To Be Human

Author Note: Once again, the wait is long and I am dissatisfied with the chapter. School is in session, so updates will be sporadic, but don't lose hope! I have already written the next chapter's rough draft, but I want to get a little bit ahead before I start posting in earnest.

If you notice any spelling or grammar mistakes, please don't hesitate to point them out. Furthermore, if you have a little time on your hands, open the review box before you start reading and jot down any parts you particularly like or dislike. Most importantly, please enjoy!


"Miss Honda, don't take what Kyo said too seriously. He's in a great deal of pain right now…" Tohru could barely hear Kazuma's voice over the rushing sound in her ears. All around her the world was fading except for one phrase.

I don't want to see you at all!

Kazuma continued to speak, his voice low and comforting. He was being so kind to her and she tried to mumble some memorized pleasantry, tried to smile, tried to show some sign that she appreciated his effort, but it was fine…it was …it …

"Tohru? What's wrong? You've gone pale."

Just say it, tell him you're sorry, sorry for causing his son so much pain… tell him…

I can't stand to be around you anymore.

Tell him…

It's too painful.

"Kazuma…"

"Yes, Miss Honda?"

"I'm sorry…"

Tell him…

"There's no need to apologize, Miss Honda. It's not your fault that we could not free Kyo this time; there will be a next time…"

Tell him…

"No."



A pause. On the other side of the fence, Akito's low, poisonous voice was a soft background murmur. She could not hear Kyo; it was as if he did not exist, as if he had disappeared into a void.

"I don't want to see Kyo again, either."

She broke her wrist free of his now slack grasp, and turned before she could see his expression. Then, breaking into a run, she disappeared into the darkness.


Tohru wandered the compound for what felt like an hour, too numb to feel where the steady motion of her legs was taking her, unable to see through the blur across her vision. The maze of buildings morphed into one another as her path took her in senseless circles.

A girl trudged through the heavy rain, her breath misting in front of her. The frigid mud soaked through her thin sock but she forced herself forward. She too could not feel the motion of her limbs through the numbness, nor see where she was going through the downpour. She followed the broken branches, the deep footprints already filling with water, the stench in the air.

Tohru remembered that girl, the girl who had fought the storm to save a boy from himself.

She was coming to a pool of light that spread across one of the many courtyards of the Sohma complex. Around her, the houses stretched upwards into the shadow of the evening, their eaves disappearing into the night sky. She stopped at the edge the glow, just another formless silhouette against other half-hidden shapes.

One toe edged towards the pool of light.

The girl came to a clearing. There was a dull orange smudge against the gray of rain and trees. Her heart at leaped as she realized the truth, as she realized how afraid she was, how fear turned her veins to ice and how her shivers had little to do with the cold. Yet she realized too how, at the center of it all, she is warm, as if her heart was glowing with sunlight. She does not name the feeling on this night; but it will remain with her, like a tiny fluttering light, every time she sees him.

Tohru clenched the clothing of her shirt where it fell over her heart. Where once there had been that warm light, there was only numbness and cold.

He roared at her, screaming insults and threats. The sun in her heart had flickered with the searing pain of his claws gashing her shoulder open, and she had turned to flee.

Tohru did not realize that she had fallen until the sharp gravel dug into her knees. Staring down at her hands, she saw that her fingertips brushed the pool of light but did not enter it. The hand 

that had grasped her heart moved higher to the long jagged scars that was now only as faint white lines against her skin. The stretched from shoulder to collarbone and would probably never fade.

The girl hesitated at the edge of the clearing. It was as if she could hear a voice crying out.

She looked back…

"Tohru?" a voice snapped Tohru from her reverie. She looked up and saw two blond figures standing in the light. She blinked to clear her vision just as a small shape came hurtling towards her and wrapped her in a tight embrace.

"Kisa?" said Tohru and looking passed the encircling arms saw the other figure more clearly. "Hiro?"

Hiro gave her a sardonic look as if to say, what? But as she held his gaze, he flushed and turned away.

"Tohru, what are you doing out here on the ground?" Kisa said, helping Tohru to her feet.

Tohru felt the answer rise in her mind but she could not bring it to her lips. She stared blankly up at Kisa, her features not so much contained as incapable of portraying the maelstrom within her, as if all her emotions had raged into a storm that had gone curiously white. Empty.

Kisa hesitated. She knew this expression; it was the same one that had greeted her in the mirror for all those silent months of torment. After all, she, better than any of the Sohmas, understood silence.

"Come inside," she said gently and guided Tohru to her feet as if she were a puppet. Tohru rose, blinking as if she was emerging from a stupor and followed Kisa into the pool of light and up the steps to the door. Hiro gave a huff of exasperation and strode after there was a faint grimace on his face that belied his calm façade.

She looked back…

But this time she kept running.


Kyo continued to stare out the door where Akito had disappeared; his eyes were blank and unseeing.

If you be good, I will consider allowing you to become a full member of the Zodiac…

Only a year ago he would have given anything to hear those words. Even now he could feel his mouth go dry and his heartbeat speed up at the thought. The temptation was palpable. After all, 

he had already chased Tohru away (pain lanced through his heart but he ignored it, his face only contorting briefly) what other meaning could Akito have?

And yet…

A year ago he had not been trapped in the original form.

As far as Kyo knew, there was nothing that Akito could do to even if he did keep his promise. What good was it becoming one of the Zodiac if he was trapped? No, at best he would be a member in name only.

His breath caught as scenarios played through his head. What if, once accepted, Akito showed his current form to the others Zodiac members? He unconsciously slipped his bulk further back into the shadows at the thought as images of Kagura, Akito, Shigure, and Yuki when they had seen this form flashed through his head. Of the Zodiac, they were the closest to him and even they had been unable to keep the disgust from their faces. The images began to dance in his head. Hatsuharu, his blank features only thinly veiling a rare look of shock, Momiji's ever-present smile morphing into open-mouthed horror, Ritsu's panic, Kisa's terror… he quashed the images with a grunt that sounded more like a snarl.

No, the offer was obviously a lie. What he could not understand was why, why would Akito offer him a place as a member of the family after so long? Was this just a new kind of torture? But why? Why would Akito come see him, the despised Cat, after he had been safely locked up? Why not just leave him to rot?

He turned the question over in his mind, unable to understand what Akito hoped to gain from offering him something he could not have, in exchange for something he had already given up. Pure sadism was always a possibility, and one he had not completely discounted. Aside from the simple glee of watching him suffer to attain a position in the family, what else could Akito want?

What did Akito hope to gain? He wracked his brain. Akito could have simply banned Tohru from the Sohma Complex. It was within his right, and though others like Momiji may grumble, they would never challenge their God's decision outright.

What if, by sending Tohru away, he had played right into Akito's hands? What if Tohru was not the object at all? Would Kazuma be taken away next?

Perhaps it was torture, Kyo realized. Akito was stripping away anyone who would care to see him here, a paltry two. What if the reason wasn't malice at all but…protection? He thought of the honeyed voice proclaiming its unconditional love for the Zodiac members.

What if…

It was too horrible to contemplate. He banished the thought and closed his eyes, his exhausted mind clawing towards sleep.




Akito closed the gate behind her and began the walk back to the central manor. The first thing she would do when she got back was take a scalding hot bath and remove any trace of the monster's tough upon her body. Then she would plan her next move.

By all rights, her encounter with Tohru and Kyo should be considered a victory in the grand scheme. Kyo had rejected Tohru, and while Kazuma had threatened to return for a new renewed effort at freeing Kyo, he would not attempt another breakout any time soon.

Yet perhaps the greatest victory is that none of them had noticed how close she had come to defeat.

That one desperate gamble could have gone horribly awry. Had she guessed wrong, had Kyo been faking when he told his rescuers to leave him, waiting for Akito to open the gate only to escape, he would have destroyed her carefully laid plans instantly. But she had guessed right, or perhaps known that Kyo was not capable of deception. She had won the moment the door opened and Kyo had not bounded out to retrieve his stolen freedom.

But it had all been too close for comfort.

"Master Akito, you have returned," one of the servants bowed and opened the door for her and she past by him with hardly a glance.

"Have a bath drawn and bring me information on the Honda girl. Where is she now? Has she contacted any of the Sohmas?"

"It will be done, my lord," the servant bowed again and exited, leaving Akito alone with her thoughts.


Kazuma wandered the complex but it was as if Tohru had become one with the shadows. He could not find her anywhere, and he was uneasy about leaving Kyo with Akito for any length of time. He had seen the Head of the Sohma clan work his poison on its members, undermining their confidence and then destroying them until they dared not move without his permission. Though he was not a zodiac he had seen many times the strange power Akito had and went cold at the thought of his heavy-handed intimidation techniques being used on one that was in as delicate a mental state as Kyo.

Two teenagers, both in a great deal of pain, he thought, hesitating before he turned the corner to where Kisa's house was.



But one was his son.

He would call Shigure and tell him to come collect Miss Honda. He would not leave his son alone in the dark.


Author Note: As always, I enjoy your reviews a great deal and they serve as incentive to continue this story. Please leave one!