Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush, their songs or the characters from the show.

Chapter Eleven: Disaster

"You want to tell me what happened now?" Kendall murmured into my hair.
I began to cry harder as I pictured the two of them in the elevator again. Tears continued to fall down and I didn't care. I just wanted to forget everything. I wished I could go back and convince myself I was better off in Minnesota...without Carlos.
"He...h-he.." I tried to speak but the words just wouldn't form.
"Shh," he cooed, "Tell me when you're ready." I nodded into his shirt as more tears raced down my face. I never thought Carlos would ever hurt me. I was so afraid of being hurt so I always acted like a guy. I didn't want to be laughed at, or being told that I'm weak. I hated being weak.
I heard the front door to the apartment open and ignored it, assuming it was James coming to yell at me some more.
"Lexie I-" I turned, still in Kendall's arms to see Carlos stop in his tracks. "What's going on here?" he finally asked.
I sniffed as a few more tears fell. "Nothing compared to your elevator escapade with Carmen," I challenged.
"Lexie that was-"
"It was you two making out in the elevator, that's what it was."
"Let me explain-"
"Let me guess...'we got caught up in the moment and it just happened'..right?"
"Yes, that's true but Lexie-"
I put up my hand to stop him from talking. "I don't want to hear it."
"Maybe I should go.." Kendall pointed to the door.
"No. Stay." I felt back for keeping him here while we argued and I felt even worse for what I did afterwards. I turned to face Kendall and whipped the tears off my face and pushed some hair out of my face. I then looked back to Carlos again who looked dumbfounded. Brushing my hair away once more I put my hands to Kendall's face and pulled him in for a kiss. Kendall's green eyes widened in shock and I heard Carlos shout, "What the hell?!"
I released Kendall from our kiss and turned back to Carlos and shurgged, "What can I say, I got caught up in the moment and it just happened." I felt like a bitch. However, bitch mode needed to be turned on to protect myself from more pain. Carlos glared at Kendall and was prepared to attack but I stood there between them. He looked from me to Kendall, who was now rubbing his head in confusion, to me again.
I raised my eyebrows to silently challenge him while I placed my hands on my hips. I felt like the queen of bitches. If I didn't put this act on I would just be one of those girls crying and hitting him and saying things like 'how could you do this to me?'
That's just not me, I prefer to feel like crap in private.
Carlos simply sucked in a deep breath and walked out my room and out my apartment. I felt myself release air as if I were holding my breath the whole time Carlos was here.
"What was all that about?" Kendall asked.
"I'm sorry Kenny, I sort of just used you for my revenge. I'm sorry." Now I felt like crap.
"Just explain to me what happened, from the beginning," he raised his bushy eyebrows at me.

After explaining everything to Kendall I sighed. That was a lot to say at once. I buried my hands in my face as I let out another sigh.
"So Paige did all of this out of some sick act of revenge?" he asked.
"Pretty much," I nodded, "but that doesn't excuse what Carlos did. Not by a longshot.." I stood up and took in a deep breath. It's time to get out of this funk. I can't stay depressed forever, I can't be weak.

I got off the elevator on the second floor, making my way to apartment 2J. I prepared my best smile as Kendall unlocked the door.
"Well look who's feeling better!" he smiled as he walked inside.
"I sure am!" I had my best smile on. "Logan!" I called out in a sing-song voice. At the top of the yellow swirly slide was Logan smiling down at me.
"What's up?" he asked, leaning over the banister.
"Pool! Now! Please!" I used my puppy dog eyes as I clapped my hands together up at him. I needed some cheering up and right now, Logan was the best for the job. Kendall somehow made me want to cry more, James was mad at me, I was ignoring Victor, and Carlos was just an asshole who I'm mad at.
"I kinda like the begging," he laughed.
"But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun!" I joked, often guestering to up to him. Logan and I joked like this a lot back in Minnesota. He was the only one who got most of my jokes. Everyone used to look at me like I was crazy.
He just continued to laugh. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down you hair?" I joked again, making it sound like a question as I played with my hair.
"Okay, okay," Logan raised his hands in defeat. "I'll go get ready."
"Meet me at my apartment!" I said as I dashed out of 2J.

I placed one of my brother's large T-shirts over my light blue bikini then slid into some denim shorts. I opened the door to the apartment after shouting to my family that I'd be at the pool.
Logan was waiting for me at the elevator and smiled at me. He offered me his arm, "M'lady," he said in a funny accent. I linked my arm with his and we walked like that until we reached the pool. It reminded me of the day Carlos walked with me like this to the rink after school. I shook off the memory. No more thinking about useless memories.
Carlos was there with Carmen and they were making out at the far end of the pool. Was this revenge for yesterday? Fine.
"You want to go somewhere else?" Logan asked me slowly, obviously up to date on my current situation.
"Nope, lets stay." I took my shorts off and pulled the T-shirt off. I saw Carlos look over at me and bitch mode turned back on. My fingers touched my scarred skin at my stomach and I saw him flinch a little. Carmen turned his head back in her direction and kissed him. Two can play at this game. I grabbed Logan's hand once he was left there standing in his swimming trunks.
"Let's go!" I yelled happily as I dragged him to the pool and jumped in. When I surfaced Carlos was watching me once I surfaced. I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me.
I tossed my long wet hair behind my back and looked up at Logan. He looked down at me, half smiling, half confused.
"Your eyes," he said slowly.
"What about them?" I smiled as I spoke.
"They usually look brown, but..they look hazel right now.."
I looked back into his dark brown hues. They had small flecks of dark gold here and there, almost like a caramel color, and I smiled to myself at the thought. Before I could realize it, Logan was slowly leaning down towards me. Oddly enough I felt myself leaning towards him too. Logan is a great guy, but was this right? My mind flashed back to three years ago when I had a crush on Logan and Carlos both. Logan had noticed I was crushing on him. We do call him the brains for a reason after all. He kissed me back then and it was nice, but do I still like him? I felt my heart beat a little faster.
Then I thought about Carlos.
If he was over there kissing that bimbo then I could surely kiss Logan...right?
"Hey guys what's going on?" I jumped back from Logan and fell back into the water. My heart was thumping. From fright, or because I almost kissed Logan? I felt a strong hand grab my wrist and pull me to the surface. No.. I wanted to stay there a bit longer. At least until I sorted out my thoughts.

I looked up to see Kendall staring down at us from the edge of the pool. Jo was standing next to him smiling.
"Heeeey Kendall, heeeey Jo," I smiled. Logan laughed nervously to himself.
Kendall raised his eyebrows at us with a large smile on his face. When Logan turned to the side Jo moved her index finger from him to be and mouthed "Item?"
I ran my fingers through my wet hair and shook my head. I turned around, ready to dive once again until I saw Carlos making his way towards us.
"Can we leave Logie?" I said loud enough for Carlos to hear.
"Okay," Logan nodded. He then got out the pool and offered me his hand. I took it and smiled as he helped me get out the pool.
"And they say chilvalry is dead," I joked.
He kissed my hand once I was out of the pool to continue the joke. "For m'lady," he said again in the funny accent he had used earlier.
"What the hell!" I spun around to see Carlos with his hands on the top of his head.
"I have nothing to say to you Carlos," I spat.
"Lexie can we talk?" he asked.
"It sure didn't seem like you wanted to talk when you were making out with your summer bimbo over there," I crossed my arms across my chest. Carlos hung his head low and sighed.
"Can we leave?" I looked at Logan who nodded silently at me.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked once we were back in my apartment and dried off.
"Can you help me with a song I'm writing?" I ignored his question. I asked Gustavo if I could write a song for BTR and another one of his employees and he said he'd consider it. I never got around to really finish it. All I had was a few lines.
"Um, sure," Logan nodded and sat next to me on the couch with a guitar. He played a few samples for me until we agreed on one we both liked. Logan never looked away from my eyes while he played and I sang some lyrics we thought were good. Soon he began singing with me as well. Not long after he was leaning in slowly and I was too, as if it were a magnetic pull to him. Our lips touched a few seconds later and I felt his warm hand on my cheek. One of my hands leaned on the couch while the other was playing with the hair behind his ear. Soon it hit me. I was kissing Logan. I broke the kiss and took a deep breath.
"I think it should be upbeat!" I said quickly, releasing the air I had just sucked in.
"What?"
"The song!"
"Oh, right," he ran his hand through brown hair.

After a few hours we had written two songs. The BTR song was upbeat, the other was slow. Logan grabbed the second one, going over it once more.
"If this is for him it's kind of-"
"That was my inspiration. People write the best when they're inspired. I'm sure Gustavo will love it," I smiled as I took the paper from him. I dug in my pocket and took out my phone.
"Gustavo? ... Yes, both are done! ... I'll bring the other one then," I said grabbing the song for his other employee at Rouque Records.

Half an hour later I was at Rouque Records with all four members of Big Time Rush. We recorded the melody and were getting ready to record the lyrics.
Some how I ended up in the booth with a microphone hanging from the ceiling and a small podium in front of me with my song resting on it with headphones.
"Remind me again why I'm in here," I said sarcastically.
"Think of it as a 'thank you'," Kendall smirked.
"For what?" I glared at him through the glass that seperated us.
"Writing the song of course!"
"SING!" Gustavo roared.
I sighed as I did I was told. I placed the headphones on my ears and closed my eyes as the music started. I sighed once more and began to sang.

"I'm trying not to pretend,
It won't happen again and again like that.
I never thought it would end,
'cause you got up in my head, in my head like that.
And made me happy, baby, love is crazy,
So amazing, but it's changing, re-arranging,
I don't think I can take anymore"

"That's my sister!" James fist pumped in the air. I locked eyes with Carlos for the remainder of the song.

"'Cause the walls burned up and our love fell down,
And it turned into whatever, now we're saying never.
Feel the fire 'cause it's all around,
And it's burning for forever and always.
You gotta let it go and be on our way
And live for another day,
'cause it ain't the same, my baby.
Watch it all fall into the ground
No happy ever after, just disaster.

I didn't want it this way,
I only wanted to say I loved you right.
But now you're walking away,
And leaving me here to stay,
So foolish of me to wait for you to realize
All the things I gave you, made you,
Changed you, your dreams came true
When I met you, now forget you,
Don't want anymore

'Cause the walls burned up and our love fell down
And it turned into whatever, now we're saying never.
Feel the fire 'cause it's all around,
And it's burning for forever and always.
You gotta let it go and be on our way
And live for another day,
Cause it ain't the same, my baby.
Watch it all fall into the ground
No happy ever after ‒ just disaster.

You shot the bullet, you shot the bullet that killed me,
Not feeling my heart beat, and now I was dying.
I am through it, I-I am through all the agony,
And now my eyes are drying, trying,
No more crying,
Lying's just a game.
So disaster strikes,
And I'm alright
'cause my love's on his way... yeah
Burning up forever and always... yeah

'Cause the walls burned up, and our love fell down,
And it turned into whatever, now we're saying never.
Feel the fire 'cause it's all around,
And it's burning for forever and always.
You gotta let it go and be on our way
And live for another day,
'Cause it ain't the same, my baby.
Watch it all fall into the ground
No happy ever after ‒ just disaster.

'Cause the walls burned up, and our love fell down,
And it turned into whatever, now we're saying never.
Feel the fire 'cause it's all around,
And it's burning for forever and always.
You gotta let it go be on our way
And live for another day,
'Cause it ain't the same, my baby.
Watch it all fall into the ground
No happy ever after ‒ just disaster, just disaster woah

Burning up for forever and always, oh woah.. yeah."

As soon I finished the song Carlos simply hung his head just like he had earlier, and walked out of the studio.

A/N: I'm trying to write my stories like how'd you see them in a book which is why I don't space as much between the dialouge now. In books they usually only space between paragraphs when the main idea of the two paragraphs are different.
I recently got a review about it and I apologized for it before realizing what they meant. If you like how I typed the stories before and it was easier that way, just tell me in a review and I'll type the way I used to. Whatever is easy for you guys. Thanks!

P.S: The song is "Disaster" by Jojo

~ XOXO Jasmine