My friends, I like Hetalia.
No
Friends . . . I LOVE Hetalia.
I love the characters. I love the jokes. I love the history, the good times and the bad. I love how the characters are so colourful and gorgeous inside and out, while still being completely realistic with their own faults and struggles. I love the relationships that are formed; friendships, rivalries, and even brotherhood. Even when these bridges crash into the acidic river of hatred and betrayal, I cannot love them any less.
What I do hate, however, is the fandom!
When it comes to misconstruing information, ruining the identities of perfectly likable characters, and making an all-around dick out of an otherwise kindly persona, you all take the second prize medal (Funimation took first from you, sorry). Oh hell, when has canon ever had anything worthy of paying attention to? I mean, what has the actual creator done . . . you know, other than actually MAKE THE DAMN THINGS!
(*sighs*) For all you people out there who pushed for it . . . and pushed for it . . . and fucking pushed for it. You finally got it:
Overflowing Passion
The "Bad Touch Trio" Character song. And you who is fan-squealing over it (you know who you are) please go lobotomize yourself with a spork . . . if you haven't already.
This is the pinocle of stupid companies making stupid decisions because stupid fans make up 95% of our fandom population. I don't hate these characters, you guys already know this. And I am one of the few who sees France as more than some sex-driven pervert out to molest you all. I loathe any and all of you who use "Invade Vital Regions" as Prussia's catch phrase. And while Spain may have paedophile tendencies . . . you nasty little monkeys!
But this is the entire reason why we have the utter stupidity that is The Bad Touch Trio. To be fair, the song is . . . okay. The issues I have with it is that the voices are not able to harmonize because the characters are nothing alike. If it had just been Spain and France, two characters that have history and some good relationships, I wouldn't have minded. Not only that, they could actually sing together without Prussia's rasping, off-setting voice actually throwing the entire tune off balance. Or, I don't know,not make it!? Why would you make a song with the Bad Touch Trio, who has no character connection in canon media, a song for all three of them, where none take any notice of the others!?
It makes no sense! These characters have nothing to connect them, so why the hell do they have a song with all three of them!? And yes, I can even prove this the classic dissection style! For one thing, let's look at the lyrics:
Prussia: We can achieve anything
Spain: We don't need any reason
France: At this age
All: Our daily life
Prussia: I'm truly invincible
Spain: Being energetic is the best
France: Love is my driving power
All: Each of us in our own way
France: Cute mon amour
Prussia: I'll enraptured you
Spain: 'Cause I'm a man, please excuse me.
All: Bold everyday,
Spain: Let's go!
France: The world is forever spinning
Prussia: Strongest! So cheerful!
Spain: And so mischievous!
France: Entrusting body to loquacious passion
Let's spend our days in the colour of roses
Prussia: In my awesome way
Spain: Laughing a lot!
Prussia: So much fun alone!
France: Finest-quality rendezvous!
Prussia and Spain: Everybody's early afternoon
France: Strikes and
Prussia: blog updates
Spain: and siestas are essential!
All: Free sentiment
France: Do you want to know?
Prussia: I won't ever stop
Spain: Harvest is so much fun!
France: Let's talk about love
Prussia: Solitary passion is the best, too!
Spending our days in cheerful mood
Spain: Under the sun
All: Bold everyday!
Prussia: Let's go!
Spain: The world is forever spinning
France: Voluptuousness and pursuit of beauty
Prussia: So greedy!
Spain: Talkative passion is good too, isn't it!
Let's make tomorrow cheerful too
France: Glowing in my heart
All: Holding our own values!
Nope. Not a thing. Not one little thing in that song has any relation to these characters as a friendship. Why did you make it!? Did you really need a four minute song to fill up the album and went looking through hours of fanart to see what character should sing it, saw the BTT and went, "That's a good way to make money!" Honestly! They made this tripe because of you people! Be ashamed of yourselves! This is like making crappy sequels because the fans liked the original so much; you guys . . . you just don't know better. You just don't. I mean, you all are brainwashed by your fellows. I mean, yeah, I liked BTT too for a time, it was funny . . . then I started these. Then I obsessed over every little detail of the characters. Then I realizes, most of us are fuckin' retards, and that retardation is obviously contagious. Whoever started the Prussia-France-Spain trio should be shot and killed. You fail at humanity and your genes are no longer welcome in our pool.
There is only one time that France, Spain, and Prussia are seen together. You should all know it, the damn thing has been etched into your brains from the sheer epicness that apparently rattled your brains so hard that you all forgot the most important fact. Let me begin, then, with the name: Maria Theresa and the War of Austrian Succession.
Okay, guys, not only is this old strip utterly and completely inaccurate about what happened during the war and who Maria Theresa and Fritz really were as people (I already beat that horse) but what it does have for the characters are really just prototypes. You can see from this strip to the current strips of these same characters that a lot (especially for France, Spain, and Prussia) has changed in their character design. Not so much how they are drawn, but the characters have developed their own personalities. France isn't such a pervert, actually being a philosophical thinker, living in his solitude and keeping his distance from humans, also not really opening up to the other countries as well. Then Spain, who really used to just spout one-liner jokes and exposition. He really had no character at all, but now we see that he is bubbly, loves kids (not in THAT way you sickos), playful, but still hard-working. Then Prussia, who really did go from "Nothing" to "something" went from being the token annoying character to having a deeper persona of being the first character to have a personal connection to a human and then being the only one who expresses some fear of death.
These are not the same characters as back then, but who cares? They never even talk to each other anyway! The only two who do, with a degree of getting along, are Spain and France. Neither ever talk to Prussia during the entirety of this strip, and I have never seen Spain or France talk to Prussia, EVER.
They do, however, have bit-parts in the "Ore-sama no blog" CD dramas that are posted on the net in written form. However, there is little to go on because Prussia never replies directly to Spain. All he says when Prussia "dies" from England's cooking is "Welcome back~: I'm seriously relieved." No reason as to why, here's a speculation: He is nice to everyone! I mean, Spain is pretty much universally nice and cheerful to all, spreading the idea of well-being. Nothing personal with that, so it's not anything to really go on. We also hear that Spain has "A lot [of] debts" to Prussia. Take that as you will.
The only one out of the two Prussia actually sees is France, where all he says is "I'll only recognize this part about France". Well that doesn't sound too friendly, does it? He doesn't recognize anything else about his supposed "BFF"? Hey, you guys came up with it! Hell, I would sooner go with Cuba and Prussia because, well, there is something there! Cuba calls Prussia "Big bro", far more than what was exchanged between him and France or Spain (who then never show up for the rest of the drama). There are a few random doodles Himaruya has done of the trio, though I believe that was all done in response to you guys and not any actual reason. Even more, only two of them show any interaction between these three, and never with Prussia because he is either passed out or cheering for himself.
Shame on you!
You guys really know how to take something and turn it into something else. Again, I don't mind the song, but the reason of its creation makes me want to shoot Hetalia, then myself. I love Hetalia, but the more stupid things keep happening, I'm fearing old farts like me (since 2009) are going to lose the love and spirit. Why do you guys kick us all out? I'm not the only one either! I know quite a number of dedicated, die-hard fans that really just scratched their heads, threw up their arms, and said "I'm going home." I don't want to be the next one!
Oh look! Something to rant about! 8D
I mostly joke about it, but I sadly see the end of Hetalia drawing near to me. I'm just losing my care for it all with the Funimation Zombies and . . . this. I honestly don't mind the song terribly much, but tell me: if the creators are looking to the fans for ideas, how much longer do you honestly think the quality of the work will last? It's becoming doomed to fail, because we're just FANS! I mean, god, if we wanted our own version of Hetalia, we'd hop on our word processors and write a bloody fanfiction. I don't want to see FANFICTION, of all things, projected into my canon!
That's really the main reason why I wrote this. That, and to also prove that the "Bad Touch Trio" is (1) Disgusting, (2) not supported, and (3) rubbish. Stop making useless things popular! Himaruya is still impressionable, even if he is a grown adult.
And if this ever gets back to Himaruya (though I doubt it EVER will) STOP LISTENING TO US!
www. Hetarchive scanlations/ oresamanoblog/ 41blog. htm
www. hetarchive scanlations/ nonlinear. php?mrt
www. Hetarchive images/ index. php?level=picture&id=247
hetalia. wikinet wiki/ Overflowing_Passion
