The disclaimer is in Toad's room. Look for it, if you dare. Oh, and excuse the grammar.
It was a nice, foggy morning in Bayville. School hadn't yet started, but already several students were lined up in front of a bus. The X-Men, with the others, were prepared for a field trip, and being that they were a bunch of rich kids, they all had their own lunch, courtesy of the Xavier Institute.
"Aw, man..." Kurt said, pulling an apple out of his bag, "The Prof's still stressing ze diet..."
"That's nothin'," Rogue said, "I got a salad and an orange."
"I said I needed calcium, but this is ridiculous!"
"Dammit! I have a tuna sandwich! They know I hate tuna!"
"Like, can't you all just calm down?"
"Kitty's right, you should be thankful that they gave us healthy food."
But sack lunches never came without the usual bitching. The X-Men never seemed to appreciate how great their lives were. Even if they were mutant outcasts, they still lived in better conditions than most normal humans they knew, and still they had to find something to complain about. As they bickered, Lance, Fred, Pietro and Todd looked on.
"I don't see why we have to do this," Fred said, "I mean, those goodie-goodie dweebs had a choice."
"Yeah, but they have a kindly bald guy for a leader. We've got Mystique."
X-Men: Evolution
"Curse of
the Cobra"
King of the Worthless
Paul and Taryn were the first to enter, and immediately took the seats at the very back of the bus. After several other students filed in, the X-Men took some middle seats, and the Brotherhood entered last.
"Dammit!" Lance yelled. "All that's left is the front."
"We better get our seats back," Fred said. He led the others to the back, where Paul, Taryn, and a few others sat.
"Hey! You're in our spot!"
"I don't see your name on it, 'Freddy,'" Paul answered. Fred pointed to the spot next to Paul, where he had written "FRED" on the last field trip.
"Well, I still got here first."
"Look, prettyboy, these are our seats," Pietro said. "You better give them back before you mess you up good."
"I'm not afraid of you, Maximoff! I'm not afraid of any of you!"
"Hey, what's going on back here?" Jean asked, standing behind the Brotherhood. Lance immediately turned around with a raised fist.
"None of your business, Red. Just sit back down and stay out of this."
"You guys can't just go starting fights all the time! You have to learn to be peaceable."
The Brotherhood remained silent. Jean smiled slightly, knowing that she had made her point.
"I TOLD YOU TO GET LOST, PAUL!"
Make that thinking. Fred pulled Paul to his feet and dumped him into another seat. Pietro sat down in his place. Taryn and her friend Craig looked at him.
"What's wrong, good looking? Afraid I'll move in too quickly?" Taryn and Craig stood up and joined Paul. Lance and Fred took their place, and Todd sat in the space between Pietro and Fred.
"Ok, we have that settled," Lance said. "Now, what do we have for lunch?" Fred happily held up the cooler that he had brought on board. He and Todd began to look through it.
"Oreos, chips, soda... you sure know how to pack a meal, Freddy."
"I consider myself an expert. I brought some extra change, in case they have vending machines."
"Speaking of which, where ARE we going?" Pietro asked.
"Hell if I know," Todd replied. "Mystique said it had somethin' to do with animals."
"Oh no... not the zoo! It better not be the zoo! Hey! Bus driver! Stop this thing! I wanna get off! I wanna get off!"
"Pietro settle down," Lance said. "It's a zoo. With animals. Just calm down."
"But... but... you guys don't understand!"
"We understand," Todd said. "You're scared of th' big bad lions. Hope you packed an extra diaper, Petey!" Pietro promptly slapped Todd at lightning speed.
"It's not that, it's the reptile exhibit they have, the one from New York that's touring the country..."
"What, afraid to see some old friends?" Lance asked. Pietro promptly slapped Lance at lightning speed.
"They'll be glad to see you!" Fred yelled. Pietro promptly... kept his hands to himself.
--------------------
"I'm still a little surprised that they'd let a high school take a field trip to the zoo," Lance said. "Besides the annoyed parents, we're the only people here above four feet. Except maybe Toad."
"I'll have you know I'm no shorter than five two!"
"Whatever. Hey, where'd Pietro go?"
As the Brotherhood looked around, Pietro sat in the bathroom, nervously chanting to himself.
"It will not hurt you... it will not hurt you... you're Quicksilver... you're too fast for him... you can even outrun the cheetah... it will not hurt you..."
"Uh... kid?" A janitor knocked on the stall door. "You ok?"
"I... uh... had a bad burrito this morning."
"Ah. Yeah. Happens to me too often. Here." The janitor's arm reached over the stall door. "When I get stomach problems, I take Pepto-Bismol!"
"Uh... no, I'm quite fine."
"Pepto-Bismol works for heartburn, indigestion, stomachaches, upset stomaches, it beats all competitors by-"
"Hey!" Pietro rushed out of the stall and shoved the janitor against the wall. "I'm not sick! I had a traumatic experience at a zoo and I was sent her by a bitchy blue lady just to spite me, now fuck off before I shove that bottle up your ass!"
"You know, Pietro, you really need to control that temper of yours."
"How did you know my name?!" The janitor morphed into the bitchy blue lady Pietro knew so well.
"I sent you here for a reason, Pietro. You have to learn to overcome your weaknesses or your enemies will exploit them. Go meet back with the others, and we'll discuss your attitude towards me when you return to the school." Mystique morphed into a zookeeper and walked out.
--------------------
"Hey, where'd everyone else go?" Fred asked. The Brotherhood looked around, but found that the rest of their class was gone.
"Who cares? Let's go do something else," Lance said.
"Hey!" Todd yelled. "It's fuzzy!" Todd pointed to the monkey exhibit where Kurt hung from a tree, holding a banana.
"Quiet, Toad! You'll blow my cover!"
"What cover? You're still wearin' clothes and all, and ain't nobody ever seen a blue monkey before." A tourist and her son stood next to Todd. The child pointed at Kurt.
"Mommy! Mommy! That monkey's wearing clothes!"
"How adorable! Let's go for some ice cream, Tommy!" The tourist picked her son up and walked off as the Brotherhood stared.
"You're still a monkey," Fred commented, and they walked away. As they continued through the zoo, Pietro appeared next to Fred with a bag of animal crackers.
"Whoa. Where've you been?"
"Uh... I was looking at the penguins..."
"Ok. We're going to see the lizards. You comin'?"
"Uh... lizards? I... well..."
"Don't be such a wuss, Pietro," Lance said. "They keep them behind glass, and with Toad around, they'll be glad they do."
"Well... I... I guess..." The Brotherhood walked towards the reptile exhibit with Pietro nervously following.
--------------------
Fred stared into the eyes of an anaconda, trapped behind a large glass panel. The anaconda made no movements, nor did Fred. Despite the massive snake's iron will, Fred was determined to outwit it.
"Fred, what are you doing?" Lance asked.
"Quiet. He'll crack any minute."
"Uh... Fred..."
"I said quiet!"
"Ah, forget it." Lance crossed his arms and looked at a chameleon, who was having a contest of its own with Todd. The chameleon flicked its tongue out, and then Todd. Then the chameleon flicked its tongue out faster than before, and then Todd improved on his own flicking speed. After a few seconds Lance became bored and looked at a pair of cobras along with Pietro.
Pietro stared at one of the red-scaled cobras, who looked at him with a rat's tail protruding from his mouth. He slurped it up and slithered closer to the glass.
"Hey there... Mr. Cobra... I know we got off on the wrong foot a few years ago..."
"Hisssssssssss..."
"But... I'm really sorry about what happened before... I didn't mean it... just don't try to bite me..."
"Hisssssssssssssssssss..."
"Please?"
"Pietro, settle down. It's behind glass. It's not going to come out and-" Suddenly, the cobra broke through the glass and somehow lunged at Pietro. He quickly ran behind Lance while the cobra slithered towards them.
"This happened last time I visited this exhibit!" Pietro yelled. "Back in New York!"
"What did you do, dangle a stunned rat in front of it?"
"Actually, yes, but I never gave it the rat, and now it wants revenge!" The cobra reared its head back and displayed its fangs menacingly. Suddenly, it was gone.
"Huh?"
"Where'd it go?"
"Fred, Toad, did you guys see..." Pietro stopped when he saw a long, scaly tail coming from Todd's mouth. It wiggled for a few seconds, but then stopped, and Todd swallowed.
"Toad! You ate the vengeful cobra! You saved my life!"
"Wha? When?"
"Toad, you're the best friend a guy could have! If it weren't for you, I'd be twitching on the floor while it slowly attempted to swallow me whole despite my size!" Pietro hugged Todd tightly and held on for several seconds.
"Pietro! Pietro! What are you doing?! Get him off!! GET HIM OFF!!" Pietro let go and Todd ran behind Fred.
"Well, I've overcome my fear of vengeful cobras. Mystique will be proud!"
"Yeah, that's great, Pietro," Fred said, "But don't you think someone will notice the snake's gone?"
"Fred, you're right..." Pietro looked towards the exhibit's entrance and saw the X-Men looking at a gila monster. "Hmm..."
--------------------
The students filed back into the bus, taking the same seats. Paul considered sitting in the back, but he decided against it when he saw Fred walking towards his seat.
As the Brotherhood took their seats, the X-Men got on the bus, ruffled and beaten. Pietro snickered as Evan sat down, rubbing his side.
"That was an ingenius plan, Pietro," Todd said, "But did you have to make me cough the snake up?"
"Hey, you got to keep the head and some of the venom, didn't you?"
"Venom?" Kent got on the bus and made his way to the back of the bus. He pushed Todd aside and sat down next to Pietro.
"Good work, Quicksilver, but there is a loose end you left unresolved."
"Yeah? What?"
"The snake that Toad disposed of had a different hood pattern than the one that had a vendetta against you."
"You mean...?"
"You killed the wrong snake. But now you have overcome your fear of cobras, so it makes no difference."
"Right... overcome... fear..." As the bus drove off, a red cobra sat on the bumper, flicking its tongue out and sneering.
The End No cobras were
harmed in the making of this fanfiction, though several Bothans died
to bring us this fanfiction.
