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A/N: Swiftly moving on to the post-kidnapping part of this story. ;-) It isn't over by far. Thank you so much for your continuing support. You guys are great!
"Out with it, you goddamn asshole! What the hell were you thinking?" Flynn turned around from the vending machine, startled, only to find that his best friend and partner was the one shouting expletives at him across a hospital corridor. Retrieving his purchase, he straightened up, ripped the wrapping paper off the chocolate bar and took a large, provocative bite.
"I think it's safe to say I wasn't thinking much of anything when I threw caution to the wind and took her right where we were," he replied, fully aware of what Provenza was referring to. He was rewarded with exactly the look of disgust that he had been pining for. Provenza still looked slightly flushed and a bit disheveled sans his suit jacket and with the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up. His trousers were crumpled and his tie undone and threatening to slip down off his neck. He, too, had spent the past 15 hours in the hospital, Andy realized, and felt both gratitude and a bit of emotion welling up at his partner's unwavering loyalty.
"Ugh, shut up about it already. I don't even want to imagine whose desk you did it on. Besides, I was already completely aware of the fact that you can't keep your pants on, but what the hell were you thinking NOT TELLING ME?"
Despite the fact that he hadn't initially been looking forward to having this conversation with Provenza, Andy was starting to enjoy it. It was pretty apparent that his partner had no idea what to make of the new developments and he was reacting with a mixture of anger and good humor.
"Sharon's high risk. She didn't want to tell anyone before her fourth month," he explained on a more serious note.
Provenza shook his head.
"What the hell happened, Flynn?" He sounded a little desperate for the first time. "Just a year ago we were just two old grumps, alone but not lonely, having beers or that stupid cranberry and soda swill you like in shady bars, chatting up girls half our age and now you're doing the family thing again! I mean, how old is that woman? Sixty?"
Flynn could tell from Provenza's slightly whiny tones that he was in dire need of venting a little, so he played along. "You know exactly how old she is. You went to great lengths to get access to her file to find out, after all." The memory finally coaxed a smile out of Provenza and he had to fold his arms to appear more grim.
"So I think it's safe to say you went from being in love to loving her?" he asked, sounding as if he was interrogating a particularly nasty suspect and Flynn shrugged in response, feigning relative disinterest for his partner's sake. He was sure Provenza's head would explode if he told him how much he really loved her, just because not talking about feelings was a pillar of their relationship. His reaction was enough for Provenza to switch from mistrust of Raydor to protectiveness.
"Then why on earth can't you make an honest woman out of her?" he growled.
"Unlike you, I don't marry every woman who ever looks twice at me," Flynn replied smugly, enjoying the banter tremendously.
"Oh, you knocked her up, you bastard! How about the catholic thing?"
Sharon always felt guilty for one thing or another, but her faith didn't seem to instill those feelings in her at all, which he found a little curious as she always pretended to be big on the Catholic Guilt thing.
"Her divorce isn't through. Her husband didn't sign the papers yet. Wants to talk about money first."
Provenza's face darkened. Whenever he decided to like someone, he became fiercely protective of them and Flynn had noticed that it was happening with Sharon now that he had given up trying to hate her. "The cheek of that bastard! Ever met him?"
"No," Flynn replied quickly. The elusive Charles was not a topic he liked to discuss. Despite the fact that some of his clothes still hung in Rusty's closet, Sharon seemed to have completely eradicated him from her life and, most importantly, the chest of drawers she kept her family photos on. Judging from that, she might as well never had a husband. But then again, the only more recent picture was one of Rusty, Sharon and Andy who, while visiting another haunted house, had had their picture taken with someone dressed as Samara from The Ring, all three of them laughing goofily.
"Is she okay in there?" Provenza asked almost tenderly. "Broke my heart when she was crying in your arms." He looked sad for just a moment then added: "I would have kicked your ass if you'd let her lose that baby."
Flynn thrust his hands into his pockets and stared at the opposite wall. He wasn't ready to take a joke on that topic just yet. Provenza seemed to get it and patted his shoulder awkwardly, causing Flynn to look back at his partner and shrug. "She seems better now that she got some sleep. It is Rusty I am worried about. He took the news of his mother's death so stoically that I am pretty sure he is either in shock or he's dealing with the situation in a very unhealthy way."
"Shutting himself off? That sounds like the Rusty I once knew," Provenza agreed. "Poor kid. No one should go through even half of what he is going through."
"Yeah, I though he'd probably open up a little if I wasn't there, you know? We get along pretty well but he's closer to Sharon."
"Momma Raydor's got it down to an art," Provenza grinned and his eyes narrowed at the sound of someone clearing their throat next to him. The two men turned and found Laura Raydor glaring up at Provenza with a stern look on her face, looking like her mother on a more dangerous day. She was wearing casual jeans and a t-shirt with her hair in a ponytail and she was carrying a bag in her left hand.
"Hi," Flynn greeted her. He had been in touch with Sharon's children from the moment he'd stumbled out of the Emergency Room in relief and he had called them again shortly after Sharon had woken up. "Your mother is in there with Rusty."
Laura and Provenza eyed each other suspiciously but didn't start another verbal fight, for which Flynn was grateful. James approached with Sharon's silver notebook tucked under his arm.
"I brought this for him so he can watch Battlestar with my netflix account."
"The new or the old one?" Provenza asked with an unreadable expression.
James rolled his eyes. It was amazing to see how calm and relaxed he was with people that he knew weren't having sex with his mother. "The new one, of course."
"I like Number Six. She is hot," Provenza stated in a tone that suggested that he was giving a very important state-of-the-union-address.
"Of course you do!" Laura interjected dryly. "What about you, Andy?"
Andy felt his eyes widen, knowing that it was a test Provenza had just failed. Apparently she was trying to judge his character by having him name his favorite female character which was a problem as he had never seen the show - despite Rusty's repeated attempts to get him and Sharon to do so. Sharon, however, insisted that she didn't like spaceships and she wouldn't listen to his assurances that it "wasn't just regular science fiction".
"Oh, he wouldn't know," Provenza said with a dismissive hand gesture. "He's too busy being your mommy's faithful lapdog."
"Provenza!" Flynn warned, but he could see that James' face had relaxed slightly and Laura was grinning despite herself.
The sound of the door startled them all and they found Sharon standing in the doorway, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. When she saw her kids, her face lit up and she walked towards them to hug them firmly in turn.
"I brought your uggs and that sweater you love so much," Laura said and handed the bag to her mother who gave a relieved sigh and held on to Flynn's shoulder to be able to slip out of her heels and into the boots. Provenza looked on with an amused grin on his face while she wriggled into her cardigan.
"What?" Sharon snapped.
"Darth Raydor in those fluffy boots. It's kind of funny," Provenza explained, making James laugh. Flynn was downright amazed as he only knew the kid as slightly aloof. "Did you come up with that nickname? It's awesome! I laughed my head off when mom texted me about it last year. My roommate thought I was nuts."
Sharon made a sound that was between a hum and a growl but then tenderly moved her hand on to Flynn's upper arm. "I see you've resorted to chocolate. Should we get something to eat? I'm really hungry and I bet Rusty is, too."
"Sounds great," James said. "Your fridge is all but empty, mom. Just get me whatever you get yourself, I'll be inside bringing the Battlestar to Rusty." He walked towards the door and Andy put a soothing hand on to Sharon's back when she turned around quickly. Rusty was still at a stage of grief that didn't yet allow for broader displays of emotion. He would probably be better off chatting with James and watching his favorite show than being pampered. Sharon gave him a small smile and sat down on one of the plastic chairs, hands in her lap. She seemed to be taking the doctor's orders to not be on her feet for too long rather seriously. Provenza lowered himself to the seat next to her and folded his hands over his belly, assuming a relaxed posture.
He watched the Captain from the corner of his eye while Flynn and Laura went off in search of something edible. Some color had returned to her cheeks and although her make-up had worn off, she looked bright-eyed and rested. Her whole posture was different from the tense, hunched one she had been displaying over the past few days and he was glad that she seemed more relaxed now.
"Could you text Andy to bring some ice-cream?" Sharon asked suddenly.
Provenza took his phone out of his pocket and sent the desired text. "Good idea. That will cheer the kid up," he said in approval but earned a self-conscious smirk.
"It's actually for me," she admitted and reacted to his astonished look by swatting his arm playfully. "Cravings are a good sign in my case. They always started when the morning sickness was beginning to get better, so maybe soon you won't have to hide your waste basket from me every time I walk past."
"You noticed that."
"Of course I did." She shook her head slightly. "It was embarrassing enough." Her smile betrayed her amusement at the situation. "You've been great those past few days, Lieutenant. Thank you very much for your support."
"Captain, you know I was never one of your more avid supporters, but you have grown on me. On the whole team, really. You mean something to us... to me now and we would like to be there for you. You just have to let us in."
Sharon nodded slowly, staring at her hands. She took some time before she spoke again. "I know. It's a little hard for me to let go sometimes, but with the way things are now, I am sure everything will become more complicated. Rusty is traumatized and now he has lost his mother, too. His full recovery is still a long way down the road and on top of it all, the trial is coming on. I will have to take some time off work, maybe even a few weeks to be there for Rusty, but we owe it to him and to his mother, really, to find out exactly who killed her and why. The circumstances are still foggy and nobody seems to be willing to talk about it. Can you make sure that the case is treated with the necessary priority? I'll be available at all times via my cell but I'll have to stay off my feet for a while. I almost lost the baby and I'm actually on bed rest for a couple of days, but I needed to be here with Rusty." Her voice trailed off and Provenza was shocked and helpless at the sight of tears shining in her eyes. "I almost lost it," she whispered as if she had only just realized it. He looked down at her fingers that were spread wide over what he could now see were the beginnings of a small baby bump.
He imagined a tiny person, half Sharon, half Andy in there, warm and protected in the comfortable darkness of its mother's womb. They needed him and the rest of the team if they wanted to make it through the months that lay ahead. The aftermath of the kidnapping, the investigation into Sharon Beck's death, the Stroh trial – there was a lot the little family would have to go through in the near future and he decided that he would be there for them in some capacity or another. At some point down the line he had started viewing Sharon Raydor as a woman and not just as the Captain who had snatched his job from right under him and for the first time, he felt comfortable taking her hand and holding it between his.
"But you didn't, Sharon. Everything's fine. Rusty will be fine, too." She nodded, fighting back tears. "And in a few months we'll all be back here again, cooing over little Louis Raydor." He was glad to see her laugh and wipe away a stray tear with her free hand.
"It's actually a little girl," she told him.
"Well, then let's hope she doesn't look like her father, shall we?" Sharon giggled and squeezed his hand back.
"I turn away for just one second and you immediately hold hands with my girlfriend! What kind of friend are you?" Provenza rolled his eyes at Andy's comment but the happy expression Sharon's laughter brought about didn't leave his face.
Andy nuzzled Sharon's neck, eliciting a soft hum from her, then moved on to her shoulder and slipped his hand under the smooth fabric of her pajamas to rest on her stomach. He stroked the soft skin there, longing to reach up and cup one of her breasts that had grown fuller with pregnancy already. Instead he pressed a kiss to her cheek and waited until she turned around in his arms and kissed him on the lips. The kiss remained tame and gentle as she wasn't allowed any kind of physical exertion for a week and sex definitely counted as such.
"Good morning," she murmured and gave him a content smile that still spoke of her relief to have Rusty safe and sound and his injuries already healing. They remained in bed together for another moment, their bodies comfortably nestled against each other. It would be a normal day of work for him and another day of resting at home for her. She was allowed to walk around again now, but the doctor's orders forbade her from going back to the job for another week. He could tell that Sharon was quite relieved to be on sick leave so she wouldn't have to take time off to take care of Rusty. Relations with Taylor were still strained and she didn't feel comfortable asking favors of him.
They finally slipped out of bed, Andy heading for the shower and Sharon shrugging into her robe and walking into the living-room to make breakfast. Andy turned on the faucet and enjoyed the spray of cold water on his skin. Gradually, he turned it warmer until it was hot enough to work the tension out of his back and neck. He was putting on a brave face for Sharon, but in truth he was just as worried for Rusty as she was. They had expected the boy to come out of his shell as time went by, but it had been four days now and still showed no signs of grieving or dealing with his mother's death in any way. Maybe there was a war raging inside him, but if that was so, it never showed. Andy knew that Rusty had always been very adept at hiding his emotions, but it had always shown in another way - rude behavior towards Sharon, self-destruction, sullenness - but now he was eerily calm, almost cheerful.
Andy shaved, dressed and walked into the living-room where Sharon had settled on the couch with a large cup of coffee and the morning paper. She was usually always up before him, always already dressed when he came into the kitchen to find her on a bar stool, making plans or to do lists for the day. Seeing her comfortably curled up on the couch reminded him that they had a lot to talk about, a lot of planning to do. Sharon would stay home for a while after giving birth, but what would happen after that? Would she stay back longer, would they take turns? She was head of Major Crimes so cutting down her hours seemed neither reasonable nor especially practical. Maybe he could cut down his hours, he thought, to take care of the infant.
From the day she'd found out she was pregnant, Sharon had insisted on them taking things slow but ever since she had nearly lost the baby, she was even more distant when it came to planning the future. Knowing her, he was instinctively aware that she was afraid to plan ahead to prevent herself from hurting even more if they turned out to be unnecessary because the baby didn't make it. While he could see her reasoning, he felt the need to know where they stood, to make arrangements for the time the baby came. For one, he was still not officially living with Sharon and Rusty and technically, the condo was too small for a family of four, let alone Sharon's two kids who were visiting regularly. Not being able to foresee what his life would be like in six short months made Andy more nervous than he would have ever expected. His life had gone down the same path for too long to welcome change by relishing control. He checked his watch and found that it was still early so he sat down beside her with his own cup of coffee. She cast the paper aside and placed her hand on his chest, smoothing down the fabric of his shirt with a tender caress.
"Rusty's still asleep. Do you want breakfast?"
"No, thanks. I'm not hungry yet. I'll pick up something on my way to work. What about you?"
She giggled self-consciously. "I had ice-cream. I've got to stop, though, or my weight will explode."
"You actually lost weight over the past few days. Wouldn't hurt gaining some again."
"If you say so," Sharon said but her bright smile gradually faded as her eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Are you alright, Andy? You look as if you had something on your mind."
Maybe now was a good moment as any to address his insecurities so he reached out for her hand. "Actually, I have." She tilted her head and ran her thumb over the back of his hand, waiting for him to tell her, so he just went ahead. "Everybody knows about your pregnancy by now, Sharon, and you're starting to show more clearly every week. I just think we need to get together, sit down and plan what lays ahead. There are a thousand things we have to buy, so many details we have to figure out. I mean, we don't even live together-"
"Andy..." Her second hand as now resting against his chest as if she was trying to fend him off, push him away, but at the same time her touch was gentle, almost pleading. She tried a smile but failed. "We have six months yet. We don't need to change anything right now."
He shook his head, frustrated despite the fact that he had expected something along these lines. "We do, Sharon. Once the baby's here we won't have time for planning. Things need to be ready for her and the way you're handling it, I can't help but think that you're procrastinating on purpose. There will always be one more month, one more week to go, but I need security, I need to be able to anticipate how my life will change. We're not twenty anymore."
Sharon inhaled deeply. "No, we're not. We're much, much closer to fifty. Andy, my body-"
"I know you're scared that you might miscarry, Sharon, but it is not a given. The baby is fine, you are fine." She didn't respond but he could feel her muscles tense underneath his touch. For a second he expected her to start crying but she just looked up at the ceiling, squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again. "Now is not a good time, Andy," she said. "I need to take care of Rusty. Let's talk about this another time.
"Rusty is asleep, Sharon, and judging from when he finally switched his music off last night, he will be for a while," Andy insisted. "I want a concession from you. I want to know what I am up for. I want to be there when the baby comes, I want to be there for you while you're pregnant. God knows you're already too tired to do grocery runs in the evenings yourself and I don't think you want to go through this without someone who picks up your ice-cream for you."
His joke elicited a small smirk from her and she ran her palm down his cheek. "You're so right, Andy, but I don't want things between us to develop just because of the baby. I don't want to find myself building a future on a dream that might not come true. Please don't pressure me, not now. We'll take care of everything, I promise you. I want you here with me every night. Not just for the ice-cream."
He could see the love in her eyes, but he was frustrated nonetheless. They both had their flaws and they were usually patient with each other, but the recent events had taken their toll on him as well and he wasn't prepared to just bow to her wishes now. Somehow he felt as if he always ended up doing that, always accepted her choices and did what she wanted him to do. He knew that he would become unreasonable and maybe even cruel if he didn't leave right away, so he shied away from her touch and got to his feet.
"There is no sense to this." He was unable to ban the stiff, unhappy tone from his voice and a part of him hoped that she would try to hold him back, but she didn't. Of course she didn't. Sharon Raydor always stood by her choices and believes. She wasn't one to beg and would never be.
The door closed behind Andy and left Sharon feeling hollow inside. The sudden quiet was drowned out by the rushing in her ears and she pressed both of her hands against her face to hide it from the world around her although there was no one there to watch her. She couldn't explain to Andy what she was so terribly afraid of because she worried that he would view it as a personal affront. The condo seemed to be filled with the same emptiness her house had once been. Dread, settling like dust on every available surface and in her heart. His last words to her were still ringing inside her ears like the echo of a loud crash when she sat down on the couch in her living-room, the early morning sunlight dipping the comfortable surroundings into an almost heavenly light. The pleading tone, the way he had looked at her, hoping that she would stall the inevitable once again. His gaze flitting to her stomach where they child was resting, but she had not responded to him, had waited for him to leave, for the door to close behind him so she could weep while her child was sleeping in the other room. She pressed her hand against her protruding stomach and felt her little boy come alive with his first early morning kicks. She needed to get back to her bedroom to dress for the day. Her superior officer wouldn't go easy on her if she was late yet again, but her body felt too heavy, too tired from hours of arguments, blame being thrown around and halfhearted apologies. Sharon leaned her head back against the couch and felt the tension in her neck increase what seemed like tenfold. She was alone. The life she'd built, the plans she had made, all was just water under the bridge now. She realized just now that she was sitting right where she had found him making out with the impertinent blond bimbo hours ago but she was too crushed to get up and sit in the armchair. Sharon felt betrayed, used, humiliated. How would she go on like this? Heavily pregnant? Just a few short weeks away from maternity leave? With a small child and another one due so soon? She suddenly wished she was somewhere else, back in her parents' house, the smell of fresh bread and coffee wafting into her nose, making her feel safe and protected. Her mother's voice calling her down for breakfast. No responsibilities, no children, no colleagues who looked down upon her for being a woman, no need for an armor or strength, just love and comfort.
There was another voice calling her now and she slowly opened her heavy eyes to see her little girl standing in the doorway in her pajamas, having mercifully slept through their parents prolonged argument. She sat up and blinked against the suddenly harsh light of the sun and narrowed her eyes to see that it wasn't her small Laura gazing down upon her. It was a teenage boy, a worried expression on his face.
Her lips formed his name as she slowly came fully awake. "Rusty."
"Hey Sharon. You must have fallen asleep again. I just wanted to make sure you were not passed out."
She sat up, her back sore from her sitting position on the couch, still confused by the dream that might have been just a memory come alive in her mind. Rusty's face was still a mess but the split lip had nearly healed and the bruises had faded to a pale greenish yellow. He walked slightly gingerly due to his broken rib and the injuries along his waist, breaking her heart every single time he limped past.
"I'm fine," she told him although she didn't feel fine at all. "How are you doing today? Did you sleep well?"
He gave her a grin. "Yeah, pretty well. It's a nice day outside. I might hang with a few friends at the park." He walked towards the kitchen and helped himself to a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal. "Are you up for a walk today?"
She suddenly felt the need to stretch and found that her pajamas were clinging to her sweaty skin.
"Not yet, I'm afraid." She pressed both palms against her stomach that suddenly seemed oddly flat to her, compared to how it had just been in her dream. "I am supposed to be off my feet as much as possible."
"Do you mind if I go? I mean, there is no school so there's no homework to do and-"
"No, that's okay. That's okay. If you feel up to it?" she asked carefully.
"Sure, why not. My kidnappers are both in custody and my mother's a bit too dead to lur me away again so there's nothing to be scared of." He gave her a cheeky grin and she had a hard time hiding her shock at the inconsequential way he was referring to his mother's death.
"But take your phone. Keep it switched on at all times and be home for dinner, okay?" She reached out and clasped her hands around his arm in need of some contact. She needed to feel his physical presence to assure herself that everything was fine, that he was really there and safe.
"Sure, Sharon. Call me at least once so I can parade my brand-new iphone around properly."
She chuckled despite herself and reached out to pull him in for their obligatory kiss on the forehead but he pulled away at the last minute, showing no indication of having noticed what she was about to do. Sharon felt a little stung and was left looking after him as he vanished into his bedroom. When she came out of the shower twenty minutes later, he was already gone. She walked back to the sofa and sat down there to watch the brilliant blue sky outside for a moment. Her concern for Rusty grew by the day and now she had also managed to alienate Flynn. Somehow everything seemed to be slipping away from her these days, spinning out of control. She got up and went over to the stereo to put on some music. Tchaivosky always lifted her spirits. So did Vivaldi. Today, however, she felt like something more modern. Maybe one of Rusty's movie soundtracks? She looked around for her notebook but was startled by the doorbell before she could spot it.
Looking down at herself she found that she was presentable enough for a midday caller in her sweatpants and simple dark green t-shirt. Maybe Rusty was back early because he'd forgotten his key again, maybe it was even Andy who was also pretty prone to leaving his things lying around. Her hands closed around the doorknob and she turned it only to be faced with a pair of clear blue eyes under characteristic bushy eyebrows, a shock of salt and pepper hair and a familiar smirk that almost sent her reeling back. She hadn't seen him for such a long time that it was like a blow to the head to suddenly find him standing on her doorstep. Her heart was pounding, her hands shaking and the old, familiar mixture of dread and tenderness had her in its firm, unrelenting grip again as if he'd never been gone.
"Charles? What are you doing here?"
