11. Time
Charlie, despite his own grief for his best friend, helped me handle Jake. I couldn't stand all the pain. Not my pain. Everybody else's pain. At the funeral it shocked me to see that the whole reservation mourned for the passing of Billy Black. Only then did I comprehend the wisdom of this man and the importance of his guidance to his people. It was disheartening to watch them lay flowers in front of his lifeless body.
Jacob I couldn't understand. He was so silent and dazed that I was unsure whether or not he was really in touch with his surroundings. He had lost the person who supported him his whole life. It was his dad who had brought him up when his mother had passed away. It was he who had taught him how to put his strength to good use and how to step up to his duties as a werewolf when the time came. He was the one Jake turned to about everything. And now he was no longer with him.
When we entered the church, he told me not to let him go and I squeezed his hand in reassurance. We sat at the front row, next to Jacobs's sisters and Sam, who had Emily to support him. Billy had treated him like a son as well.
It was all over sooner than I thought it would be and I was entirely grateful for that. The burial took place equally briefly and I could see that Jake wouldn't have been able to take more of it anyway.
As soon as it was over, I wrapped one arm around his waist and hugged him. He felt expressionless, but then again that was his way of handling pain. He put on a poker face and he released himself later, privately. He passed one arm around my shoulder and I whispered to him "Let's go home."
He nodded in agreement and we started walking toward my car. Charlie would go to Sues' house for a little while and keep her some company, so it was just the two of us.
Jake wanted to drive but after I convinced him he was nowhere near alert enough I was found behind the wheel once again.
When we were finally inside my house, after he took off his tie and his jacket, he went and sat on the sofa. I stepped out of my black high-heels and went in the kitchen to make some coffee. I took two cups of that rich smelling drink and I went and sat next to him. He passed his arm around my waist making sure I stay there, latched onto him.
"Thank you," he told me softly.
I put one finger on his lips, trying to hush him.
"Don't. That's what I'm here for," I tried to make him feel a little more secure, a little less alone.
"Bella, I'm sorry, but I don't feel I can go through with the wedding. It's only less than a week away," he said apologetically.
"God, Jake, could you please stop worrying about everything?" I begged. He needed to stop torturing himself with everything else and focus on getting past what had just hit him.
"There is no way I would expect us to get married knowing that you are not well. I want it to be a happy moment, for both of us, so stop apologizing for your feelings."
"Okay… but are you sure you will want to get married to me in a few months?" he asked, surprising me.
"What do you mean? Why would I not?"
"I'm scared that if I don't tie you to me soon enough you will run of with Edward." His simple statement pained me. It was the first time he admitted his feelings to me concerning this subject and it was one of the very rare times that he referred to Edward using his name and not some demeaning adjective.
The bad thing was that I could not promise him the eternal devotion he had hoped for. He suspected I was conflicted, and I honestly was.
"Don't think like that," I comforted him. God knows, I did not want to think like that.
I couldn't say anything more promising or more optimistic. I could not bring my self to ensure him that I would be with him no matter what. It wasn't a matter of whether or not I was willing to help him through it, it was a matter of whether or not I would still be around to do it.
The night eventually passed. We both fell asleep on the couch. I had been watching TV and Jacob had been crying, without making a single sound, tears simply appeared to be slipping from the corners of his eyes. I pretended I had not noticed. He had to let it out and if this was his way of doing so, I would let him have it.
Sometime during the night I woke up, I got him a blanket and I lay myself on the other couch in the living room. I did not want to wake him with my moving around.
I woke up before him. He was so worn out that he needed the rest. I decided to make breakfast. When he got up, he came straight to the kitchen where I had French toast and scrambled eggs waiting for him.
"Hey," he greeted. He seemed better, more like himself again.
"Good morning, sleepy head! Hungry?" I asked pointing at the set table before me.
"Yeah, I can't even remember when I had my last decent meal," he said while taking a seat and loading his plate with a generous amount of omelet.
"I thought so, hence the protein enhanced breakfast," I added.
"You're always a step ahead of me." That last comment was more of a conclusion of his, some thought he had that perhaps –judging from his low voice and his face that was turned to his plate- was not meant for me to hear.
"So, I'm going to go home today, I've put you and Charlie out for far too long already," he said sheepishly.
"Don't be ridiculous. You are more than welcome to stay for as long as you want and you know that," I scolded.
"Yeah, but I want to go home. I have to take care of my dad's stuff and I need to just be home for a while."
"Okay, as soon as you're done we're going," I agreed, seeing his point.
"Bella, you don't have to babysit me all day long. I can go by my self. I want to be alone for a little while anyhow," he told me, and I felt like I had suffocated him.
"Oh, okay, whatever you want," I responded.
After he finished his breakfast, he thanked me and I kissed him. I really hated to leave him alone in a time like this. He got into the Rabbit, which had been parked in my front yard for two days now, and he started to his house.
I had gone outside with him, to tell him goodbye and to kiss him one last time. After he disappeared, I got back inside and started rinsing the plates with hot water. Within seconds, there was a knock on my door. My stomach clenched. I hadn't heard a car drive in, nor had I seen a pedestrian walk up to my house. The knocking seemed without a cause. Or, it's cause was way to fast for me to notice it walking in my driveway. I had a fairly good idea who it was.
I went for the door and because I was not particularly fast to answer it the knocking just got more persistent, it sounded panicked.
I opened the door.
Yep..I had been right. Edward.
"You're okay? Thank God! You're fine," he sounded genuinely relieved.
I could not find logic into what he was saying.
"Wait, what?" was my -more than witty- reply.
That's when he started talking fast again.
"Alice, she had a vision, you were crying and you were all dressed in black and then you just disappeared. She did not see Charlie and she could not tell if it involved Jacob. I didn't know what had happened or if you were actually dressing for a funeral and I panicked. I almost crossed the line. The treaty line. I was so anxious about what had happened to you, and of course your phone was dead" he spared a moment to frown at me before carrying on with his verbal barrage "and I could not get through to you, and then the tramp stayed the night, the second consecutive night and I almost went completely crazy but I knew I could not just show up, I could not put you in that position. So, please, tell me, what happened?" he blurted.
I was so confused by all that he had explained that it took me a few seconds to figure out the math of the situation. So Alice had seen a vision of me getting ready for the funeral, which was practically the only time in the past couple of days that I had been alone from werewolf company, and then Jacob joined the picture so that would explain my disappearance and the unexpected end of the vision. That's what had left Edward with all of his unanswered questions. He had almost crossed the treaty borderline because he knew that the vision stopped because of werewolf interference and he had not dropped by while Jacob was here because he knew that that would have costed him a few points. Not that this was a game. Well, talk about a mess.
"Jacobs's father, Billy Black, passed away," I announced.
"Oh…I'm sorry. I didn't know. He was one of the tribes' elders, right? He was a wise man, very just," he said, sounding relieved from my explanation.
"Yes, well, Jacob is my fiancé…he needed support and that's what I gave him" I said. I realized I was trying to justify to him my closeness to Jake. That was stupid and unnecessary.
"Of course," he agreed, a hint of irritation tainted his voice.
The customary awkward silence followed. We just stood there.
"May I come in?" he suggested.
"Ugh…Sure, come on in," I answered not sure if I was doing the right thing.
He entered the house and followed me to the kitchen were I went back to cleaning the dishes.
"Wow, it smells horrible in here," he commented.
"Well, sorry, not much I can do about it," I shot. I so was not in the mood for this.
"Not true," he murmured to himself. I pretended not to hear that.
He took a seat right were Jacob hat sat earlier and had had my homemade breakfast.
"So…how is he handling it?" he asked. I wasn't sure if he sounded interested.
"Not so good. His father was Jacobs's home. He turned to him about everything. It's very difficult for him." It felt weird, discussing Jakes feelings and his mental state with Edward. It felt abnormal.
"My deepest condolences."
Okay, I have to admit, that one did come off as genuine to me.
"Thanks, I guess," I had not expected that one so I did not know what to say in response.
"Must be tough for him, with the wedding six days away and all," he said, trying to mask his agony with an indifferent tone.
So, that was where he was getting to. He wanted to know if the wedding was still on. I should have known better than to believe he was actually interested in Jacob. That would have been like Romeo feeling sorry for Paris. No way. But then again, that would make me Juliet. No way.
"Actually, the wedding is postponed."
"Oh!" It seemed weird to me that such an insignificant exclamation could bare so much satisfaction.
"Yeah…"
"Until when?" he pressed.
"I'm not sure, actually. Until Jacob feels better I guess." Truth was I had not really thought of that.
"Right, obviously…" he agreed sounding skeptical.
After I washed the last of the dishes I turned around, facing him, I leaned against the counter and continued.
"What difference does it make?" I asked demandingly. I wanted him to pursue me. I wanted him to tell me it made all the difference in the world because it gave him time to make me choose him.
"Well, I just figure…a lot can change until Jacob feels better…" he air quoted around my words. I guess I could make do with that. It was not the passionate confession I had hoped for but it was a strong enough implication. I smiled.
I turned to the dishes again, drying them this time and putting them on a stack before I put them in the cupboard again.
He was right behind me in a heartbeat, pressing my body with his against the kitchen counter. He pulled my hair from my shoulder and he kissed me from the base of my neck all the way to my ear. I dropped the plate I was drying and it shattered to pieces. I put my hands against the counter to keep me from collapsing under his velvet touch. With obvious pleasure –from my reaction to his effect- he gently whispered in my ear: "Charlie is coming, I should go"
He kissed my neck one last time and added, "I still think about the other night. It made even more crazy about you. I know you love me. I will come back tonight. Like old times. If you don't want me to you know what to do, I'll understand."
I could still feel his sweet breath in my ear and by the time I turned around he was gone.
The next second, Charlie -who had stayed at the Clearwater's house the previous night- walked into the house.
"Bella, I'm home" he called.
"In the kitchen Dad" I called back.
I was still trying to catch my breath and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I pulled myself together and hurriedly tried to pick up all the pieces from the broken plate before I turned to face my father.
He was coming back, tonight.
