Her eyes dart restlessly around her as her fingers alternately grip and release the steering wheel. She surveys her surroundings one more time before slouching back against the seat with a sigh. Since when has Veronica Mars turned this pathetic?
She stays resolutely in her car, her face shielded from the sun by the lifted cover of her convertible. Veronica groans. A closed-up convertible on a bright, sunny, California day at the beach - nope, not conspicuous at all.
A flash of movement draws her eyes towards the sandy incline towards the ocean. She looks back down when the group of distracting children chase their beach ball away. She peeks at her watch. Leave it to nerves to get her here twenty minutes early.
The first ten minutes of waiting was pure torture. Now? It's only gotten worse.
Veronica bites her lower lip. Seriously - what's the worst case scenario?
Her gaze skids back towards the shaded area a few yards from where she's parked. After recklessly agreeing to the meet-up two nights ago, she'd immediately requested for the beach. Her online reasoning was that it's his favorite spot; her real reasoning is that it's the easiest place to duck and hide.
Like she has any reason to.
Increasingly frustrated with herself, she unbuckles her seat belt and unlocks her door. But her fingers freeze when they curl around the handle.
She closes her eyes.
Veronica Mars - private eye, sheriff's daughter, online writer, mystery debunker, and author of her own fate. What could she possibly be afraid of?
She opens and glues her eyes on the shore again. Would it be better if she waits for him to show up?
Veronica scoffs. 'Boy with the ice cream cone' doesn't exactly describe anyone clearly enough to ID from this far away. She's a fool for ever allowing him to get away with that identification token while she has to be the 'girl with the camera.' Her spare hand fingers the machine dangling off her neck. Everything about this arrangement has her advantages in mind. It's an open and public space not far from her apartment. It's a bright, sunny day. And with her camera, she could easily have evidence against any predatory behavior. There's nothing to be afraid of.
Then why is her heart pounding like a rock and roll bass drum?
She glances at her watch - five minutes. She looks up. Nope, no tall, skinny guy with an ice cream cone.
For a split second, a shot of anger zips through her. Could he be standing her up? Indignation pricks her nerves. She's told him everything. She's answered every question, trivial or earnest, with complete and utter honesty. She's -
Amber.
She sighs and leans back again.
So what? What's a little name fib? It's not as if his really name is Brad, right?
Instinctively, her mind begins to catalogue every person she knows from Neptune High. Online, her cyberpal's descriptions of where exactly he'd like to meet on Dog Beach betrayed familiarity - too much so. So could he actually be someone she's already met?
Bradley Hart? No, he needed English tutoring. Brad Reynolds? Moved away three years ago.
She's about to exhaust her mental archive when her sports watch beeps. She jumps and glances down. It's three o'clock.
Here we go.
Refusing to be the one to back down, she slides out of her car with renewed confidence - fully armed with her taser, camera, and charm. What could go wrong?
Veronica squares her shoulders and lifts her head just as she steps towards the agreed meeting spot. Then she stops.
Her mind, which hasn't stopped running its algorithms, is currently glossing over the full names of every male she's been remotely acquainted with in Neptune.
Casey Arnold Gant, Duncan Edgar Kane, Richard Lewis Casablancas, Lo -
Her eyes widen.
She slips into her car and drives away.
"Hey." His soft voice sounded unreasonably loud in the stillness of the morning.
She shifted quietly as a tiny acknowledgement of having heard him at all. He seemed to take it, sitting down serenely beside her on the porch step.
The minutes crept by slowly as they sat in relative silence - a silence interrupted only by the crumpling of the small envelope in her hand.
She sighed at the sensation of his hand on her upper back, sliding to and fro in a comforting gesture. Her fingers curled tighter around the wrinkled paper.
"Are you going to?" He didn't have to elaborate further.
She shrugged - as good an answer as any. Was it really just two weeks ago when she comforted him under the moonlight beside the crashing shore?
"Do you want to?" He asked again.
This time she answered. "I don't know."
He nodded in understanding. Wordlessly, she offered him the envelope; and after raising an eyebrow to ask for permission, he slipped out the single card inside.
'Call me: 702-387-2098. I'll tell you everything - Mom'
He stared silently at the card, the weight of its message clearly crashing down on him as much as it did on her half an hour ago.
She had called him the moment she opened it; he'd rushed over as soon as he could.
Sometimes, only broken people could fully understand each other.
"Logan," his name fell off her tongue with an unexpected weight. She watched him turn to face her, eyes cloudy and lips tight.
"Will you?"
It took several seconds to process before she shook her head.
He nodded, never prying, before passing her back the laden note.
"I know it sounds crazy," she mumbled a moment later, "and it's not that I don't want to know. It's just that sometimes, sometimes - "
"Sometimes not knowing is better."
She looked up into his eyes, clinging on to that understanding.
He nodded and continued, "Cuz as long as you don't know for sure - "
"You can still hope that it's what you really want," she finished.
He blinked softly in agreement, his right thumb stroking gently where her neck met her shoulder.
But her tears refused to flow or disappear - stubbornly coating her eyes in a blurry haze. Her tongue followed suit, willfully freezing any words of gratitude.
So she didn't cry, and she didn't laugh. Instead, she lifted her chin and pressed her lips softly against his.
And if his hand in her hair and his tongue across her lips were any indication - he understood her just fine.
"Angsiest, awesomest kiss ever. They so need and deserve each other." - feliciana
"Broken souls always need each other. I love how their tragic circumstances make them closer. Not that they deserve the tragedy, of course." - PerfectPrincess
"Ugh, they so deserve to be happy. Cant you make things better for once?" - Dincredibles4
Can she?
Veronica lowers her eyes as she weaves her way down the locker-lined hallway, the latest comments on her story churning in her mind. She jumps at the sound of the warning bell and sighs after a split second recovery. Since when did online existence pervade her real life rather than the other way around?
She scurries across the hall, slips into her class, and plops down at her desk with a dramatic heave. She squints to see the images projected on the screen up front. Her eyes are getting way too heavy. She needs sleep - majorly.
But every night, with or without stakeout, she doesn't sleep.
Instead, she sits up against her pillows, laptop in hand; and she waits. She waits.
"Sooooo beautiful! The way they're growing closer and closer just warms my heart." - belladonna
"Lamber tears! *clutches heart and faints* I love this story!" - salharra89
Her smiles never reach her eyes.
She almost gives up on the third day. Then suddenly, there it is.
"Amber is no Mary Sue, but she's tangible and tragic and wonderful and real. I wouldn't have her any other way" - V3nd3tta
Veronica gasps, springing upright at the same rate her tear ducts shift to overdrive.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Hey...
V3nd3tta: Hi
She forces back her tears, her fingers hovering tentatively over her keyboard. How does one choose from a thousand different thoughts - all equally urgent?
V3nd3tta: It's okay, you know
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: What's okay?
V3nd3tta: Whatever you were gonna say :)
She closes her eyes for a moment.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: I'm sorry
V3nd3tta: I'm sorry too
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: You're sorry?
V3nd3tta: Well, I shouldn't have pressed you for meeting up if you weren't ready
So he did go.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: But I shouldn't have agreed and then stood you up. Sorry.
V3nd3tta: No problem
They both still for a handful of seconds.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: About your comment on the story...
V3nd3tta: I meant it, you know?
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Yeah?
V3nd3tta: Yeah. Perfection doesn't exist in real life. And I totally get why we sometimes choose to know less just so we could believe what we want to be true.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Go on
V3nd3tta: I don't blame Amber. I totally get her.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Thanks.
V3nd3tta: For the comment?
She types before she thinks.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: For everything?
V3nd3tta: Okay
"Veronica! Could you get the bills, please? Gotta head out again!" Her father's baritone echoes down their tiny hallway.
"Okay!" She hollers back, casting a side eye to the open bankbook on her desk. Help with the bills or save up for college or get Mom back?
Veronica sighs. Choices are tough. And given recent events, who can blame her for choosing the path that sustains ambiguous hope rather than cement a potentially disappointing reality?
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Hey
V3nd3tta: Yeah?
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: You're the best
V3nd3tta: :)
She breathed slowly - savoring every lungful of fresh ocean air. Say what one must about early birds and worms, she personally preferred the beach at night.
She smiled as Logan's long arms slid around her shoulders from behind and enveloped her in a big, warm hug.
She leaned back. "How's your sister?"
"Considering how fast she went through the five stages of grief, I'd say she's pretty much over him," he replied, his chin perched on her crown.
"That's good." She smiled. As sad as she was for Trina's suffering in the hands of yet another abusive boyfriend, it had been nice to help, to be needed.
In the back of her mind, she couldn't help feel that it equalized their relationship somehow. He had the money, charm and wit; she had the stealth, discernment, and skill.
"Penny for your thoughts?" His voice cut the breeze in a way both high-pitched and manly - distinctly Logan.
"That I'm happy to be right where I am, right here with you, right at this moment?" The confession slipped out with unexpected ease. Must be the ocean.
"Really now?" The smile in his voice was completely unabashed. His arms gripped her tighter. "No regrets of making out with the bad boy? No 'what if's'?"
"No unwarranted circumstances? No self-punishing tendencies?" It was her turn to ask as she circled around to face him.
The heavy gladness never left his eyes as he lowered his forehead to hers, her hands gliding up to anchor behind his neck.
"How could I begrudge the worst things that have ever happened when they've brought me the best I could ever wish for?"
Her breath hitched at his rhetoric. Even when the sentiments were mutual, he'd always been better at the wording.
She'd always been better with the acting.
And they both knew that.
So neither protested when she pulled herself up to kiss him, their lips meeting with firmness and deliberation.
And when they parted - breathlessly - after a dozen more kisses, she spoke almost immediately. "You know, I'd love to just keep things this way."
He arched an inquiring eyebrow. "Kissing at the beach?"
"Well, yes, that," she almost laughed. "But also just the stillness and the quiet and the absence of drama, you know?"
"Sturdy little cocoon in the midst of the storm?"
"Well, yes," she concluded. "But not that poetic."
"Can't help it. You inspire the Bard in me," he whispered with a smile.
She sits on her desk, fingers tapping impatiently on the surface. She distracts herself with checking her PSAT scores - just her luck that they'll add the essay on her year. She sighs.
When a string of notifications pop up in her inbox, she perks up immediately, her heart thumping in anticipation. Since when did the response of faceless viewers make her far more nervous than her ticket to Stanford? She shakes her head and reads.
"Don't blame her for wanting some quiet. They've been through quite a lot." - chicagoNDfall
"You gotta be kiding me. Still no HEA?" - frickinfriday27
HEA? Do they have to abbreviate everything these days?
"omg, there like so sweet and awesome. imo, theyre better than any couple irl. so my otp." - analaysia
Guess they do.
She scrolls down idly, her mind glazing repeatedly over her favorite reviews. Sometimes, it's encouraging that the internet is forever.
A reader has posted a comment on your story - she sits up at the message in her inbox.
"Well, secrets are kinda hot, too ;)" - V3nd3tta
By the time Polly the parrot is recovered and restored to her proper abode, she feels far happier to be back in Neptune High than she had thought possible. Who knew the very walls that trapped and tormented her before could now feel so much like home?
She looks over her shoulder before checking her online account from the school computer.
Yeah, yeah, abusing public school resources for personal purposes and all. She wouldn't be the first.
"Love, love, love, love, love this. So cool" - steffania
"The nuances of their interactions are incredibly touching and real. Its almost as if the reader can feel herself in the heroine's shoes. Not sure where your going with this, but it's beautiful." - PerfectPrincess
Veronica's smiles - the irony hitting home. Passionate though she may be, noticing and describing nuances of feelings have never been her strong point. So since when has she become this expert on subtle human emotion?
Guess writing is oddly introspective.
Intrigued, she barely notices her surroundings as she slips out the door.
"Ouch!" she pulls back at the sudden wall of resistance in her way, losing her balance for a short moment. By the time she regains her footing, she belatedly finds a warm and strong hand steadying her by the right arm - a hand that trails up to very warm, very chocolate eyes. For two seconds, they merely stare - or gaze, rather.
Then he removes his hand, unplugging the source of electricity. She breathes out.
"Thanks."
"Sorry."
They chuckle awkwardly, the simultaneous words doing little to relax her.
"Are you okay?" He tries again, looking far too concerned for an accident bump.
"Uhm, yeah." She aims for nonchalance, speaking with a shrug. "Compact machinery can be pretty sturdy sometimes."
She smiles at the laughter he emits.
"Veronica Mars - tough as nails," Logan pronounces.
"Yup, should be a plaque I carry," she offers.
They both smile.
"So, uhm - I came over to see you."
Oh.
"Oh," she almost mumbles.
"Sorry it took so long, but I, uhm - needed to give this back to you." He thrusts out a small plastic box in his hand. She looks down.
"Homecoming," she whispers almost reverently as she instantly recognizes the tape.
"Yeah," he whispers back. "I thought, you know, just in case you didn't have a copy?"
She does, actually. But somehow, she doesn't feel like being rude today.
"Thanks." She reaches for them, his palm and her fingertips brushing for an exciting fraction of a second. "It's very - thoughtful of you."
He nods. "No problem."
She nods - because what else is she supposed to do?
"Yo dude, you comin' over?" Dick Casablancas's breaks the trance from a distance. A strange mixture of relief and disappointment rushes through her veins.
"Coming," Logan hollers in response before turning back to face her.
He cocks his head in Dick's general direction with an 'oh well, duty calls' expression. She smiles and nods before he walks away.
"Veronica!"
She turns the other way just in time to catch Chelsea's big bear hug.
"Oomph! Chelsea!" She pulls back to catch a breath. "How are you?"
Veronica studies the freshman. The glow in her eyes, the sparkle in her smile, and the growing leanness on her formerly chubby face - so much change in so little time.
"I'm awesome, Veronica. Thanks so much for asking." Her ebullience has certainly remained. "How are you?"
"Me? I'm fine. I'm great. I'm - yeah," she stutters.
Chelsea laughs, blinking with a mischievous glint to her eyes. "I saw that, you know."
"Huh?"
"That," she tilts her head towards where Logan was standing.
Veronica shifts to autopilot. "What? There wasn't anything."
"Right, sure." Chelsea giggles. "Come on, Veronica. I was right all along. Logan can be so sweet, can't he?"
Since when has her starstruck client become so perceptive?
"He's - okay."
Chelsea's smile deepens. "I knew you'd come around, Veronica."
"Come around," she states more than asks.
"Yup! Have you been reading your own story? Logan is so, so in love with you."
Story? Love? What?
She's about to retort when Chelsea pulls another one of her sudden exits.
"Hey Chelsea!" She calls out over the two yards between them. The younger girl turns. "Are you okay with this?"
She doesn't specify what.
"Oh yeah, totally," came the reply. "I mean, Logan's great. But Aaron Carter is so much hotter."
And she's gone with a wink.
"the best love stories are the ones where people complete each other. nice job" - summersoul18
"It's amazing how you've convinced us in a handful of chapters that Logan the jerk could now be Logan the prince." - forever29
The question is - has she convinced herself?
Veronica bangs the back of her head against the bedroom wall.
V3nd3tta: Hey
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Hey :)
She pulls herself together.
V3nd3tta: So how's our novelist doing tonight?
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Ugh, seriously?
V3nd3tta: Hm...I take it not well?
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Not not well. Just not novelist :D
V3nd3tta: Ah, should I apologize for thinking that you could be one?
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: You get hung up on apologies, you know.
V3nd3tta: Fine. You got me red-handed. Or, in this case, red-worded...or red-lipped.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: You use lipstick? :P
V3nd3tta: I'm more of a lip gloss guy.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Smooth.
V3nd3tta: And shiny
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Lol
How novelist could turn to apologies to lipstick within two minutes - she'll never know. But isn't that the point of online conversations? It's stream-of-consciousness at its best.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: I talked to an old friend today
V3nd3tta: Old in terms of age or old in terms of acquaintance time frame?
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Gosh, do you have to clarify everything?
V3nd3tta: It helps to know for sure, sometimes
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: How about I say old as in ancient? White hair and wisdom and all that.
V3nd3tta: Ah...you have kung fu masters where you live?
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Plenty
V3nd3tta: No wonder you're tough as nails :)
She catches her breath.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Tough as nails?
V3nd3tta: Don't like the analogy?
She fights the ridiculous wave of déjà vu.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: It's fine.
V3nd3tta: Okay...
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Sorry, I'm just...not myself tonight.
V3nd3tta: I see
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Not that, you know, we could ever be someone else...except ourselves...so I guess that expression doesn't really make sense.
She huffs at a lock of hair.
V3nd3tta: You okay?
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Sigh...no
V3nd3tta: What's wrong?
Uncertainty? Fear? Fifty thousand shades of utter confusion?
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: I have a question
V3nd3tta: Yeah?
She takes a while to formulate. He waits patiently.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: When you said the other day that you totally get why Amber wanted to not know the truth...did you agree with her?
V3nd3tta: Agree with what she thinks?
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Yeah...and what she decided
V3nd3tta: Hm...what she thinks, yes. What she decided, no.
Okay, moment of truth.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Okay...why not?
In the thirty seconds he takes to reply, her mind traverses a hundred plausible reasons for him to ditch her right then and there.
V3nd3tta: Well, for me - with no offense whatsoever to what Amber did - not knowing will keep you from ever moving on.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Go on
V3nd3tta: So like...if you don't try to know, you'll always be thinking of that hope, or fear...depending on which way you're leaning.
M2rs5hM2ll0ws: Okay...
V3nd3tta: But if you, like, try to actually figure things out...then whatever the result is, you could actually face it, you know?
She ruminates his words for a moment.
M2r5hM2ll0ws: But what if the result isn't what you like? Or want?
V3nd3tta: Well, you're the private eye. Why do you think wives want to know whether or not their husbands are cheating?
M2r5hM2ll0ws: Alimony? Custody?
V3nd3tta: Okay, wrong example.
M2r5hM2ll0ws: No, no...I get it.
V3nd3tta: Okay.
They both pause.
V3nd3tta: But there's just one thing you really need to know...
M2r5hM2ll0ws: Yeah?
V3nd3tta: At the end of the day, we all act upon the things we know. We put our weight on a chair, we eat a certain food, and we do all the things we do because of what we know - or presume - to be true.
She cocks her head.
M2r5hM2ll0ws: Okay...and so?
V3nd3tta: So the more we know of the truth, the more consequential and worthwhile our actions are.
M2r5hM2ll0ws: Because when our actions are based on the truth, then we don't risk wasting our time on what's untrue.
V3nd3tta: Exactly :)
She rests her chin on her chest for a moment. Between the spiralling emotional abyss of not knowing and the possibly painful stance of knowing the truth - guess she really should take certainty any day.
Suddenly, she forgets why she was ever afraid.
M2r5hM2ll0ws: Hey...
V3nd3tta: Yeah?
M2r5hM2ll0ws: Wanna meet up?
A/N: You all have officially convinced me. Who needs an extra few thousand views if I could have the best readers in the whole wide world? A gigantic online hug to everyone who has followed, favorited, or reviewed this story! Your encouragement has been so overwhelming and empowering.
I hope the emotional progress made up for the circular action in this chapter. I had to push two scenes to the next chapter due to length. You guys are the best!
