Sorry this is late, my mama made me do my homework first. Stupid teacher called and said I didn't hand it in, well news flash, teacher: I have fan fictions to write. God.

Okay, WOAH I am pleasantly surprised at the number of people that reviewed! Holey fricken flying striped cows! And the favorites? And the follows?

HOLEY STRIPED COWS!

Christmas Shoes

Chapter Ten: Regrets

Disclaimer: nope-itty-nope

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BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Moaning loudly, Kurt rolled and blindly reached out to smack his alarm clock. His fingers finally found the large rectangular button, and he pushed down angrily. He wasn't ready to get up yet! It felt like he had only just fallen into slumber.

True enough, if he had fallen asleep earlier he wouldn't be stumbling his way through his room. The cold water of the shower slowly woke him up, washing away the sleep-dust from his red rimmed eyes.

He had lain in bed for what felt like hours, dirty fuzzy blanket (he really should throw it out soon) pulled tightly over his shoulders and heart racing under his ribs. At first, it had been because he would be singing a solo part in a duet, with Blaine. But it had slowly faded away (because really, he had already help him practice it, and it was a lot of fun, it wouldn't be so different, just in front of a bigger audience) and was replaced with the fear of dreams.

He was scared to fall asleep; he didn't want to answer that door again. And then, on the brink of slumber, the words invaded his thoughts. One from the dream; from his friend. A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away.

Now, to Kurt, this could mean two very important things. One; Blaine might just be on crack, because he was sure Rachel had given them a speech something along those lines when Bryan Ryan had visited.

And two; if the words were true, did that mean that the dream was supposed to be comforting? Because for a few minutes there (mostly around the deep and passionate kiss with a taller teen) it had been nice, peaceful, romantic. Everything he had been looking for, after he left McKinley. But...Kurt didn't want it to come true. Did he want his dream-rape to become the real thing? And it certainly wouldn't help the hurt go away.

Sometimes, Kurt mused as he stepped out of the shower and pulled on his navy pants, dreams didn't make sense, and they were just thoughts that couldn't be thought during the day.

Honestly, in reality, he had been afraid something along those lines would happen. Before he transferred away from Dave Karofsky, before he found three phenomenal new friends. Of course, he hoped that if that day ever came, he wouldn't be stupid enough to go running around outside in only his ugly flannel pajamas.

Shoving all thoughts of Karofsky from his mind, far in the deep corners where it could creep out later that night, he exited the bathroom and strode over to the closet. He pulled it open for a moment, staring at the mass of clothing, before he remembered. They had moved his clothes out of the second closet, out of Stephens closet. Because, Kurt Hummel had a roomie.

Conscious of his exposed skin, he dug around, looking for the red sweater vest and a clean red and blue tie. The soft material slipped over his skin, but was stopped as cold hands pressed against his sides.

"Hey Kurt," a voice whispered huskily in his ear.

Kurt shrugged his shoulders to his ear, shivering away from the touch, from the voice. Smoothing the shirt down, he glared over his shoulder and his two laughing friends. "What the hell do you think your doing?"

"What? We thought it would help with your fantasies of Blaine," Wes said, shaking with laughter and crossing the room to the office chair, where he promptly spun to but his hiking clad boots onto the wood.

Kurt tidied the closet before crossing and pushing the boots off his desk, swiping the paper beneath them and shoving them angrily into his messenger bag. "One. Blaine and I are friends, so I don't have fantasies about him, unless it involves us strangling you two," well, he condemned to himself, none that you'll know about. "Two, how in the hell did you get in here?"

"Wana know a secret, Kurt?" Wes whispered, glancing around the room like someone might be listening, "we're stealthy."

"I do spontaneously break out in ninja moves," David mused from where he was laying on Kurt's bed.

"Oh shut up," Kurt snapped, eyes feeling like stones in his skull and arms stinging with refusal as he made them pick up the heavy bag and sling it over his shoulder, "Where is Blaine, anyways?"

David somersaulted off the bed, landing elegantly on his feet, and raising his arms in a majestic monarch kind of way, looking like he would love anything to yell, See, I am a ninja! But in stead, as they headed out of the door and towards the common area, "He's practicing for tonight."

"Why would he need to practice? We all know the words off by heart."

Wes chuckled and grabbed an orange from the bowl of fruit, and inspected it with an inquisitive eye, "That's what we said last year..."

"And then he got the lyrics to 'Rocking Around the Christmas Tree' and 'Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer mixed up."

Kurt snorted as he took a sip of his Earl Grey, choking on it violently. David reached a hand across his back and pounded on it happily, "I know, right? They aren't even close. It was hilarious...I wish Addison got it on tape..."

"Hey, she said she was coming for it this year, right?"

David chewed thoughtfully on the waffle, before slowly nodding, "Yeah, the Mrs. And Mr. aren't coming, so yeah."

"Why would that make a difference?" Kurt asked, watching as his friends dug into their piles of breakfast, wondering if he should maybe grab some food, but than he remembered; in a scarce four hours he would be singing...with Blaine...that song...in front of all those people...and suddenly, the maple syrup didn't look as appetizing.

David and Wes shared a strange look before they carefully attempt to explain "Addison and her parents don't get along so great..."

"When Blaine told them he was gay, they kicked him out." Kurt hissed and placed the cup onto the table angrily. How could they do that? To their own son, none the less. And why would Blaine ever go back there? All these questions left Kurt in a daze.

Blaine had always been so forward about everything. So optimistic and forever trying to raise the mood of the room. All the days he had offered his help, his shoulder to cry on and his ears to listen, even when Kurt had been at McKinley and Blaine at Dalton. All those days, and he never even bothered to ask how he knew so much. So much about being accepted and wanted, even if they were gay. And to find, his parents didn't want him, they didn't accept him.

Opening his mouth to go on a Rachel Berry worthy rant about undeserving, unwanted, homophobic parents, Wes held up and finger for Kurt to calm down, pointing to David as he quickly swallowed and explained; "But then Addie moved to Lima, with Blaine, to their uncles, and I guess having lost both your kids leave, woke them up. They groveled for Blaine to come back, that they were sorry."

"But he held strong and wouldn't go back to Tennessee with them, nope. He stayed here with his two awesomest friends. Fast forward three years and here we are." Kurt frowned, deep in thought. Blaine had been strong, all that time. Kurt knew how hard it was to disobey parents, but he stayed at Dalton. So he could be who he wanted to be.

It explained a lot of things; why Blaine never talked about his filthy rich parents, why he had been forced to move to Dalton, why Addie had opened up her own café at such a young age, and, partially, why he was so kind. But what it didn't explain, bringing them back to the start of the conversation, was why Addie couldn't be around her parents.

It was never about her, it was about her awful parents and her gay brother. "So why would Addie not want to be around her parents?"

"Ah, that..." David sighed, pushing his empty plate aside and stretching back in the comfortable chair. "Well, when her parents got an envelope in the mail... a university application acceptance, and a full ride scholarship, they flew out and gave it to her personally."

"Only, she never applied for the scholarship." Wes shook his head mournfully and picked at his fruit cup.

Kurt looked back to David, as he resumed the story, "No, her choir teacher sent it in. Addie was so livid with Mrs. C, she drove out here and had a bitch fit about it. Told her parents she didn't want it. I think she even threw it into the fireplace. Her parents weren't too happy with that, yelled at her and all that. Accused her of doing drugs and even had the police inspect their uncle's house."

"Didn't find nothing, of course, but the police sent her back home. We never did find out what went down in Tennessee, but she won't even be in the same room as them." Wes concluded, standing from the chair and leading them out of the loud and bustling cafeteria.

Kurt absorbed all this information together, nodding slowly with understanding. What dramatic lives they lived! "But where was she accepted to?"

"New York, baby," Wes swaged, shaking his head at Kurt's gasp, "You have to be crazy to decline that school. Full scholarship and everything."

David poked him in the side, glaring, "But she loves the Giraffe, and not everyone wants to grow up and be in an Asian boy band."

"What did her teacher say about it?"

David glanced at this, shrugging, "Not so sure, never crossed my mind to ask. She quit the choir then and there, though. Cold turkey."

"I haven't heard her sing since either," Wes sighed sadly, wondering who someone could just up and quit something they were so amazing at, "Last time was..."

"Vocal Adrenalines invitational's, I think..."

Wes nodded quickly, confirming this new information that had Kurt stop dead in the center of the hall, "Yeah, because that all happened before Sectionals..."

"Wait. Hold up! You're saying that Addie was in Vocal Adrenaline? She went to that loser of a school?"

Wes and David stopped a short foot ahead of the stunned boy and gave him identically confused looks. "Uh... yeah... she was the lead female... before... you know..."

Kurt stood stunned in the hallways and people buzzed around him, the bell ringing from the ceiling. He feels as if he might just barf up his heart, how fast it's fluttering in its rib-caged heart.

Before he knew it, Dalton Academy has whispered away from his mind, and sitting around a lush green tree, Muppets paused in the background and a group of fifteen or so teenagers sat around laughing.

"You guys go on, I forgot my homework... I'll see you at lunch..."

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The gold wire cage was placed softly on his knees, the door swung open, and the bird flittered on his finger. Gently hopping back and forth and nipping at his smooth finger. He watched the yellow warbler for a few minutes, before his ocean blue eyes slipped to a spot on the opposite wall, seeing what wasn't really there.

He had forbid him mind from going there, from going back to that terrible dream. Just earlier this morning he had vowed to forget all about it. And there he sat, staring off into the distance and the slow twinkle of lights coming into view. It was scary. But he had to do it. He had to know.

Because he had a sneaking suspicion that Addie and Vocal Adrenaline had something to do with it; just like he had a sneaking suspicion that Blaine had purposely hid his newly acquired information from him.

The room slowly slid into focus, but this time he wasn't sitting on the floor, getting a back massage from Blaine, because it was defiantly Blaine, instead he watched it from a spot above the group. Watching his dream-self arch his head back and rest it on Blaine's knees.

But why would Blaine with hold that sort of information from him? It didn't change their relationship – rather, their friendship. It didn't change the fact that Karofsky kissed him in the locker room or that he now had a big brother. Literally, his brother was huge, not necessarily older. The only thing Kurt would fathom that it would change was his transfer. But even then, why would he lie?

Kurt watched, glassy eyed from the safety of the Warblers choir room, from the warmth of the large red stripped couch, as the doorbell rang and Dream-Kurt jumped up to answer the door. Knowing what was about to happen, he tried to wonder through the room, to get another angle.

Because, as Blaine stood from the couch, he grew. He was no longer the short, curly haired boy from his fantasies. No, his hair grew out, and his black, tight jeans stretched with growth. But he couldn't move to see who his dream-self was kissing. He was stuck, rooted in his spot on the Warblers couch, watching his memory.

Kurt froze, his finger curling into a fist and making the yellow warbler jump away from the sudden tension, because, as he ran up the stairs to answer the door, Blaine walked in from the bathroom and sat beside Rachel by the tree, because his old spot was taken by someone who most defiantly was not Blaine.

A soft pressure made him jump, and the memory of the dream faded away, taking the Mystery Man with it. He quickly retracted his hand from inside the cage, fearing that a teacher had caught him skipping, but, as he looked over his shoulder, he started to frown.

"Are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you..." Blaine spoke, sitting next to him on the couch, close enough that their knees touched and he could poke his finger through the gabs of the cage to stroke the bird.

Kurt inspected his friends face for anything out of the norm, half expecting it to slowly change into the Mystery Mans. But it didn't. The long, soft eyelashes stayed the same, and the curls stayed smoothed strictly into a more mature fashion. The freckles, while his sister had many dark, were light and not noticeable, if you didn't know where to look.

The eyes; liquid caramel when he was blissful; dark flashing brown when he was stressed over homework, or their over helpful friends; flashing with the darkest blue when he was angry (which was very seldom); and warm rum, like now, when his was calm and content.

Kurt like the last ones the best, one look into calm Blaine always stopped the jitters. They quickly flashed, now however, to a soft moss green, tinged with blue and blended with the caramel, to something he couldn't connect with an emotion that he knew off.

Blaine's thick eyebrows that always seemed to raise Kurt's mood, shot up, and he realized that the boy was probably waiting for an answer. Looking back to the cage, to the trapped bird and locking the little door, "Yes, I'm fine."

"David texted me and said you looked a little...nervous." Kurt hallway, where he had stood a short hour ago, frozen having found out Addie was a part of Vocal Adrenaline (thankfully, not the half that played with his friends heart, and not the half that beat them brutally at Regionals) and finding a piece of the puzzle that might just connect.

Racking his brain for a reason he was sitting in the choir room, playing with a bird, when he should be in class, thinking about a dream make out scene that he had originally thought was Blaine, but know he knew it wasn't... "Just nervous for the concert."

"Hey now, we're going to blow their minds!" Blaine laughed, bumping their knees together and smiling the smile that made Kurt's insides melt. In a good way.

Kurt rose from the cushion, his legs protesting loudly at the sudden use, and carefully carried the cage over to its perch, fastening it so it wouldn't accidently fall. He watched as the bird flittered around the cage, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth growing until it was a full out grin, "Yeah we are. Hey Blaine?"

"Yeah?" he asked, curiosity lacing with his words. Well, you couldn't blame him, really.

Kurt crossed the room and sat back on the couch, turning to face his friend, but leaving a much larger margin of space, "All those times Rachel and Finn threatened you... about Jesse...how come you never said you knew him?"

"Well," Blaine sighed, a mixture of emotions crossing his face, "I knew what he did, and I knew who he was. Hell, there wasn't a weekend when I came home that he wasn't over... but honestly...I don't really know him. Do you understand?"

Kurt pursed his lips before bluntly and blatantly telling Blaine, "No, I don't."

"Did you ever notice that he was different in school? Than the way he was in Glee?" Kurt slowly nodded, recounting a time that the 'guys' hung at the basketball court, "Well, I only knew him when he was that fun, carefree guy...and when he started dating Rachel...well I didn't know who he was at all. Vocal Adrenaline changed him, when Addie left, I guess. He was mad at her, for leaving. But, I just didn't think we knew the same Jesse. Mentally."

Kurt nodded, taking this all in and actually understanding it. It a way, they were similar, Kurt tried to be a more sophisticated in the Warblers, and Jesse did the same for all schooling. Only outside, with friends he trusted to like him for him would Jesse shine. "Thanks, for telling me."

They sat in silence, Kurt was watching the coffee table, trying to settle his nerves before lunch, before is solo, but he could feel the sexual tension growing, whether it was there or just another fantasy.

After a few minutes, Blaine opened his mouth to speak, and Kurt whipped his head to the side, waiting expectantly, "Kurt..." the bell on the warbler's cage chimed, and Kurt matched his rapid heart beat to it. "Never mind."

Flashing quickly back to the coffee table, Kurt resisted gasping out loud and a cold hand rested against his knee, squeezing slightly as the owner sat back on the couch and looked to the ceiling.

Glancing at the hand, still on his leg, Kurt fought the bubbles of giggles that grew in his chest. The rightness of the situation. Now was as good as time as any to jump face first into a pit he wasn't so sure he wanted to enter.

"Kur-" "Blaine" Biting his lip, Kurt looked to the window and let out a soft laugh, embarrassed. "Go ahead." He offered, curious to see what the other wanted.

Eyes still on the frosted windows, he felt Blaine scooch forward on the cushion, until they were at the same level, "Was just going to say that you don't have anything to worry about, everyone's going to love it. What were you going to say?"

"Nothing, it doesn't really matter," Stop being such a chicken and just tell him already! His subconscious yelled, ringing through his head but not convincing him.

The hand was back, a warm, friendly reassurance on his knee, and "Come on, Kurt. I'm not that stupid, you can trust me."

Taking a deep breath, he turned to face his friend, ready to spill the beans, but something caught his breath. The light from behind the unruly hair, the caramel eyes, the way the lashes blinked slowly together, the thin array of freckles, the handsome nose and round chin, and most importantly, the soft pink, plump, not-chapped lips from his dream.

The soft brown, feathery lashes blinked together once again, but Blaine didn't move an inch as Kurt leaned ever so slightly forward. His gaze flickered, anxiously, from the soft eyes to the lips. One side was turned in, like Blaine was biting his lips. Like Blaine was pondering how wrong it was.

Kurt pulled back abruptly, slamming his back into the armrest and looking any where but the person in front of him. Face read, heart stuttering, he stood from the couch and mumbled something about being late and fled the room.

Too quickly to see how Blaine flopped back on the couch, throwing one hand over his eyes and muttering to himself.

"Stupid Blaine, stupid! Why didn't you just kiss him?"

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Kurt flopped into the cushioned seat at an empty table, staring at the apple that rolled before him. He most defiantly was not hungry. He had only just calmed down enough that his cheeks weren't the bright fire truck red they had been a scarce five minutes ago.

Wes and David dropped into chairs beside him, oblivious to the unusual quiet, "...And he said, 'sugar plum purple!'" Kurt watched as they broke into a loud round of laughter, fathoming what could possibly be so hilarious about the story, but not bothering to ask, he was too deep in self pity.

"Blaine! Blaine over here!" David suddenly yelled, stopping the laughter and waving their friend to join them. Kurt wondered if he could run away without anyone being suspicious, but Blaine had already taken the seat across from him and greeted his friends with a hasty hello.

The four of them sat in silence, David shoveling macaroni into his mouth, Wes doing the same, but with a grilled cheese, and Blaine aimlessly stirring his noodles. Kurt sat there, still as a board and staring at the grains of the wooden table.

"Well... this isn't awkward" Wes mumbled around his sandwich, Ketchup catching on his lip.

David must have aimed a kick for his shin, but missed terribly. Tears sprung to Kurt's eyes as he bent low to the table, cheek hovering just above it, as he rubbed his leg, "Ow!"

"Shit! Shit I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, no I'm fine," Kurt mumbled straightening up and avoiding his friends' anxious looks. He bit the inside of his cheek, filling his mouth with the coppery taste of blood and fiddled with his sweater.

David looked regretfully at his macaroni, abandoning the fork to the side of the bowl and blinking across the table, "You should eat... its not good to perform on an empty stomach. And we go on in less than an hour."

"I know," Kurt agreed voice hollow and lacking of emotion. However, he didn't move to grab the apple, instead, settling with staring at it with a vacant expression. Piercing his lip with white teeth to keep from crying out.

In less than an hour, he was going to go up onto the auditorium stage and sing Baby Its Cold Outside. With his friend, with his friend who knew (probably) knew of the crush and hated him for it. He had just tried to kiss him after all, and if that didn't make things awkward enough, he would go sing with him, one of the most romantic Christmas songs known to man, and it wouldn't be the same as the first time.

In less than an hour, his crush would be asking him to stay, stay inside and out of the cold. And he just wasn't sure he could do that.