.

"The person had injuries from before, like Meg, but not that bad." Sam's eyes come up to meet Bobby's, who nods and Sam continues, "He struggled to hold him still. When it was over, Dean was alright... I thought he was alright... He'd had a few knocks, some bruises, I guess. But I suppose it was wearing on his energy too. He had me help the guy get outside. He stayed, went on, freed some prisoners. When I came back, I pointed them outside and caught him up. There was another guy... possessed, you know again... Dean tried to do the same thing. We did it but Dean was thrown, he landed badly, it winded him but he fought his way back between the guy and me. He looked awful... Dean... he was pale, shaken but he didn't pause, just kept on going. It worked but Dean didn't look good, but we had to keep going. We didn't have a choice, we... we couldn't give the Demon chance to regroup, time to hurt more people... Dean said..." Sam's voice doesn't sound sure, even to himself, he sounds defensive.

Jordan says quietly, "You both did what you had to do. There were no choices."

Sam shakes his head. "It was getting too much, but he wouldn't swop places with me. He was hurt but..."

"Sam." Jordan's hand is firm against Sam's shoulder. He waits for Sam to look at him, "We know Dean, we know what Dean is like. We know you both did what you had to."

"There was this girl, she'd been missing for a couple of weeks. She was one of the people who had drawn Dean's attention to what was happening, my boss' daughter. Anyway, we found her, she was in a bad way. We got her loose, but she couldn't stand on her own, she could barely walk with my help... she was..." Sam swallows trying to control the vicious onslaught of memories. He shakes his head trying to clear the image of the girl from his head, knowing there is worse to remember. "I helped her out and I left Dean... I've thought it over and over. I don't know how I could have done it differently, but I should never have left him there alone. I moved her as quickly as I could but it took too long... Dean was alone for too long..."

"Sam, you did all you could."

Sam's voice is angry when he replies, "He's my brother, it wasn't enough. Have you seen him? Have you seen the fucking mess he's in?"

"Sam, no."

"Dean shouldn't have to face this, not again, it's not right," Sam's voice is breaking as Jordan's hand stays steady on his shoulder."

"Tell us."

"I don't know... I wasn't there... I only saw the end... I wasn't there when he needed me..."

"Sam, tell us what you saw."

"He was pinned against the wall, like the night in the cabin, there was blood... god so much blood... it was pouring from his chest, his leg, his mouth and nose. One leg was twisted all wrong. The demon... the demon was leant in close to him, whispering into his ear, laughing as it tormented him. I don't ... I don't know what it said but I could see Dean's face, Dean's eyes. Whatever it said, it was killing him. I shouted, it turned slightly. Dean moved, God only knows how. He plunged this knife into its chest and he started to say an exorcism, but it wasn't one I knew or I'd seen. I'm sure it wasn't one of the ones we'd learnt. I think... I think it was older, but I don't know where he found it, why he found it even. I'd never seen the knife before either..." Sam is gulping for air as he pauses. "The police... the police said afterwards that Dean was trouble, he'd gone in looking for a fight, they wanted to charge him with murder but the hospital delayed it because he wasn't conscious. By the time he regained consciousness, enough of the people we had got out had been able to give evidence that they dropped the murder charge but they still think he's done something wrong. The hospital and here have refused to let the police in to speak to him, saying he isn't up to it. He isn't... They said to me a couple of days ago, the police will come in regardless in a few days. He doesn't know... I can't tell him this... He can't take it not on top of ... all of this. How am I going to... what am I going to do?"

Bobby speaks up now, "Sam, we'll head them off. You keep the doctors saying no, you say no and I'm sure that in those files there will be something that says I'm a legal guardian for you both. Now I know you're both older than that now but it's more weight, more power to stop them."

"Guardian?"

"Mmm."

"Why?"

"Okay, look, at times, your Dad, and Jordan's for that matter, lost sight of what was important and so Jim made..."

Sam interrupts, "What do you mean 'lost sight of what was important'?"

"Sam," Jordan speaks quietly, but firmly, "Your Dad and mine forgot that they weren't just hunters, they were fathers as well..."

"Dad was..."

"Sam!" Jordan remains calm but firm, "Be honest with yourself. It's not idle criticism, it's the truth. It wasn't about why, or whether he cared, it was that you two, like me, got left alone in motels, sometimes way longer than was safe or healthy. I know Bobby fished me out of Children's Services' clutches..."

"Caleb..." Sam's voice is quiet now.

"Yes."

"Jim..."

"Sam, Jim gave a few of us papers, so that whoever was closest could get to you if needed."

"Did Dad know?"

"Yeah... He argued with Jim about it... but he was glad enough of it when one of you fell ill or got into trouble."

"You think it'll work now?"

"I don't know, but if we can get the doctor to say he's currently not able to make decisions, then you as next of kin and possibly me as a legal guradian may be able to make decisions on his behalf."

"You want me to have him declared incapable of making a decision on his own..." Sam's voice echoes with horror.

"Temporarily yes... if it keeps the wolves from his door. Do you want to be visiting him in a prison hospital instead of here?"

"No but..."

It's Jordan who changes the subject, recognising the impending fall out, figuring leaving Sam to mull it over might be better. "Tell me about his injuries."

"He had both legs broken, bruising and swelling round his ribs, deep lacerations internal and external to the chest area, other bruises and cuts and whatever it did to stop him being able to talk."

"It probably didn't need to do anything specific. It's the cumulative effect, " Jordan says, fairly confident that he remembers hearing Pastor Jim talk about why Dean didn't talk when they were kids.

"What do you mean?"

"When your mom died and Dean stopped talking. It was like a combination of stress, anxiety, fear, whatever... The only time he spoke was if you needed something. Whenever he could he used single words for that. The longer he went without speaking, the more he struggled to speak when he needed to and the stammer got worse the longer he spent worrying about needing to speak. The more he worried, the worse it became. I think that's what's happening now. It is really bad now... as bad as it ever was when we were kids, if not even worse."

"He talked to you?"

"No, he tried and gave up. I think I got him to agree to do some of the exercises that I remember him doing with Jim with me. We tried one while you were out but he's easily discouraged. When it didn't work, he just gave up, which isn't like him. The other thing is he tires easily, we couldn't do much before he was too tired."

"I think it's the painkillers he's on now. That and he doesn't sleep for long without waking up or at least his sleep is disturbed."

"Nightmares... Has that been ever since...?"

"Yeah. It's not so bad, when he's got someone with him. It's just not like him."

"Sam," Bobby tries to sound reassuring, despite his own doubts about what is happening, "A lot has happened. Give him time."

"No! There's more to it but I don't know what. Before this latest injury I'd got him to speak, not much but a bit you know. I managed to get him out of that room, stop him staring at the fucking fish. That's not Dean. It's not what he should be like."

"Sam, it'll be okay. We'll get him there. We'll find a way round it all."

"You don't understand," Sam is desperate to make them understand, to make them see why this is all so wrong, "I got him to speak and all he did was apologise, apologise and tell me we need to be safe. I need to be safe. Dean doesn't say sorry, he... he..."

"He does something to show he's sorry, " Jordan finishes for Sam.

"Yeah. He is obsessed with what is safe, where is safe. I got him to come and sit here but it took time, because he wouldn't come out of the building."

"Okay, if we piece it together. Dean still thinks there's danger and that he is worried he can't keep safe. Is he worried about you or himself?" Bobby asks.

"Both, I guess."

"Okay. What is it that he is apologising for?"

"Failing. Not keeping me safe. He keeps telling me I should leave but he can't or won't say why. He pulls away, flinches when anyone goes near him or tries to touch him and then he apologises. He seems to think I should hate him."

"Right the first thing is to try and find a way for him to feel safe... a subtle way. You say he's safe here but not the rest of the garden. Why here?" Jordan looks round but can't see anything that looks like it would make a difference.

"Herbs."

"What?" Jordan looks round again, then shrugs, "Well I don't know the first thing about herbs, didn't know Dean did either. You'll have to give me some clues here, Sam."

"I can't. I don't know anything about herbs. I asked him but he thought I was making fun of his stammer."

"Probably knew you weren't," says Bobby, who has stood up and is walking round looking at the plants. "Probably too hard to explain, or it's whatever his reason is for not telling you in the first place."

"Bobby? You know about herbs?"

"Some, not as much as Dean probably does though. It was more Jim's thing."

"Why would Dean...?"

"Dean used to spend time in the garden with Jim. Jim knew all about plants... plants for cooking, plants for healing, plants for protection. I remember Dean and your Dad turning up one time at Jim's while you were gone. Your Dad had been injured, can't remember what by now. Anyway, Dean hadn't for whatever reason fixed it in the normal way, can't remember why even, he'd dressed the wound with some concoction Jim had told him about. Your Dad was nearly blue in the face, he was raging on. Jim uncovered the wound and it was well on its way to healing. Your Dad shut up quick then."

"So... these herbs..."

"Right... umm, well, that one's Angelica. It's good protection against witchcraft. They even use it in some exorcisms. Marjoram, there," he points one out, "good for protecting houses, homes, that one. Those two are dill and coriander I think. I remember Jim saying he only kept them for cooking because they weren't much use for anything else other than 'love potions' and well, I'll leave you to imagine his thoughts on that subject. This one..." he breaks off a sprig and sniffs it. "Yep, this one is lavender. It's a good cleansing one. If I remember right it can be used as a shield as well. That's about it for me though I'm afraid."

Jordan sighs before speaking, "So it doesn't really tell us much more. He feels safer surrounded by a bunch of herbs, some of which can be used for protection but we've got nothing specific. Where do we go from here?"

"Why were you back down the hospital when we got here?" Bobby broaches the topic that has so far been avoided.

"He re-broke his leg. They think he did it a couple of weeks ago by what we got out of him. He'd been hiding it. He doesn't let anyone touch him, none of his wounds need dressing anymore so they've let him get away with it. He just tried to work through the pain like an idiot."

"How did they find it?"

"I stayed to see what's been going on with him. To see if I could work out a way to get him back. I saw what was happening, saw that he wasn't telling them it hurt, so I made the physiotherapist, Mal, take a look at it. When he tried to feel it, test it out, Dean was in agony."

"What'll happen now?"

"They know not to automatically believe him if he reckons everything's fine, I guess. Look, I should go back and check on him. I'll try and get back out to you."

"Don't worry. We'll keep thinking over what we can do to help you."

Sam walks back up towards Dean's room leaving them chatting. He feels better for having talked honestly with someone, someone who understands, someone who he doesn't have to hide the truth about the demon from, someone who cares about Dean personally, just because he's Dean.