Chapter 11

Her whole body shook as the door slammed closed behind him, almost shaking the house down to its foundations. The sitting room door creaked open and she could just about make out Elsie's head peeking around looking for her. She refused to look up, choosing to keep her head down towards the table. A cigarette sat in between in her middle and index fingers, smoke billowing from the tip. She didn't usually smoke, but the events of the last few days had caused her to reach for a nicotine fix, not realising just how much it would soothe her.

"Mrs Lockwood?" Elsie asked tentatively, not sure if she should disturb her. Sara had barely spoken a word in days and she was growing increasingly worried about her. Elsie had a daughter about Sara's age and she couldn't help but feel maternal towards her, despite their working relationship.

Sara took another drag of the cigarette and stubbed it out in the ashtray. She lasted a full thirty seconds before reaching for the packet and lit another. Using the heel of her hand, she rubbed gently at her cheek, wiping away the tears that had stained her skin. "Yes?" she whispered.

"Can I get you something?" Elsie slowly walked into the room. Her employer had barely come out of her room and this was the first time she was able to get close to her.

Sara shook her head, taking in another long drag. She slightly turned to face her, causing Elsie to stop in her tracks.

"Ma'am!" Seeing her face for the first time, she couldn't believe the sight that greeted her. "Are you alright?"

Turning her head back to face out the window, she nodded, not saying a word. "I don't need anything Elsie, thank you. Please return to your duties."

Knowing not to speak out of turn, the maid simply nodded her head and turned away. She had started to make her descent down the stairs when she heard a knock at the door. Straightening out her apron, she made her way back up the steps and along the long hall way until her hand reached the door knob. Pulling it open, ready to make excuses to ensure the visitor would leave, she was taken aback as the figure pushed her way into the hallway.

"Is Mrs Lockwood home?"

Hearing Ada's voice, Sara got to her feet, stubbing out the cigarette as she did. She made her way to the sitting room door and pulled it open slightly.

"I'm sorry but Mrs Lockwood isn't receiving…."

"That's alright Elsie." Sara called from behind the door. "Let her in."

Ada smiled to the woman as she made her way inside, pulling off her gloves and hat as she went.

"Sara?" She smiled.

Taking a deep breath, Sara turned to face her. Ada's face turned an eerie chalk white as she took in the appearance of her friend.

Rushing towards her, she lifted her hand to Sara's face, placing her fingers upon her cheek, causing her to shrink backwards, pain searing through her.

"What 'appened to ya?" Concern was clear in Ada's voice.

"I fell." Sara lied, not wanting a scene.

"My arse."

Unable to stop from laughing, she let out a chuckle, instantly regretting it as the pain hit again.

"Tell me the truth."

Sara's eyes dropped, unable to look her friend in the face. "James wasn't happy that I disappeared for a day."

"When did you disappear? Why?" Ada sat down on the couch, motioning for Sara to join her.

Doing as she asked, Sara dropped onto the seat next to her and pulled two cigarettes from her packet, lighting them both and passing one over. "I went to Epsom."

Ada's brow furrowed. "Why would you go to Epsom?"

"For Tommy."

"Tommy?" she questioned.

Sara could only nod.

"What's goin' on wi' you and our Tommy?" Ada placed her hand on Sara's, trying to reassure her she wasn't there to judge.

"Nothing. At least, not now. I thought there was something, but I was wrong. Very wrong. I'm not meant to be like this. I'm not a timid creature, I'm strong but ever since I came here, I feel out of sorts. Not quite myself. James isn't the man I thought he was. And then…there's your brother."

Not wanting to interrupt, somehow knowing Sara had a lot to get off her chest, Ada simply sat back in the couch and listened to her.

"Something has been building up, between Tommy and I, for weeks. I found something out about Epsom, and I had to warn him. So, I went there. I didn't tell James. I just hopped on a train after he went to work. I managed to find him, and I told him what I knew but it seems as though I was too late. He already knew and had already fixed it. But that's Tommy isn't it? Always one step ahead of the game." She let out a half laugh. "He told me he would find me, after the race, we shared a moment together."

Ada raised her eyebrow expectedly to which Sara only nodded.

"He told me he would look for me. That I should wait for him. So I did. Like a fool I did. Then a woman appeared. She was also looking for him. Mrs Carleton?" Sara turned to face Ada.

"The horse trainer." Ada confirmed.

"Yes. She spoke with one of your other brothers. He asked her if they were together. She neither confirmed, nor denied it. But it was enough for me. I could see it in her eyes, the look she had whenever she spoke of him. She loves him. I can tell. She has the same look in her eyes that I do when I think of him." Tears threatened to fall again, but she took in a deep breath, refusing to let them overcome her again. "Then I came home. It was late. I found James, sitting over there." She nodded over to the armchair in the corner. "He had a bottle in his hand, most of it gone. He stood up and came to me. He could see the pain in my eyes and I think at that point, he knew. He knew my pain did not involve him. Sometimes I think he can read my mind, get inside my head and hear my inner most thoughts."

Ada shuffled closer to her, grasping tightly to her hand. "He did this?"

Sara nodded again. She lifted her free hand up to her cheek, tensing as it grazed the bloody wound under her right eye. She had finally managed to halt the bleeding with the fur from the coat she had worn that day. The coat still lay discarded across the armchair, dried blood caked into it. She knew it was ruined, yet she couldn't bear to part with it. It was a cruel reminder of the pain she had felt that day. Not from the vicious attack she had suffered from James, but from the shards of her heart which now lay broken within her.

"He was so angry. As if he knew. He knew I wanted another. So, he dealt with it in the only way he seemed to know how. Before we came here, I'd never heard him raise his voice, let alone his hand. I should never have agreed to come here." Sara leant her elbow on the arm rest of the couch, placing her forehead against her palm. "So I've made a decision."

Ada's eyebrow raised again. "What do you mean?"

"I'm going back."

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"Pol. I'm going to ask you one last time, what happened at Epsom?"

Tommy was growing increasingly frustrated. Derby day had been hell, but it was done. He sank back into his chair, lighting his fifth cigarette of the morning. Polly had been moping around ever since they had arrived back and no one could seem to get through to her. John had expressed his concern to Tommy the previous night. They had spent the last few nights drinking in the Garrison, celebrating the Peaky Blinders success at Epsom. By managing to burn all the licences, they had ensured the pitches would be allocated to Tommy's bookies. May would guarantee that. Her influence knew no bounds. But yet, despite it all, he couldn't bring himself to contact her once he had arrived back in Birmingham. Standing in the middle of that field, his lonely unmarked grave in front of him, Tommy felt his mind clear. He had time to think for the first time in a long time. As he had knelt down, he felt salvation washing over him. Redemption was his now. And as he waited to hear that trigger, his mind stopped thinking about business. It stopped thinking about money, and bets, and death. It thought of the beautiful blonde woman he had seen only a few hours earlier. An image of her flashed in front of his eyes as he had closed them, his head tilted up allowing the warm breeze to float over his face, through his hair. He savoured the taste of what he thought would be his last cigarette. Oh and there's a woman. He heard the gun behind him, the barrel clicking into place. He had accepted his fate and had walked back towards the grave, telling them to get it done with. But yet, he had survived. He knew it wouldn't be long before he would hear from Churchill, but right then, sitting there, with his family, in his pub and a drink in his hand, he couldn't think of that.

And now, it was as though none of it mattered. None of it made a difference as Polly wandered back through to the office, a glass in her hand. She sat down at the opposite side of the desk to Tommy and lifted the bottle from the table, filling her glass right up.

"I killed him." Her voice was vaguely above a whisper, but he heard her.

"Who?" He took another drink, the news not exactly fazing him.

"The Inspector."

Now she had his attention.

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She cut a lonely figure, stood at the dock with her suitcase in hand. It wasn't cold but yet, she felt a chill run through her. Pulling her coat towards her, she took in a deep breath and made her way towards the long wooden walkway which would lead her up onto the ship. Since she had opened her heart to Ada, she wondered if he would ever appear. If he would turn up at her side, take her suitcase from her and take her far away. She took one last fleeting glance behind her, looking for the telltale peaked black cap but it never came. She had come this far, all she had to do was get on the ship and she would soon be back home, back with her family. Before leaving, she had posted a letter through Ada's door, providing her parents address and phone number in New York where she would be staying. She hadn't yet told them she was coming, knowing they would likely try and talk her out of it since they didn't know the full story. She had no idea how she was going to get out of her marriage. Laws weren't very favourable of women when it came to divorce. She knew the easiest way out of it was to force his hand. Adultery being the main reason for divorces but she hadn't really been unfaithful. Other than sharing those brief kisses with Mr Shelby, she hadn't done anything wrong. Plus he hadn't actually caught her, although she knew he suspected her heart belonged to another.

She thought back to what she had left back in London. She thought back to her friend. She had offered up a chance for Ada to come and visit her. They had grown close and she felt saddened at potentially losing her friend, the only friend she had in London. But part of her also hoped she would pass the letter onto Tommy. Rage built up inside her as she thought of him, more so as she imagined he would likely be holed up at Mrs Carleton's sprawling mansion, enjoying her, satisfying her. Jealousy developed within her. Why had she pushed him away that night? She knew she wanted him but her uncontrollable need to give her marriage a chance had thwarted that plan. And now, knowing what she did of James, she was heartbroken that she had ever refused him. Things could have been different if she had allowed him to touch her, allowed him to take her. Her mind went over that night again and again, trying to imagine what it would have been like. His kiss still burned into her lips, they still tingled from feeling his tongue trying to gain entry into her mouth. She could only imagine what his touch would feel like. But yet, here she was, running back to New York, far away from him. A whistle blew in the distance and she knew she didn't have much time left. Grasping onto her suitcase, she began the walk towards the ship.