I give up on trying to cross my legs lady-like on the squat, short colorful chair and I sit Indian style like Sai is doing to my right. Naruto, on my left, is adamantly against sitting that way, his long legs stretching out into the middle of the circle. I see several boys attempting to sit the same way, but their legs aren't long enough yet to achieve the same effect.
"Alright!" The bubbly, blonde counselor chirps, eyes sparkling at all of the sick kids sitting restlessly in a circle. Apparently these meetings happen every week, a sort of session to not only observe a child's mental state but to also help them understand what they're feeling. But above everything else, I think, it helps them make friends. "We seem to have some new faces today!" Her green eyes wander to Temari, Sai, and I as she continues, "Let's all introduce ourselves to them!"
"I'll go first!" A voice squeaks and I remember her as the girl who sat on Naruto's lap in the beginning. She takes a deep breath- as if preparing to dive into a pool- and starts talking faster than anyone I've ever heard, "My name is Ayumi and my favorite color is yellow," She rushes on, "When I grow up I want to be a ballerina." She finishes proudly and my eyebrows shoot up, I really only caught a couple words and I feel bad. Naruto chuckles good naturedly and she blushes.
It goes across the circle and I pay attention to each child as they come out of their shells, blooming and talking excitedly- they say nothing of their sickness or disease, though. They all have a pretty happy outlook on life and the future, some are striving to be astronauts or artists, and this strikes me as odd. Surely some of them must be upset about being sick! I compare my own attitude for the past few days to theirs and I feel ashamed. They have it worse than me, and they're only little kids, none above the age of ten! I mentally kick myself to focus when I notice the little boy speaking is looking directly at me.
"I plan on being the best husband ever!" He says and I blink rapidly, is he… talking himself up to me? He's like, seven! Holding back a laugh, I smile at him and his face turns the color of my hair.
"My turn?" Temari asks and the groups attention shifts to her. She seems to ponder her words, "My name is Temari and my favorite color is purple. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up."
"But aren't you already a grown-up?" A kid asks, tilting his head in confusion. Temari cracks a smile and her normally sharp looking eyes soften.
"Well, I'm 18, so legally yes. But growing up is all a matter of maturity and how you perceive yourself. In my head I'm only 15," She finishes and shrugs, a few kids nod excitedly.
"Well I'm grown up!"
"I'm as old as Santa!"
"I'm still 5," An 8 year old declares proudly.
"Alright," The counselor says, she looks kind of jittery, like she can't handle any sort of uproar from the children, "Thank you... Temari." She smiles a closed mouth smile that doesn't reach her eyes.
"You're welcome," Temari says, smiling in a similar manner. Naruto and I exchange an amused look.
"My name is Sai!" Sai bellows loudly and the whole room stops chatting about what age they are and looks at him. "My favorite color is black!" He shouts and some of the kids use their little fingers to plug their ears against the offensively loud voice, "I am an artist and I can draw pictures of you if you would want to request one!" He finishes and bows, looking expectedly around the circle. We all stare at him and some kids slowly unplug their ears, watching him with a mixture of curiosity, fear and excitement. Several hands shoot up into the air.
"I want one!" They say in unison and freeze, turning their heads slowly to glare at their competition.
"Ah, okay," The counselor says in a nervous voice, looking from the angry kids to Sai. "Everyone calm down!" She calls and holds up her hands and I can't stifle an eye-roll. This woman is impossible. She chooses a job revolving around little, hyperactive children and can't even handle it when they get a little loud?
"Your turn," Naruto murmurs, breaking me out of my thoughts and nudges me with his elbow.
"My name is Sakura," I say, caught off guard. "But I already told you that, didn't I?" I note, tapping a finger to my chin, thinking of what I could say. "My favorite color is pink," I decide to follow everyone's lead so far and just stick with basic information.
"Is that why you dyed your hair pink?" A girl asks, and I notice it's Hikaru, the girl I played dolls with.
"No, my hair is natural," I say modestly, used to the question.
"What?"
"No fair!" The girl next to her pouts and crosses her arms, wrinkling her pretty floral sundress.
"Um, I took piano lessons for several years," I flounder, unsure of what to say. I always use the whole "I play piano" card when I need something quick and easy to tell people, even though playing still makes me want to puke. Across from me, I notice Ayumi's eyes are filled with tears and she's looking down at the ground.
"That's cool!" Someone comments and several agree.
"I didn't know that, Sakura-chan!" Naruto says in surprise and I just nod, not paying attention to them. I'm too busy observing Ayumi's reaction.
"Ayumi? You okay?" I ask uncertaintly and her watery eyes snap up to meet mine, surprised. Everyone looks at her, surprised at the abrupt change in conversation. Something flashes through her face and she just clenches her fists onto the edges of her chair. She looks back down at the ground and takes a shaky breath.
"You're so beautiful and your hair is so pink and… pretty!" She cries, tears streaming down her pale cheeks, "My hair is gone. I can't play an instrument and I'm not pretty and I don't stand a chance against you," She chokes out slowly, still glaring at the floor. I shake my head, not understanding.
"Why would you need to stand a chance against me?" I ask quietly, the whole group looks from me to her and I think I see the counselor fidget uncomfortably.
Her eyes flick up to Naruto and realization floods through me: she likes Naruto. No wonder she would be worried, with the way Naruto and I share glances and soft words anyone would assume we were together.
"Hey," I say softly and stand up, making my way over to where she's sitting, I lean down until I can make eye contact. "Let's go talk," I suggest, not liking the audience we have. What I'm doing may be unconventional, but I don't care.
She nods and follows me out of the circle. We find a couple of bean bags in between two shelves of books. I hear the group continue on with Naruto and I sigh in relief.
"I have Leukemia," I tell her after we're settled, she looks at me in surprise, you can tell that wasn't what she's expecting. "My hair is already falling out," I continue and reach up a hand to slowly take off my hat. Several strands stick to the material when I take it off but I'm too focused on Ayumi's confused and shocked gaze to care.
"See?" I say cheerfully, showing her a couple of bald spots that have accumulated. She reaches out and pulls a hair from my green v-neck sweater.
"I'm sorry," She whispers and I shake my head, taking her hands in my own. The pink hair floats down to the ground, forgotten.
"No, I'm sorry," I say honestly, "I'm sorry you have to deal with this so young. I thought I was the only person suffering like I was, but I see how much you have to deal with and I feel selfish."
"But you're still going to be pretty without-!" She tries to tell me but I continue on.
"Just like you! You're beautiful, Ayumi," I tell her honestly, trying to help her see, "With or without hair." I finish and I remember that's exactly what Ino told me.
"So when we're both as bald as a baby we'll have an equal chance with Naruto, how about that?" I tell her, releasing her hands. She looks at me cautiously but nods, a smile tugging on her lips. Unexpectedly, she throws her arms around me and I fall back in my bean bag, surprised.
"Thank you," She chokes out, her soft head brushing against my cheek.
"No," I tell her and wrap my arms around her, not attempting to stop the few tears that roll down my face. "Thank you."
. . .
"What was that about?" Temari asks me quietly as we watch Sai once again evoke a reaction from Naruto. We're making our way down the brightly lit hallway, past the cafeteria and toward the elevator. Where we're going is a mystery to me.
"Ayumi likes Naruto," I mumble back, "She was upset because she thought she didn't stand a chance against me."
"What'd you tell her?" Her eyebrows furrow as Sai presses the button on the elevator, successfully beating Naruto to it. Naruto cries out in frustration.
"I wanted to press it, Sai!" He says and we roll our eyes. They've been fighting non-stop since we left the children's section. Well, not really fighting… Sai just does something to bother Naruto, it's almost like Sai enjoys his reactions.
"I told her how I'd be bald just like her in a week or two and she felt better." I shrug and Temari looks at me sharply, concern etched on her face.
"What do you have?" She asks and I'm not surprised, she must have figured it out sometime. But then again, I haven't really been keeping it a secret, talking with Naruto about it in the back seat, shouting at him in the kitchen. She must have heard something and put two and two together.
"Leukemia," I say and the elevator door slides open, dinging. She sucks in air through her teeth and we step into the grey, sterile looking elevator.
"Acute?" She guesses. I nod and I see her wince. I'm reminded of how I still haven't told my friends at school. Ino's threat floats through my mind, "If you won't tell them, I will." I feel drained all of a sudden and lean against the wall, resting. I can't believe I've missed three days of school, they're all exempt of course, but all of that work I'm going to have to do will be hell.
I'm going back tomorrow, I decide; now that I don't feel so crappy there's no reason not to go. I look over at Temari, studying her. She's leaning against the rail, blue eyes staring off into space.
"So, how do you know Naruto?" I blurt, confident that he's too busy trying to prevent Sai from pressing all of the buttons on the button pad, making us stop on each floor to notice.
"My brother is a regular patient here," She says, not offering any more.
"And Sai?" I can't help but ask.
"Also a regular patient." She tells me and it makes sense, of course Naruto wouldn't be friendless, he has friends just like him! Well, not just like him… But they all reside within these stifling cheerful walls.
"For cancer?" I ask, although some part of me knows that it isn't cancer.
"No," She says just as the elevator dings and the doors slide open once again. A big sign hangs on the ceiling and it reads, 'MENTAL WARD'
"Oh," I say dumbly, shock coursing through me.
"Yep," She says and I follow them out.
. . .
"Eh!" Naruto says, having been stopped by an infuriated Dr. Tsunade.
"You heard me! I saw underneath your mattress, you haven't been taking your pills!" She fumes and grabs his ear, dragging him down the hallway. I don't know how she found us, considering how she works three floors down, she must have been scouring all of the spots he hangs out. I'm surprised she didn't check the children's section.
Sai, Temari and I all stand there awkwardly in the hallway as Naruto is pulled away and around a corner.
"Go on without me!" He calls right before he disappears behind the wall. I laugh, but worry begins to eat at me. He hasn't been taking his medicine? What does that mean for him?
"Medicine?" I ask, still staring down the hallway.
"For his condition," Sai says and Temari clamps a hand down on his mouth, smiling reassuringly at me.
"It's nothing that could harm you or cause a threat to your safety, we promise. It's just that Naruto asked us not to tell you," She says and I feel even more worried.
"What? I know he would never hurt me but, why wouldn't he want me to know?" I ask, myself more than anyone. I knew that he was sick, I've always known, but I guess I've never wondered how bad it was or what it could entail for him.
"Because he likes you!" Sai manages to say after breaking free from Temari's choke hold. She brings her fist down on his head.
"Sai you idiot! He told us not to tell her that either!" She shouts and the male nurse at the front desk shushes her. I find myself tuning them out until I'm lost in my own thoughts.
Naruto likes me! I mean, I'm not totally surprised, but to have it said out loud and to have it be true, it just gets me thinking. I do like Naruto, I know that for sure, and I do believe that he's more than a friend to me. What I don't know is if we could ever be together. Isn't it bad for someone sick like me to get into a relationship? I could die in a couple of years, leaving a partner behind would be selfish. But then you have to consider his illness, is it fatal? The thought makes me stop; I had never thought about it.
"If you guys aren't going to check in, I'm going to have to ask you to leave this floor," The nurse snaps, pushing up his thick-lensed glasses and Temari apologizes.
"Of course, I'm sorry," She says and approaches the desk, "I'm here to see my brother, Gaara, room 214." He types something up and looks expectantly at me and I panic, what do I say? "And this is Sakura Haruno, a family friend," She adds hastily, saving me.
"I see," He notes in a bored tone and taps rapidly at his keyboard. He prints something out for the two of us, it comes out of a small printer, like a receipt. Temari takes it and splits it in two, handing one to me. They're name tags for both of us, in large print it says our names and in smaller print it's labeled "guest".
"Sai, you're going to be in big trouble when Dr. Tsunade learns you snuck out," He says, finally acknowledging our extra member.
"I got permission," He replies and the male nurse just raises an eyebrow toward him, obviously not buying it. Without another word he presses a button and the doors leading into the ward click, signaling that they're unlocked.
"Thank you," We mutter and bow slightly before making our way through the door.
The ward isn't anything like what I expect it to be, in fact it's almost the opposite. It's light and open, like most parts of the hospital, with modern furniture and light fixtures. There's a sort of lobby where the patients and their families can meet and talk and I see some congregating right now as we walk past it. You can tell they're patients by their clothes: Light, pastel colored scrubs.
We pass the lobby and head wordlessly down the hallway, doors to individual rooms lining the hall. I swallow as we pass a room where an inhabitant has his face pressed against the long, narrow glass window, gazing intently at us. I shudder.
"That's Michi, he sees everyone as little green men," Sai tells me and I shake my head. Poor guy. Something occurs to me as I look over at Sai.
"Wait, so why are you a patient here?" I ask him as we wind our way through the endless halls to get to room 214.
"Memory loss. The first thing I remember is waking up in the emergency room with the doctors asking for my name and information."
"Really?" I ask, surprised. He nods.
"What happened?"
"I can't really remember," He says and I feel dumb. Right, ya know.. Memory loss.
"Wait," I say, trying to catch up to him, since we've started talking he's picked up his pace to walk faster than me, "So you don't know who you are or where you're from?" I ask him almost desperately, studying his face.
"No," He replies and I feel even sadder. He stares straight ahead, not making eye contact. What must it be like? To not know who your own parents are? To have no recollection of anything past waking up in a hospital bed? To not know your real name? He has literally not known anything but this hospital. I gently put my hand on his shoulder and he slows down, turning around to look at me. He looks surprised at the physical contact.
"I am so sorry," I tell him, voice choked with emotion.
"You're sad," He notes for the second time, concern etched on his porcelain face.
"I am," I say and nod. I drop my hand and after a bit we wordlessly catch up to Temari. She had walked ahead of us so we could talk.
"So, why did they decide to call you 'Sai'?" I ask, clasping my hands behind my back and smiling at him.
"Sai means paint, and when I discovered I could paint, that's all I did for weeks on end. People eventually just named me that," He tells me, still void of emotion. I shake my head. Only this guy can talk about something he absolutely adores doing and remain stone cold.
"We're here," Temari says in front of us and we halt in front of door 214. Temari knocks softly before letting us in.
"Gaara, you have some guests," She greets and a boy about our age looks up from a book, pleasantly surprised. He's lounging on a chair by the window and my eyes widen when I take in the incredibly dark circles surrounding his eyes. Why are they like that?
He puts his book down and stands up, smiling softly.
"Sai," He greets cordially and turns his questioning gaze to me.
"I'm Sakura, a friend of Naruto's," I tell him and bow.
"Any friend of Naruto's is a friend of mine." He bows respectfully back to me. I glance at Temari and she's smiling at her little brother, eyes full of pride.
"We're showing Sakura around, that's why we've stopped by," She chimes in, draping an arm around me. "She was feeling sorry for herself and Naruto decided to give her a new outlook on life."
"She has cancer," Sai clarifies and I flinch at their bluntness.
"Thank you, you two." I say quickly and remove Temari's arm from around my shoulder, annoyed with them. They remind me too much of my own obnoxious friends.
"A new outlook on life," Gaara muses and brings a hand up to scratch his cheek, "Naruto will give that to you... Even if you don't want one." He almost looks... guilty, I note.
"It's true," Temari agrees and plops down onto Gaara's bed.
"I wonder how he's doing now," I say and bite my lip. Tsunade looked really angry. What if they put him under house arrest and I won't be able to see him anymore?
"Where is he?" Gaara asks, concerned.
"He was caught not taking his medicine by Tsunade, he's probably just getting an earful right now," Temari rolls off, examining her fingernails. Gaara relaxes once he hears this and I look at them in confusion, why aren't they worried?
Oh right, hospital prankster. Got it.
I sit down next to Temari and kick my feet out, admiring my shoes. They're these new converse that I've just started wearing. I found them in my closet while I was searching for old hats and beanies.
"Nice shoes," Temari says and I give her a smile.
"Thanks. Nice," I start to compliment her, skimming her outfit, "Everything." We laugh.
"It's just a perk of having money," She shrugs and I sigh.
"Right, I forgot."
"How else could Gaara-san afford to stay in here?" Sai asks, sitting down on the floor cross-legged.
"Well, how can you afford to stay in here?" I ask.
"Naruto's godfather, Jiraya, pays for me," He says. That makes sense.
"Wait, why are you in here, Gaara?" I'm just asking so many questions today, aren't I?
"I have an extreme case of an insomnia which sometimes leads to violent and terrifying night terrors," He explains smoothly and I jerk my head up, shocked. "Except they happen while I'm awake. And not always during the night." I shake my head in disbelief. He said that as if he was explaining why his favorite color was green. Night terrors? Holy crap.
"Naruto works wonders, I'm almost one hundred percent self-pity free," I say and Gaara and Temari laugh.
The relaxed atmosphere shatters as a menacing figure appears in the doorway.
"You three, come with me," Tsunade snaps, pointing to Sai, Temari and I. We all jump up guiltily, like we were caught playing spin the bottle, not just sitting and talking. Only after a little hesitation do I start forward towards her. I never thought I would receive such an angry look from a person of authority. I shudder.
Well, I guess there's a first for everything.
Not much to say for this one but character development! Sorry if it was kind of slow, but she'll be going to school soon, presumably to tell her friends. So, that'll be exciting!
Like always, please review and tell me what you like.. Or what you don't! I'm always up for improving.
Hugs and Butterfly kisses,
Bailey
