A/N 1: For the record I told several people who looked at it, I thought I went overboard. They all said to publish it as is. It's nuts, I realize, but it was fun.
A/N 2: Did he say Jeff hired Carmichael Solutions last time? Yep. When you're off the canon trail this far, you gotta do, what you gotta do. Figuring out some of these scenarios are getting more difficult each time so if you want to throw ideas my way, I can always use them. Wanted to get this done before I went on spring break. Ch 11, Hullo, Cleveland
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, and I've never actually been to Cleveland…
"Come on, Chuck," Sarah goaded him. "Are you going to let Casey be my first?" She danced away as he missed again. Sarah was smiling, she couldn't help herself, she was happy. Bartowski Christmas…HEARTWARMING! She couldn't get the silly smile off of her face if she wanted to, and she didn't. Christmas had been magical. Casey even smiled once, and she saw him and Alex under the mistletoe. Morgan had left early, something about a date, and she swore she heard the name Lou mentioned, but that couldn't be right…could it? And now as they rolled through January, Chuck had downloaded the Intersect upgrade for fighting skills, and that…that was a whole new type of fun. It was near the middle of February now, and things had been quiet, so the training had been kicked up a notch, and it was becoming an event watched by everyone in the building. Alex walked up to Casey and Morgan who were outside the dojo watching along with Devon and Ellie.
"What's going on?" Alex asked.
"Sarah is trying to get Chuck to flash more on demand," Ellie said.
"I thought for sure what she offered up would be the key," Morgan said shaking his head. "You're really not going to do it if Chuck can't?" Casey looked at him like he'd lost his mind.
"If I did, all Sarah would do is moan and groan the entire time, and Chuck would stand around pouting, probably crying for that matter," Casey said. Alex got a look on her face and glanced at Ellie and Devon who here snickering.
"I mean he's so excited," Morgan said. "He can't wait to show her how small it really is along with all the singing and music." Alex's eyebrow's lifted. "It's special the first time."
"Didn't picture the nerd as one of those types, but don't knock it til you try it, I guess," Casey said shrugging.
"Have you ever?" Morgan asked.
"Christ, no!" Casey grumbled.
"Okaaaayy, what exactly is going on?" Alex asked, beyond confused.
"Sarah is trying to get Chuck to flash and use his kung-fu moves on her," Ellie said, near tears from laughter. "She wants him to strike her on the back, just to prove he can get through her defenses. He even created an electronic sensor. But, Chuck, said he couldn't hit her. Sarah then moved it to her butt cheek, but Chuck still wouldn't."
"He is the gentleman," Morgan said. Alex stared at him, trying to justify that statement to what she thought she heard a bit ago.
"Finally, she made him a bet, she agreed to do what he's been wanting to do for a year, if he can hit her, but if not, she does it with Casey," Ellie said.
"Don't worry Forrest," Casey said. "There's no way I will." Alex opened her mouth twice, just shook her head and turned back to watch. Devon and Ellie were crying they were laughing so hard, knowing what Alex thought she was hearing.
"Come on, Bartowski, last chance," Sarah said mocking.
"Sarah, I don't want to hurt you, but I can't let Casey do that to you, he won't make it special like I would," Chuck said. Alex held up a finger to say something, but just shook her head and decided not to. Chuck came at her, and at the last second, she saw him flash, he moved as his foot hit the ground, catching Sarah off-guard, she tried to pivot, but hit the ground, where Chuck lightly tapped her bottom, setting off the sensor. Morgan yelled and dashed inside. He held up his hand like he had a pretend mike.
"Chuck Bartowski you just beat Sarah Walker in hand to hand combat, what are you going to do?" Morgan asked. Chuck's eyes twinkled.
"I'm taking Sarah Walker to DISNEYLAND! And, I'm taking her on it's a Small World!" Chuck yelled. The two began to hum the song loudly, while Sarah sat on the ground, the biggest smile on her face, and shook her head. Alex let out a sigh of relief, while Devon nearly choked on laughter. She turned to Devon and Ellie.
"You could have told me," she said, and walked off.
"What crawled up her, butt?" Casey asked, shrugging. The countdown timer went on, and they all hurried to the monitor.
Beckman appeared on screen, with her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. She looked up at them.
"This can't be good," Chuck muttered. Sarah cocked her jaw to the side. There was NO way this was good.
"Team," Beckman began, and stopped.
"General, are you okay?" Chuck asked. "You look a little…well...constipated." Beckman stared at him for a second and let out a deep breath.
"That's as good of term as any, Chuck," she said, and she reached into her drawer and pulled out a flask. Sarah and Chuck shared a look of astonishment. Beckman took a swig and set it down in front of her. "Team, this was just found…by the client," she said, pulling up a picture and Chuck flashed.
"That an IG-88 thermite charge," Chuck said. He and Morgan shared a look.
"Really?" Morgan asked. Casey looked at the two and grunted in surprise. "IG-88 is a bounty Hunter in the Star Wars Saga, specifically The Empire Strikes Back, also a thermite charge is used in the movies as well." Casey looked like he had a headache. "It makes you wonder, who stole off of who?" Beckman took another swig as Sarah adjusted her jaw trying not to snicker.
"This charge was found during the setup for Tyler Martin," Beckman said. Chuck closed his eyes.
"Did you flash, Chuck?" Sarah asked.
"Flash?" he asked, opening his eyes in surprise. "Why would I flash on Tyler Martin, and why do we care if someone wants him dead, I mean that's horrible and no one should ever want anyone dead, but if you heard his lyrics, they are so banal, and the suspects we must have, there's even a Facebook group called I Want to Kill Tyler Martin." Beckman took another swig, Sarah noticed.
"It gets worse, doesn't it?" she asked. Beckman just stared at her.
"Carmichael Solutions has been hired by a private individual to protect Tyler Martin, and even if they weren't I would want you to protect him, because the IG-88 thermite thingy is used by North African intelligence units," Beckman slurred.
"Did Beckman just say thingy?" Sarah whispered to Chuck.
"More importantly, did she just slur?" Chuck whispered back. Beckman took another swig.
"This is your client," Beckman said, and a picture of Jeff appeared on the screen.
"OH MY GOD I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE BUYMORE! WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME?" Chuck yelled, freaking out. Sarah looked at Casey and nodded. He fired a tranq dart into Chuck. "That wasn't vernicewabit?" he said as he collapsed. Beckman looked at Chuck and took another swig.
"The biggest moron of all the Buy Morons has hired us," she said. She took another hit. "I swear we finally get out of that hellhole, and now some British crap sinnnger, who holds nothing on the Stones or the Beetles, makes us have to work with those morons a gain. Forrest, go get his attention with your ass…ets and you and Grunty drag him ofer heer," Beckman slurred and cut off.
"Grunty?" Alex asked. "My ass…ets?"
"She's under a lot of pressure," Morgan answered. "And the Buy More has that effect on people." Sarah turned to Casey.
"How much?" Sarah asked. Casey shrugged.
"Enough to put down a small puppy," Casey said. Sarah gave him a look. "I know he'll be out for a while." Sarah continued to give him a look. "A loooooong while."
}o{
Chuck woke up and felt a hand in his hair. He looked over and saw Tyler Martin on one bed, Jeff on another, and Ellie talking to Sarah while Devon was checking on some things….wait a minute…if Sarah was talking to Ellie, whose hand was in his hair? He sat up quickly.
"Whoa there, Chuck you've been out of it a while," Morgan said.
"Morgan, why were you rubbing my hair?" Chuck asked.
"Well, Sarah told me that's what she does to alleviate her nerves and she's about as calm as I've ever seen her, and I need to calm down, because I don't know if I can handle much more," Morgan said. Chuck sat up, concerned, but as he looked over, he saw smirks on the other three faces of the people that were awake.
"What happened, Morgan?" Chuck asked.
"He kept asking Ellie if they'd made love," Morgan said, still upset. Chuck held his face stoic the best he could. "Four different times, he woke up and asked her, and then he offered her, Chuck. He offered to make sweet love to my Ellie."
"Morgan, uh, buddy, you do know about Devon right?" Chuck asked. Morgan waved him off.
"We both know that's a phase," Morgan said.
"They're engaged," Chuck reminded him. "That also means….you know what, I don't want to talk about this."
"I mean who wouldn't want to make love to an Adonis like that," Morgan said gesturing his whole hand at Devon.
"Thanks," Devon said, grinning. Chuck gave Devon a look like, "are you serious?" Devon shrugged. "What, can't one man appreciate another." Chuck looked over at Ellie and Sarah who were red trying not to laugh. Chuck turned back to Morgan.
"Did Devon try to do anything to him?" Chuck inquired.
"He can't, Chuck, first do no harm?" Morgan said. Chuck looked over at Devon, who nodded. He looked back to Sarah and Ellie for help, who would do nothing for him. "He's waking again."
"Oh, wow, would you look at that, two delicious babes," Tyler said. Morgan lifted the pen to fire it, but Chuck took it away from him, turned and shot Tyler in the neck. "Oh, I feel like a daffodil," he said, slumping back on the bed. He turned and saw his girlfriend and sister starting at him.
"What?" Chuck asked. "He was hitting on my two favorite girls inappropriately."
"Girls?" Sarah asked, with a grin.
"Yeah, women, females, the two people who protect me from everything," Chuck replied.
"Dude, I really need to take lessons from you," Morgan said.
}o{
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Morgan asked.
"No, I think it's a terrible idea," Casey replied. "But, if we don't do something soon, the General's liver will be pickled."
Casey and Alex had found a lead on the hitman, unfortunately, the next time Tyler had come to, there were no women to hit on, so he and Morgan had a chat. Tyler wanted to leave and Morgan followed with Sarah and Chuck in his ear. They tracked them to a club, where Tyler was playing wingman to Morgan. Sarah and Chuck entered the club and saw the two approached by two women who Chuck flashed on. Sarah called it in and Casey and Alex were on their way. Tyler and Morgan got separated during the tomfoolery. Sarah followed Tyler and Chuck followed Morgan. Chuck had been given specific instructions to be careful. Chuck was pretty sure fighting with two female assassins was not being careful and he was quite afraid for his life…and that the assassins might hurt him as well.
Chuck finally found Morgan, he was on the roof, and for some reason had decided to jump onto the glass elevator that was across from it. Chuck was beginning to wonder exactly how much the bearded one had had to drink. Chuck jumped as well to land on top, but couldn't quite reach his little buddy.
"Dude, I need something, or I'm going to fall!" Morgan yelled. "Your pants!"
"What about my PANTS? Is this the time to be talking about this?" Chuck asked.
"No, take you pants off and lower a leg to me and pull me up," Morgan said. Chuck didn't like the idea, but took them off, took ahold of one leg, and dropped them to Morgan. Morgan grabbed them, climbed up, and held onto Chuck, watching his pants go flying away. That's how the elevator came to a halt on the ground floor. Morgan clinging to Chuck, who was pantless. Sarah stood there, hands on hips, just watching, but not saying a word. The briefing began, and she still hadn't said a word. Beckman sat there, starring at Chuck, without pants.
"Walker!" Beckman yelled. "Will you please feed that skinny ass nerd of yours! He's got legs like a chicken!" Sarah's eyebrows were so far up her head they about shot off her face. Casey even looked worried. She pulled out a bottle of Johnny Walker Black.
"General," Casey began.
"Hush," Beckman said. "Momma just needs a little taste until the morons go away. Fix this mess!" she screamed, and cut off. That's how Chuck found himself helping Morgan wear a wire and a tracker, and a bulletproof vest, Sarah still having not spoken to him since the elevator incident.
"Guys," Chuck said, drawing all the spies' eyes on him. He really couldn't tell if they were mad or not. "You do know the concert isn't until tomorrow night." They all stood up straight and shared a look. Sarah grabbed Chuck's arm and drug him off.
"Come on, we need to talk," she said.
"I think Morgan needs me," Chuck said.
"I'm good, Dude," Morgan called out. Chuck game him a look of "really?"
}o{
"I mean he's holding your hand, holding on to you without pants on, do you see why I'm asking?" Sarah said.
"Sarah, it's heterosexual life partners," Chuck repeated for the fiftieth time.
"I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it if it's more than that for him, but I'll fight him for you," she said, softly. Chuck smiled.
"You don't have to, Baby, I'm yours," he said. She gave him a hug. "And, I promise, you have nothing to worry about. I'm not the Bartowski he wants to have sex with."
"Ew," she said.
"I felt dirty just saying it," Chuck admitted.
"Hey, that was a good catch earlier," Sarah said. "Seeing Tyler's tattoos, saved us a lot of work, plus we got the hitman." Chuck shrugged.
"I'm just glad Ellie insisted on him having a full exam," Chuck admitted. "That's the only reason I caught it. If I hadn't walked by and caught him with his shirt off, I never would have had the flash."
"Is he okay?" Sarah asked. "I mean I never thought Morgan would get that involved with these missions like this."
"He has decided that playing the field isn't worth it," Chuck said. "He's decided to give it a try with Lou, but I warned him about being careful, since she's been down that road of secrets with me."
"She's a good person," Sarah said, reluctantly. Chuck grinned.
"Gonna miss Tyler?" Chuck asked. Sarah rolled her eyes.
"No," she said, shaking her head. "I mean he's actually a nice guy, and I hate he got caught up in this, but he is to blame for some of it." Chuck nodded.
"He actually said the same thing," Chuck admitted. Sarah stared at him. He grinned at her. "You do know what tomorrow is, don't you?"
"Neaiou," Sarah said. "Should I?" Chuck shook his head.
"Valentine's Day," Chuck said, grinning.
"Chuck, spies don't celebrate Valentine's Day," she said, with her own grin.
"These two spies do," Chuck replied. The countdown came on, and Chuck dropped his head. "I spoke too soon." She grabbed his arm and pulled him to the monitor. Beckman came on, looking worse for wear.
"Ah," Beckman said. "Just the two I needed to see."
"Let me guess, you have something we need to do tomorrow," Chuck said, disappointed. Beckman grinned.
"Yes, Chuck," Beckman answered, a smirk covering her face. "I'm sorry, but I really have no choice in this one, I'm going to need you to drop the cover dating."
"It's not a cover," Sarah said.
"I know, Sarah," Beckman answered, the smirk growing. "I need you two to be newlyweds, in the suburbs." Chuck and Sarah shared a look. Sarah winked at him.
"How deep would you like our cover, General?" Sarah asked with her own smirk. She thought she would have to pick Chuck's jaw off the ground.
"As believable as you can make it," Beckman said. Sarah mock deep sighed.
"Since they are orders," she said. Beckman shook her head.
"Oh, Chuck, is Peaches okay for the dog's name?" she asked. Chuck nodded.
"General, what if this changes the team dynamic," he asked, never looking at Sarah who stared at him. "I mean once you open that kind of box, it's hard to put the lid back on."
"I figure you two will figure out a way to deal with it, don't you, Sarah?" Beckman asked.
"I do," Sarah replied. Beckman looked at Chuck.
"What about you, Chuck?"
"I do, too," Chuck replied, still not looking at Sarah but taking her hand in his.
"Good," Beckman said. "I appreciate your dedication to this assignment." She shook her head, and paused before disconnecting the feed. "If I tell you this, you can't tell them." Sarah and Chuck nodded. "I'm also putting Casey and Forrest in their own home, and yes, they are cover married as well." Sarah and Chuck burst out laughing. "Enjoy it, you two." And with that, she cut the feed. Chuck stood there, looking straight ahead, feeling Sarah staring at him.
"I'm really going to enjoy this one," she said. Chuck turned to her and saw the smile on her face and the look in her eyes.
"Oh, boy," he said, grinning.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed it. Seriously, any ideas about future episodes are welcome, and I'll give full credit where due. I may not use them exactly, but it may make my mind come up with something insane for us all to enjoy. I love this one, but some days, it's hard to think of things…Til next time!
DC
