Hayley...
It hurt her to do it, but she felt like she had no choice. She couldn't ruin his marriage, even if not telling him the truth would cost her happiness.
'I might go in for seconds,' said Jac. 'Hayley's got a big appetite.'
'Ah, she's going to be a strong lass,' said Aisling. 'I can feel it in my bones.'
'I can too,' said Jac with a broad smile.
She was being 100% truthful when she said that. She knew in her heart and in her soul that Hayley was going to be a fighter, a little girl with the drive and ambition that she possessed, but the softness and compassion from Joseph. A perfect mixture of the two of them, half her and half him.
She wondered if Hayley would have his eyes, those tender baby blues that made her swoon inside every time she saw them, the eyes that she'd grant anything to. It occurred to her that this might be a problem raising a child who has those eyes, for they'd get away with everything and anything.
Would she be a redhead like Jac was? She hoped not, because it would give her a lot of stick at school, and the pale skin that cowered away from the sun. Joseph had dark brown hair, maybe she'd have that? Or could it be a happy medium?
She knew for sure that Hayley would be smart. Both her and Joe were of above average intelligence, and with her hopes of Hayley being a doctor, Jac was positive that she'd encourage Hayley with education, but without pushing her.
Jac wanted to tell Hayley stories, about Joe, about her life before Hayley came, about everything really. She didn't want to keep secrets from her, she wanted them to be close. She wanted her daughter to have the life that she never did have. Because, deep in her heart, Jac knew that she would never abandon Hayley, because she felt such strong love for her already, and she wasn't even born yet.
These were the thoughts that filled Jac's head that particular morning as she lay in bed just after waking. She felt content here, at peace, and in her early morning haze, these feelings were amplified by a nondescript amount.
Turning onto her back, she moved her hand in a rubbing movement across her bump and said, 'Hayley. I think it's going to be a beautiful name for a beautiful baby. Now that I know you're a girl, and you have a name, I feel as if I've bonded with you so much more than before.'
Pausing, Jac said, 'I want to tell you a story. I don't know if you'll understand it, but it might help you to understand where I came from, and why I am the way I am. I was born Jacqueline Marie Burrows, and my mum, your grandmother was called Paula, and my dad wasn't around. I never knew him. We lived in the same house as my grandmother Iris, so that when my mum worked, my grandmother could look after me. And it carried on like that until I was 12. But my mum decided to get up and move to India. She said that she and a friend of hers were going out there to help people, people that needed her more than I did. I turned into an angry little kid at first, getting into fights and things. And then I shut myself off, realising that I couldn't let anyone into my heart, because they'd just let me down like my mum did. The only person I was really attached to was my Grandma. So, when I was 16, I changed my name to Jacqueline Naylor, wouldn't let anyone call my Jacqui, like my mum did, just Jac. So I carried on with life like that, until I met your dad.'
She stopped for a while, taking in a deep breath.
'He seemed really charming and warm, but slightly neurotic. We became like friends I guess, and a couple for show. But I wanted more from him, and that's what happened. I let him into my heart, and it scared me. I thought I'd get hurt again, like I did with my mum. I kept trying to tell myself that I was only with him for my career, but it wasn't like that. As our relationship carried on, I loved him so much more, but it didn't stop me from doing something stupid. I had an affair with his dad, your grandfather. I lost the only man I ever loved because I didn't want him to leave me. Bizarre, eh?'
She paused again, stroking her bump gently.
'I'm going to make sure you have a good childhood Hayley. I promise I won't mess you up like my mum did with me.'
