I know I didn't update in AGES but I was really really busy okay! I worked long and hard on this chapter which is also long and hard to write. ENJOY AND REVIEW!
Chapter 11
Jasper: Commitment & Complications
Jasper's POV
"What did you do, Jasper?" she said to me, with a voice that was on the edge of screaming and crying. "What were you thinking! After all this time..." she began sobbing "Why?"
I looked down at her, remorse flooding me. I shouldn't have come back. She doesn't deserve someone like me. Her eyes looked into mine with a sadness that broke my heart. She looked down again and started hitting me feebly on the chest, she didn't really want to hurt me, and she also didn't want to be angry with me. But the anger was still there. She stopped hitting me and put her hands flat on my chest, giving up on her attempt to be mad at me. I pulled her into my embrace, never wanting to let go. I wanted to hold her in my arms forever. Her tiny body shook in my arms as silent sobs broke through.
"What happened, Jazz?" I shook my head, and muttered no loud enough for her to hear. I didn't want to tell her about Maria. I didn't want to tell her about any of it. Another sob shook her petite body. She didn't give up.
"What can be so bad that you can't tell me, sweetheart?" she begged me. I bit my lip; I didn't know what to say. She deserved a reasonable answer, though I couldn't think of one.
"It's better if you don't know" I said looking down at her. That was the only answer I could think of. She doesn't need to be involved in my ugly past, coming back to tear me to pieces.
"I'm sorry, Alice" I said into her hair. I apologized, knowing full well that it wasn't enough. I couldn't ever apologize enough. She stepped away from my embrace but I didn't want her to go. Instinctively I grabbed her wrist with my hand, she looked at my hand, and I knew I've made a mistake. She looked with shocked eyes at the scar that was now revealed because of my shirt just lifting up an inch.
"Jasper" she said, shock in her words. "That's a new scar..." she traced the length of my scar gently with her finger. The scar burned, but eased at her touch. She looked up into my eyes.
"What happened to you, Jasper?" she said pleadingly. I bit my lip not wanting her to carry my burden. I let go of her wrist and took a step back. I looked down, not wanting her to see the eyes of a monster. People say that eyes are the window to the soul. I wasn't so sure I had a soul but if I had, I would still be damned to hell.
I shook my head and turned around to walk out the door. I felt her eyes on me as I walked out into the night. I heard her walk silently up the stairs and go into our bedroom. I heard her sobs echo through the room. I couldn't stand to hear it so I ran as fast as I could, away from the crying angel. As I was running and I started working on my plan—and then stopped immediately. Alice would see anything I decided. So I decided not to think about the inevitable future. I knew what I had to do. Maria would never give up, I don't know how I knew this but there was something about her letting me go. She didn't come here to torture me for a night. But seeing the hurt and betrayal on Alice's face made it last for more than a night.
I started walking a bit faster—before I knew it, I was running. I ran for a while before a stench caught my nose. I started slowing down; I didn't want to run head on into a wolf. When I was almost at a complete stop, a sandy coloured gangly wolf appeared through the trees. I looked down, knowing that my red eyes were a dead giveaway. I was too busy thinking about Alice's reaction to remember about the treaty. The wolf, which I recognized as Seth, disappeared into the trees again. I stayed still. Moments later Seth, in human form, appeared again through the trees. I didn't know what to say, but I had to explain to him that I didn't want my actions to implicate my family. I especially didn't want my actions to break the treaty. I didn't want Carlisle to regret ever taking me in, but Carlisle was too good a man to even think it. I was still looking down, I wasn't certain if they already knew about my...slip up.
Seth shifted uncomfortably, so I presumed he knew something. He was going to see my eyes anyway, no point in putting it off any longer. Seth has always liked us, especially Edward. I didn't want to be the one to break that friendship. I looked up at him and he looked back at me. His emotions were a mixture of shock, worry and sympathy. He was shocked because of what I have done and worried about what he had to do. He probably felt sympathetic because he knew it wasn't my fault, I hoped I could use that to my advantage.
"I'm sorry" I said, knowing it would never be enough. He looked at me, his worry becoming more apparent.
"I don't know if that will be enough... You broke the treaty, Jasper. I don't know how to react to this."
"It wasn't any of us; I got... caught off guard..."
"So you did bite a human?"
"I more than bit"
He flinched. "What do you mean 'caught off guard'"
"I wasn't alone, Seth."
"I didn't smell another vampire?"
"You're alone?"
"Yeah, Jacob or Sam wouldn't exactly be as casual. I was just running around." He quickly changed the subject. "If you weren't alone then who were you with?"
"Maria and Camilla. Let me explain. Maria was the one who changed me. She only did so because she was building an army. A newborn army. I helped train the newborns, my power to control emotions served her well. When we were done with the newborns or they've outgrown their strength and speed, it was my job to get rid of them."
Seth listened intently, as if anything I said would be vital.
"I left with Peter and Charlotte," I continued. "Two newborns with whom I had grown close. Maria wasn't happy when I left. She only won because she was persistent, careful and she had me. The next fight she went into, she lost. She blames that on me, I suspect. I heard about this fight before I found Alice. I was told by one of the survivor's of her army. As for Camilla, she was one of the newborns I taught. She was a very talented fighter, but she had a special gift. As you know, some vampires have special powers or gifts."
Seth nodded. "Like Edwards mind reading, you being an empath and Alice seeing the future?"
"Exactly, her power was very special. Maria didn't dispose of her because of it. She has the power to evade. But it's more than that, more than the way Victoria was able to escape every time. Camilla's power is the exact opposite of a tracker's. She doesn't have a scent; no one is able to follow her, at all. It's remarkable really. She also hide's the scents of the people around her. That's probably why you thought I was alone at the river."
"I still don't understand why you would bite a human?"
I didn't feel the need to hide anything from him. I was being excruciatingly honest. "Well, as you know, I'm not so used to this whole...vegetarian lifestyle. But I try, I really do. It's just that...they cut that girl's wrists, I wasn't ready for that. Before I knew it I was..." I didn't feel the need to finish the sentence. He knew what I meant.
He bit his lip, struggling to find the words. "I understand but..."
"I know. The treaty still remains broken. . ."
"Exactly."
"Well, take it out on me. My family has nothing to do with this"
He acted as if he didn't hear my pleading. "What are your plans?"
I knew that if I were to try and decide now, Alice wouldn't be able to see; being near a wolf and all that. If the wolves were in any way involved with my future, it would be a complete blur to Alice. I hoped. I'm going to have to leave. Get as far away from Maria and Alice and Camilla as I can. Find a way to convince Alice that I didn't want her to follow me; if she did she would most certainly get hurt. I flinched and Seth noticed.
"Is it that bad?"
"I'm going to have to leave, Seth. Get as far away as I can."
"The others are going to find out; sooner or later. I'll try and stay human as long as I can, to not spill the beans through stupid wolf telepathy."
I smiled. "Thanks, Seth. I'll go as soon as I can but I need to give Alice a reason not to follow me. I can't lose her like that."
He nodded. "But I'd advise you to do it sooner rather than later"
I nodded; I still didn't know exactly how I would do this.
"Good luck" he said before he disappeared through the forest again.
"Thanks" I mumbled.
I didn't know what to do as I stood there, looking at the place where Seth had stood only seconds ago. Should I head home and face my crying angel. Or should I run away, right now and never come back. I couldn't stand the idea of never seeing her again. I had to say good-bye. I decided to wait, to let Alice cry without me interrupting. I sat down on the forest floor and stayed there through the night, thinking about how to leave without hurting Alice . . . too much.
The night went by as Alice still cried. I knew only because I took a change going back, a few miles from the house I could feel her sadness. It overwhelmed me and I turned the opposite way. But that was then, and now is now. I headed back—and to my complete relief—Alice wasn't crying anymore. She was just frustrated and angry. Walking outside, around and around Edwards Volvo. I went to the back of the house, sprang, and landed in our bedroom. Alice has just been in here, her scent was fresh in the room. I looked around the room, feeling a moment of guilt knowing what I had to do. I heard Edward and Bella talking downstairs and tried to think about something else, anything else. I looked around again for inspiration. The dresser topped with all our photos. There was one blank photo with the backdrop of our living room. Emmett had taken the photo of the couch where Alice and I were previously cuddling on, which was now empty. Emmett insisted that we were still sitting there when he took the photo, but because we were vampires, we didn't appear on the photo.
I smiled at the old memories and then went on to some of the other pictures. The one of the whole family, one of me and Edward in our baseball "get-ups", Rosalie looking irritated with Emmett at her side grinning like an idiot, Esme working in the garden with Alice at her side, Carlisle smiling politely behind his study desk with Emmett sitting in front colouring in Barney—again grinning like an idiot, A picture taken at Bella's birthday party with Edward hugging her from behind—of course Bella was blushing in this. Pictures of my family, the people I love.
I sighed and changed my clothes quickly for school, throwing my jacket over the chair. After I was finished, I summoned all the courage from inside me, and decided to go down stairs. I knew Alice was outside but the rest weren't, including Edward and his stupid mind reading power. I HOPE YOU HEARD THAT! I thought as hard as I could.
When I came down the stairs Edward was at the foot of the stairs, waiting for me. He held out a box of contact lenses. I knew they were for hiding the red of my eyes. I nodded and he turned back to Bella who was sitting on the furthest couch. She looked at me and smiled a shy reassuring smile. I smiled back nicely and went to put in the stupid contacts—clouding my vision with their stupid-ness. It's stupid. Edward chuckled silently as he went through the front door. I sat down at the foot of the stairs and leaned against the wall. Rosalie and Emmett came down the stairs a few minutes later, Emmett nudged me with his foot as he came down. Rosalie laughed and smiled as she pulled him by the hand out the door. Bella quickly followed suit. I didn't know if she just didn't want to be alone in a room with me but she did feel a little nervous. I stood up and followed closely behind her, taking a deep breath as I walked through the door and saw Alice.
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