Chapter 11

The first few sessions with Dr. Mathis was enlightening and it made Anciana realize how ridiculous she was being. She couldn't force her memories to resurface if they didn't want to. That wasn't how the brain worked and Dr. Mathis pointed that out. Because of her whereabouts during the time of the accident, there was no family to speak of besides Cameria. He recommended a change in diet, but nothing other than that besides time and patience. He also informed her there was a huge possibility, much like Doctor Horris, her memories may never return.

Today, they would be discussing the intimacy factor in her marriage and how she was scared to go all the way with Mark. She sat in the office nervously; Mark was back on the road doing his job to provide for them and she was trying to get better mentally and emotionally. When her name was called, Anciana took a deep breath and walked through the door to be lead to Dr. Mathis's office.

Mathis was working within the boundaries he had been given. Help her as much as possible, without actually nudging those memories along. Apparently, Mr. Calaway believed that those memories may cause more harm than good, and he had convinced Mathis… in a monetary fashion. Anciana had intimacy issues and he had reassured her that it was perfectly normal. Given the extent of her injuries and the trauma to her brain, the amnesia, jumping back into sex with her husband wasn't something anyone could reasonably expect her to do. She didn't know her husband from the next stranger, so to speak.

"Now… it's good, that you and Mark are getting to know each other." He said slowly as they reviewed the case notes together. They had discussed her issues with Mark's frustration, and of course, he had told her that was also to be expected, but obviously, Mark was a patient man willing to work on it. "Last week, you said you were fearful, and I asked you to think about it, write whatever came to mind down about having a sexual relationship with your husband. How's that gone?"

The irony was not lost on Mark. He was paying a shrink to get him laid, essentially.

"It's actually helped a lot." Anciana admitted somewhat shyly, pulling out the piece of paper she had hidden from her husband and handed it over to Dr. Mathis.

Some of the words she'd written were uncertainty, rejection, the size of him versus the size of her -yes that was a worrisome factor to her-, the fact they were married so quickly in a whirlwind romance, intimidation, fear, and desire. The ONE word she did not put down, refusing to, was love. She did not love Mark, not yet, not this soon. Anciana didn't know him very well, though they had spent a lot of time together. It wasn't nearly enough when he was constantly on the road working and only home a few days out of the week. 3, if she was lucky.

"I suggested us to see a sex therapist, but…Mark didn't take it very well. He said he'd go, but I know he doesn't want to."

"Well, I suppose that's understandable too," Mathis admitted after a few seconds went by. "If we look at it from his point of view, you're his wife and he has memories of being intimate with you. It is probably a difficult thing to reconcile those memories with what is going on now and the possible need for intervention." He then looked down at the paper in his hands, studying it thoughtfully. "All right, Anciana, let's start with rejection. Do you fear him rejecting you? Has he given any indication that he no longer wants you?"

"No, he's been more than patient with me and has shown how much he cares for me." Again, she didn't mention the L word. "And yes, I'm afraid once we have sex, he'll reject me because it's not…it's not what it once was between us." This was so embarrassing to talk about. This was her husband and she was acting like he was a stranger…a stranger who could kiss and just a touch of his lit her body on fire. "I was hoping therapy would help rouse my memories, but…it seems I was wrong." Lowering her head, Anciana couldn't remember feeling this frustrated and snorted. She couldn't remember anything from her past, only the present. "I think I'm…putting too much pressure on myself when it comes to sex with Mark."

"All right, Anciana, I know it can be frustrating, coming here and not getting results," Mathis said gently, kindly, this was something he was used to from all his clients. People needing an almost instant fix. "But you will get them; you just have to give it a bit more time. Unfortunately, therapy of any kind is not an instant cure, it's a process." He picked up the pitcher of ice water up from its stand on his desk, filling the glass he had set out for her and then his own. "I don't think Mark will reject you." He added thoughtfully. "From the way you talk about him, it seems he loves you. And I do agree, you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Sex should come naturally, and you seem to be overthinking it."

Did Mark love her? Or did he feel he had to take care of her out of obligation since he was the one who struck her down? Maybe that part bothered her more than she was willing to admit. There she went again, overthinking things. Dr. Mathis was right, she had to stop overthinking things because sex had to come naturally. The desire she felt whenever he was around, the butterflies in her stomach and tingles throughout her body were natural reactions. It was obvious she was attracted to him, so why was her brain being finicky about this? About Mark?

"So, what should I do, Dr. Mathis?"

"Well, let's start addressing your fear, the size difference and then we'll start discussing a game plan," Mathis suggested with a gentle smile. "What about the size difference bothers you? Is it his physical size, body-wise?" Because Mr. Calaway was near seven feet and wide… and she was… a lot smaller. "Or are you worried about… anatomical differences under the clothing?"

"He's gigantic compared to me, so it's a little intimidating. I'm not afraid of him, but it makes me nervous because of his…size."

Anciana felt her cheeks burn crimson, remembering the moment they'd nearly crossed the line and had sex. If it hadn't been for Bill showing up uninvited, they would've had sex that night with Mark's…persuasion. She didn't know if it bothered her or not that he seduced her into bed, having mixed feelings about it.

"I feel like…I don't know…" It was a horrible cliché, but Anciana felt like she was in the arms of the devil. An angel in the arms of the devil. She had no idea just how right she was in that scenario. "I married him for a reason, but I don't know what that reason is…because I don't love him the way he loves me. I haven't known him long enough to even consider the possibility of love. And I don't know why, but I won't sleep with someone I don't love."

Mathis had listened to Anciana patiently, jotting down notes and specific words, things to think about and discuss with her. When she was finished, he was nodding. "Well, we've established that married or not, you don't have memories of him other than what you've created since coming out of the coma, yes?" At her nod, he smiled softly. "So of course, he is a stranger to you. Instead of viewing this as a marriage, if I may, and worrying about marital relations, perhaps you and Mr. Calaway could try something new." At Anciana's curious look, he cleared his throat. "Do you know what roleplaying is? Acting. Pretending." He clarified. "Why not treat this as you two are dating? Dating is generally the way people discover their compatibility, get to know each other, and I think that you are putting so much stress and pressure on yourself because you are married. Maybe it's time to take a step backward."

"So, we should…date, or at least pretend to, and gradually work our way up to a married couple?"

At Dr. Mathis' nod, Anciana found herself smiling at the thought. Dating her husband could work. They had gone out on dates, but she'd always thought of them as married. Looking down at the diamond ring on her finger, Anciana knew this was the right thing to do deep in her heart. Love would come in time, but rushing it made things a lot worse and pressured. How would Mark react to this though? He thought of them as a married couple, surely. How would he react to her taking her wedding ring off and wanting to start from scratch by dating?

"I hope he understands why I have to do this…" That was said in a soft mumble.

All things considered, Mathis had a feeling that Mark was going to be very understanding. According to their history, and what they had both told him, they had had a whirlwind romance that culminated in marriage after a month. Unless the coma and amnesia had basically reboot Anciana after the accident, he didn't see it being an issue.

"I'm sure he will. He seems to care a great deal about you." He stated confidently, hoping to reassure her.


Wednesday morning, Anciana was up early and had the house clean from top to bottom, classic rock music blasting from the radio while she dusted. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun on top of her head, skin-tight black shorts, and an orange tank top, her feet bare. It was in the mid-70's outside since fall weather was upon them, so the windows were open, the A/C off. Anciana hadn't told Mark about her and Dr. Mathis' discussion regarding taking a step back to start dating, so she would have to drop that bombshell on him. She thought about moving out and getting her own place to make it more realistic and believable, but decided against it. She had no income of her own, no job did that, and something told her Mark wouldn't allow it. Humming to Metallica, she finished dusting, put the cleaning supplies away and started breakfast.

Anciana didn't have to tell him a thing, he already knew. He was amused by the idea, dating… that was basically what they were doing now; she just didn't realize it. Mark had taken some time off again, figuring a week with her may help, or hurt, he wasn't sure yet. He also had flat-out informed his boss, after that last pay-per-view, he needed some downtime or else he would have issues down the road with his hips. Big men probably shouldn't fly the way he did, but… he did it anyway.

His delectable wife was dancing in the kitchen, shaking her ass to Metallica, and he had dropped his bag at the door along with his shoes, quietly creeping up behind her. He regretted it. She had been gearing up to cook, apparently, and Mark hadn't caught the skillet in her hand until it was swinging at his head. He managed to sort of duck the blow, it grazed him instead of outright beaned him, but it was enough to make him rethink creeping up again.

"Hi, darlin'." He was backing off, holding the spot, eyes shut. "Hell of a swing, Ciana…"

"Oh my god!" Anciana immediately dropped the skillet, her eyes wide and jaw dropped, not believing she just nearly took her husband's head off! What the hell was she thinking?! "I-I'm sorry! I-I didn't think you'd be home so soon…I don't know why I did that…" They were out in the middle of nowhere in Texas, on a stretch of land, but that didn't mean someone couldn't break into their home and attack her. "Here." Anciana hesitantly reached up, placing the bag of ice against his head and chewed her bottom lip, tears shimmering in her crystalline eyes. "I'm so sorry…" She whispered, feeling his arm wrap around her waist to pull her closer against him. Anciana felt lower than dirt right now and let a few tears slide down her cheeks.

What a hell of a way to welcome her husband home!

"Don't be," He ordered, a slight tinge of pain lacing his tone as he moved back to sit down in one of the kitchen table chairs, letting go of her. "I deserved it."

Mark cracked a grin at the thought; it was good to know she could defend herself if need be. Of course, Anciana prior to the accident could have held off an attacker with relative ease, at least long enough to get to a phone or something, but she didn't know that. Keeping his eyes closed, he held that ice pack to the spot she had whacked, feeling her hovering over him and gingerly cracked open one eye, looking up into her concerned face.

"Stop it, Ciana, I'll be fine."

"No, you're not fine. I just hit you with an iron skillet, Mark! Now stop being stubborn and let me help you." Anciana ordered, more forceful than she meant, but he was making her peeved by not letting her help. She pulled the ice pack away from his head to survey the damage, seeing she had clipped him and walked over to one of the drawers to pull some aspirin out. "You are going to take these, go in the living room and lay your ass down while I make us some breakfast." She pushed the pills in his hand along with a glass of water and gestured to the living room, but not before kissing him softly. "Please listen to me." Then, she went back to cooking and trying not to feel guilty for clocking her husband with an iron skillet.

Blatantly ignoring her, he kept his ass in that chair, watching her cook, though he had popped the aspirin. Aspirin… he snorted mentally at that, it would not touch a thing for him; he was too big for one and metabolized stuff way too fast, and second, injuries over the years meant lots of OTC pain relief, which he had built up a resistance to. He liked pain, enjoyed it, but not in the head, that was not fun pain. Mark wasn't laying down either; he wouldn't risk this being a concussion. His wife giving him a concussion. Paul would find that hilarious given his brother-in-law had done the same not so long ago.

Breakfast consisted of omelets, Mark's a lot bigger and thicker than hers along with a side of bacon and hash browns. She set the plate of food in front of him, kissed his temple along with a glass of orange juice. Maybe after a hearty meal, he'd listen to reason and lay down to rest his head. She sincerely hoped he didn't have a concussion and wondered if he should've gone to the hospital to be checked out. Sitting down with her own glass of orange juice and food, they ate in somewhat tense silence. He was angry with her, he had to be and Anciana didn't blame him. Who the hell wouldn't be after being clocked in the head with a skillet, even if it was a graze?