Disclaimer: I do not own Brokeback Mountain or any of it's characters, they are sole property of Annie Proulx and Focus Features.
I dreamed dream
Chapter 10
Jack and John Twist were on the way to the town of Lightning Flat, driving in Jack's truck, the road whirring past them and the silence inside the pick-up loud as ever. John was driving, mainly because Jack figured that the time it would take to argue his dad out of it would end up totaling the time it took to get to the town and back. He was aware of his dad looking sideways at him every few minutes, of the wheezy rasp of his breath harrumphing, knew he was going to say something sooner or later, but tried to delay the inevitable verbal showdown by looking pointedly outside the window.
Being alone with his dad made Jack feel helpless. When he was with Ennis or his mom, he managed to find the strength to stand up to him, to not flinch, but with nobody else around, all he could see was an angry, violent man towering over him, with a belt in hand lashing out, yelling, threatening him. And all he could do is feel six years old again, scared, sad, humiliated… and utterly uncomprehending. Didn't his daddy love him? Why was he yelling, why was he hurting him? Aren't I your little boy, daddy?
Jack shivered at the memories flooding his mind, tried to shake himself out of it.
"You cold, boy?" the gravelly voice interrupted his reverie. Damn, now he had to talk to him…
"Uh, no, sir, I'm fine."
"Then why you shiverin, huh?"
"I don' know, dad, juss because." Jack was a bit tired of the stupid exchange, knew his father was trying to draw him out for an argument.
Silence reigned once more inside the truck. But now John Twist didn't hesitate again before speaking.
"The, uh, ranch is coming along fine."
Hmm… a compliment? There had to be a catch.
"Yeah, it sure is." Jack answered cautiously.
"You're friend ain't a half bad worker." John continued.
"Ennis has been a hard worker his whole life." Jack said.
"Hmm… known him for how long?" John asked.
"Nearly twenty years, since I went up to Brokeback summer of '63." answered Jack, smiling involuntarily at the memory.
"So why you finally come, huh boy? You been sayin' you're coming all your life, why did you this time? It ain't like you to ever keep a promise."
There we go, ask what you really want dad, no more beatin' round the bush.
"Well, uh, I split from my wife and I decided that it was time to do what I wanted to do in my life, not keep on doin' somethin' I hated in a place I couldn't stand." said Jack simply.
"And what you wanted was whut? Live with that buddy a yours?" asked John, a hint of mockery in his tone.
Hell, if it's gonna be an argument, then let it be a big one. No more fucking hiding.
"Yeah, dad. That's what I wanted. To live with Ennis." answered Jack, putting fear behind him. Ah, I'm thirty nine years old, and I'm past caring what my old man thinks.
"You sound like a queerboy, Jack." said John, disgust lacing his tone now.
Oh, name-calling. Back in familiar territory. Well, might as well fire all the guns, no holding back now…
"You know what, dad? I am a queer boy," declared Jack, voice laced with strength, "and I don't give a damn what you think, 'cause after twenty years I'm finally happy."
Silence. Then…
"You what?! I cain't believe you say it like that, like it's normal…" John exploded, shaking his head. "Well, I shouldn't be surprised, you always were a damn fuck-up, figures you'd end up being queer."
"Yeah, dad, I always been a fuck-up to you, but you know what? I'm past fucking caring. And if being happy means I'm queer, then I don't give a damn what you or the rest o' the world thinks ." Jack affirmed.
"And Ennis is probably your little boyfriend, you're both filthy faggots, ain't you?" sneered John. "Well boy, if you think I'll have a couple of faggots sleepin' in my house…"
"First of all, you got no right to say nothing about Ennis, 'cause he's twice the man you could ever hope to be and it's got nothing to do with who he sleeps with," said Jack, a no-nonsense tone in his voice, "and secondly, you will have us, whether you like us or not, because you know damn well you need us to help with the ranch, and we done a fine job of it, too."
Silence again.
What, no insult? No comeback? You losin' your edge, dad? Looking out the window, concentratin' on drivin' like your life depends on it. Ah, well, a truce. You can't stand my guts and I ain't crazy about you, either, but we'll make do. Silence will do.
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"And then, he just stood up, for all the world like he hadn't just been thrown off a horse, and declared 'I was practicin' for the rodeo, momma!'" said Mrs. Twist, chuckling.
"Yep, that sounds like Jack, alright." said Ennis, smiling.
He was still sitting at the breakfast table, his breakfast having extended to lunch because he'd stayed talking with Mrs. Twist all morning, sharing stories, or more often than not, hearing stories about Jack as a boy, though occasionally sharing a few about his own childhood. Jack's momma reminded him so much of his mother, of her warm and accepting homeliness, that he found himself dredging up memories he hadn't thought on for years and years. After talking for some time, he understood now where Jack got that acceptance, that nearly unquenchable hope, that happiness.
"Ah, Jack was always one for riding and horses…" started Mrs. Twist, a wistful smile on her face, at once happy and sad. "I remember one time, that same old mare that threw him got ill… she was a very old animal, not much use around the ranch, but Jack loved her. So when he found her ill, he got together all the pennies he'd saved, to pay the vet, he said. Well, his dad would have none of it, said it was time for the horse to die, he was lying down and everything, to quit whining. So Jack, he went into the bathroom, took out some pills and a hot water bag, grabbed his own bed quilt and went out to the stalls. He sat down in a bale of hay, and tried to nurse the poor mare back to health. He sang to her, warmed her with the bag and his quilt, stroked her… stayed up with him all night. But there was no fixin' him, so come morning the mare was dead."
"Whut did Jack do?" asked Ennis quietly, imagining a young boy, blue eyes full of desperate hope, trying to save his old favorite mare.
"He cried like there was no tomorrow, he was devastated." said Mrs. Twist, shaking her head sadly, "He really thought he could save the horse. And then his daddy went into the stall, told him to stop crying like a pansy, to get outta there to do his chores. Jack just nodded, tried to do some work, but he was tripping on his own feet, he was so tired and sad. So I just told him to go to his room and get some sleep." she finished.
"He always hopes so hard that things will be alright…" said Ennis, feeling incredibly sad and protective of Jack, at once wanting to hold him and to punch his dad a good one for being so heartless.
"Yes… at least he finally got something he hoped for, now." said Mrs. Twist, smiling softly at Ennis.
At least… at last.
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"I'm gonna go make some calls, alright?" asked Jack
"Hmph…"
"Ok, meet you at the pick-up in an hour and a half."
They'd finally gotten to town and none too soon. Jack was desperate to get out of the stifling quiet of the pick-up, to shake off the strong feelings confronting his dad had provoked. He needed to make some calls, visit the real-estate office and then get himself a nice, cold beer.
He went into a phone booth and started dropping a bunch of quarters, dialing quickly.
"Hello?" a familiar voice answered.
"Lureen? Hi, it's Jack."
"Oh, hi, Jack, how you been?"
"Quite alright, working hard at the ranch with Ennis, though it sure ain't to nice to be around the old man so much. How about you? Bobby?"
"We're just fine. Bobby misses you, though."
A pang of sadness and guilt hit Jack with that statement. He hadn't talked to Bobby since he'd left Childress, and he sure missed him as well.
"I miss him, too. But I can't make phone-calls from the ranch, my dad would get on my case if I called long distance…"
"Well, I'll call you so you can talk to Bobby on Sunday, alright? I got the number. So why did you call? I imagine it wasn't just to say hello…" said Lureen, as always getting to the point.
"I was just wondering if you got the papers I needed yet, the bank statements and deeds and all…"
"Yeah, I got them. You want me to mail them to you to Lightning Flat?" asked Lureen
"Yes, please, that would be great."
"Sure, I'll do that tomorrow mornin'. Anything else?"
"Nope, that's all. Just take care of yourself, alright? And give Bobby a hug from me."
"Sure will, Jack. Bye."
"Bye."
Strangely enough, it had been almost like their old conversations face to face, before the divorce, the same businesslike quality… only, this one had felt a lot more honest.
Jack went into the small real-estate office, looking mainly for information in general, nothing concrete yet. He browsed brochures and selected some to take home, ranging from property in Wyoming to places like Texas, California, even Canada. Hell, he figured having many options was always a good idea.
He was occupied in leafing through a 'Live the holiday of your life in Hawaii' brochure, wondering how it would be like to 'surf the turquoise blue waves like soaring dolphin' and amusing himself picturing Ennis in a bathing suit, when a conversation caught his attention.
"Yeah, you know the Twist ranch? Some half hour outside of town…"
"Yeah, I know the place. Kinda run down, though, ain't it?"
He discreetly turned to look at two men, one a bit older than him with a bushy brown beard and another younger looking cowboy, who were talking, sitting in the brown chairs of the office.
"Well, it is the worse for wear, but the property itself is in a damn good place, got plenty of space… and I drove past it the other day, it's getting fixed up."
"Really? You think old man Twist finally decided to hire some decent help?"
"Nah, he's always been to cheap to hire decent help. I think his son is helping him out. Anyways, I don't know if they might sell in the future, but I sure got my eye on that ranch."
"Well, doc says that old Twist has had a few heart problems, overheard him talking to Johnny the bartender, but he refuses to get proper medication. So I guess it ain't a long shot."
Jack missed the reply because at that moment the two men were signaled by the secretary that the realtor was ready to see them.
Well, Jack figured it was a good thing someone was showing interest in buying the ranch… but he hadn't heard anything about heart problems. Deep in thought, he walked to the nearest bar and got a nice, cold beer from Johnny the bartender himself. After knocking back his drink quickly and dropping a few bucks on the bar, he went outside and headed for the truck.
John Twist was already waiting, but something seemed to be a bit off about his posture.
"Dad? You alright?" Jack asked as he was getting closer.
"I'm… fine… what… took… you… so… damn… long?" wheezed out John.
"Dad, you ain't fine. You're short of breath… want me to take you to the doctor's?" questioned Jack, putting his hand on his father's shoulder.
"Nah… let's just… go." he answered, moving away from Jack's touch.
"Alright, but don't think for a second I'm letting you drive." said Jack, exasperation at his father's stubbornness evident in his voice.
Honestly, the man was impossible.
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Author's note: I'm sooooo incredibly sorry I haven't updated in so long! RL was not only busy but terribly difficult these past months. Anyway, I hope I haven't lost all my readers yet, but be assured that I'm already writing next chapter and I'm not taking a hiatus from this story until it's finished. I would LOVE feedback, makes my day :)
