A/N: Sorry about the wait time to get this chapter posted. I've been out of town on business and that's tied into my fanfic time!
Again, thank you to everyone who has left me some love on this story… I hope you all know how much it means to me. I get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside every time I get a review alert in my inbox.
Also, a HUGE thank you to Jenny Cullen, aka Jenrar, for being my beta on this chapter. I heart you, girl! You are the best!
"Esme, it's Bella and Edward."
"Oh, hi, you two! How is everything going?" Esme asked with a brilliant smile.
Bella took a deep breath. "Ben said that there was a parent–teacher conference the other night. I didn't know anything about it until he mentioned it."
"Yes, there was. I went in your place, as I knew you would be in no position to go. Bella, are you all right? Is something bothering you?"
"It just would have been nice if someone had told me about it beforehand!" Bella said through gritted teeth. "I'm sorry, Esme. I'm just missing Ben right now something awful, and I'm taking it out on you."
Esme chuckled. "No need, Bella, dear. I understand. And I didn't tell you about it, because I didn't want to worry you." Her normal chipper tone had turned serious.
Bella felt her heart drop into her stomach. "Worry me, how?"
"Well, since you've both been gone, it seems as if Ben has been causing some problems in school," Esme said.
"What kind of problems?" Edward asked, his tone serious.
Bella sat silently, her hands clenched into fists. Ben had never caused problems before.
Esme sighed. "Well, he got into a fight on the playground the other day—"
"A fight?" Bella asked, surprised. "Ben doesn't even know how to fight."
"Apparently he does, as he gave the other kid a bloody nose."
Bella dropped her face into her hands. "Oh, this is my entire fault. I shouldn't have left him."
Edward spoke up. "Bella, we didn't know he would act out like this. Anything else?"
Esme hesitated. "Well… he also said something bad to the teacher."
"What did he say?" Bella asked hesitantly through her fingers.
"He didn't really say it… He kind of… flipped her his middle finger."
Edward turned a laugh into a cough, and Bella glared at him. "Oh, my God! Where did he learn that from?"
"Emmett," Esme and Edward said together.
"I'm going to kill him," Bella said through gritted teeth. "How's Ben doing at home?"
Esme sighed. "He's having some bad dreams again, but not every night. Either Rose or I stay with him while he's sleeping, and that's helped."
"Thank you, Esme," Bella said graciously. "I really do appreciate everything you and Rose have done. And I'm sorry I snapped earlier."
Esme offered them a smile. "You know it's not a problem. We love that little boy. Just don't worry about him. We'll take care of everything and work on the… finger problem."
They all signed off, and Bella turned to face Edward. "Your brother is dead."
To her surprise, he laughed. "Good, he needs some sense knocked into him, and you're the only one that can do it."
"Why me?"
"Because as a newborn, you're the only one strong enough to beat him. And he needs to get his ass beat every now and then to keep his ego in check."
"I'll beat his ass, and then some." Bella was so angry, she would have thought her face was blood red, but one look in the mirror proved to her that she was as chalky as Edward.
She had done it; she had gotten what she wanted.
She was now an immortal.
"Do you regret your decision?" Edward asked, as they drove closer to Chicago. They had been in Saskatchewan for six months, and he now wanted to test her control in a crowded setting. She had not touched another human since her disastrous first day out; she had settled into a deep depression for several weeks after that incident, and it had taken all of Edward's dazzling skills to pull her out of it.
They had gone into small towns at night to allow her to test her resistance and willpower, and so far, she had been able to resist the humans. She had sworn she would never touch another human after her slip-up, and to this day, she had not. She had kept her promise to herself.
Now, they were leaving the lakeside cottage for a hotel close to Chicago so that she could get the sensation of being around multiple humans at once.
The sooner she mastered this, the sooner she could return home to Ben.
She shook her head. "No. Of course not. I obviously wish that Ben could have been better prepared and understood what was going on, but we'll get him straightened out when we get home." I hope. If not, it will be all my fault.
Ben had been causing more trouble at preschool since they'd left. He had painted several desks with finger paint, had been pushing people down on the playground, and had given a couple of boys black eyes. It was also not uncommon for him to say a curse word or to smart off to his teacher, either. Fortunately, he was considered a Cullen, and they were not going to ask him to leave. Plus, Esme had explained that his mother had been out of town for an extended period and that was affecting his behavior.
"Bella, he's just acting out, so he's pushing his boundaries with us being gone. Once we return, he should go back to normal. Plus, I think he knows that Rose and Esme don't want to punish him."
Bella rolled her eyes. They were beginning to turn a dark amber color – much less frightening that the vivid red she had awoken to. "I think you're right. How do you think I'll do?"
He looked over at her and at the setting sun bouncing off of her granite skin. She looked like a living prism. Beautiful. "I think you'll do fine. You only had the one slip-up, and that was right after your conversion. Only Carlisle and Rosalie can say they've never drunk human blood. Most of us have messed up a lot more than just once."
She sighed happily. "We're almost done. Ben has done well with the webcam chats and with my new appearance…"
"Yeah, but remember, you will look different in person, so don't be hurt if he's afraid of you to begin with."
They had continued their nightly webcam chats with Ben, and eventually, Edward had removed the paper that had been covering the lens. Ben had been surprised at first, but Bella had told him that she'd had some plastic surgery done, and that was why she looked so different. Being only four years old, he didn't question it.
"I still can't wait to see him and hold him again. Oh, I've missed him so much. Do you think his behavior will improve once we get back?" she asked worriedly.
"I think so, but there are no guarantees. And you'll need to remember how fragile he is so you don't crush him," he reminded her gently. "And stop obsessing."
She nodded in understanding and watched the countryside flashing by. It would have been quicker to run, but she knew that two people running at inhuman speed and carrying a car would have drawn attention.
After a couple of hours of driving, they pulled into a hotel in Joliet, Illinois, just outside of Chicago.
"I thought you had a house here," Bella said, looking around.
Edward pulled a bag from the trunk. "I do, but it's locked up, and everything is draped. It wouldn't be fit to stay in. But I'll take you by it tomorrow, if you'd like."
"Oh, yes, I would," she said excitedly.
She followed him into the hotel lobby. This was her test, and she would not fail. If she did fine here, they would return to Forks and to Ben.
Of course, they were preparing to relocate. At least then, Carolyn Anderson would not know where to find them, but they would have to leave Charlie, and that thought was killing her.
Bella was hit by the delicious human scent the moment the sliding doors opened. Her mouth pooled with venom, and her nostrils flared. But she swallowed and grabbed Edward's hand. She would remain in control. She would not succumb and slaughter everyone in the room. Never again.
Edward must have been confident in her ability to keep herself under control, as they had not fed for several days. She was thirsty, but she would not drink from the aromatic gentleman, who smelled of musk with a faint under layer of tobacco. She would not touch the woman in the polyester jogging outfit, who smelled of a floral mixture and Chanel No. 5.
No.
She would not.
She swallowed the venom in her mouth and continued on with Edward to the check-in counter.
"Are you all right?" he asked her softly.
"Yes, I'm fine."
Ben. Ben. Think of Ben. If you touch a hair on any of these people, Edward will turn around and drive you right back to Saskatchewan. She held her breath for a moment, but then decided to breathe again. She had to get used to this, so she emptied her lungs and filled them again.
They quickly found their room, and Edward dumped their bag.
"Did you bring the computer? Do you think it's too late to talk to Ben?" She had just suffered hell in that lobby for her son, and she wanted to see him. Now.
He shook his head. "No, they're two hours behind us, love. I'm sure he's awake and waiting on you."
Bella pulled the laptop out and booted it up, pulling up Skype. She tapped her fingernails impatiently on the desk. Finally, the box opened, and she dialed in. Alice was the one to answer.
"Hi, Bella! What's up?"
"Not much. We just got to Joliet, and I was calling to talk to Ben."
"Oh, you know what we should do? I should come to Chicago to see you, and we could do some shopping! You're absolutely gorgeous, and you need a new wardrobe!"
"I don't think so, Alice. At least, not yet," she added at her sister-in-law's crestfallen face. "I'm still learning control, and I might wreck destruction in Bloomingdale's if you took me in there."
"Fine," Alice sulked.
"Next time," Bella promised, wondering why she kept digging her own grave. "Can I speak with Ben now?"
Ben came on the screen after a few seconds. "Hi, Mom," he said without much enthusiasm.
Bella felt as if her heart were being torn in two at his downtrodden expression. "Hi, baby. What's the matter?"
"Don't you love me anymore?" he asked quietly.
She gasped. "Of course I love you. I love you more than anything. Why would you say something like that?"
A lone tear traveled down his cheek. "Because you're gone. You left me. Tommy at daycare said that when moms leave, they don't love you anymore, and you and daddy have been gone forever."
She was speechless.
"What did I do, Mom?"
Bella wished she could produce tears, because she wanted to cry. Hard. "Oh, Ben, baby, none of that's true, sweetheart. Of course, Daddy and I still love you, so much. You didn't do a thing wrong. We've just had some things that we've had to take care of. But we'll be home and back to you soon."
"Promise?"
"Pinky promise," she said, holding up her pinky finger toward the camera.
He kept his hands away from the screen. "I guess."
"Ben," Bella pleaded.
He turned his head to look off camera for a moment. "Coming, Aunt Rose. I gotta go, Mom. Bye." And with that, he took off.
Bella shut the laptop, her expression morose. Edward had heard everything, and he was unsure of how to respond as well.
"Bella, love, we talked about this—"
"Yeah, but I didn't think it was going to happen!" she shouted. "He thinks I don't love him anymore, and I can't go home yet, until I make sure I don't eat my own son! What am I supposed to do, Edward?" she asked, her whole body slumped.
Edward gathered her into his arms. "Love, it's just going to take time. We knew this might be a possibility, and that he might have a hard time with this. That poor little guy's been through quite a traumatic childhood."
She stood up and whirled around. "So it's my fault? That's what you're saying," she said, a dry sob escaping. "If I hadn't chosen this life, things would have been fine."
He stood up and reached for her. She came to him without hesitation. "Bella, we have no idea if your being gone is what triggered this. It could have been anything. But as a psychiatrist, I would imagine that it had something to do with it."
"You're not making me feel better."
"I'm sorry, darling, but I want to be honest with you," he said, kneeling in front of her.
"I know," she sniffed. "I just wanted everything, you know? I wanted to be forever with you, and for Ben to be happy, and then, when he grows up, for him to make his own decision about his mortality status."
Edward was silent for a moment.
"What?"
"Bella, you know how I feel about what we are, and that I don't believe we have a soul. How do we know what will happen to us eventually? I think we'll end up damned for eternity. Would you do that to your own child?"
She sighed. "I'm going to give him the choice, Edward. He'll grow up around all of this, so he'll know what he would be getting into. And if he chooses a human life, I'll deal with it. I don't know how I'll deal with his… death… but I'll manage somehow, knowing that it was his choice."
"So you would do this to him?"
"I'll at least give him the choice of where he will spend eternity."
