Title: When It Don't Come Easy

Author: HandsThatHeal

Pairing: Callie/Arizona

Rating: NC-17

Summary: After watching Arizona struggle to come to terms with the aftermath of the plane crash, Callie decides to take matters into her own hands by embarking on a cross country adventure with Arizona and Sofia. During their trip, will they be able to reaffirm their love? Or will they ultimately decide that they don't have what it takes to carry on as a family?

Disclaimer: All television shows, books, movies, songs, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work and the characters, events, and settings thereof are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.


Chapter Eleven


"Hey," Callie muttered as she entered Sofia's bedroom, blinking her eyes in an attempt to filter out the early morning sunlight that streamed through the window. "You're already up?"

Arizona smiled as she finished double knotting the toddler's shoes. "Yep, Sofia is super excited about the children's museum."

Callie grinned at her wife. "Oh, she is, is she?"

Arizona kissed Sofia's chubby cheek before pulling her bangs back with a pink and white bow that matched her shirt to perfection. "I mean look at her," Arizona beamed. "Can't you tell?"

Callie chuckled softly as Arizona continued to shower their little girl with loving attention. "I can tell that you are super excited. Sofia, though? Not so much," Callie jokingly replied as she watched their daughter stubbornly attempt to untie the laces of her freshly tied shoes.

Arizona playfully rolled her eyes at her wife's jovial remark. "Well, she may not look excited right now, but she will definitely be when we get there," Arizona happily countered.

Callie couldn't help but return her wife's excited demeanor, a large smile tugging at her face.

"I did some research yesterday while you were out," Arizona then stated, her eyes sparkling with every passing word. "I think we should definitely go to the Shedd Aquarium and the Kohl Children's Museum. The museum has a Wizard of Oz exhibit and Water Works, and a Habitat Park. Oh! And, there's a kid sized grocery store where she can run the cash register or stock the shelves. She can do her own shopping and even bake bread in the bakery. You know how much she likes shopping, Callie."

Callie curiously searched her wife's face as she listened to her uninterrupted ramblings. "Arizona. . ."

". . .and there's a veterinarian's office. She can wear a little lab coat and take care of stuffed kittens and puppies. And, there's a hands on house where she can help build a kid sized home. . ."

"Arizona. . ."

". . .and an exhibit where she can explore the concepts behind renewable energy using the wind and the sun. She can discover how much power it takes to run a TV, or a refrigerator, or a toaster. . ."

"She's a year and a half. . ."

"It's never too early to teach her to be a good steward of the environment, Calliope."

At that, it was Callie's turn to roll her own eyes. "Arizona. . ." she once again tried, slightly raising her voice in an attempt to get her wife's attention.

"What?"

Callie paused, unsure if she should say anything that might put a damper on her wife's seemingly cheerful mood but, fearful that this over-enthusiasm was a misguided attempt at masking some other emotion that was threatening to take over her mind, Callie decided she had to take the chance.

"What's going on?" she asked simply. "You okay?"

"What do you mean, what's going on?" Arizona dismissively asked.

"I mean what's this all about? What are you thinking?" Callie continued. "Is this about. . .last night?"

"What about last night?" Arizona immediately huffed, irritation entering her tone.

"Arizona, you know what I'm talking about," Callie deliberately replied.

Arizona hastily shook her head, refusing to let anything suppress her happiness. "I'm fine, Calliope," she firmly stated as she settled Sofia onto the floor. And, making sure the toddler was steady on her feet, she then stepped toward her wife. "Can I not just be excited to spend the day with my family?"

Callie immediately recoiled when she saw the anger and frustration beginning to commence in Arizona's suddenly hardened eyes. And, deciding to allow her wife to continue on with what she was sure was some sort of emotional diversion – a façade of conflicted feelings – she hesitantly relented.

For now.

"Okay," Callie surrendered, holding up her hands in defeat. "I'll go get ready."


"She's beautiful."

Arizona heard a woman to her right say as she contentedly watched Sofia attempt to construct what looked like a pretend Panini sandwich at the play Potbelly Café exhibit of the museum. And, turning her attention toward the red haired woman, Arizona smiled. "Thank you," she replied before returning her attention back to Sofia who was wearing an adorable red apron over her outfit.

"Where'd she get such dark hair?" the woman asked, clearly observing the profound differences in Arizona and Sofia's features.

But, before Arizona could open her mouth to respond, a stunning Latina – the larger version of the tiny human in question – stepped over the bench to take a seat next to her wife.

"Sorry," Callie stated as she flopped down next to the blonde. "That was Bailey. She wanted to know when the He. . ."

Callie sheepishly paused, quickly remembering the fact that she was surrounded by not only her own, but several other tiny humans and their adoring parents. And, swiftly recovering, she lowered her voice. "She wanted to know when the H – E – L – L we're coming back. Apparently, the new attendings are still wreaking havoc on the lounge, and she needs back up."

Arizona chuckled softly at the thought of Miranda Bailey actually needing anyone's help with anything and, completely forgetting the question of the stranger who silently sat next to her, she then asked, "When are we going back?"

Callie tilted her head to the side in consideration before questioningly shrugging her shoulders. "Well, we've been gone almost four weeks. I asked Owen for at least a month – maybe two. I thought we could decide our next move once we get to your parents' house in a few days," Callie honestly replied.

Callie sat waiting for a response but, when Arizona didn't make any effort to reply, she nervously began to ramble. "But, if you're ready to go back now. . .we can. We can go back to Seattle whenever you want. If you want to leave. . ."

"Oh, you're from Seattle?" the disregarded redhead asked, apparently unwilling to be overlooked.

Callie and Arizona's heads both snapped toward the sound of the woman's voice.

"Umm. . .yes?" Callie curiously replied, surprised by the interruption and completely unaware of the very brief conversation this person had shared with her wife just moments before.

"My brother lives in Burien."

"And you are?" Callie skeptically asked, looking between this woman and her wife, slightly perturbed by the stranger's obvious eavesdropping.

"My name is Bethany, and that," she said, pointing to the little boy who had just swiped the tomato and onions from Sofia's faux Panini, "is my son Simon. I was just talking to your friend about how beautiful her little girl is, but we hadn't actually introduced ourselves."

Callie smirked, exchanging an awkward glance with her wife.

"Oh, sorry. . ." Arizona began, briefly laughing at the expression on her wife's face before quickly recovering. "I'm Arizona and this is my wife, Callie. And, to answer your question, our daughter Sofia clearly gets her dark hair from her mami."

Bethany's eyes immediately went wide and, glancing between the women, she then looked toward Sofia before once again turning her attention back to the clearly amused couple.

"She's a very pretty little girl," Bethany finally replied. "You should. . ."

But, before she could finish her statement, all three women's attention was quickly diverted toward the deli where their children were playing when they heard Simon begin to cry.

"No!" Sofia scolded him. "Share!" she instructed. "Share toys!"

Callie immediately jumped to her feet, but stopped when she felt Arizona's hand on her arm. "I'll get her," the blonde insisted as she stood to save the blue eyed boy from Sofia's disciplining lecture.

Bethany quickly grabbed Simon who sat softly whimpering, his freckled cheeks wet with tears. "It's okay, baby," she soothed. "It's time for us to go, anyway. It was nice meeting you," Bethany said as she wiped Simon's nose with a tissue. "Bye bye, Sofia," she called before grabbing her stroller and walking away.

Callie and Arizona exchanged an amused glance before Arizona leaned down to pick up the miniature Latina.

"You shouldn't yell at your friends, baby girl," Callie instructed as she pulled down the leg of Sofia's pants from where it had ridden up when Arizona scooped the toddler into her arms.

Arizona's mouth fell open, her brow furrowing in disagreement. "She was right, Callie. He needed to share."

"She made that poor baby cry, Arizona."

"Well, then maybe he shouldn't have stolen her cold cuts."


"Sofia! No!" Callie shouted as she chased after the toddler, unfortunately not quick enough to prevent her from brusquely smacking her palms against the glass of the giant aquarium.

"Big fishy! Mami. . .big fishy!" Sofia excitedly screamed as her hands once again banged against the glass.

Quickly taking the toddler into her arms, Callie grabbed one of her flailing hands, grasping it within her own. Holding it firmly, she gently pecked at a chubby fist. "You have to be careful, baby. No hitting the glass, okay?"

"Oh, Callie. . ." Arizona admonished from where she had watched the scene unfold. "She's fine. This thing holds like 5,000,000 gallons of water. If it can't stand up to the abuse of a twenty-two pound child, then they may need to re-evaluate their infrastructure."

Callie's face instantly scrunched at her wife's response. "Infrastructure? Arizona? Really?" she bewilderedly inquired.

"What?" Arizona huffed. "She's just having fun."

Callie nodded in agreement, though she didn't complete acquiesce. "I'm all for having fun, but she can't just run all over the place like a crazy person. We can't just excuse her for being destructive. What kind of message does that send?" she earnestly questioned, the volume of her voice rising with every word.

"She's a toddler, Callie," Arizona chided without hesitation before taking Sofia from her wife. "She's learning to be independent. When did you become so authoritarian, anyway?"

Callie shook her head in complete frustration and utter confusion because, right now, she really just wanted to scream. She didn't consider herself authoritarian in any way shape or form but, more importantly, when exactly had Arizona become so complacent to just let Sofia do whatever she wanted?

"It's not like I'm trying to break her spirit, Arizona," Callie hastily replied, looking around to see if their argument was being observed. "I think we have to have at least a few firm rules. No hitting, no running in the street, no banging on glass. . ."

"Well, I think we need to choose our battles, Calliope," Arizona replied, turning away from the confused brunette without further reply.

"Come on, baby," Arizona then cooed into Sofia's ear. "Let's go see the jelly fish."


"Excuse me?" A tall, muscular man wearing a Chicago Cubs baseball cap inquired from behind Arizona and Callie. "Are you going to do something about that?"

The women both immediately turned toward the voice.

"Something about what?" Callie asked in confusion.

"Your kid," the man brusquely replied.

"What about my kid?" Arizona snipped, turning to fully face the man.

"She just jumped in front of my daughter!"

Callie turned back toward Sofia as Arizona continued to engage this highly upset father.

"What's your problem?" Arizona quipped, stepping closer to him. "It's a freakin' kid sized submarine, and there are like fifteen children over there - all fighting to have their chance to look through those three tiny little windows. Get over yourself."

"Arizona. . ." Callie warned her wife when she returned from gathering Sofia from the pack of inquisitive tiny humans and, then turning toward the concerned parent, she sighed. "I'm sorry, sir. It's kind of a madhouse over there. . ."

"Don't apologize to him, Calliope," Arizona haughtily advised. "He's being an ass, and his kid clearly needs to toughen up."

"Arizona!" Callie replied, shocked at her wife's words.

Arizona merely rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Callie again stated when she turned back toward the man and, then grabbing her wife's hand, she moved to pull her away. "Come on, Arizona. We're going."

"No, Calliope, we are not going anywhere."

"Yes. We are," Callie insisted, pulling the fuming blonde away from the exhibit and toward the row of strollers lining the wall and, settling Sofia into hers, Callie buckled her in before unlocking the breaks with her foot and guiding the stroller toward the exit, tugging her now irate wife behind her.

"Let go of me!" Arizona yelled as Callie dragged her through the central concourse of the Aquarium and toward the large doors of the main entrance. "Let go of me!"

"What the Hell is wrong with you, today?" Callie shouted once they were out of the building.

Arizona flailed the arm still caught in Callie's grasp. "Just let go of me!"

"Stop it, Arizona!" Callie scolded, dropping the blonde's arm as she turned to face her wife where they stood shouting at each other in the middle of the Aquarium parking lot. "We are not doing this, again! We are so far past this place! What the Hell is wrong with you?"

"She's my baby, too!" Arizona shouted back at her wife. "She's my baby, and I can take care of her by myself!"

Callie halted, her mind laboring to comprehend the implications of her wife's words. "Of course she is," Callie gently replied, her prior anger now converting to confusion and uncertainty. "Of course you can."

Arizona sighed, her shoulders slumping. "Just take me home," she demanded, her eyes now hardened with resentment. "Please. Just take me home."


Glancing toward her wife, Callie was unable to determine what Arizona was feeling, her every feature a jumbled mix of negative emotions.

Hurt.

Anger.

Sadness.

Disappointment.

Callie hadn't seen her look like this in several months, and the fact that she now did – the fact that her amazing wife was falling back into the dark abyss of depression and rage – scared the Latina to death.

Clearing her throat, Callie quickly turned her attention back toward the road. "You want to stop somewhere for dinner?" she hesitantly asked as she pulled the car out of the parking lot.

"Do I look like I want to stop somewhere for dinner?" Arizona quipped, her gaze fixed out the side window at the passing trees, her tone dripping with contempt. "Do I look like I want to go anywhere with you?" she resentfully questioned.

Callie's shoulders slumped. She had stopped being her wife's punching bag months ago and that comment – that little remark spewing from her wife's lips after all the healing they had done – was just too much to swallow.

"Just take me home!"

"Fine!" Callie angrily spat, unable to hold back the condescension she was feeling. "Whatever you want."


Grabbing the key to the RV door from where it rested in the cup holder of their rental car, Arizona jerked open the passenger's side door before the car had even rolled to a stop. Slamming the car door behind her, she then stalked toward the larger vehicle, quickly taking the stairs, before unlocking the door and entering their mobile home - that door also crashing shut behind her in the wake of her punishing tirade.

She just - she felt claustrophobic.

She needed to breathe.

But, she really just wanted to run.

She needed to detach herself from the disappointed and saddened eyes of the wife she adored. She needed to distance herself from the precocious toddler who held her heart in the palm of her chubby little hand.

And, slamming the bedroom door closed, she quickly turned the lock before sliding down the door and landing awkwardly onto the floor.

Finally giving into the torrent of emotions that had been slowly building inside her tormented mind and body for most of the day, Arizona let her tears fall. And, digging the heels of her hands into her eyes as she continued to cry, she agonizingly considered what had caused this deluge of negative emotions to coil so tightly inside of her before ultimately exploding from their confinement.

Despite the minor hitch they had experienced during their love making the previous night, Arizona awoke early that morning completely sated and undeniably happy. Rolling toward the middle of the bed, she kissed Callie's shoulder blade before grabbing her crutches and entering the bathroom for a shower.

Shower complete, clothing and prosthesis donned, make-up applied, hair straightened and tucked behind one ear, Arizona paused momentarily to scrutinize the woman staring back at her in the mirror and, as she allowed her gaze to examine every inch of herself, she couldn't help the smile that turned at the corners of her lips.

Callie was right.

Despite everything she had been forced to endure, Arizona Robbins was still fundamentally the same person. Arizona Robbins was still. . .hot.

"Mamma! Mamma!" Arizona's silent reverie was soon broken when she heard Sofia calling for her from the next room. "Get my out!"

Arizona's smile widened as she listened to her daughter chattering through the walls of the RV and, quietly moving through the bedroom, she briefly allowed herself to admire the shapely form of her sleeping wife before exiting the room to gather Sofia.

"Morning, big girl!" Arizona cooed when she entered the room.

Pulling the toddler from her crib, she then turned to take the six steps separating the chair from the baby bed, but accidentally caught her right toe on the leg of the crib, sending her suddenly unbalanced body stumbling toward the floor.

Overcome by sudden panic and fear, her first instinct was to protect Sofia who continued to chatter, completely oblivious to the fact that they were about to tumble to the ground.

Reaching forward with her left hand, with Sofia firmly held in her right arm, Arizona attempted to soften their fall by grasping the side of the crib and, landing on her back side with a groan, her heart pounding in her ears, Arizona immediately looked over Sofia to assure she hadn't injured anything during their minor scuffle.

"I'm sorry, baby," she softly stated as she pulled the little girl closer to her body, hugging her daughter tightly.

Her daughter.

Callie's daughter.

Mark's daughter.

Arizona's frightened mind instantly flashed to a time not long before when she had shamefully denied this wonderful little girl. Shamefully and disgracefully used this amazing tiny human to lash out at and scathingly cut the mother who was struggling to keep their family afloat.

". . .I will make all the decisions. Just so you know, I'm gonna vote to take the settlement for Sofia because Mark would want her to have the money."

"I think Mark would want you to pick up YOUR daughter when she's crying. I guess he's gonna have to deal with disappointment just like the rest of us. . ."

Arizona regretted those words the moment they punitively sprung from her venomous tongue. In that moment, however, completely consumed by rage and despair, she was wholly unable to stop herself.

At that point in time, she felt like she was drowning. She was hurt and lonely and just so mad. She was sad and lost and hopeless, and in that moment, her intent was simply to wound. The rage that boiled inside of her made her want to physically throttle something or someone but, instead, she chose to wound with her malicious words.

By allowing those words to fly from her lips, Arizona felt in control of something. She was hitting hard and hitting fast so she would only have to hit once, because she wanted Callie to feel every bit of the pain, sadness, frustration, and disappointment that had taken hold, relentlessly consuming and possessing her once joyful soul.

But, in the end, she had only made herself feel more miserable than before.

How could she have denied this innocent child she loved unconditionally?

Arizona had made a lot of mistakes in the aftermath of the plane crash, but those words – those words bitterly hurled for no reason other than to deeply cut her wife – she would do anything to take back.


Two hours after her wife had abruptly disappeared into the confinement of their bedroom, Callie sat in a chair in the corner of Sofia's bedroom, rocking the drowsy toddler to sleep. Humming softly, she stroked the child's face as she blankly stared at the wall separating the two bedrooms. And, soon recognizing that Sofia had drifted off by the sound of her now steady breathing, Callie kissed the top of her head before standing and placing the toddler in her crib. Covering her with a soft, pink blanket, Callie's hand lingered over the child's heart. "Mommy loves you, baby girl," she whispered as she softly stroked her chest. "Mamma loves you, too."

Exiting the room, Callie quietly pulled the door closed and, staring at the adjacent bedroom door that still remained shut and locked, she pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes.

Deciding to take a chance, she hesitantly stepped toward the door, raising her hand to knock gently, but stopped suddenly, unsure of what she would actually say if Arizona did happen to open up and let her in. So, turning around, she leaned against the door before sliding down it to sit on the floor as her own thoughts and memories began to flood her troubled mind.

Callie couldn't deny the distressing familiarity that had consumed her mind and body when she had grabbed Arizona's arm earlier that day to lead her out of the Aquarium, nor could she disregard the uncompromisingly hard and glacial expression in her wife's darkened blue eyes or the unrestricted malice in her wife's words, looking and sounding so similar to what they had been months before.

". . .do I look like I want to go anywhere for dinner?"

". . .do I look like I want to go anywhere with you?"

Callie shook her head, recalling her wife's words from earlier that evening as words from months prior also took hold of her mind.

". . .do I look okay? I'm sitting in a pool of my own urine!"

"I'm putting you in the shower."

"No! Just get out!"

"Hey! Do not talk to me that way!"

"Please. . ."

"Arizona!"

"Please! Get out! Did you hear me? You did this! I can't even pee by myself!"

Callie shook her head as she tightly squeezed her eyes shut and, wiping at the tears that now slid down her cheeks, Callie placed her palm over her mouth in an attempt to stifle the sound of her whimpers.

The words she had uttered next, she wasn't proud of. Callie regretted those words the moment they punitively sprung from her venomous tongue. In that moment, however, completely consumed by rage and despair, she was wholly unable to stop herself.

"Yeah, and that's a problem! Because you now stink! This bathroom stinks!"

At that point in time, she felt like she was drowning. She was hurt and lonely and just so mad. She was sad and lost and hopeless, and in that moment, her intent was not necessarily to wound, though she was sure she had. The rage that boiled inside of her made her want to physically throttle something or someone, but instead, she chose to attempt a little tough love. She was trying to get Arizona to understand that she couldn't do this on her own and that she needed to let people help her, though the words that actually spilled from her mouth were much less eloquent and much more cruel.

Callie needed to feel in control of something – anything. So, she had allowed the pain, sadness, frustration, and disappointment to take hold and relentlessly consume her as she threw Arizona's arms around her neck, hoisting her wife up off the floor and into the shower, slamming her flailing body against the tiled wall.

"Get off of me!"

"I am not sharing my home with someone who smells like this!"

"Get off of me! Get off of me!"

"I have nowhere else to go? This is my life now, too. . ."

Leaning back against that bedroom door, sobs wracked Callie's body, just as they had months before in the shower of the apartment she shared with her wife and daughter and, now holding her head in her hands, she halted suddenly when she heard strangled cries coming from the opposite side of the door.

Turning to kneel facing it, she quickly grabbed the door knob to enter, but was foiled by the still bolted lock.

"Arizona. . ."

"Callie. . ."

Both women spoke simultaneously.

"Please let me in, Arizona," Callie pleaded as she tugged on the door knob.

"I-I want to, but. . .I'm not sure I know how," the blonde sobbed.

Struck by the double meaning in their statements, Callie could only cry harder as she heard her wife take a deep shuddering breath. "Please, Arizona, please," she begged. "We've come so far. Please don't shut me out. Not now."

"I. . .I'm so ashamed, Callie," Arizona haltingly cried. "I'm so ashamed and mad. . .and, I don't even think I can look at you right now. I thought I was healing. I thought we were healing. What the fuck happened?"

Callie instantly recoiled at the honesty in her wife's strangled words. "I don't know, sweetie," she ruefully replied. "We've both done - and said - horrible, disgraceful things. I've done so much that I'm not proud of. But we're here. We're both still here."

Callie struggled to continue speaking through the tears that continued to fall and the emotions that coursed through her veins.

"And when you're ready - when you can look at me - I'll be right here. I'm not leaving, Arizona."

Callie once again lowered herself to sit with her back against the door as she continued to listen to Arizona's heart wrenching sobs. Resting her head against the door, she too continued to cry until finally her eyes ran dry and she fell into a fitful sleep.


AN: Thank you so much for continuing to read and review! I am really enjoying your comments! Thanks again.